22| Bootstrap
I wished I could’ve stayed nestled under the warm covers of my luxuriously soft comforter well into the morning, followed by a delicious breakfast in bed, then a hot shower with aromatic soaps, and spent the rest of the day enjoying myself an otherwise lazy Sunday without worry. But alas, I only managed a couple hours of honest sleep because I was so worried about Nebula and the baby, my mind running a million miles a minute, thinking up multiple scenarios of what could’ve happened for the worst.
I sat up in bed with a huff, nerves as frayed as my hair. After the moon lowering and a hot shower, I went down to the dining hall for breakfast.
“How’re you holding up, Luna?” Boreas asked as she sat next to me.
“Like my nerves have been stretched out on a loom. Have you heard anything yet?”
“I just woke up for my rounds this morning, so no, but I can check when-”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Veloce, wearing a big, toothy grin fly in and straight over to me.
“-my rounds if you like?”
“It happened!”
Boreas and I turned to look at Velo.
“I really hope that means what I think it does!” I said.
“Uh huh! Nebula gave birth last night, so Radiant had me come find you after you woke up!”
I practically squeed with delight.
“Oohhh, what does the baby look like?” Boreas said with just as much excitement.
“Calm down, don’t get your tail in a twist,” Velo said. “I didn’t see anything. I heard a lot of shouting and screaming, then Radiant came out looking like she was going to pass out.”
I sighed. “I feel so much better knowing nothing went wrong after what happened.”
“Wait, what happened?” Velo quirked.
“I, uh… I’ll fill you both in later, gonna be a bit busy today. I need to go see a rock about a town.”
“Who, Granite?” Boreas said.
“Yup, so unless anything else happens, have Celestia or Firefly get me.”
“Want me to come with you?” Velo asked.
“Don’t worry about it, you’ve been up all night on shift, so eat up and get some sleep.” Then, to Boreas, “I’ll see you when I get back. Have a good day.”
“You too. Just be careful,” the pegasus said.
“I’ll see you in the evening,” Velo said.
After I went up to my room to get my saddlebags strapped on, I teleported into the front yard of Nebula’s house. Even though the damage was within the realm of being repaired, Nebula, Harvest, and Hayseed wouldn’t be back for a good long while, so I decided to pick up a few extra things for everyone.
I walked through the hole in the door and over its splintered remains, following the hall into Harvest’s and Nebula’s room, then over to the closet. The doors opened with the flick of magic, parting garments which hung on hangers. As per Nebula’s directions, I immediately went for the floorboards, banging around to find one that was loose. Sure enough, the end of one sunk into the floor. Pulling it free, I saw a pair of old, beaten down saddlebags nestled in the crawlspace. Just by lifting them up, the bottom tore open from the meager weight, spilling their contents back into the crawlspace.
I moved the bags out of my view to see a raw, uncut lump of opaque, jet black crystal. Crystallography wasn’t my strong suit, so I put it aside for the moment, then picked through the other items that had fallen out: a dented tin water canteen missing its lid, and a decaying scroll.
Bingo.
I very gingerly unfurled the scroll and found myself studying a star map like the one I sent with Jackal, but vastly different in a number of areas. It had a level of detail that paled in comparison, the kind that would take me at least a month to reproduce at the skill level I had. Unfortunately, the bugs and rot had eaten through a fair bit of the writing, making any attempt at a reproduction nigh impossible.
Using a couple pieces of wood, I sandwiched the unfurled scroll between them, then wrapped it in some torn linen from the lounge. Repeated rolling and unfurling would cause it to crumble. Then, I collected all four items, putting them inside my bags. From there I grabbed Nebula’s knitting, some toys for Hayseed, and a few things for the baby that were left behind. I wasn’t sure what to bring back to Harvest besides his hat. He would want to pick out a few more thing soon since their visit is going to be longer than expected
Satisfied that I had found everything, I took some time to locate some scrap wood, nails, a hammer, and went about jury-rigging a fix for the holes in the door and living room wall before I left to meet Granite at Town Hall.
The worst thing Town Hall had suffered from the diamond dog fiasco was a couple of broken windows which had been boarded up. Other than that, there was minor cosmetic damage. Because the building was practically intact, the ponies whose houses and businesses were ruined had taken to using it as a temporary shelter, and a hub to trade supplies.
Gasps and whispers met my ears when I landed, hooves pointed in my direction. I’m not sure how many of the ponies had a sleepless night, but I could make an informed guess by how bedraggled they appeared. I put on a soft smile as I walked up the main street. For some, my smile and presence put them at ease. For others, they saw right through my attempt at consolation, turning back to dejectedly rummage through the remains of their homes and livelihood. I couldn’t help but sag when they did that; their princesses were supposed to be a beacon of hope, and they turned away like I let them down. It wasn’t entirely untrue either, which made it sting that much more.
I pushed aside Granite’s now-destroyed favourite chair as I walked inside. Up the stairs and down the hall until I got to the door that was hanging open by one hinge. Beyond that, Granite sat at his desk, cradling his hat like a foal, carefully trying to clean the dirt and fix the damage as a cigar burned in the corner of his mouth.
“Knock knock,” I said as I did exactly that, edging the door open further.
“Howdy there, Princess,” Granite said with a nod of his head, exhaling the smoke from his cigar through the broken window. “So what do Ah owe the pleasure this time ‘round?”
“Paying you a friendly visit to see how things are going, and to talk about Powder Keg. He wanted me to pass on a message to his next of kin, and I remember you saying something about remembering every single face that walks through the town.”
