The guard was soon gone, and thunder was leading her inside.
Thunder, or a storm is brewing (in her dress)
Was a little worried the wing restriction, for a pegasus who as you said rely for a lot of balance as well as expression, in public might have been a bit much for her but a quiet venue sorted that.
Ok, my complements on this, I'm really enjoying it. Stripe's Loyalty wasn't nearly as good as I think you rushed Dash into the relationship, but your pacing has been much better here, and I'm waiting with baited breath for the next update.
Few mistakes here and there (need a proofreader? Or you could run it through gDocs, they check spelling and word usage automagically), but sound. I do think it would've been funny for Fluttershy to name drop Princess Cadance when asked about the Crystal Empire. Also some explanation of how they got a room at the castle could've been useful, as I doubt the average pony can rent a room there, at least not without being on a long waiting list.
So, what happens next? Have Fluttershy and Twi talked yet? Seems like it would've happened before the date if my timing is right, but doesn't seem to have. Also Dash needs to get back to work, but considering how she was acting at Fluttershy's place, I think that'll be somewhat interesting as she's not the mare she used to be I think. Obviously her, Thunder and Flutters will have to work out how their relationship will work, but I can see them forming a herd whether polygamy is legal or not (I have some thoughts on it in Equestria that might be fun).
So I guess that brings us to Twi, no? I think she's learned her lesson, even if she thinks she's banned for what she did, so Thunder, Dash or Flutters will have to reach out to her. I'm surprised that no one has suggested Rarity as a training sub for her. While I don't think Rarity is all that into mares, she certainly wasn't to embarrassed to prep Softy for delivery. Plus she's quite capable of dealing with Twi if she goes to far again between her magic and her personality, since she could free herself and then tear Twilight a new one.
Long term for Twi, maybe develop a serious relationship with Luna (yes, I love Tuna ships) and a casual one with Celestia? Luna can do her duties from anywhere in Equestria, so she could move to Friendship Castle to be with Mistress Twidark easily enough, visiting Canterlot when Luna's duties require it. Maybe convert some space in the dungeons into a playroom, a throne room for Queen Twidark to rule from her throne with Celestia in a cage, and her pet Luna leashed and collared beside her throne? I'd pay to see that (seriously, what would it cost to make it happen ifn the current commissioner doesn't want to go there?).
8041581 Spelling and word usage? I would love to know where I messed up with those two facets.
Anywho, the term "herd" is one I am a little against: "herd" is a term for a group of horses numbering roughly between 15 and 30. When you have a group of ponies together, it is a string.
As for Twi and Shy's friendship, that is planned for the next story (consisting of Twilight as the dom seeking her own pets to play with). She is dominant, and while I do enjoy fics where Twilight tops Celestia that will not be the aim here. Her eventual partners will be Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst.
The how of Thunderlane's ability to get a private room at the castle will be revealed in the next chapter (in case you hadn't noticed, this story releases once per month).
8041600 I'd have to go back through to find them, some have already been pointed out to you, but they are very rare.
Ah, thanks for that correction, I have heard the term string occasionally in westerns without knowing what it means, so I turned to herd as its more common in MLP fiction. I do agree that string is a better choice.
Ah, interesting choices, I wondered where it'd go with her. Still, my offer to pay for an alternate story that goes where I'd like it to go still stands. I like the idea of Celestia as an occasional playmate rather than a permanent slave/pet. I think Luna would make a better partner, and I can picture her wearing her collar 24/7 and prolly being amused by any stares she gets and the disgust of the nobles. Unlike Celestia, I suspect she doesn't really care what they think, she'll do what she wants and they'll just have to accept that.
Cool. I hadn't noticed the update schedule as I read both this and Stripe's Loyalty over a couple days, mostly on my tablet, and the mobile site doesn't show the date when updated.
8041616 The most common spelling mistakes I make are capitalization on names that are also common words. My biggest problem I have had is with comma-splicing. Been working hard on it, and now I am hitting that a lot less.
