Chapter Two
[A/N: This will be the shortest chapter as far as I know. Updates will likely happen every 5-7 days, so I hope you enjoy this a little early. And remember: feedback! -TLTD]
CHAPTER TWO
“Spiiiiike!” Twilight called to her dragon assistant, who was busy in the kitchen washing the dishes from supper. A moment later, she heard the water stop, and Spike walked into the common area, wiping his claws on his apron.
“Yeah, Twilight?” He asked, as he watched her stand up, pick up a parchment with her magic, and float it in front of his face, so that he could see it.
“I just discovered a major crisis!”
Spike jumped at that, and panicked as he replied, “Oh no! What is it, Twilight? A Manticore? Zombies? ...a Zombie Manticore?!”
At the prospect of that scenario, his pupils shrunk to pinpricks and he began shaking.
Twilight merely looked at him askance and grumbled, “Oh, Spike. What is it with you and Zombies? Anyway, no, it's worse than that! My compendium of lists for approving our itinerary is missing! Without it, I won't have information I need on destinations that qualify for lists that I've compiled that organize our travel arrangements! This is terrible!”
For his part, Spike just huffed and raised an eyebrow. He was about to return to the kitchen when his cheeks expanded, and fire belched from his mouth, a scroll popping forth.
Twilight was surprised, but caught the scroll in mid-air with her magic. "It's a little late in the evening for a letter from the Princess. I hope it isn't anything serious!"
Opening the scroll, she began to read, and gasped. Without commenting, she continued reading, her eyes growing wider, until Spike, who had been observing the whole time, became impatient and said as much.
“Well?! What is it Twilight?” he exclaimed.
Twilight looked down at Spike, back to the scroll, and back down at Spike again. “The Princess has invited me to attend the Royal Canterlot Symposium on Practical Magic! She clopped her hooves together, “the Princess wants me to speak as an expert on behalf of Canterlot!”
Spike lowered his eyelids “Uh huh.” He said, with a deadpan expression, “so... what does that mean?”
At his pointed question, Twilight beamed, “it means I'm going to meet scientists from all over Equestria as they explore the practical uses for magical knowledge, and I get to sit next to the Princess as her faithful expert!”, at which point, Twilight squee'd and cantered upstairs to pack her bags.
Spike called up to her, “so what am I supposed to do? I don't know anything about all of that sciency stuff!”
He heard her muffled voice from her bedroom, “Well, if you'd like, you could watch the library while I'm gone.”
Hearing this, Spike breathed a sigh of relief. Normally, he liked to go with Twilight on her trips to Canterlot. After all, it was once my home, too, he reasoned, but being around all those stuffy eggheads and snooty statesponies? That isn't for me. By staying in Ponyville, that meant time to himself, more sleep, and, trips to see his beloved Rarity! At this warm and pleasant realization, Spike started floating into the air, carried by an unseen wave of love.
Twilight trotted downstairs with her saddlebags packed and already on her back. She noticed Spike's state of euphoria, and giggled. This snapped Spike out of his daze, and he blushed.
“So”, he said loudly, in an effort to divert her away from his momentary embarrassment, “how are you getting there?”.
Twilight practically pranced in circles as she replied, “Princess Celestia is sending her personal carriage to take me there! It's already on it's way!”.
***
It was around midnight at the Carousel Boutique, but anypony observing the beautiful, stylishly coiffed mare zipping about her chaotically organized inspiration room would be hard pressed to know it. Ever since her encounter with Applejack earlier in the day, Rarity had been designing furiously, determined to blend form and function, to merge two worlds; that of the coutoure gadabout, and the rustic work horse. It was her ambition to make high fashion accessible to the socially lacking. After All, she thought to herself, everypony deserves to look marvelous!
At first, she had difficulties envisioning the type of fashion in which manual labor, and climbing the social ladder, could co-exist peacefully. It had to be something engaging, something festive, yet practical, a garment that could withstand the rigors of day to day manual labor, while also allowing the wearer to utilize it in a social setting without being too "frou frou" as the delightful, and sometimes stubborn, down to earth Applejack had put it.
What properties did it need for balance? How strong should the material be? How would it be worn day to day? These questions, among others, were plaguing Rarity's fashion focused brain and yet it seemed to brook no new answers.
Rarity thought of her friends, and their occupations and hobbies. Firstly, of course, was Applejack. A hard working pony in her own right, she spent most of her waking hours working her family farm. Applebucking, hauling applecarts, mending buildings and fences, which meant carrying tools.
Rarity took notes in her small notepad, making a layout for reinforced seams and pockets. Let's see, she thought to herself, who else? Twilight Sparkle was a bookworm, an intellectual, and a researcher at heart. Aside from a labcoat and goggles, she would need little in the way of protective clothing. Ah! A protective coating that would resist corrosive materials and solvents!
Good, good, Rarity thought as she scribbled this information into her notepad, now we're getting somewhere!
She turned her thoughts to sweet, docile Fluttershy, who spent much of her time tending to her many animals. Were she to wear such clothing, it would have to be rugged, able to withstand direct contact with a myriad of creatures great and small.
The material would have to stand up against claws, teeth, and other animal defenses.