“Ah said every face that walks through them doors to Town Hall, but that’s besides the point.”
“Yes, well, can you help me?”
“Powder Keg arrived in town six months before Nebula did, going on twenty-one years ago,” Granite began with a dismissive wave, taking another draw on his cigar. “Never told me, or anyone Ah know of where he came from. Walked into town one day with nothin’ but the saddlebags on ‘is back. Set up the apothecary after a couple months, and has – was - running it and living in Mercy for the last two decades. Well, lived.”
My grimace at that statement turned into a glare when Granite chuckled at his own joke. “So you heard about that?” I said.
He seemed to deflate a bit, staring at the end of his cigar.. “It’s just… As much of a liability he was to the town considerin’ his namesake, Keg’s heart was always in the right place. Kind soul, head in the clouds sotra character.” Granite took another draw to steel his nerves, then tapped the ash. “But to answer your question, all Ah can tell you that he walked into town from the north-west. No idea how Nebula got to Harvest’s farm without passing through town, though.”
“Well, that does give me a starting point, thank you. If you can think of anything else that might be helpful, you know how to get in touch with me” I exhaled a long, stress-filled breath. “If you’ll excuse me, I’ve got more business I need to take care of.”
“Take care, Luna,” Granite said. “Oh! If it’ll help, maybe there’s something left in the remains of Keg’s shop?”
That made me perk up. “That’s… actually a really good idea.”
Once out of town hall, I took flight, thinking on what Granite told me: A lone drifter wandering into town, making ends meet until he had enough money to open and run his own store. The only reasonable north-west route into Mercy went through the Everfree forest. Going through the San Palomino Desert to the west would’ve been a bad decision because of the lack of water, though not impossible. Further north-west and Keg would’ve passed through either the Unicorn Range or Smokey Mountain Highlands, and the farthest he could’ve come from would’ve been somewhere around the North Lunar Ocean. Even further north was the arctic. I doubted he would’ve come from that area, but if Keg knew someone called Tundra, it would make sense.
It didn’t make the scope of my search any smaller, or easier.
I touched down in front of what remained of Keg’s shop a few minutes later. If there was anything at all to indicate where the zebra came from, it would’ve been sent flying half way across town, blown to bits in the explosion, or incinerated in the resulting fire. The building had been completely gutted from the inside out, causing supporting beams to collapse inwards. What little of contents remained consisted of a few burnt books, zebrican artefacts, shrapnel from clay pots and glass jars, and the severely mangled cast iron cauldron that had embedded itself in one of the collapsed support beams.
I began sifting through the bits and pieces to make sure I didn’t overlook anything. All the charred and broken pieces of wood I levitated to stack in the middle of the road, pieces of paper in one pile, as well as shards of clay and glass in another, and so on and so forth. Eventually, I had multiple piles of trash and a completely emptied building interior. My labour bore no fruit, and it seemed the more dead ends I ran into, the more red herrings I was eager to follow in hopes I’d catch a break. During my despondent musings, a gust of wind brushed against my coat, clearing some of the ash from the floor of the shop, prompting my eyes to widen.
A small area of wood in the back right corner of the shop seemed intact from the fire and explosion. I got closer, using a wing to brush away some more dust and ash. No burn marks, scratches, dents, or anything like that. When I touched my hoof to it, it felt significantly cooler than it had any right to be. Using a bit of magic, I lasered a hole three inches wider than the untouched area so I didn’t damage whatever was hidden underneath. After I tossed the chunk of wood off to the side, I peered inside.
My searching was rewarded by a small, steel cube.
Puzzled, I went to pick up the cube, but my magic fizzled before I could get a grip on it. Bewildered, I tried my hooves, but quickly dropped it like it was a hot ember. When I looked at the soft frog of my hoof, there was indeed a burn, but not the kind I was expecting. Frostbite.
“What the hell is this thing?” I wondered out loud. I couldn’t risk touching it, and magic didn’t work, so I used a piece of wood to poke and prod it, turning it over to see if there was some kind of latch or keyhole. Nada. It appeared to be a solid cube made out of some kind of magic-resistant material, welded shut. Someone went to a lot of trouble to keep whatever was inside contained. Firefly or Celestia might be able to open it, but did I want to risk opening a box that was supposed to be sealed shut? It was the only clue I had to find out where Keg came from. Using some torn pieces of burlap, I wrapped up the cube in a thick layer of material so it wouldn’t affect anything while in my bag and started back to the castle, the cold little cube poking me in the side the whole while.
Finally landing on the dais to my room, I entered, opening the main door to the hall, where Boreas and Bastille turned and looked at me.
“Where were you? Celestia’s been looking for you.” Boreas said.
“I was indisposed. Is everything alright?”
“Mostly, though she did want to talk about what happened to Nebula,” Boreas said.
“Well, tell her I’m back. And get me Firefly too. I have something they need to look at.” Closing the door, I removed my saddlebags and upturned them on the desk, letting the contents fall out, carefully unwrapping the cube, but keeping it on the burlap.
I heard a knock on my door, followed by Boreas opening it to let in Celestia and Firefly. Whatever Celestia was about to say died in her mouth when she saw the cube I had on my desk.
“What is that?”
“To make a long story short, I went to sift through what was left of Powder Keg’s belongings when I found this under the floor.” I said. “I thought you two would be the most qualified to open… whatever it is.”
