I've seen some things on this site but this is...I'm not even sure.
I have to be honest here. I literally cannot tell if this is a serious attempt or a trollfic. If this is a trollfic, then...okay. If this is a serious attempt...I highly recommend studying the site's writing guide or at the very least, reading some of the excellent fics available here (or some real books would help too). Your grammar needs serious work and your plot has been done ad nauseum. It's actually so far-fetched that I cannot suspend my disbelief, which is essential when writing fiction.
Might wanna try something different to start your writing journey.
He walks in and asks “Is this the residence of Randomfastreader?”
Oh God, not another bad self-insert story...
“Sure, basically you are one of the CHOSEN and you have your choice of any world/land to go to. I also have a list for you of places you may go if you like. And the best part is you can take just about anything you want with you.” “Ok just two questions are vehicles allowed and does equestrian exist?”
And just like that, if it wasn't already before, this story is unsalvageable, because this is Displaced levels of bad.
...okay, what?
I've seen some things on this site but this is...I'm not even sure.
I have to be honest here. I literally cannot tell if this is a serious attempt or a trollfic. If this is a trollfic, then...okay. If this is a serious attempt...I highly recommend studying the site's writing guide or at the very least, reading some of the excellent fics available here (or some real books would help too). Your grammar needs serious work and your plot has been done ad nauseum. It's actually so far-fetched that I cannot suspend my disbelief, which is essential when writing fiction.
Might wanna try something different to start your writing journey.
Oh God, not another bad self-insert story...
And just like that, if it wasn't already before, this story is unsalvageable, because this is Displaced levels of bad.