Not a Crazed Gunman...

by base4

How's about ya call it a day?

Author's Note:

This chapter was a real bh to write. This went through an entire 3 rewrites before it was ready. Yikes.

Anyways, enjoy.

I'm contemplating adding the Comedy tag to this story. Thoughts?

"Wait, dead? Hell?" Her wings flared a little. "What is that supposed to-"

"I died. Now I'm here." I said flatly.

She gave me a skeptical look. "Uhh... I'm not sure how that makes any sense." She paused, putting a hoof to her chin. "For one, you-"

"Alright, look, I don't need to hear the bloody logistics," I interrupted. "I don't get it either. I died, and I fell from the sky into your bushes."

She looked concerned all of a sudden. "Wait, does that mean you don't have anywhere to sleep?"

I stared back at her.

"Do you think... I coul-"

"Just take me inside already."

A scowl briefly crossed her face. "...Fine."

---

The pony opened the colossal castle doors to reveal a grand, open space of blue and purple crystals. It was quite exquisitely designed, looking almost like a palace as she led me through it.

"So this here's all yours?"

"Yep! I didn't build it, though. It just kind of appeared."

"Kind of appeared?"

She frowned. "Well, yeah. After I lost my old house in a battle, this one replaced it as my castle." She looked around melancholically. "It took some getting used to, but it's home now."

"Still don't explain how this thing just up and built itself."

Her head sank a little in frustration. "It's a long story."

All of a sudden, I heard the pitter patter of little footsteps echo down the expansive hallway. I turned around, stepping towards a T-Section in the hallway that we had just passed. The pony followed close behind me.

All of a sudden, something green, purple and scaly came out from around the corner.

"Hey, Twilight!"

"AH!" I jumped in surprise as he rounded the corner just a little too quickly, scaring the life out of me in the process.

"Woah!" He stopped for a second to look at me. "Who's this?" he said, pointing.

Guess she's 'Twilight' then. Twilight looked at me, and back to the lizard thing.

"Spike, this is..." A pang of realization hit her. "Oh, I'm sorry, I never got your name!"

"Just... call me Sniper, please." I'd rather not use my real name here.

"Sniper, okay!" She turned back to 'Spike.' "This is Sniper. He was the guy we saw through the window, remember?"

"Oh yeah! The guy who was screaming!"

I grumbled in annoyance.

"Hey, uh, nice to meet you! I'm Spike; I'm a dragon."

"Dragon?"

"Baby dragon," Twilight corrected.

He grumbled in annoyance.

We started walking again, back en route to our destination. "So... what kinda dragon stuff can ya do?"

He smirked and spoke confidently. "Dragon stuff? Well, I can breathe fire, and I'm really resistant to heat! I can't fly though, since, y'know..." He turned to show me his back. "...no wings."

Twilight smiled, rolling her eyes.

"Oh hey, we're here!" She pointed to a door in the hallway and trotted toward it.

"Alright." I followed after her.

She opened the crystal door of the room, revealing what looked to be a tiny shelving area turned into a guest room. The shelves lined 2 opposing walls, and a bed sat neatly in the corner. Accompanying it were a nightstand and dresser, complete with a mirror, a candle, and some matches. Oil lanterns were strewn about the walls, and a lone window let moonlight seep into the room, illuminating it nicely.

"This is a shelving area that we turned into a guest room," she explained. "Is this good?"

I took another look around. "It's not much..." I walked over to the bed, pressing my hand against the surprisingly well-made mattress. "...but it'll do. I've certainly slept in worse."

"Alright!" She smiled. "If you need anything, I'll be upstairs. The room I'm in should be obvious."

Not sure what she means by obvious... guess I'll find out eventually.

She yawned and stretched. "Come on Spike, let's get back to bed." She turned around. "Oh, and tomarrow morning, meet us in the kitchen. It's downstairs to the left." They walked out and closed the door.

About an hour later, I heard the most ungodly sound. Someone snoring, really, really loudly. Okay, I get what she means now. I covered my ears with my pillow.