Celestia narrowed her eyes at the object, creeping forward while Firefly remained where she was, wide-eyed and fixated on the cube like she couldn’t believe it existed.
“Somepony sealed something incredibly powerful inside a cube of dark stone, hoping it would never be found,” Celestia said.
“Yeah, Powder Keg. I was hoping it would lead me to his next of kin. Passing on the message he made with his dying breath is important to me.”
“Give me a moment,” Celestia said, and then she was gone with a poof of her magic.
“What do you think it is, Firefly?” I said, looking over at the mare who was as far away as could be. She seemed on edge about something, staring at the cube, but I couldn’t place why.
“I’m not one hundred percent sure,” she said. “Whoever welded the dark stone together couldn’t have used magic, since this much of it in one place would render even your magic useless against it. Looks like it was made in a forge the old fashioned way.”
“Would it be a good idea to open it, then?”
“I would say so. The cube prevents mana from escaping to keep whatever is inside, hidden. Whoever sealed it up didn’t want someone finding whatever is inside, so opening it shouldn’t be a problem.”
Celestia chose that moment to teleport back in, unfurling a rolled up sleeve of tools on my desk. “Now let’s see here,” she began, using a pair of blacksmith tongs to turn the cube over, and a ball peen hammer to tap on each surface. “Pure dark stone. Extremely magic resistant, and equally brittle. Steel alloy tools will crack it open like an egg.”
Firefly and I watched as Celestia went about chipping away a few corners of the cube. Every time a piece fell away, a waft of cold air made everyone in the room shiver. When enough had been chipped away, she pulled out a thick pointed awl, carefully using it to poke around to find a dimple in the metal. Satisfied, she struck the base of the awl with the hammer hard, causing fragments of dark stone to fly out while the bigger pieces fell inward.
Like the axiom of treasure hunting, we all craned our heard over the broken cube to see a small, glowing blue gem that radiated cold magic energy.
“Oh no,” Firefly said anxiously, taking a few steps back.
“What? What is it?” Celestia said. “Have you seen this before?”
“N-not that specifically, but, I… It… It’s a Dragon Ashe, Princesses.”
I cocked my head. “A what?”
Firefly was looking more scared by the minute. “Well, it’s no secret that dragons breathe fire, right?”
“...Right?” I said, urging her to go on.
“Based on what I’ve heard, when a fire-breathing dragon dies, it leaves behind the source of its magic energy: a Dragon Ashe. Extremely rare, almost unheard of, even. Anyone lucky enough to find one could likely buy out this castle from under you.”
“In all my two hundred years, I never thought I’d get to see one of these...” Celestia said in awe, using a different pair of tongs to pick up the jewel. A kaleidoscope of ice suddenly coated the end of the tongs, causing us all to flinch.
“Pray tell, how did you hear of them?” Celestia said.
“Last year, I heard rumours of one in a cave atop a mountain, and me being the pyromancer in my village, I went looking for it. Instead, I got blindsided by a gang of zebra bandits who used it against me.” Firefly shifted her hooves and looked away. “Let’s just say that a fire dragon ashe will burn almost anything it touches, and that one is cold, so it probably came from an ice dragon.”
“Then why would Powder Keg have it?” I wondered.
“I don’t know, but he must have had a very good reason,” Celestia said. “Luna, I’ll look this over tonight and let you know if I find out anything more about it. In the meantime, Radiant mentioned that Nebula asked you to fetch a map of some description. Did you find it?”
“Yes, right, just gimmie a sec…” As Celestia put the ashe back in the box, I pulled Nebula’s old saddlebags closer, upending them on the desk. Gem cluster, old scroll, and tin canteen all fell out.
“This is the scroll Nebula spoke of. It’s a star map, but it’s too weathered for me to make out. Do you think you could help with this too?” I said.
Celestia un-sandwiched the scroll from the two pieces of wood, and held it close for inspection. Eyes flicked over the parchment, narrowed, and then she levitated over a few books from my shelves to flick through briefly. “I can use a bit of restorative magic to make it easier for you to read, but this is more your area of expertise. Just give me a couple hours and I’ll come find you when I’m done.”
“Sure, that’s fine.. I’ll go do… something,” I said.
“Before you go, do you know what that crystal is?” Celestia said, holding it aloft with her magic.
“Not really. Found it in the bags with the other things. Find out what you can, and we can talk to Nebula once she’s able.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Celestia replied, settling down at my desk to get stuck in. “Before you go, could you please finish up the work I was doing in the conference room? There’s no petitioners scheduled for the rest of the afternoon. Just sign off on a few things, then I’ll see you at dinner.”
“Okey dokey,” I chimed in, turning to Firefly. “Anything else you want to add?”
“N-no, Princess…”
“That’s fine, go and enjoy the rest of your day. I’ll see you for your shift tomorrow.”
True to Celestia’s word, when I got to the conference room, there was a small stack of papers and parchment scrolls with a pot of ink and a couple quills laying on the large, oval desk. It took me a bit less than an hour to finish off the work, which was mostly to do with Mercy and where the money to fix the town was coming from. With the gold machine up and running for the most part, we’d begun to accrue a steady trickle of sustainable income to support the castle, its employees and inhabitants, with enough of a surplus to start rebuilding Mercy.
With nothing much to do until dinner with less than an hour and a half to go, I whipped back up to Nebula’s suite to grab the spell I was working on, then went to my room so I could continue working on it. Given how dangerous a black hole could be, I wanted to make sure its life span would last only as long as I’d feed magic into it before reaching critical mass. That would be bad.
