• Published 2nd Apr 2017
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The Evil Paradox - Alcatraz



Immortality is not the years you have, but what you do with them that matter.

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12| R'n'R

Author's Note:

Introducing Firefly!

Legend says her flanks are hot enough to roast marshmallows on.

And here we have Veloce!

Adorable bat horse :heart:

Art by Seryph Song.

When the rest of the nobles received my summons, they immediately assumed it would be a good thing.

Those nobles proved to be as dumb as a sack of rocks.

Over the next few days, the other five nobles came to the castle one by one, and thanks to Compass’ testimony, Celestia and I indicted them all. Lamplight and Wintergreen were given three month sentences for being the main financiers for the mining operation. Lumen got six months for being the ringleader, and had his title and land stripped from him. The other three were given a month in the dungeon for partaking in the scheme, which would give them pause the next time they contemplated illegal activities.

But it didn’t quite end there.

Because Compass proved so helpful in rounding up the nobles, he got his exile send off that Celestia mentioned when the sentencing was all wrapped up, which was to do things in a more official capacity, as it would’ve been rather dictatorial to play judge, jury, and executioner. We gathered all seven ponies in the throne room, and read their individual crimes to them in front of an public audience while trying to get any remaining information out of them.

Even though I knew for a fact that one of them was getting the equipment from somewhere, they all played dumb and pretended it was someone else’s job.

“Lamplight told me that it was Lumen’s job!” Wintergreen had said.

“I heard that Wintergreen said Lamplight was in charge of the equipment!” Compass also offered.

You get the idea. I knew they were giving me the run-around because they knew their situation would get worse if they didn’t play dumb about what I didn’t know. The same thing was said for the diamond dogs too, but I reasoned that two large packs of dogs wouldn’t be too hard to locate.

After the proceedings, I’d sent a few pairs of guards to nearby towns to make inquiries with local blacksmiths to ascertain where the equipment was coming from, and to see if there were any packs of dogs around.

Since Comet was there to give his testimony about the break-in, we tried to find out who it was that knocked him out. Unless there was an eighth accomplice nobody had mentioned, we didn’t find out who it was, which begged the question: Who hit him? As the trial went on, I decided that little detail wasn’t important since their stint had been effectively dismantled.

With Compass somewhere in the middle of the Undiscovered West as per his request and the other nobles out of sight and out of mind, I could focus on locating the diamond dogs and sourcing where the mining equipment came from. When it came to connections, I only had Harvest and Mayor Granite. I wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to get Harvest involved with what was going on, but I was running out of options and needed all the help I could get my hands on. Or, to be more accurate, hooves.

Come Saturday, my day off since Celestia was handling the “by appointment” petitioner's, I had Midnight cast his Corona illusion on me again, then Boreas and I headed to Mercy for some business and pleasure, but mostly pleasure.

“So, remind me what we’re doing here?” Boreas asked once we arrived on the outskirts of town.

“Just need to have a word with the mayor, give something to Atlas, then we’ve got the day to ourselves,” I replied.

“At least we don’t have to worry about Compass and the nobles anymore,” Boreas added relievingly.

“Indeed,” I agreed. “At least we’ve put the brakes on their little operation, so to speak. Now it’s just a matter of making sure they can’t pick up where they left off once out of the cells.”

We arrived in town to find the busy hustle and bustle of the mid-morning market. Everyone was out in force, and we had to nimbly maneuver through the crowd to get to city hall. As I expected, Granite was sitting in his chair like when we first met, looking like he was asleep with a smoldering cigar hanging out of his mouth as ponies went in and out of the building.

“Hello again, mayor,” I said as Boreas and I walked up the stairs.

Granite slowly looked up to us, moving his ciger to the other corner of his mouth, then adjusted his hat so he could look at us better. “Hello again, Princess,” he said to us. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“Do you know of any blacksmiths in town?” I asked.

He raised an eyebrow. “Does this have to do with what’s been going on?”

“Just tying up some loose ends is all.”

