Adding the predator's memories to twilight was a good call he would undoubtedly give her training and experience needed for her to pull off what she was doing in the first chapter and future chapters as well. I don't like the sudden appearance of dying though. It comes off as an unnatural deus ex machina. It would be better to give her a more natural birth. Like she was born from the torture she received during the experiments or to stick with the premise you've set for her birth it would be good to make her have the "soft whispers" motif before giving in. To go forward as is I recommend using a flash back to detail the exact moment of Dying's birth. I.e. a steadily growing consciousness from the first time she used dark magic or a period of extreme anger.
I love the outburst with blueballs it was perfectly executed.
Dying Pheonix is best pony!!!
This is AWESOME!!!!!
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8195790
Glad you both are enjoying it.
The dagger reference is so Guardians of the Galaxy, right? And the absorption reminded me of Prototype. And I really like this side of Twilight.
Am I the only one so far that saw the Predator in this? It was still cool though, also yea for down with Blueblood
8195842 CORRECT YOU GET A GOLD STAR!
8196103 Glad you saw the Predator. Also somthing might happen to Blueblood in the near future.
Adding the predator's memories to twilight was a good call he would undoubtedly give her training and experience needed for her to pull off what she was doing in the first chapter and future chapters as well. I don't like the sudden appearance of dying though. It comes off as an unnatural deus ex machina. It would be better to give her a more natural birth. Like she was born from the torture she received during the experiments or to stick with the premise you've set for her birth it would be good to make her have the "soft whispers" motif before giving in. To go forward as is I recommend using a flash back to detail the exact moment of Dying's birth. I.e. a steadily growing consciousness from the first time she used dark magic or a period of extreme anger.
I love the outburst with blueballs it was perfectly executed.
8203583 Thank you for the suggestion. I'll make them when I can.
Dying Phoenix... one of the best mare's ever
When are we going to get another chapter? The suspense is killing me!
8216314
It's coming, just give me some time. I'm sorry it's taking so long.
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I love your story with twilight having a myrderous insane (wait she already is) more scarier side
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Thank you
I love this Dying and Twilight getting along and other stuff