Twilight sparkle slowly walked up the tower thinking about the day before when she had seen him, the colt with the blue mane and the beautiful pure white coat. She did not even know what his mane was all she knew was she thought she loved him, well as much as s foal could love. She sighed, “What is love anyway…” Twilight finally reached her bedroom, the books neatly scattered all about and the bed covers smooshed up to make some semblance of being made. She smiled as her eyes fell on her best friend in the whole of Equestria, Smarty Pants. The doll her brother had so lovingly made for her when she had moved away from their home in lower Canterlot.
That day was full of hugs and kisses but mostly tears, her mother had told her that she would find a house closer but she had not yet. This was a hard time in Twilight's life, she was sure she loved the colt; she had given a nickname Blue.
As twilight sat caught up in a web of dreams and memories playing with Smarty Princess Celestia flew in the open window. She had sensed the tension in her new student and worried it would make her upset. Therefore, she flew in to see what was wrong
“Twilight? Is everything ok?” said the beautiful white form from behind the small purple filly.
Twilight jumped as she had not noticed her mentor come in. she turned to look at her mentor when all of a sudden her mouth ran away from her, “Princess what is love? Have you been in love PLEASE tell me?”
Celestia giggled and said, “I’ve been alive for a long time Twilight you sure you want to hear the tale of my first love?
“PLEASE PRINCESS!” squealed Twilight
The Princess sighed a little and let out a chuckled “Alright if you insist, I suppose it’s alright. It happened on a day much like today …”
FLASHBACK:
It was a sunny day, Celestia , the newly crowned the Princess well the dual Princess of Equestria along with her sister, had just raised the sun for only the third time in her young life. She was not much older than twilight. She decided to take a rest in the gardens below the castle, raising the sun took a lot out of her. That was when she saw him, the dark grey colt studying in the archives. He was sitting in the window of the archives that overlooked the garden, his white cloud like mane floating dreamily around his softly chiseled jaw. He read a tome that was so large she could see part of it from her vantage point in the garden.
END OF FLASHBACK
The princess looked down at her protégé, “Twilight are you sure you want to really hear about a silly fillies crush?”
Twilight looked up at the princess and gasped “Oh yes Princess!” she looked away quickly as she gathered her thoughts, “Princess, who is this colt? Please tell me?”
Celestia laughed, “Well twilight you wanted to hear this story, so you’ll have to wait until the end of the story.” The filly groaned with impatience. Celestia laughed and winked at the impatient little purple unicorn in front of her.
“Well shall I continue?” she said smiling at her little student
“Yes please!”
CONTINUING FLASHBACK
The colt looked down and she blushed profusely. She shyly looked at the trellis of roses that trailed up the wall of the towers,
the navy blue petals intertwining with the pink. She glanced up towards the window where the colt was. It was not the colt that
caught her eye this time, it was the pure white roses that were shaped like clouds, and she supposed it was magic that made them grow like that. The roses made her blush a little, they reminded her of the colt with the cloudlike mane. She jumped and her eyes darted up to the window. He was gone; the beautiful colt of her dreams was gone. “You stupid filly Cele, you lost him!” she thought disappointed. With a sigh, the soft pink filly got to her hooves and turned to go to her bed, to wallow in her self-pity. As she moved to take off to fly up to the little tower, window that led to her room she bumped into something soft and grey…. and had white cloudy hair.
“Oh my I’m sorry!”
“No I’m sorry Princess; I just came to speak to you actually.” Said the grey colt smiling warmly at the filly before him. Celestia gasped and blushed so hard she thought her coat would surely stain. She looked away “um... w-what did you want to talk about?”
Oh goodness he is so close to me and I ran into him RAN into HIM! I am so embarrassed! If I could only learn how to look before I walk, I would not have ruined any chance I had with him. But he is gorgeous, and he is obviously smart. And oh that’s right he wanted to talk to me!
Celestia shook her head and pulled herself out of the little inner monolog that she had going, “Sorry got caught up in a thought there, what would you like to talk about again?”
The grey colt looked at Celestia “Well Princess I wanted to ask you why you were looking at my window?”
Celestia scrambled for an excuse
“ I-I-I was looking at those beautiful flowers over on the trellis!” she half shouted from nerves.
“The ones shaped like clouds?”
“Yes, those ones. I wonder how anypony made them look like that. It must be so hard to get them to grow in just those areas.” Celestia guessed.
The grey colt chuckled a little bit, “Well princess it’s not had in fact I am the one who grew them.” He said with a touch of pride in his work. Celestia’s mouth gaped a bit.
“How do you do that?” Celestia gasped.
The colt with the white cloudy mane lead her over to the tower and showed her how he used his magic to nip and cut the buds and the vines into patterns that so resembled the clouds that floated above.
END FLASHBACK
Celestia looked down at her beloved student, “The colt and I spent much of our time in that garden, we found something we both loved to do. Even though our love never blossomed into a courtship we found the deepest friendship I have ever had besides you my dear Twilight.”