As I was putting some small touch-ups to the spell, Celestia teleported in, rolling her shoulders. “I... think I’ve done my best to restore the scroll. It’s dinner soon, so you can start to figure it out afterwards.”
When she gave me the scroll, I saw that, while the holes were still there, a majority of the dirt and grime had been cleaned off, markings were clearly visible, and tensile strength had been restored.
“Thank you, Celestia. I should be able to figure out where she came from with this.”
Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Should be able to?”
“Information is missing because of the holes, and while you can’t restore something that isn’t there anymore, that doesn’t mean I don’t have a good chance. I’m seventy percent sure I can get something useful out of it.”
“I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, Luna, but with Nebula and the baby safe, why is there need for concern?”
“This isn’t just about Nebula and the baby. My point is, somepony did this to her. Somepony put a curse on Nebula and sealed off the first eighteen years of her life.”
“Are you absolutely sure it’s a curse?” Celestia asked skeptically.
“Mmhmm. Magic requires the use of one’s mana, but a curse relies on feeding off of the victim’s mana, and that’s how they last so long. Kinda like a parasitic spell. If the location on this map points to one place in particular, I can cross reference towns or cities in the area, and since this is a high-level memory-based curse, that would further isolate potential casters living in those towns, cities, or whatever.”
“I’m impressed you’ve thought that many steps in advance, Luna.”
“It pays to have contingencies in place. If something goes wrong, backtrack to figure out why. A problem can have many solutions, you just gotta find the right one.”
“Since you seem to have everything under control, I’m going to busy myself until dinner. See you then, sister.”
“Mmhmm, see you at dinner.”
My plan was simple. Create a hard-light rendering of the map, and all of the atlases I had. That was the easiest part, and it only took me until dinner to get that done. After I got some good food in me, I could tackle the tricky part.
Imagine watching a movie, and you have one picture of one frame from that movie. You can pause and rewind as much as you like, and the idea was to match that exact same frame from the exact scene it was from, only I was doing it with a map of the stars. Since I knew how far back I needed to ‘rewind’ them, it was a matter of using a hologram-style spell inside my room to find the geographic location on the map of the country. That was the hard part. With some of the necessary information missing, I couldn’t fully guarantee the accuracy of the end result.
I placed the big map on the floor, and fired a beam of magic at it. The entire floor was covered in a 2D map of Equestria, and then I just needed to-
knock knock knock
Oh goodie, more interruptions. I magicked the door open, and Veloce walked in.
“Hello, Princess, I just came - Oohhhhh, pretty. What are you doing?” she said, staring at the floor
“You have news for me?”
“Yup! Daddy said he needed a couple days to do some recon to. After that, I introduced him to Comet, because he wanted to evaluate the level of the castle’s security against dragons.”
My second pleasant surprise for the day. “Good job, Velo.”
She blinked, taken aback. “So… you’re not going to tell me what I should or shouldn't have done, that I’m supposed to go through you first?”
“Nope. I was probably going to tell you to do something along the lines of what you said anyway. You took the initiative and made that decision for yourself. Your job is using the resources available to you to do your job without always having to go through me.” I then grinned widely and said, “Because of that, I was able to afford the time to work on this spell. Wanna see?”
“Sure!”
My time to shine. And show off a little bit. “Alright, come stand next to me.”
Veloce walked right through the projection of the map over to me. “So, what are you doing exactly?”
I showed her the old, beaten up scroll, fired some magic at it, then, in conjunction with the rest of the maps from the star atlases, I fired a different beam at the roof. From the centrepoint, a purply-black shadow covered the room from top to bottom, even the floor. In the dark space, it was just me, Velo, the floor map of Equestria, and…
“Wow…” Velo breathed.
The stars of the night sky right above our heads.
“What is this?” she said.
“This is what the stars look like right now.” I lit my horn and the stars shifted. “And that was last week…” I did it again. “...that’s last month. Okay, looks like it works right.”
“And the answer to my question…?”
My horn grew brighter, and the stars began to streak across overhead. “Just watch. One year… Two years… Five years… Ten… Aaannnndd, that’s twenty!”
“What happened twenty years ago?”
“That is about the time Nebula’s earliest memories got sealed off. So now I just need to…” I materialised the rendering of the old scroll, holes and all, then floated it up to the ceiling. From there, all I needed to do was just slowly backtrack until I could find a match with the scroll.
Velo, looking on, said, “If that is… Then…”
“What do you notice?” I said.
“My dad would use the stars to navigate on long trips. The north star is missing on the little map.”
That was a very conflicting moment for me. “I’m ashamed to say I overlooked the simplest of details...” With that tidbit, I made the fix, and focused my magic until the north star was overhead.
“Centralised… Loading… One, two… Four, and there!” One by one, the stars blinked to match the map, and at the same time, I was able to fully reconstruct the scroll with the surrounding stars.
“March 22nd, 185AU.” I said. With one final touch, A pinprick of light popped up on the map of Equestria.
“So the marker is outside the crater’s rim, a little over a week away from Mercy,” Velo said. “Seems to fit with the rumours I”ve heard.”
I stared at the map owlishly. “I don’t understand. This was supposed to show the original location from which Nebula teleported, not where she ended up.”
“Try it again?”
I did, with the same result.
“Maybe you’ve got something wrong? Nebula wound up in Mercy twenty years ago, sure, but where was she before that?”
