8386654 It's just I wasn't expecting 'the commander' to appear in your story. I get that your story was influenced by that one. But even in your authors notes say you were going to put her in, I think you dropped her too soon story wise. Also when twilight's friends found two twilight's, they didn't seem that surprised about.
You did get their right reactions when the news of Rarity death.
But my big problem was just the commander is all and how much harder writing going to be. For not just writing your twilight, your writing with another twilight that's part of an unfinished story. And pointed out that she's been placed after her current story. If your not careful you could put something that may offends the guy who wrote for 'the commander.'
Yikes, Ichimaru Gin smile is indeed creepy as hell. Also nice crossover with favorite soldier-princess. But the fith dimensional creature absorption and knowing everything about the multiverse was a bit over the top, even for this Twilight.
8386707 Ah ok I see what your saying. I always talk to The Commanders writer before I actually wrote anything down about her. I also try to make sure that I don't do anything to ooc for the Commander.
So then just finished reading the chapter and can't help but think what I have planned for CTS future....well let's just said their antics would be seen as adorable as foals playing games.
And second Luna is a total sociopath.
Still looking forward to seeing where you take this and how CTS is portrayed further on.
I like the idea, but there is just two many inconsistencies to fully enjoy the story, plus several other things, but I feel that most writers already get to much complaining, so I won't mention them unless you want me to, good luck on future endeavors.
"In all my years of traveling through the multiverse, I have never met another mare that went through the same hell I did." The Commander said showing her more emotional side. Suddenly the two mare found themselves both in the embrace of large, warm, white wings. Both mares turned their head to see Celestia with her own tears falling. Luna stayed back and went over to see if Blueblood was still alive. Thank Faust he was. Luna looked over to the three Alicorns were all sharing a group hug.
They were halfway through with the first lap when Twilight overlapped the Commander.
so how the fuck did it become a neck to neck situation cuz according to this Twilight’s on lap 2 (and ahead of CTS) and CTS just got halfway through lap 1
"In all my years of traveling through the multiverse, I have never met another mare that went through the same hell I did." The Commander said showing her more emotional side. Suddenly the two mare found themselves both in the embrace of large, warm, white wings. Both mares turned their head to see Celestia with her own tears falling. Luna stayed back and went over to see if Blueblood was still alive. Thank Faust he was. Luna looked over to the three Alicorns were all sharing a group hug.
Luna stayed back and went over to see if Blueblood was still alive. Thank Faust he was
......what?
8386646
Is there something wrong?
8386654
It's just I wasn't expecting 'the commander' to appear in your story. I get that your story was influenced by that one. But even in your authors notes say you were going to put her in, I think you dropped her too soon story wise. Also when twilight's friends found two twilight's, they didn't seem that surprised about.
You did get their right reactions when the news of Rarity death.
But my big problem was just the commander is all and how much harder writing going to be. For not just writing your twilight, your writing with another twilight that's part of an unfinished story. And pointed out that she's been placed after her current story. If your not careful you could put something that may offends the guy who wrote for 'the commander.'
Yikes, Ichimaru Gin smile is indeed creepy as hell.
Also nice crossover with favorite soldier-princess. But the fith dimensional creature absorption and knowing everything about the multiverse was a bit over the top, even for this Twilight.
8386707
Ah ok I see what your saying. I always talk to The Commanders writer before I actually wrote anything down about her. I also try to make sure that I don't do anything to ooc for the Commander.
8386707
This is non-canon to my story and I gave the green light to use CTS as the author sees fit.
I am most curious to see others take on her.
So then just finished reading the chapter and can't help but think what I have planned for CTS future....well let's just said their antics would be seen as adorable as foals playing games.
And second Luna is a total sociopath.
Still looking forward to seeing where you take this and how CTS is portrayed further on.
PS: That is a unnerving smile?
8387590
Thank you for letting me use CTS as I see fit.
I like the idea, but there is just two many inconsistencies to fully enjoy the story, plus several other things, but I feel that most writers already get to much complaining, so I won't mention them unless you want me to, good luck on future endeavors.
Why did I quote this???
so how the fuck did it become a neck to neck situation cuz according to this Twilight’s on lap 2 (and ahead of CTS) and CTS just got halfway through lap 1
This chapter wrecked the story for me, absolute rubbish!
Thats one creepy smile good old ichimaru
Why are they happy they should not be happy