Twilight sighed and looked out her window towards the archives. She had always loved the view from her room. It looked directly into the Starswirl The Bearded wing, the same wing she noticed had pure white roses growing in the shape…of clouds she realized. She jumped as she derived a conclusion, she turned back.
“Princess? Were you in love with Starswirl?”
“Yes Twilight, I loved him more than the sun itself but he didn’t feel the same way.” Celestia said sadly.
Tears welled up in Twilight’s eyes. Celestia noticed this and quickly said, “Don’t cry twilight! If I hadn’t looked up that day and caught his eye he would have never helped me learn about myself, about how I should treat my subjects, and about how I should treat my close friends.” Celestia reached her wing around her young student. “You should go find your friend and see if you have something in common.” She winked at the purple pony ad the little filly looked up in awe. “How did you know?” Celestia smiled and said “Remember twilight even though it was a long time ago I was your age.” At that Twilight jumped up off the bed, she smiled back at the princess as she bounced out the door off to find Blue.
Celestia smiled as she saw her student exit the room. She looked out the window and lovingly looked at the roses she and her Star had grown together. She opened her wings and floated down to the bench in the garden where it all began. She sighed and looked up to the window where she first saw her first love. Celestia sighed sadly,
“For as long as these roses live so shall my love for you Star…” a tear slipped down her cheek as she laid her head down in the garden so aptly named the garden of love.
FIN
Yes, it's a nice wee story. It strikes me that Celestia doesn't get much in the way of romantic stuff in stories (although that could be my relative noobishness with this site showing through) so it's nice to see her get a little attention
I in no way pretend to be a particularly good author, and I'm not sure what advice I can give regarding your storytelling, so I'll go with something I know: grammar
Jawohl mein kommandant, Grammar Nazi here! Just here to point out a few things. You are more or less ok, with the odd word here and there that could do with a capital letter. Try and use punctuation like commas more often, so as to break your sentences up into more easily manageable chunks. I noticed that a few of your sentences actually break onto different lines after a comma, although this is possibly less to do with grammar and more a simple input error. Watch out for that and other little things, and keep working on your phrasing. The smoother a piece of text reads, the easier understood it will be, and the more a reader will enjoy reading what you've written. Auf wiedersehen!
Is he gone yet? Good. Okay, other than that I got nothing much else. Here, have another moustache for the lawls
This is the image source
please comment if you liked or didnt like it? i want to know why, yes there will be a sequel
I loved it. But I am going to be honest with you I`ve read better but this pretty unique. I can't wait for the sequel. I love how short and to the point it was. But what I loved most about it was that it was about love and finding true love, that`s always been something I like reading about.
Great Story Keep up the great work!
Keep Moving Forward
very nice work, i must say...
928882
thanks might work on the sequal today some. had hardcore apathy....
A very nice, and concise, story about love I thought. The only problems were the sort you need an editor to hep catch (godsk now I do!).
Thanks for sharing it with everypony
Alright Celesita's Paladin here, Admin for the Protect Celestia group. Since I do try to read everything that gets posted into the group I read this. As 897683 said it is not that often we see Celestia romance fics, or at least ones that aren't her with Discord, Chrysalis, or other female characters (not that there is anything wrong with the last one, I'm partial to Twilestia myself). So that is certainly a plus in my book, now if we could get some Celetosh... *cough* sorry.
Now Jet's inner grammer nazi did raise some points, you have work to do on the grammar. Capitalization, commas and so forth. It's not bad enough to distract from the story but enough to give me pause. I am part of a group that could give you some help, Authors Helping Authors.
Now I will press on and read the rest of the story.
Alright, I saw your request for people to read your story on the Writer's Group page. It's a nice concept overall, but I believe there is a fair amount of work that needs to be done grammatically before I truly enjoy this story. I can normally skip over errors, but there was just a little too much in here for me to be able to ignore them. I would recommend giving this a thorough read-through to make sure you've ironed out as many mistakes as possible. If you're still not happy with the end result - grammatically speaking - I would recommend trying to find a proofreader to go through your work and smooth out those errors. If you find yourself wanting a proofreader, here is a group that should be able to help you: Proofreaders and people willing to proof-read
This is a review brought to you by: Author's helping Authors
Name of Story: The Garden of Love
Grammar score: 9
Pros
It was A really sweet story.
Originality of Princess Celestia's first love
Loved the impatient Twilly
Cons
There were some issues with your grammar
You almost made me cry at this part:
“For as long as these roses live so shall my love for you Star…” a tear slipped down her cheek as she laid her head down in the garden so aptly named the garden of love.
Notes : I really liked this story. You have some things to correct though, starting with this tiny bit:
“Princess? Were you in love with Starswirl?”
I would suggest doing this perhaps:
"Princess, were you in love with Starswirl?Twilight asked her mentor, wondering if her guess was true.
This was just a part I wanted to improve although there are more to adjust here and there, nonetheless it was actually perfect.
Please help me by reading my story: Oh! For Love's sake!.
Here's the link: http://www.fimfiction.net/story/68389/oh-for-loves-sake