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out. I can only go back twenty years because that’s when her memories got sealed off, and pointless to go back even further. Twenty years from when she arrives in Mercy puts her at the present day.”
Velo kept looking at the map. “Something doesn’t feel right, but I can’t put my not-hoof on it. Anyway, what if you’ve got it back to front?” she continued. “I mean, Nebula told you what happened twenty years ago from her perspective.”
That came out of left field. “You mean that to say that, it could’ve happened twenty years from now?”
“I know it sounds ridiculous, but-”
“It is, but I’ll humour you. Let’s see what happens. Reversing spell… Calculating star positions from known patterns… 225AU, same date.” I looked at the map.
“Wait, what?” That couldn’t be right. I had it back to front. “What is this nonsense?”
“I… I’m just as confused as you are, Luna.”
The map marker showed the Frozen North as Nebula’s point of origin. “How the actual hell did she go from the Frozen North twenty years from now, to inside the caldera twenty years ago?”
“I… I don’t even know what to say...” Velo breathed.
“I did everything right, but something still went wrong...” I dropped the spell and erased all the projections.
“Maybe you just-”
“I did everything I could with everything I have at my disposal, and it still wasn’t good enough. Damn it!”
“What if-”
“We could play the ‘What If Game’ all sodding day, and it still won’t do us any good. Someone out there-”
“Princess!” Veloce said. “Put a sock in it!”
That made me stop and look at her. “Did… did you just tell me to shut up?”
“Yes…. Well, sorta. Listen, maps can be changed, and the stars can change position. Maybe your magic got the position just ever so slightly wrong, who knows? You’ve got most of the information right in front of you, but I’m confident to say you’re looking at it out of order.”
I sighed and rubbed my temple. “Sorry for shouting. I just-”
“It’s fine. Everypony gets frustrated. You just need to cool off and look at it in a different way.”
“You’re probably right, Velo.”
“If I were you, I’d be grateful that Nebula and the baby are okay.”
“Heh, funny. Celestia said the same thing. And don’t get me wrong, I genuinely am thankful, but I’m just beyond confused as to what the hell is going on with her. Nebula is literally missing eighteen years of her life.”
The thestral looked off to the side and rubbed the back of her neck. “Luna, if it’s not inappropriate, could I invite you out with some others? We’re planning on going to the next town over and have a drink. I mean, you don’t have to drink, I just thought-”
“It is a little bit, but I can’t blame you for asking. I could use some down time, truth be told.”
“Ah, heh… Perhaps something a little more appropriate?”
“What might that be?”
Veloce jumped forward and hugged me, just like she did with her dad. She was really soft and that made her super huggable, so I returned the gesture.
“Better?” she said, smiling.
“Much,” I said, sighing with a bit of relief.
“Alright, you wait here and I’ll go grab the others.” When Velo was half way out the door, she turned and said, “You know, I always wanted to hug the Princess Luna!”
“Just hurry up and go get everyone so we can get smashed already.”
She walked off laughing up and down the hall.
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Glad to have you back!
One editing error I noticed: the arrival and introduction of Gilleasbuig and crew is present in both this and the previous chapter with some alterations. I assume you wanted to shuffle events around for story reasons during the revision and forgot to remove it from the old chapter?
Glad this is back! It's been a while, though, so can I get like a quick recap of what the heck happened before this chapter?
glad you're back boyo. Something's buggin me tho. Time magic be ahoof. This is just a thought but, Radiant is her child. Self-fulfilling paradoxes. Other than that, nothing immediately jumps out.
10121284
I had to split up information between chapters 21 and 22, and forgot to remove that scene from the most recent chapter.
I'll go right ahead and fix it.
10121642
Radiant is not Nebula's kid hehe
10121284
I applied a remedial fix to both chapters, simply involving moving info from one to the other. If you don't mind going back through and letting me know if it is consistent, I'd be most appreciative. I'm not Greenback wants to do another review with the amount of stuff of mine he's been looking at lately hehe.
10122023
You forgot to remove the part about ice dragon ashe from chapter 21:
Everything else looks good.
10122184
Note to self: Dont do revisions and post chapters while stoned
Hey there! Just found this fic and read through it in a couple days. It's fairly enjoyable overall (enjoyable enough to upvote overall), but I feel like there's a significant amount of flaws, particularly when it comes to worldbuilding. Is it okay if I write out a few things that I found frustrating?
This story has a pretty slow-moving plot, but it’s enjoyable. I can’t wait to see the reasons for the Celestia/Luna confrontation.
10124714
I'd love to hear about you feedback! Though, the only thing I'd like you to keep in mind is that the story takes place fifteen centuries before the events of Season 1. Landmarks, as well as certain cities and towns from the show don't, or won't exist for a good long while.
10125116
Yeah I'm aware of the time difference
Okay so in general I feel the fic is rather lacking in worldbuilding. We don't seem to get any explanation of various weird stuff that Catherine should find weird and fascinating as an outsider. How do ponies live in these times? How does magic work? How do the various races deal with each other? Why are lands across the border unexplored? What religious beliefs to locals have, if any? What's the political system, actually, for example, what do nobles even do? I don't know if you have the answers to these questions, but it seems that either Kate doesn't really care to find out, which is rather strange considering her (planned) year-long co-ruling stint, or she does, but that never filters to the readers. Obviously you don't have to answer everything at once, but there's so few answers in here that it's hard to think of this iteration of Equestria as a real place and not an abyss that Kate, Celestia, and a few other characters hover around in. And of the things that were established, some seemingly make little sense.