“I believe the smithy is busy fixing various items for our out of towners. With all due respect, I’m not sure he has the time for you, but if you must know, his shop is in the north east corner of town, a few streets behind the main market.”

The idea was to check on that blacksmith myself, but I could send someone out to have a chat at a later date since he was busy. “Many thanks,” I replied as I fished out a scroll from my bag. I levitated it over to Granite, where he unfurled it to look at the array I drew.

“What’s this for?” he asked curiously.

“Instant messaging,” I replied absentmindedly.

Granite blinked owlishly. “I don’t… Pardon me? What’s ‘instant messaging’?”

“I well, it’s, uhm, you see…” I had to keep my composure as my brain screamed at my mouth for not thinking about what it was going to say. The real question is if I could explain cellphone technology to something that probably wouldn’t even understand such a thing. “You see, instant messaging is where you write as many words as you can fit on the parchment within the empty space of the circle, then tap this symbol to send it,” I said, pointing to a particular glyph. “It’s called ‘instant messaging’ because the message comes to me instantly, so if you find any diamond dogs in town, notify me in due time if you please.”

“Diamond dogs eh? Were they in league with your little pegasus friend?” he said.

“The dogs were to be the workforce for the mine. I was hoping they could be dissuaded from any further attempts on your town.”

“Alright, Ah can do that. Don’t want some mutts gallivanting around muh town and diggin’ up our land. So… If Ah see any of ‘em around, Ah just doodle on here and rub out this’re glyph?”

“Doodle, no. Write legibly, yes,” I grinned. “I was informed there would be at least two packs. If you see a large congregation of dogs, then notify me post haste.”

Granite folded the parchment and tucked it inside his hat, kicked up his legs on the banister and resumed his position. “It won’t be any problem, Princess. Y’all can count on me.”

“Much obliged,” I said. Before I left, I magicked the small sack of of Compass’ gold into Granite’s lap. “The leftover gold that that pegasus mined. Had it minted for you. Thought you should have it.”

Without looking up, Granite palmed the bag to gauge its weight. Or was it frogged, since horses have the frog of their hoof instead of a palm? Hell if I knew.

“Seems a little light if he had a mining operation,” Granite pointed out as he lifted his hat off, put the sack on top of his head, then donned the hat again.

“He spent some of it at the local bar. It should come back to you at some point,” I smirked.

That actually made Granite chuckle. “If anything is sure in life, it’s death and taxes.”

“Before I go, have you seen Atlas, the cartographer?”

“Left early this morning. He should be back mid-afternoon,”.

I gave Granite the parchment with the Scanner’s spell matrix. “Could you also give this to Atlas and inform him that Luna needs his assistance in completing it by the time he returns to the castle?”

Granite also tucked that scroll under his hat, and I jokingly thought he must he using British sci-fi technology to fit everything under there.“Shan’t be a problem.”

“Have a good day, Mayor,” I said as I stepped off the last step, Boreas keeping up the rear.

“What are we gonna do for the rest of the day?” my companion asked with a pep in her step.

“Get some hot food, then pay a visit to a friend of mine.” I wanted to see how Hayseed and Nebula were doing, and if Harvest was manning his stall, I had a small surprise for him. “How do some nuts sound?”

Boreas grinned up at me. “Too salty.”

“The local bar also serves food and drunks,” I said, remembering Compass’ state.

“Don’t you mean drinks?”

“Those too.”

Boreas giggle-snorted. “What’s the place called?”

“The Crazy Cock.”

“How about we get some candy apples? I want to see if they’re as good as Firefly says they are.”

“Got something against innuendo themed food and bars?” I playfully probed.

“Dirty jokes are one thing, stallions are another.”

I almost tripped over myself as my head snapped to look at Boreas. “You mean–”

“Yup. Part of the reason why I’m here.”

“What, in Mercy?”

Boreas tapped her nose at me. “A story for another day if it’s all the same to you. Now, where are those apples?”

I stopped walking and put my hoof on Boreas’ shoulder to stop and turn her to look at me proper. “Look, you know I’m your friend, so you can tell me anything and I won’t hold it against you. Alright?”

