This... is really kind of rough. The spelling seems okay for the most part, but I'm seeing some borderline run-on sentences and inconsistent capitalization of character names and at the beginning of sentences. (Not to mention consistent non-capitalization of place names like "Sugarcube Corner" and "Carousel Boutique.") I would highly suggest getting a proofreader or editor. While I'm not looking to do any editing myself at the moment - I have a full enough plate as it is - I can suggest some places you can look, if you'd like.
I saw that image once. And for the first time in my life my mind didn't go to the gutter. All I through at that time was "Sure! *Starts to let head* who's a good pone? Who's a good pone? Yes you are! Yes you are!" But now. You've gone and done. Corrupted that image in my head!!!!
Still gonna read this though. I am a red blooded male after all
Starlight smiles and does that stupid 'Pinkie promise' thing with one hoof while walking on the other three. If that’s their way of showing they keep a promise, then whatever.
Pinkie Pie personally officiates every Pinkie Promise™ sworn in Equus. It doesn't matter where or when, and especially it does not matter /how secretive/ one is, she always confirms the keeping of the Pinkie Promise™. So, Starlight giving such promise? Terrible idea.
The only issue I have with this story is the dialogue. It feels awkward and sometimes unnecessarily long. Other than that, I'm perfectly fine with the world building and pacing.
This... is really kind of rough. The spelling seems okay for the most part, but I'm seeing some borderline run-on sentences and inconsistent capitalization of character names and at the beginning of sentences. (Not to mention consistent non-capitalization of place names like "Sugarcube Corner" and "Carousel Boutique.") I would highly suggest getting a proofreader or editor. While I'm not looking to do any editing myself at the moment - I have a full enough plate as it is - I can suggest some places you can look, if you'd like.
quick question.... yeaaaah
WHY THE HELL DOES SHE WANT TO BE HIS PET!!!!!!
8168340
Fetish?
8298024
that.... actually sounds rather entertaining
I saw that image once. And for the first time in my life my mind didn't go to the gutter. All I through at that time was "Sure! *Starts to let head* who's a good pone? Who's a good pone? Yes you are! Yes you are!" But now. You've gone and done. Corrupted that image in my head!!!!
Still gonna read this though. I am a red blooded male after all
Pinkie Pie personally officiates every Pinkie Promise™ sworn in Equus. It doesn't matter where or when, and especially it does not matter /how secretive/ one is, she always confirms the keeping of the Pinkie Promise™. So, Starlight giving such promise? Terrible idea.
The only issue I have with this story is the dialogue. It feels awkward and sometimes unnecessarily long. Other than that, I'm perfectly fine with the world building and pacing.