Then there's some peculiarities in how characters react to matters, or how seemingly unavoidable consequences fail to happen.
This is in general, here's a few concrete examples that I thought were handled poorly:
- the technology/magic development level here is unclear, but it seems to be minimally different from the show. The most notable difference seems to be the lack of trains. Considering "modern-style" bathrooms, or that Boreas was able to follow Kate's explanation of blood particle levels (which indicates not only that ponies know that blood particles and carbon dioxide exist, but that the teachers in "etiquette school" saw fit to teach her that so it must be very widespread), it seems that it's all actually fairly close to modern, which implies that technology (and magic!) essentially stagnated for 1500 years, which just seems extremely unlikely
- the whole Challenge of Kingdoms is a very silly idea that I can't believe any sane ruler would have ever agreed to, as it essentially guarantees that as soon as a ruler emerges that is both ambitious and a talented duelist, that ruler will swiftly conquer all signatory countries. Frankly, it's very weird that Celestia hasn't done exactly that yet. It's basically free land and subjects with how powerful she is.
- Kate's reaction to finding out about the Kingdom of Clouds is... essentially nonexistent. Equestria seems rather egalitarian, and Kate comes from a modern first world country. Upon finding out that all females in that kingdom are relegated to sexual slavery, and that consequently their whole noble class is a bunch of slavers and rapists, not to mention that their ruler came to challenge her personally and promised to add her to his harem, I believe most modern women would be A) horrified, and B) looking to cosplay Daeneris in Meereen (i.e. "Kill the masters!")
-- subpoint 1: this situation has existed for a while. Equestria is egalitarian and friendly. Kingdom of Clouds is oppressive and horrible. Pegasi can fly. How has Boreas's situation not been happening hundreds or thousands of times a year, all the time? Or has Celestia been turning all such refugees over to their masters? It's strange this is never addressed.
-- subpoint 2: how is it that almost everyone in Kingdom of Clouds is so fine with this situation, which has been their culture for decades or centuries, just ending immediately? In fact, how do we know that they are? Did anyone even as much as leave a trusted governor (and a whole bunch of guards) in place to oversee the transition? Kate sorta just left. It should be a massive culture shock for both Equestrian and former KoC ponies, yet again, this isn't even really acknowledged
10125185
Ok, wow. I didn't expect this much of an in-depth critique. I'll unpack everything and try to answer all your concerns bit by bit.
I'm not really sure what kind of an answer to give here, the question seems a bit vague.
Newtons first law of thermodynamics states that energy cannot be created or destroyed within an isolated system. So the fact that 'magic' exists, more specifically what I refer to as 'mana', would be a type of energy. So to ask where something like that comes from on a planet like what Equestria is, I honestly can't answer, and not for a lack of trying either. Since energy can only be converted from one state to another, where would mana come from to begin with? How did it get like that? Unless that kind of a question becomes relevant to the story, I don't really plan on expending resources to create some kind of in-depth explanation. For now, it is what is is, just the way it has been in the show and other stories.
By way of example, it took humanity 200,000 years to fully chart and mostly explore Earth. Considering that it's only been just shy of 300 years since Unification, there is still lots of exploring to be done. Some places I will touch on in the story, some I will not. It really depends on what becomes relevant later on in the writing process.
Take take a look at the history of Earth and apply the same thing. People will kill each other over petty squabbles, some will isolate themselves, others will co-mingle, interbreed, and so on and so forth. Ares is a ram/pegasus hybrid, so consider that.
I will touch on this at a later date.
It's all rather anachronistic at this stage. Indoor plumbing is a rarity in the story, but Kate hasn't used any other bathrooms other than her own. To help illustrate my point, I call gunpowder 'blasting sand' (or whatever) because onies would have no idea what a gun even is. Sure, a cannon is a gun and ponies have cannons, but it's not the same concept to the ponies. Technology, magic, or even magi-tech, is a constantly changing process, and will change as the story progresses.
My thought process on the topic was "How can Kate gain authority over the Kingdom of Clouds?" War? Writing a war would take up too much time, on both parts of the reader and myself, and felt completely unnecessary. I felt as though keeping it simple would be the most effective way to do it. But to address your concern with Celestia in that regard, sure she could do exactly that, but the whole concept of the Challenge is to settle disputes. You got something I want, I got something you want. Duel for it. It's just that simple.
I'd call her reaction 'unsurprised' above anything. There comes a point that some stuff doesn't really cause you surprise. I'm not entirely sure how to properly answer that.
Saying the Kingdom of Clouds is opressive and horrible isn't wrong, but it depends who you ask. Ask someone who benefits from the system, and you get a positive answer. Ask someone who doesn't, and you get the opposite answer. In any society, there will be people who will support, or despise a ruling body, and those living between those two extremes will likely want to just go about their lives. Not every stallion will take advantage of the system. Not all mares will flee from it. Boreas' case is just one that I've touched on.
This is still ongoing. Some will embrace change proudly, others will not, and will be explored later on down the line. Yes, someone was left in charge, but I haven't gotten around to that yet. At the end of the day, it comes down to how well Kate and Celestia can harmoniously assimilate two cultures.
Couple closing notes. Right now I'm more focused on character development and interaction with world building sprinkled in. Once I've got that down-pat, then I will be moving onto exploratory world building.
At the end of the day, and with a story in its infancy, there is only so many answers I can give and things I can say, mainly because I'm planning this story piece by piece.