---

I woke up the following morning, stretched, and wandered for a bit, finding the kitchen.

I stumbled in with a tired air about me, seeming to drag down everybody else in the room, or perhaps it was because one of them dropped what they were doing to stare at me. I raised an eyebrow, eyeing the pink and purple pony sitting alongside Twilight and at the table.

"Twilight, who's this?" she said.

"This is Sniper, the guest I was telling you about," she explained. "Have a seat, Spike's almost done with the pancakes."

I sat down in one of the chairs on the opposite side.

She looked back to me. "When you said he was 'nothing like I'd ever seen before,' I didn't think you really meant it. Wow."

"Oh, I'm reeeal unique, sheila. Just you wait and see," I said, half-jokingly, half-angrily.

Her gaze turned remorseful. "Oh, s-sorry, I didn't mean to offend you or anything."

I changed disposition. "Naw. You're fine."

Twilight gave her a subtle smile.

I placed my head in my hand and my elbow on the table and looked out the far window. Thatched roof buildings were visible close by each with a mostly uniform building style, except for a select few which stood out more than the others. I took my head off my hand and casually gestured over to it. "Say, where are we right now?"

"Ponyville." She looked over to the window, and back at me. "It's not a very big place."

Real creative bunch, these folk. "Doesn't look too big either." It was really quite contained, spanning out what could've been only a handful of miles without including the farms in the local area.

"Pancakes are ready!"

Spike came out of the kitchen holding a platter of pancakes with syrup and butter for those who were so inclined. He set it on the table and seated himself.

"Now, before we all eat, I wanted to quickly go over some things." Spike stopped reaching for pancakes. "Sniper here is going to be staying with us for a while. He doesn't seem to know why he's here, so we're all going to give him some hospitality until he can fix his displacement issue. We should probably all introduce ourselves to him. I'm Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, and this is my assistant, Spike. You've met both of us already." She gestured to the pony next to her. "This is Starlight Glimmer, she's a friend of ours and my personal student."

"Pleasure to meet you," she sheepishly said.

"And lastly, I would like to personally welcome you to Equestria, Sniper."

"Uh, 'ppreciate it."

I looked over to Spike. He was practically jumping in his seat.

"Okay Spike, you can eat now."

"Thank Celestia." His relief was almost palpable as he dug into his pancakes.

I reached for some pancakes and grabbed a dollup of butter. I took a fork and dug in. As I was about to start eating, Twilight spoke.

"Oh, and, by the way, later today, I wanted to take you to meet some of my friends."

"...Wait, what?"

"I'll explain later."

Comments

[HB_DS2013]

I'll bet that Sniper's a pegasus like his Waking Nightmares incarnation.

[Cloverleaf]

8244255
'Like nothing you've ever seen' implies still human

[CroisSunnyPlay]

Shadow: It does deserve the comedy tag. Oh, and...

Sniper: "Bloody show ponies!"

Shadow: I couldn't resist.

[base4]

8244849
Mhm, still human.
8245258
"You prancin' showponies!" was going to be the original title of this chapter until I realized that I would have a MUCH better place to use it in the future; when Sniper meets an actual 'show' pony. Catch my drift? If I do that, I should be able to make every single chapter in this story a Sniper quote.

[CroisSunnyPlay]

8245519
Shadow: Now that I want to C!

[Pyrestrike]

"I'm a dinkum Aussie, not some bloody cartoon!"

A comedy tag would be recommended, but I wanna see more "Rooty Tooty Point n' Shooty" on the Snoipah's part.

[Royal7]

8246588
Snipers not from australia he's from the lost country of new zealand that's why he doesn't have a mustache or chest hair in the shape of australia.

[Blue Cultist]

oh Mun-dee. Your hell hath only begun. xD

[TigerTrainer]

She turned around. "Oh, and tomarrow morning, meet us in the kitchen. It's downstairs to the left.
Should be “tomorrow”