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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
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Pretty good so far. You’ve done well setting the scene and developing the protagonist’s personality. The story is largely free of grammatical errors and there are few instances of poor wording.
Two things that really stood out to me though:
1. it’s the Ministry of Morale — you can safely replace every instance of moral with Morale.
2. Since it’s a proper noun the non‐article components (i.e., everything except “of”) should be capitalised. This includes “Morale” when you’re omitting the “Ministry of”, just like how you still capitalise America when omitting the “United States of”.
8646083
Oh!... thank you, I get confused on that sometimes.
After reading the first chapter, I feel like our stories are twins, separated at birth and sent to the far ends of Equestria, only to meet on the day of destiny... Well, maybe not the last part.
8646177
Trippy... there is a lot in common lol
Though I think your Ruby could kick the hell out of my Lexicon TwT
Poor Lexi
Looking good! Its nice to have a protaganist that dosen't roll out of a vault with 99 lockpick and a small arsenal of "starting weapons". A Earth pony too! Too many unicorn and pegapussys OC's in the wasteland. Cant wait for more.
8648373
^_^
One of the things I'm having fun with here is that Lexicon is nothing close to a warrior.
Much like how Blackjack and Little Pip were badasses but weren't packing very much in the brains Department... Lexicon is their opposite. She is smart, clever, and though she lacks knowledge she has extensive intelligence in order to make up for that.
Much like her not knowing how to pick a lock but she's smart enough to figure it out because the internal workings of a lock simply makes sense on a physics level.
^w^
She's a very fun character to write but she has some growing to do. She can't be just helpless her whole life.
8646437
Yeah, she could. My story will have a lot of challenge to get right because Ruby is so powerful, but I've got a lot in store for her. Both powerful enemies and difficult problems.
Lexi on the other hand will have to persevere despite not being able to handle the threats that get thrown at her. However, I think the two would get along for the most part, being scientist types.
Like Lexi, Ruby is pretty smart, but the real difficulty Ruby is going to have is how she has a very defined view on right, wrong, good, and evil, and because she is going to be stubborn about it. She's going to pick a lot of fights and her companions won't entirely agree with all of them.
Nice to see you continuing the story my friend, as I recall this is where I left off on reading; chapter 2, I'm a bit busy to read the rest but keep up the good work, have this story on bookmark now!
9939643
^_^ thank you...
chapter two? oh boy, you've got some catching up to do.