Boreas shifted uncomfortably, and I removed my hoof from her shoulder. “I know you’re my friend, that’s why I said what I did; because I trusted you not to freak out like a certain somepony did. It’s just… too many ears right now, you know?”

“Oh, I see,” I replied, clearing my throat. I turned my attention toward a large gathering of ponies around the cart I remembered buying my candied apple from last week. “Should be over here.”

“Dang it, the line’s way too big,” she said somewhat bitterly. “Looks like Firefly seems to be onto something, though.”

I looked over my shoulder for another food cart where the lines were shorter, and I spied Harvest doing his thing with a big grin. I fished out enough money from my bag for two apples each. “If you don’t mind waiting in line, I just saw someone I wanna have a quick word with.” I levitated the coins over to Boreas. “Enough for two each.”

“Thank you!” Boreas happily replied, then cantered to the back of the line.

With a smile on my face, I went over and stood in line to Harvest’s cart and waited. A couple minutes later, the pony in front of me departed with his goods as I stepped up.

“Hello, what can I get yo– oh!” He looked up from tidying the shelves. “It’s you, Lu- uh, Corona!”

“Hello again, Harvest,” I smiled. “Got anymore of that special corn?”

“Sure do!” He ducked under the bench and came up with a few sacks, nosing one forward for me and putting the other two with the other displays items. “Five copper, please.”

Like last time, I levitated the money into his little bag, plus a small sack of popcorn in front of him that I prepared earlier on.

“What’s this?” Harvest asked.

“Open it. I made it with the corn you gave me.” I wondered if he would be as surprised as the chefs at the castle. He pulled the top open, but rather than surprise, his brow knitted further in confusion. “Go on, eat it.”

Harvest cautiously lipped a few pieces into his mouth, then his expression lit up like the fourth of July. “This is amazing! What did you do to it?”

“Put a cup full in a pot, your choice of butter or oil, put the lid on. Shake occasionally, and when the popping stops, you got yourself a delicious little snack!” I said. Off to my right, I received a poke in my side.

“Excuse me, what is that stuff?” a mare asked with a curious sniff.

“Popped corn,” I replied. “Harvest here has the recipe. I’m sure he’ll give it to you if you ask nicely.”

She politely requested a couple pieces to try, and her reaction was immediate. “Oh my, I’ve never tasted anything like this!” the mare beamed, leaning over the counter. “You must give me all your popcorn, and the recipe!” Everyone within earshot had begun to crowd around Harvest and I at the mare’s reaction, peering over my shoulder to catch a look at the tasty new snack.

“Woah there everypony, there’s plenty to go around! Just form an orderly line!”

Because I had enough foresight something like that would happen, I put a stack of cards with instructions on how to cook the popcorn alongside some suggested toppings on the bench for Harvest to give out. “Would you mind if I paid Nebula and Hayseed an unexpected visit?”

“That’s fine with me, but I do have to warn you that Nebula took the opportunity to invite some of her mare friends and their kids over because I’m at the market.”

“Baby shower?” I queried.

“Just a get together. Now if I may, I’m about to be mobbed with ponies wanting your new ‘popcorn’ invention,” he said in playful annoyance.

“Until next time, Harvest,” I said as I departed.

“I’ll see you at the house if you’re still there!” He waved goodbye, then another pony took my place as the mosh pit for the popcorn began.

Three places from the front, Boreas was still patiently waiting in line for the apples when I joined her.

“Who was your friend?” she asked.

“You remember Harvest?”

“Firefly told me about him. One of the nobles tried buying his land eh?”

“Yup. And since Lumen has already paid for Harvest’s land with the intention of mining it, Lumen can’t do anything with it anymore! Harvest got richer and Lumen got poorer,” I laughed ironically.

“You mean they can’t get the permits even when they get out of jail?”

“I… Huh, guess I didn’t think of that. I’d have to discuss it with Celestia, though.”

That certainly was quite the revelation, something I thought about as Boreas and I walked to Harvest’s house while munching on our apples. Given that it was a weekend, Hayseed should be home from school.