As for commissions, I am at my limit right now unfortunately. I have 3 weekly slots and 5 monthly and yeah, they are all taken. Keep an eye on my patreon, though.
8041637 Want a quick second opinion? Usually when I proofread I run it through gDocs and then read it 2 to 3 times. With your stuff, I could prolly get away with one read, so 24 to 36 hour turn around unless I get buried (I work for 2 authors on SOL and 4+ here, though most have been quiet lately, it seems to come in bursts).
Honestly I'm willing to buy a slot for the next round ahead of time ifn you're willing. I've commissioned art, paid up front and waited months... heck, doing that now, I have a piece that's at something like 2 mos and counting as it happens. Doing the same for a story from you? Sure, no problem, my biggest issue really is communication, long as I know I'm not forgotten about (a commissions status page I can check is enough), I'm good with waiting a long, long time.
8041646 Heh. I don't do bursts. I do a constant flood. Generally, 15k words a week (mostly more than that) at a rate of one chapter a day. My "weekly" slots fall on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; my monthly slots are done on weekends, with all remaining time spent on my own projects.
Allowing up to 48hrs would mean I would have to adjust all my writing days forward by two, but I could probably handle that over a weekend. Are you sure you are up for this?
Oh, and I could give you a starter if you like; the first chapter of a new series is written and awaiting art.
Of course, it goes without saying that if you are able to do all this I could probably throw in a monthly slot for you, but I couldn't do it in an existing patrons AU, we would have to start from scratch.
8041684 Whistles, "That is a lot of work, but I'm willing to give it a go, since I haven't seen any real huge problems and would be serving more as a proofreader than an editor."
Nods, "I can understand that about an AU, though perhaps ask permission from them to fork it like I want? I agree, you shouldn't assume they'd be willing to share it, it wouldn't be right, but they might be willing to see it forked for a one off, I for one love to see other people's takes on things, hence loving well written AU fics."
Thunder, or a storm is brewing (in her dress)
Was a little worried the wing restriction, for a pegasus who as you said rely for a lot of balance as well as expression, in public might have been a bit much for her but a quiet venue sorted that.
8040630 Fixed. Thank you!
Ok, my complements on this, I'm really enjoying it. Stripe's Loyalty wasn't nearly as good as I think you rushed Dash into the relationship, but your pacing has been much better here, and I'm waiting with baited breath for the next update.
Few mistakes here and there (need a proofreader? Or you could run it through gDocs, they check spelling and word usage automagically), but sound. I do think it would've been funny for Fluttershy to name drop Princess Cadance when asked about the Crystal Empire. Also some explanation of how they got a room at the castle could've been useful, as I doubt the average pony can rent a room there, at least not without being on a long waiting list.
So, what happens next? Have Fluttershy and Twi talked yet? Seems like it would've happened before the date if my timing is right, but doesn't seem to have. Also Dash needs to get back to work, but considering how she was acting at Fluttershy's place, I think that'll be somewhat interesting as she's not the mare she used to be I think. Obviously her, Thunder and Flutters will have to work out how their relationship will work, but I can see them forming a herd whether polygamy is legal or not (I have some thoughts on it in Equestria that might be fun).
So I guess that brings us to Twi, no? I think she's learned her lesson, even if she thinks she's banned for what she did, so Thunder, Dash or Flutters will have to reach out to her. I'm surprised that no one has suggested Rarity as a training sub for her. While I don't think Rarity is all that into mares, she certainly wasn't to embarrassed to prep Softy for delivery. Plus she's quite capable of dealing with Twi if she goes to far again between her magic and her personality, since she could free herself and then tear Twilight a new one.
