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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good chapter. Nice to see the prick beat beat.
also why do the Griffins think their better then the ponies? If I was Alucard I would just shoot them both and get it over with
7915621 No ranged weapons remember
7915864 I meant after the duel
Wow the feels at the end r strong
I really liked the inital premise, but after getting this far and giving it a fair chance, I found the characters to be shallow and unfaithful to the original work (which would be fine if the whole point of fanfiction wasn't to work within an established fantasy - otherwise just write an original piece) and your written word needs work. I don't know how many times you used "are" instead of "our" amongst other things. Maybe you should get a decent editor to run through this.
I'm also surprised at how fast things are moving and I feel like you're missing out some great content by being blunt with the storytelling (like maybe having a slow-building, warm relationship building with Luna instead of just springing it on us) and expecting us to accept a lot of things that seem unreasonable even within the story context. For example, Blueblood commits attempted murder via stabbing in the middle of Canterlot right in front of Princess Luna, yet he recieves no legal punishment or retribution from Luna?
I really wanted this to be something great. I hoped it would be engaging, well-paced and have developed characters engaging in various situations. Maybe another 'subtle' refrence here or there (like the "I killed a demigod" one you used) and you'd have a gold-mine between Hellsing and MLP fans.
The imagination is there, it's just the writing itself that kills this.
8334964
You are correct. The pace is much faster than it should be, and the lack of editing doesn't do it any favors either.
I'm really trying to read this, but its so hard with its poor grammar and fast pacing. It just doesn't flow like it should. Keep going, though, nothing quite like practice to make you better.
I am dead of cute
It take allot then that to kill him
Very nice chapter. Nobels in general should probably get beaten ones in a wile to get them set straight. Im surprised Luna was so linient with this prick...
I hope the Griffons are stupid enough to attack Roy or his new familie. There nation seems to need a change of leadership badly.
Why would the no life king be afraid of a meager prince who's ego is clearly compensating for something.