The front door was wide open to let the breeze run through the house in the warm weather, so I rapped loudly on the doorframe so the occupants could hear me. “Hayseed, could you go see who that is, please?” Nebula said from within.

There was the little pitter patter of Hayseed’s hooves, and when he rounded the corner out of the lounge and looked down the hall to see me standing in the doorway, he beamed widely.

“Momma, it’s Luna!” Hayseed exclaimed, bouncing up and down. He ran up to me, grabbed me by the forehoof, and began dragging me into the house while I giggled at his enthusiasm.

Boreas was following behind, grinning at the sight as we were forcefully lead to the lounge. Nebula was reclining on the sofa with her knitting in her aura, and two other mares were sitting opposite her, all of whom were drinking tea and eating biscuits as their fillies played on the floor. They looked to be about Hayseed’s age.

“Hello again, Luna,” Nebula waved with a smile.

“Nice to see you too. Who are your friends here?”

“This is Marigold and Ritzy,” she said, pointing to the mares respectively. Marigold had a sun-yellow coat and orange mane with a flower cutie mark, and Ritzy had a coat as white as the clouds and a baby-blue mane with a folding fan as a cutie mark.

“Hello to you two,” I greeted politely, yet Marigold and Ritzy were giving me rather peculiar looks.

“Your name is Luna, like the princess?” Marigold blinked.

“My name is Luna because I am the princess,” I smirked.

Ritzy snorted disbelievingly and took a sip of tea while Nebula looked on, looking up to me as she kept her mirth between us. “You can’t be, because Princess Luna doesn’t leave the castle, at least not without guards surrounding her,” she said.

I shrugged the comment off, then removed my peytral. Marigold was mid-sip of her tea, and it began dribbling down her chin as she caught sight of me while Ritzy’s eyes just about popped out of her head.

“This is Boreas,” I said, stepping to the side to let her into view. “One of my guards. It’s our day off from working at the castle, so I thought I’d stop by and pay Nebula and Harvest a visit.”

“Harvest is at the market until the afternoon,” Nebula added.

“I actually saw him on the way here. He said you had company, so I thought I’d surprise everypony.”

One of the little fillies, staring at me to make sure I was real and not a dream, suddenly sprang to life and ran over to me, a smile splitting her face like the grand canyon.

“Daffodil, come back here!” Marigold chastised.

Marigold’s words went unheeded by Daffodil, who stared up at me in abject joy.

“Can I brush your mane?!” she blurted.

“You’ll have to forgive Daffodil, Your Majesty, she gets excited easily,” Marigold said, embarrassed by her daughter’s reaction to me.

“Don’t worry about it,” I waved dismissively. “And call me Luna. Nebula and Hayseed do, so you two can too.”

“Would you like some tea?” Nebula asked. “There’s extra cups in the top left kitchen cupboard.”

Daffodil kept staring up at me with that contagious smile, so I booped her on the nose and smiled back. “Some tea sounds lovely, but if you’ll excuse me for two seconds…” I nipped back to my room to grab my hairbrush, then reappeared back in the living room. “This is my hairbrush,” I said, levitating it to the filly, who looked at it in awe.

After I poured Boreas and I some tea, I pulled over a chair for Daffodil to sit on while I sat at the foot of it so the exuberant filly could live out her apparent dream of brushing a princess’ hair. As Hayseed drew on some scrap paper with crayons alongside the other filly whose name I didn’t catch, I wound up shooting the breeze with Nebula and her friends well into the afternoon.


“...And then he said; ‘No, this is Patrick!’” Raucous laughter filled the living room, but my joke (altered slightly to fit the world of ponies) went over the heads of the kids, all of whom kept minding their own business. Much to my serendipity, Daffodil actually did a better job of brushing my mane than I did in the mornings, and had since rejoined Hayseed and her other friend.

After the little conversation I had with Boreas earlier, she was rather quiet while everyone else talked. She did chip in with an off-hand joke now and then to get involved, but it would’ve been nice to get to know her a bit better since it was an ample opportunity.