It comes down to the suspension of disbelief, and how long I can maintain that suspension while keeping the audience entertained.
I hope I did alright in answering your questions.
10125783
I believe you misunderstood the point of the questions I presented about the world: the point wasn't for you to answer them for me in the comments (where most readers won't see them anyway), I didn't actually particularly want you to do that, sorry if I didn't communicate that clearly. The point is that these kinds of questions should be something that Kate would likely be interested in, and they are something that I believe is needed for context to get a sense for the world the story takes place in, so they should be answered in-story. Not necessarily absolutely all of them (for example, it's fine to keep magic vague unless the story intends to delve deep into magic study and casters, how they differ, etc.), and definitely not all at once, but slowly over time would be good. For instance, when you say that "People will kill each other over petty squabbles, some will isolate themselves, others will co-mingle, interbreed, and so on and so forth", then it would be good to see that in the story. And yes, I have considered Ares, what I'm saying is that there doesn't seem to be enough of that for what seems should be very important from Kate's perspective as both outsider and ruler of the land.
Also
Well it's not like they have those in "modern" times, so that's not actually any different
I feel like with pegasi it should be fairly easy to explore a lot farther than you're settling to prevent any unwanted suprises like sudden hostile empires and whatnot. Also, exiling is a bit of a weird punishment if you don't know anything about the places you're exiling those folks to. Can they even survive out there? If no, then exiling is essentially a drawn out execution. (Also, while we're at it, you gotta wonder how the griffons feel about pony exiles being dumped into their territory).
That's exactly my point though. It only takes one ruler in 200 years to go "you have land and subjects I want. Let's duel for them". If the challenge requires some additional dispute beyond that, then it's not hard to come up with or manufacture one if you really want to. Even if Celestia in particular would not do it for whatever reason, surely the various pony state leaders would have seen the near-certain likelihood of such an event occurring?
I mean as I said, it doesn't really make sense from an in-universe perspective. It's not something that is a dealbreaker (for me, anyway), but in general writing something that doesn't make sense just because it's easier to write isn't a recipe for good writing. If you're unwilling to write about such things, then it's probably best to avoid situations that set them up in the first place.
I feel there's a difference between not being surprised, and not being outraged. For example, suppose Kate runs into Changelings later in the story - it will be perfectly fine for her to be fairly unsurprised, going "oh, insectoid bug creatures that can change how they look and feed on love? Cool." However, if she also (hypothetically) finds out the changelings kidnapped all her friends and drained them of love until they died, I'd expect a strong emotional reaction. In a similar vein, a kingdom in the clouds and the king of said kingdom having a cool magic staff are neat, but not really surprising. That kingdom being a bunch of slavers and that king coming to claim you, personally, as a sex slave - how does that not warrant much of a reaction?
Personally, if it was me writing Kate finding out about KoC, it would have probably involved her convincing Celestia to launch a surprise attack on them, overwhelming their forces with the Sisters' alicorn magics (and their extremely furious Royal Guard), capturing and summarily executing all the nobles, and then figuring out stuff from there. That, to me, would have been a more likely reaction.
Perhaps not all mares will flee from it, but surely some would have? What's strange to me is how that's never even referenced. If they did flee, what happened to them? If they didn't, why? If Celestia doesn't know, how?
That's perfectly fine, though I do feel there should at least have been a mention of the Sisters leaving so-and-so in charge to oversee the transition.
I mean it mostly works, but as I said I feel you need to sprinkle in a bit more to make it work.
10352349
Holy shit dude, I did not expect this many comments after getting home from work
I'm stoked that you're enjoying it so much, that means a lot!
To address a few points that you brought up:
-Most errors you pointed out have been fixed.
-Fondant potatoes is cutting them into cylinders, browning the ends, and then slowly roasting them in butter and stock. Image.
-Medieval and Mediaeval are both correct terms, the latter of which is used far less commonly, but I still like to use it. I find it... humourous to spell words in alternate ways most people don't think of. Ever heard of a triple contraction? "Who'd've". Quadruple contraction? "Who'd'nt've". Still grammatically correct as far as I'm aware, but you just don't see them anywhere because they look weird.
You'd be glad to know I'm sitting on more art, this time for: Hayseed again, Harvest and Nebula, and the baby, along with the baby by itself.
Thanks for the twenty odd comments bro ahahahah
10352593
Please refer to my earlier comment.
10352654
Yup! There's a region in Scotland called the Highlands. Rocky, mountainous, lotsa caves. Figured it'd be a perfect place for a bat/thestral to hang out.
Fucking... wibbly wobbly timey whimey
Story was great and I cant wait for more
Viry good. Binge read in 2 days, was worth it.
10508581
I was listening to that exact song while writing the chapter eeheheheheeh
10508733
Well, seems we have some similar interest
I never even realize you replied because I was reading
10510309
First off, no cookie because you haven't correctly identified the references. You've drawn some good comparisons between my characters and the characters from Fairy Tail, but that has been it.
To address your question of "Does magic even have mass?" I just want to clarify that there are a couple definitions for 'mass'.
-For one, it's the amount of material that makes up the structure of the object.
-Second, it can refer to a large number of something, i.e, a massive amount of sand is just another way to say "there's a lot of sand" because the larger the quantity, the more mass it has. A massive amount of people, etcetera.
And since mana is a form of energy, like radiation or heat, even chemical energy, it can't occupy an area the same way as sand would, mana does not have mass in that sense.
