My Adventures in Equestria

by Lotus Moon

Entry 9 - Confused Heart

Morning
Dear Azure,

I've never felt this way before. Wait,. maybe I did once...when I found my first crush maybe? No, this is a different feeling from that. I've always felt like something was missing in my life, and last night, I think I found it. Astral Dusk. I can still feel it; his warmth, his soft coat, his strong forearms holding me, his voice in my ears Wait! I can't do this. No, not I can't...I shouldn't do this! I shouldn't feel this way! H-He's a pony...I'm a human...it's wrong. So why is it that when I think of him, I feel like I'm complete? Like everything I've known my whole life, everything I've experienced, would've been right if he were with me? I mean it would've made life a bit more bearable. But let's face facts...we can't be together because of the fact that we're different species. And he probably has a wife. It wouldn't be right. Ugh I feel like this is all frustrating to me...I'm gonna take a walk around the castle and clear my head.

Afternoon

Dear Azure,

Azure, I'm still so confused. A walk around the castle hardly helped. It took a lot of restraint not to go to the Main Hall, but almost every path led me back there. Either that or I was unconsciously walking there. I don't think I can help it. That room is where I found something I feel like I've been missing all my life.

Maybe, I was just born in the wrong world. What would things have been like if I was born here in Equestria? What would my parents have looked like? How would I go about my life to realize my special talent and gotten my Cutie Mark? What would I be doing now had I lived here all my life? I don't know the answers to these questions, but I wish I did. Then again, I guess those questions will be pretty meaningless if and when I return home.

Wait...what am I going to do if I can't return home? What if I'm stuck in Equestria? I mean it wouldn't be so bad. I love it here. But I have family at home. I bet mother is worried and father might be calling around to see where I am. I just realized I haven't heard my phone go off once.
Well it's been dead all this time and I never once bothered to try to charge it...even with my solar power charger. Bet I have dozens of missed texts and calls from my parents, friends, sister, and other family members.

How many days have I been here now? I've been gone so long, mother and father might've called in the police to find me. Posting up MISSING PERSON flyers with my poster everywhere, even in nearby cities. But hey...I've been gone so long...maybe they assume I'm dead. Bet they even held a faux funeral for me too. Said some comforting, teary eyed words, maybe cremated the empty coffin, and moved on with their lives by now. Caring as they tended to seem from time to time, they cared less as I got older.

Evening

Dear Azure,

Well I used my solar charger. Sat out on the balcony for almost two hours (my phone was on by then, I was simply enjoying the view and the breeze). Once my phone came on, I was surprised to find that there were no new messages or texts for me. Granted I probably shouldn’t be surprised since I’m in a completely different world, pretty far outside cell reception. Hard to tell if this is a good or bad though, I mean on the one hand means I don’t have any definitive proof of what’s going on at home. Who knows, maybe it’s like in some sci fi shows where a year here is only like a minute or an hour back home. Maybe they haven’t even noticed….Yet I can’t fight this feeling that they are worried about me and could be searching for me, and I have no way to get back home or tell them the truth. I was surprised to find that there were no new messages or texts for me. Granted I probably shouldn’t...

Even if I do get back home, then what? Mom and Dad treated me like crap most of my life, I had no friends back home and life just kept getting worse, really what am I leaving behind.

You know what...forget it! If I can't go home, I don't care. Equestria isn't a bad place to live. I love it here and it's given me more freedom than I ever had and I’m not giving that up.

Midnight

Dear Azure,

I watched Princess Luna raise the moon and started to wonder if it is out back home too. It's beautiful seeing a goddess raise one of the brightest stars in the sky to give us a gentle light, then decorate the sky with more stars for others to adore. I spent some of the night by Princess Luna's side just chatting, finding out more about her. I told her about how in my world, humans have actually traveled to the moon. It gave her a good laugh.

There were times when she spoke that her dialect mixed and she would bashfully correct herself. Like how she would say we instead of I or us instead of me. She explained that this is how she used to speak before she was banished to the moon...she even told me how her banishment happened.

After hearing it, I honestly can't imagine someone so beautiful and majestic could let her anger, bitterness, and jealousy consume them to such an extent. It just doesn't seem possible.

And while it made me wonder if Princess Celestia also might have a dark side, I would never want to see either of these perfect goddesses become evil. Anyway, I think it's time to stop writing now since I'm going to sleep early. Maybe I'll wake up early enough to see Princess Celestia raise the sun.