Long term for Twi, maybe develop a serious relationship with Luna (yes, I love Tuna ships) and a casual one with Celestia? Luna can do her duties from anywhere in Equestria, so she could move to Friendship Castle to be with Mistress Twidark easily enough, visiting Canterlot when Luna's duties require it. Maybe convert some space in the dungeons into a playroom, a throne room for Queen Twidark to rule from her throne with Celestia in a cage, and her pet Luna leashed and collared beside her throne? I'd pay to see that (seriously, what would it cost to make it happen ifn the current commissioner doesn't want to go there?).
Any how, as I said, looking forward to updates.
8041581 Spelling and word usage? I would love to know where I messed up with those two facets.
Anywho, the term "herd" is one I am a little against: "herd" is a term for a group of horses numbering roughly between 15 and 30. When you have a group of ponies together, it is a string.
As for Twi and Shy's friendship, that is planned for the next story (consisting of Twilight as the dom seeking her own pets to play with). She is dominant, and while I do enjoy fics where Twilight tops Celestia that will not be the aim here. Her eventual partners will be Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst.
The how of Thunderlane's ability to get a private room at the castle will be revealed in the next chapter (in case you hadn't noticed, this story releases once per month).
8041600
I'd have to go back through to find them, some have already been pointed out to you, but they are very rare.
Ah, thanks for that correction, I have heard the term string occasionally in westerns without knowing what it means, so I turned to herd as its more common in MLP fiction. I do agree that string is a better choice.
Ah, interesting choices, I wondered where it'd go with her. Still, my offer to pay for an alternate story that goes where I'd like it to go still stands. I like the idea of Celestia as an occasional playmate rather than a permanent slave/pet. I think Luna would make a better partner, and I can picture her wearing her collar 24/7 and prolly being amused by any stares she gets and the disgust of the nobles. Unlike Celestia, I suspect she doesn't really care what they think, she'll do what she wants and they'll just have to accept that.
Cool. I hadn't noticed the update schedule as I read both this and Stripe's Loyalty over a couple days, mostly on my tablet, and the mobile site doesn't show the date when updated.
8041616 The most common spelling mistakes I make are capitalization on names that are also common words. My biggest problem I have had is with comma-splicing. Been working hard on it, and now I am hitting that a lot less.
As for commissions, I am at my limit right now unfortunately. I have 3 weekly slots and 5 monthly and yeah, they are all taken. Keep an eye on my patreon, though.
8041637
Want a quick second opinion? Usually when I proofread I run it through gDocs and then read it 2 to 3 times. With your stuff, I could prolly get away with one read, so 24 to 36 hour turn around unless I get buried (I work for 2 authors on SOL and 4+ here, though most have been quiet lately, it seems to come in bursts).
Honestly I'm willing to buy a slot for the next round ahead of time ifn you're willing. I've commissioned art, paid up front and waited months... heck, doing that now, I have a piece that's at something like 2 mos and counting as it happens. Doing the same for a story from you? Sure, no problem, my biggest issue really is communication, long as I know I'm not forgotten about (a commissions status page I can check is enough), I'm good with waiting a long, long time.
8041646 Heh. I don't do bursts. I do a constant flood. Generally, 15k words a week (mostly more than that) at a rate of one chapter a day. My "weekly" slots fall on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday; my monthly slots are done on weekends, with all remaining time spent on my own projects.
Allowing up to 48hrs would mean I would have to adjust all my writing days forward by two, but I could probably handle that over a weekend. Are you sure you are up for this?
Oh, and I could give you a starter if you like; the first chapter of a new series is written and awaiting art.
Of course, it goes without saying that if you are able to do all this I could probably throw in a monthly slot for you, but I couldn't do it in an existing patrons AU, we would have to start from scratch.
8041684
Whistles, "That is a lot of work, but I'm willing to give it a go, since I haven't seen any real huge problems and would be serving more as a proofreader than an editor."
Nods, "I can understand that about an AU, though perhaps ask permission from them to fork it like I want? I agree, you shouldn't assume they'd be willing to share it, it wouldn't be right, but they might be willing to see it forked for a one off, I for one love to see other people's takes on things, hence loving well written AU fics."