Jon Lajoie in Ponyville

by Kirb

The Arrival of MC V*****

Jon Lajoie in Ponyville
by Kirb Hysteria
Chapter One
The Arrival of MC Vagina

One fine day in a town in the happy country of Equestria called Ponyville, the ponies in the town were all doing their pony thing, by which I mean the things that ponies normally do in Ponyville on fine days. They went around with their normal, everyday lives, buying stuff at the marketplace, carrying carts, and generally walking through the streets and talking with everyone. Little did they know that their day was about to get a lot stranger...

Twilight Sparkle exited her library on this normal day. She is not what one would call an "everyday, normal pony," only because she schedules her life by the month. Her assistant, Spike, a baby dragon, rode on her back.

"Okay, Spike," said Twilight. "Now what is next on the list?"

"Hmm..." said Spike. "Let's see..."

He began mumbling as every dragon would while reading a list clearly not written in English, but rather, in some other language that these ponies would understand. Not that they didn't speak English, of course they did, they just didn't write in it.

"Well, I--"

Spike was cut off as his eyes suddenly got big and he burped out a letter. No envelope, just a letter, tied up with a ribbon. Twilight stopped walking down the street and horn lit up as she grasped the letter with her magic. Untying the ribbon, she read the letter aloud to Spike.

"My faithful student, I am writing to you today to let you know that a royal guest of honor will be arriving in Ponyville shortly. Upon his arrival, he deserves to be treated with respect. Sincerely, Princess Celestia."

Twilight gasped. "Oh no! Did you hear that, Spike? One of the Princess' royal subjects is arriving today! We have no time! We must get the town prepared! We have to contact the Mayor to get her to make a speech!"

"Uh, Twilight?" said Spike, his voice almost being drowned out over Twilight's frantic blabbering. "I really don't think that's necessary..."

Twilight turned to Spike and took a deep breath in. "You don't think it's necessary? This is a royal guest of honor! Of course it's necessary! How do you know what's necessary and what isn't?"

Spike rolled his eyes and reached out his arm to cover Twilight's mouth with his claw. Then he extended another arm and pointed at the letter.

"Read the last line," he said.

Twlight paused, then did as Spike asked.

"P.S., No need to get the town prepared or anything, this particular subject isn't one who would request that sort of thing. Oh! Phew!"

Twilight breathed out a sigh of relief.

"Silly me! I shouldn't have gotten so worked up over that."

"Hey, Twilight!" came a voice from behind them.

Twilight and Spike turned around to see Rainbow Dash flying towards them.

"Hi Rainbow," said Twilight. "What's going on?"

"I saw something weird as I was flying!" said the Pegasus.

"What happened?"

"Well, I was just flying around, doing my super cool flying tricks, when suddenly I see a flash of something on the ground. I hid behind a cloud to take a closer look, and... it looked like a monster riding another monster!"

"What?"

"Yeah, the bigger of the two, the monster being rided on, looked like a giant red turtle with black legs, only it had no shell. The one riding it looked like a big hairless ape, but it was wearing clothing!"

"Hmm... That is weird. I may have to look that up."

"Or not," interrupted Spike. "Here they come now!"

Twilight turned her head and saw what Rainbow had been talking about.

Driving over the bridge was a red convertible. In the driver's seat was a human male. He had dark brown hair, a little bit of facial hair, and was wearing a red Hawaiian shirt with a black undershirt, green shorts, a green baseball hat turned backwards, and dark sunglasses with red rims. This was not normally a sight to be seen, not as much the colors as they all had bright colors on their manes and coats, but more the fact that humans had never before been seen in Equestria.

As the car parked, the man got out. He was about an entire foot taller than the ponies. All the ponies gasped and surrounded the car and man. Twilight gazed in wild wonder.

"What are you?" she asked.

The man turned his head to look her directly in the eyes.

"I," said the man, "am an everyday normal guy."

"Uh," said Rainbow Dash, "not in this town."

The man looked around at all the ponies.

"You got a problem, bitches?"

Twilight frantically tried to unhear what she had just heard the man say.

"Do you have a name?" she asked.

"Of course I have a name," said the man. "I am MC Vagina."

At this point, one of the ponies passed out. Glancing over in said pony's direction, Twilight hoped he didn't really just say what she thought he had said.

"Do you have an appropriate name?"

"Fine," said the man. "Jon Lajoie is my name, and sex is my game."

Twilight confirmed what she had thought from the moment she had met him: that he was a total pervert and she hated him.
"Um, Jon," began Twilight, "perhaps you could try not to be so... um... crude and... inappropriate around here?"

"No way!" said Jon. At this point he hit a button on a boombox he pulled out of the car earlier. Music started bursting out of its speakers as he continued talking.

"I don't take orders from females!"

Then he started talking to the beat, or rapping:

"Females are stupid and I don't respect them.
That's right; I just have sex with 'em."

At this point, the pony who had passed out earlier had woken up, but after hearing what Jon had just said, passed out again.

Jon grabbed a few more things from his car, that is, his guitar and suitcase, then he picked up the boombox and walked down the road to the hotel, rapping all the way.

"MC Vagina coming through!
Show me your genitals
Your genitals (what!)
Show me your genitals
(Your genitalia!)"

As the sound of the boombox and Jon disappeared, Spike asked, "What the heck is that guy?"

"I don't know," said Rainbow, then, much to Twilight's dismay, "but I think I like him."

Note: This chapter contains references to several Jon Lajoie songs, including:
Everyday Normal Guy
Very Super Famous
Show Me Your Genitals
I Kill People
If you haven't seen them yet, please do so before reading this.

Comments

[PegasYs]

......
...
...
..
...
.......
I love you

[Enigmatic Brony]

Buckin Hillarious man

[Kirb]

880017 As Jon would say, "Love is for girls and gays. If you wanna hang with me, it goes one of two ways: either you have sex with me, or you have sex with me."
880320 Thanks! More to come soon!

[Kill this account]

I know im late and all but that is not a hawiian shirt. trust me

[Kirb]

1443569 And not a single fuck was given that day.

[Paladin Redflare]

I kill people too!

[Kirb]

1704548 25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8z8urF6yV1royhnho1_500.png
I'M A MURDERER!

[Kronos fiery]

[Kronos fiery]