She scribbled that down in her notepad, and thought next of Pinkie Pie, who spent most of her time baking, and being rather random. While she would be unable to totally quantify Pinkie Pie's physical capabilities in relation to the garment, she could focus on her primary duty, that being a baker of treats. Handling steaming, hot baked goods meant interacting with an oven, which meant the possibility of burning oneself, which meant the garment would have to be heat resistant, at least up to the temperature level of an oven, if not a little more for safety.
After scribbling this down, Rarity started to see the function of her new design coming together. She knew that if she could now get form to follow that function, there would be nothing stopping her from achieving her goal of merging two totally different worlds together under one delightfully stylish banner.
She bounced on her hooves for only a moment, allowing herself a free expression of giddiness as she continued scribbling in her notepad, whirls of thought pouring onto the paper. She glanced momentarily at the clock, noting the very late hour. She sighed for only a second, not letting it erode that warm feeling of purpose. Sleep could wait. This was inspiration, it was fabulosity. It was going to be amazing, and it was going to be sheer genius defined. As if it could be anything else.
***
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*A wild first appeared*
Cool story bro.
864918
I hope you enjoy it! :D
865301
Who knows what might happen?
876942
Danke.
Hey you should add proper titles to the chapters to make them more memorable
880334
I considered that, but then figured I would just rather have chapter numbers instead. Maybe in a future work (if this one goes well), I'll step it up a notch. This is, after all, my very first fanfiction. The last time I wrote stories was back in high school, and that was in the late 90s, so I'm more than a bit rusty. It's getting easier as I go, though.
881065 awesome
You need to separate the characters' speeches because you did this for chapter one and this one too. It gets really difficult trying to figure out who is who when their speeches are together in a paragraph. The guy that told you to separate them by paragraphs, he meant that when you start talking like some other pony, you start a new paragraph this way, we know who is talking. Please work on that.
887084
Where did you have the most difficulty understanding the identity of the speaker in Chapter Two? I promise you, it's not a snarky question, I just need to know so I have a good idea of to what you're referring. I took great care this time to make certain the identity of the speaker is clear, and I did break up a number of larger paragraphs to make it easier to see who was speaking, and to whom.
In this chapter, there are only three speakers; Twilight, Spike, and Rarity. Each monologue and dialogue piece is setup in a way that it indicates immediately whom is speaking. For me, the problem is that If I make a new paragraph for each new speaker, I'm going to have one or two sentence paragraphs, which breaks up the flow and readability.
887263 “Spiiiiike!” Twilight called to her dragon assistant, who was busy in the kitchen washing the dishes from supper. A moment later, she heard the water stop, and Spike walked into the common area, wiping his claws on his apron. “Yeah, Twilight?” He asked, as he watched her stand up, pick up a parchment with her magic, and float it in front of his face, so that he could see it. “I just discovered a major crisis!”
Spike jumped at that, and panicked as he replied, “Oh no! What is it, Twilight? A Manticore? Zombies? ...a Zombie Manticore?!” At the prospect of that scenario, his pupils shrunk to pinpricks and he began shaking. Twilight merely looked at him askance and grumbled, “Oh, Spike. What is it with you and Zombies? Anyway, no, it's worse than that! My compendium of lists for approving our itinerary is missing! Without it, I won't have information I need on destinations that qualify for lists that I've compiled that organize our travel arrangements! This is terrible!”
These are just the first two paragraphs, which you have both Twi and Spike speaking in both at the same time. You can tell who is who, but it is misleading when you see them in the same paragraph. It should be more like this:
“Spiiiiike!” Twilight called to her dragon assistant, who was busy in the kitchen washing the dishes from supper. A moment later, she heard the water stop, and Spike walked into the common area, wiping his claws on his apron.
“Yeah, Twilight?” He asked, as he watched her stand up, pick up a parchment with her magic, and float it in front of his face, so that he could see it.
“I just discovered a major crisis!”
Spike jumped at that, and panicked as he replied, “Oh no! What is it, Twilight? A Manticore? Zombies? ...a Zombie Manticore?!” At the prospect of that scenario, his pupils shrunk to pinpricks and he began shaking.
Twilight merely looked at him askance and grumbled, “Oh, Spike. What is it with you and Zombies? Anyway, no, it's worse than that! My compendium of lists for approving our itinerary is missing! Without it, I won't have information I need on destinations that qualify for lists that I've compiled that organize our travel arrangements! This is terrible!”
This is how you are suppose to do it to avoid confusing readers with who says what. You may have them say their names to help, but it can still be found confusing when people read through it too fast. You also have this in your 3rd, 4th, and 6th paragraph.
887263 Also, it doesn't matter if they are one or two sentence paragraphs if they are talking. The point is to show who says what, and to make it easier for readers is by making them have their own sentences. The only really reason you should have long paragraphs is if they are talking a lot, giving story, lecture, etc., or if the narrator is talking about what is happening. Which is why it is not good to rush the story because then you have small paragraphs because you lack detail in the story, which will displease readers when the story ends faster than expected.
Ah, I see what you're saying now. When it comes to descriptive paragraphs or plot points to move the story along, write it normally. When dialogue comes into play, use quick punches instead, like a back and forth. Is that what you mean?
I have reformatted Chapters One and Two. Let me know if it's easier to read, please.
Right now this looks like a Rarijack story. Not to be harsh, but I came for AppleDash, not that crappy ship.
Zombie Manticore?
OK, then 
This basically sums up Twilight's character to a 't.'