Saying a spell has reached "critical mass" is meant to say: "There is a large amount of energy confined to an area too small to properly contain it." Think of it like an explosion; an explosion occurs when there is too much chemical/potential/pressure energy from the combustion of a substance like gunpowder in a small space. All that energy has to go somewhere, right? that's when you get a boom. In short, when a spell reaches critical mass, that is the maximum safe level for the containment of mana before it spontaneously detonates and injures the caster/user.
Now, I'm no physicist or scientist, do take what i say with a grain of salt because I don't know how accurate what I'm saying is, but that's besides the point, what i am doing is loosely basing the concept of magic and mana around principles of physics and science to make the use of it feel more grounded to the audience, and less contrived. That is to say that there will be rules to how one type of magic can interact with other type.
I hope that all makes sense!
10510361
And to summarize the rest of how I feel about that, let me show you an incorrectly colored imagine I made last week for a character in a story I plan to do that won't happen for a very, Very long time.
For the first paragraph, all I have to say is,
...
It's saying it's an invalid imagine even tho I'm coping with its image address... Here's a link instead! Just uhh... Ignore the small tiny mistakes and odd-looking muzzle. And pretend she's sitting down so her abnormally long neck looks fine. Too lazy to go in a change the coloration and fix certain things.
If I didn't find the reference, then I like won't as there is so much content from reading and or watching Fairy Tail I'd be dead of old age before I finished. And you know there's going to be even more reading content when the anime is nine seasons.
For everything after the first paragraph, which I was tempped to pop a TLDR(To Long Didn't Read), all I have to say is,
Didn't have to come up an explanation for me, but hey! I'll take it. Even if I already knew it was a metaphor for something else. I've been quite bored today, but it's been nice to have one last chat before I go to sleep. It's 1:42 am for me(Don't ask why I'm up, because my answer will be Fimfiction).
i found this this morning and read it all
Damn... I know siblings may have big age difference but ~100 years?
10913972
The reason why I chose a 98 year age gap between Celestia and Luna is purely because Celestia is the older sister, so why not make her the OLD-er sister hahaha
10510361
I don't like to take up space with long rants when someone might be looking for another comment, so I started making Loops for just such an issue. Half decent replacement for the missing text collapse function in this sites BBC code.
things i have considered since last chapter:
luna might not want to switch back or might be dead already.
they only esitimated the time diffrence but since the time syncs when a window is opened the time diffrence could be diffrent as sinc the syncing can happen then the time diffrence can change too.
the original luna figured out how to open windows into other dimentions so its not out of the question she might have been able to do something to get back to equestria in which case she might have stayed to live with her sister untill her death or gone back to earth to wait.
Its interesting that in the summery Catherine says that its what she did to both celestia and luna that she has to get used to and also questions what luna is doing. my best guess for what Catherine did? when celestia found out about the swap or luna wanted her body back Catherine said no and might have destroyed the way luna could be retrived. if she did this of her own free will or because of corruption such an act is weighing on her it seems and from her not mentioning that its a possiblity that luna could be dead it seems like that is a possibilty she doesnt even want to humor
11037651
I really do love seeing comments like this. Everything you've said I've thought about at some point, but I won't say which points are correct because I like to keep people wondering until such a time as I can address that point. That is to say when I get back around to continuing this story. Just... fuck life lmao.
One point you mentioned about time sync and differentials between both worlds I will clarify. I chose the equivalent, and completely arbitrary base standard of 'one week on Earth is equal to exactly one year in Equestria' and built off of that. Scaled up, '30 Earth years is equal to 1560 years in Equestria' as I put in the description. Scale it down, and you get, 'one hour on Earth is 52 hours in Equestria'. You can continue to do this ad infinitum, but it'll get to the point of being redundant at some stage.
Despite that, when using the mirror portal, time will dilate, as in both times will run in-sync with each other for as long as the portal remains open for the express purpose of continuity, otherwise one person will age significantly faster as they communicate. How long that conversation lasts doesn't matter, it's just my way of keeping things consistant when the portal is open.
11037671
if my guess of the mirror being destoryed turns out true then you could have it so the mirrores even when not open stabelise the time diffrence and when it breaks the time is unstable and if linked back to earth could be a few second ago or even a thousend year in the future. could be a good way to justify it and could even work if the mirror is damaged.
remember to take care of yourself. physical and mental health can effect eachother alot and making sure you are ok in both is more important than getting your chapters done. i look forward to your next chapters but dont worry if it takes a while
11037682
To further clarify, and to briefly entertain the possibility that the mirror were to be damaged, that would not destabilize any kind of time difference. Time would still run their respective courses in the manner I've established.
Also, your kind words really do mean a lot. I still look at Ch23 now and then, but motivation seems to elude me. I'm working on some clop at the moment featuring a couple of OCs, mine and a friend's, and I'm trying to finish it by the end of this month.
11037717
Looking at the mirror as a mere 'bridge', that would be the most reasonable explanation. Though I like to think the 'distance' between realities adds on to the difference in time. Sort of like the area the universe occupies determines the flow of time. *shrug*
11059413
A bridge would make the most sense. Even if a bridge connecting two locations were destroyed, each location can still do its own thing.
11059418
Exactly.
I want more. It's almost too good, the only thing missing is Time Travel for me, that would make this top 5 instead of top 10. (8th place if you were wondering. But I read alot so that says something tbf) Have a wonderful day!
11093748
You'll get more.
Soon.