“I really am pleasantly surprised at how well Daffodil brushed my mane,” I said to Marigold, who gave me a confused look while I bumped it up and down with a hoof.

“Really? Don’t you have ponies for that?” she said.

“You’d think so, but I brush my own hair every morning.” I leaned over to playfully nudge Marigold. “If Daffodil gets her cutie mark in mane brushing, send her my way and I’ll make her my personal mane stylist at the castle!”

“You… You’d actually do that?” Marigold blinked. “Give a little filly a job working for royalty?”

“When she grows up a bit more, of course,” I laughed. “On an semi-related note, I offered Nebula and Harvest a family suite at the castle for when they retire and Nebula has her foal.” And then I remembered the second scroll I prepared. I levitated it out of my bag and over to Nebula.

“A modified teleportation array?” Nebula ventured when she unfurled it, narrowing her gaze and leaning closer to read more carefully. “Oohhh, you altered the matrix to teleport itself to you after somepony has written on it!”

“Wow, you managed to pick that out?” She must’ve been well-read if she figured out exactly what it was for, given that I invented it not two days prior.

“You have to be an adept spellcaster to have a talent with astrology,” she said proudly.

“I give that to you in case you want to have your baby at the castle. Best doctors around and all. Or, knock on wood, if something were to go awry.” The truth of the matter was that I hoped the scroll would be used if the diamond dogs were to suddenly appear in town with less than desirable intentions. Despite that, I did want to make sure Nebula and her baby were safe.

“Thank you for the gesture, Luna, it means a lot,” Nebula beamed.

“Just looking out for a friend,” I replied.

“Honey, I’m home!” Harvest suddenly hollered from the main entrance as he began walking down the hall. He rounded the door a moment later to see us looking back him with a warm welcome.

“How was the markets, hon?” Nebula said.

“Thanks to Luna here, I got mobbed and ran out of that new corn I was growing,” he said, giving me a friendly glare out the corner of his eye.

“How did the princess manage to do that?” Ritzy asked.

“This,” Harvest said, holding a half empty sack of popcorn in the crook of his hoof. With curiosity on her face, Nebula levitated it from him as she kept her knitting going. “Luna calls it ‘popcorn’.”

“Popcorn?” Nebula said, as she tried a couple pieces. Her expression was the same as everyone else’s. “Girls, you must try this!”

Marigold and Ritzy tried a piece each, and their expressions said it all. “Why have I not heard of this before?!” Ritzy exclaimed.

“Because I only made it last week,” I mused. “Harvest can make you some more if you’d like. Just make sure to brush your teeth afterwards; the kernel skins tend to get stuck in your teeth.”

“Babe, look what Luna gave me,” Nebula said as she showed Harvest the parchment from earlier. “If I go into labour and you’re not around to help, heaven forbid, then I can just send her a message!”

“It’s nice to know that the princesses care so much about us,” he said gratefully.

“I do what I can, where I can.” I looked to Hayseed and tousled his mane. “Isn’t that right, little guy?”

“Luna makes sure I have good dreams,” he said, then moved into hug me. Marigold and Ritzy looked on fondly, then I glanced over at the clock.

“Do you have to be leaving soon?” Harvest asked.

“I’ve got some reports I need to look over,” I groaned. Namely, I wanted to check in with the guards I sent out to see if they made any progress with the equipment and the dogs.

“Uhm, Princess?” Ritzy hesitated. “I just wanted to say sorry if I came across as rude earlier…” she said, shamefully rubbing one foreleg with the other.

“Don’t think anything of it. You had no idea I was so forthcoming is all, so I don’t blame your for not believing me.”

“If I may ask,” Marigold said, “why aren’t you surrounded with guards?”

“Well, even though Boreas is off duty, she’s still a guard. If someone tried to have at me, she can intervene,” I said.

“But why do you have guards if you have the power to raise the moon, amongst other things?” Ritzy pointed out.

“That’s just it. If somepony tried attacking me, the potential of accidentally turning them into glue is there, if you catch my drift.” I didn’t want to say ‘kill’ in front of the little ones, so I made a morbid joke to get my point across. “If they prove worthy enough a foe to make it past my guards, then they’re fair game, but their main purpose is security at the castle.”

