...Is the grammar supposed to be characteristic of Flurry's age?

8079552
In Flurry's dialogue, yes. But it develops as things move along.

8079579
I meant in the title, actually.

8079639
The requester came up with the title, I think it's kinda comical.

Sometime I count myself lucky that I don't know much about grammar. So that I can enjoy story completly without it bug me...Poor grammar nazi...

8079674
8079639
I will be the first to admit that proper Punctuation is not my strong suit, and every so often a misspell slips by. But I try to make up for that short coming with a well written plot.

8079724

It's alright to me just the way it is now. Since I didn't notice any bad grammat at all.

8079731
Thank you, and I welcome comments regarding my Spelling and Grammar, it only helps me improve myself.

I'm baffled of how this is featured. Not mad, just confused af.

Who can't be when the likes to dislikes is like that & it's foalcon, people tend to hate and dislike that kind of stuff.

8080609
WAIT WAIT!!! This story got FEATURED?!

8080609

this is featured

8080809
It was Featured, but was only Featured for an hour or so.

8080609
Too bad the Featured only lasted an hour or so.

8080819
8080809

WAS featured.

Congratulations dude!

8080822
Second featured story ive gotten so far

8080841

Nice!

Wow, this pops on and off the features lists more often than this morning's toast!

8080908
Just damn lol, I've seen this in the featured section three times already. Is this story just that good? Or is it a slow day?

8080973 Possibly a bit of both, everyone's waiting for the S7 premiere in just over a week. Still, it is surprise to see such a controversial story doing so well, regardless.

8080973
It's either a slow day, or people are currently desperate for smut. Trust me, the story isn't that good. Hell, your title isn't even correct English.

8080973
Well written foalcon doesn't get a vote ratio like that. It's either a slow day or people are desperate, like Dark Shade said.

And since other people have already mentioned the sketchy grammar throughout the story, I won't harp on that. But I'll add to it that the only thing your story has is sex and nothing else. It's completely devoid of anything resembling characterization or plot. Flurry and Shining Armor can have their personalities summed up as "generic child" and "generic stallion". If it weren't for direct mentions of Twilight being family, you could change their names to literally any other characters' and it wouldn't make a difference, that's how little personality they have.

And that lack of personality affects the sex as well. A big part of what makes erotic literature erotic is the characterization. The characters' thoughts, motives, and desires affect what they do, what they say, and how they react, which are all things that help draw readers into the story, which is what actually makes a story like this arousing. And that's also why yours wasn't. The concept itself is fine, but the actual action was so bland it might as well have been about two toasters.

...Actually, the toasters probably would have been sexier.

8081057
8081019
Doesn't really matter anyway. Some stories with literally pure clop with no plot or character development can still be good. If this story was a flop, I would not be getting likes or even be featured. So in a way, I did just good enough. And yes, Foalcon is honestly a hit or miss, I just wanted to read a FlurryxArmor clop that doesn't have Flurry as a futa. Since I found none, this story was made. And I could've added some more personal conglicts, or bigger changes, but that wasn't my intention. My intention for this story was a pure, unadulterated clop that people could read and enjoy.
Honestly, I'm loving all the stings against my Grammatical errors. I enjoy every comment telling me how bad it is. All it serves to do is to make my future chapters better. So with absolute, pure sincerity, I thank you all for your views, opinions, and suggestions.

8081216

Some stories with literally pure clop with no plot or character development can still be good.

Said no actual author ever.

8081216
As long as you're writing what you enjoy and learning through the process, then do what you do, man. I wish you luck.

But seriously, "pure clop" doesn't mean "devoid of character". You can have both pure clop and characters with personality, and you should have both. If the only reason you can tell the story is about Shining Armor and Flurry Heart is because it actually says their names, it's hard to say that you've really written a story about them and not just a generic porn with their names attached to it. Seriously, character is important. I can guarantee that every aspect of your writing will improve dramatically if the characters you're writing about have real, meaningful personalities instead of being just anatomical dolls you're putting through their paces.

I got my start on here as a foalcon editor, and I can say with certainty that the vote ratio on stories like this isn't a coincidence. Yeah, there are people who will automatically downvote foalcon just for existing, but even back when the fandom was still young and people were worried that any kind of sex story would make us look bad there weren't that many people that did that. Even back then the really good ones still went overwhelmingly positive. Overall, people vote on these stories based on the same criteria they use to vote on any other clop story, and in many cases, any other story in general.

8081324
Thank you, and I will take your advice to heart. I only hope readers don't judge my entire worth and skill as a writer based solely off one story out of the many others I have done.

8081323
I see you have a story in progress. It looks interesting, but I wouldn't want to waste my time when I could be reading something by an actual author instead.

8080973
I blame a dearth of foalcon lately. Your fic is solidly okay as foalcon goes; no more no less.

8081590
Oooh, someone got triggered. Thankfully I am an actual author, but I didn't need your view anyway if you spend your time reading poor pedophile stories~

Thank you for saying my story looks interesting though.

8081366
You're willing to take criticism, and by all appearances work to fix mistakes once you realise them, so I don't think you have anything to worry about. The only thing you have to worry about in terms of people writing you off completely are the five or so people who still get bent about the fact that foalcon exists.

Oh, and one last thing that will help your vote ratios. Even if you don't have an editor go over the entire story, get someone to look over your titles and summaries, even if it's just that one kid you know who always gets As in English class. Those two things are the hook that gets people to read your story instead of the ones that are in the list above or below you. They tell the reader what they can expect from your story, so if the first thing they see is a title and summary riddled with errors, they'll often assume that's what they can expect from the story. That's frequently enough to make people either not read it at all, or leave a downvote and not read it at all. So fixing even just that can go a long way to getting you more readers, and cutting down the number of downvotes you get.

what an adorable story! i hope this continues.

8083803
Thank you! I'm kinda hoping the readers who liked the Prequel can swing over and give this story some much needed love It's been a tough ride so far.

This was very satisfying to read.. :3 well done there..

sip approves ^ 0^/)

Though it was near impossible to notice it, Cadance gave a one second death glare to any mare who looked or spoke to Armor. Even after they started dating, Cadance always gave other mares a small, angry look.

Cadence is secretly a Yandere. A restrained one, but a Yandere none the less.

Man, I had a similar situation with my 8yo stepsister when I was 14. I had forgotten my sex ed book out from... "Studying" and she had walked in and started reading it. Much like Flurry she started questioning me about it, asking me things, but after a few moments of hesitation I decided to take the flak for being careless.

Which all I got was a few stern words from our parents followed by a few chuckles. Sadly it seems Shining was not as wise as I was.

8352833
Consume the cum chalice

10157104
Clearly YandereDev disliked it. Surprised much?