“Huh, I’ve always wondered about that for years,” Ritzy said arily.

“In any case, it’s been lovely meeting you all. If you see me again, don’t hesitate to say hello.” I gave Nebula a hug as best as her engorged stomach would allow, Hayseed was next, then I hoof bumped Harvest goodbye before teleporting back to my room.

“I gotta say, Luna, it’s nice seeing you get along with everypony,” Boreas softly smiled up at me.

“I don’t understand where the schtick about royalty having to be above everypony comes from,” I said distastefully. “Sure they might be leaders that everypony looks up to, but that doesn’t mean we don’t like having a good chin-wag over tea and biscuits.”

“A fair point. Now if I might be excused, I’ve got to get ready for my evening shift.”

“I’ll see you around,” I said. I closed the door after Boreas left, then turned my attention to a few scrolls that I noticed on my desk.

The first one was a report from two of the guards I sent to the closest town to the castle, detailing their inquiry to the blacksmith. That smithy hadn’t done business with, nor did he recognise any of the nobles from their descriptions, so I put it to the side in favour of the next one. That’s when I got a break.

For the desk of Her Majesty, Princess Luna.

As per your request of an inquiry into the town of Aes, we discovered that the small town has an abundance of supplies and the necessary skill and labour needed to cast and forge mining equipment. Workers obtain ore-rich rock from a nearby quarry dubbed ‘Rush Valley’, which is then taken to a foundry on the outskirts of town and smelted into ingots of varying sizes. Aes is more known for their high quality weapons and armour manufacturing, but will also indulge custom orders for whatever a client needs. The stallion at the main shop where we made our inquiry into recognised the description of one ‘Lamplight’, but none of the other six, and added that the aforementioned stallion brought in expertly drawn blueprints from which the parts were made.

As far as packs of diamond dogs go, due to the nature of items Aes is known to produce, their quarry and town is well armed to deter any thieves.

Signed, Corporal Pauldron and Sergeant Bloom.

Pleasantly surprised by the turn of events, I let out a hum of delight and made a mental reminder to thank the Corporal and Sergeant tomorrow.

As I unrolled the next scroll, I mused how I would’ve liked to see how expertly made the mining equipment was, or if we could’ve put it to good use.

For the desk of Her Majesty, Princess Luna.

Following your request into the village of Valley Forge, we noted that while the town does perform metallurgy, they do not have the equipment necessary to produce mining equipment. However, upon interviewing the owner at the town’s blacksmith shop, it was discovered that the owner had the knowledge to provide one ‘Lamplight’ with blueprints and recommended materials he would need to build a processing plant for gold. Unfortunately, subsequent inquiries into diamond dogs bore no fruit.

Signed, Sergeants Primer and Ratchet.

After I read the scrolls, I was debating whether or not to go down to the dungeons and pay Lamplight a visit and show hom those reports, and possibly make his sentence longer for lying to me, but I had nothing to gain from doing so. However, that didn’t mean I couldn’t demonstrate that I had the resources and manpower (ponypower?) needed to get something done and source out information. Hopefully that would intimidate Lumen and his accomplices enough that they’d be too scared to attempt any other illegal activities.

Since only three of the five pairs of guards had returned and given their report, I was anticipating something about dogs in the next two. Surely someone had to have seen two large packs of diamond dogs out and about, or at the very least seen someone matching the description of one of the nobles or Compass talking to them.

There was little I could do until the other four got back with their reports, so I pulled up a book that had some information on diamond dogs. Perhaps I’d glean something about them I missed previously? Habitat, diet, something that’d give me an idea of where they liked to congregate. In hindsight, I probably should’ve given the guards some idea of how to locate the dogs rather than send them on their way and hope something would turn up.

I mentally chastised myself for being so presumptuous, and I continued to read until I was due to lower the moon then have dinner, all the while looking forward to the next day. The following day was Sunday, and I had cleared my schedule for the entire day with the express purpose of flying until my wings couldn’t fly anymore.