My Life in Equestria

by Bright_Star

Chapter 1. My life begins

My Life begins

The story I'm going to tell you is a true account that has happened to me. I will span these out for as long as I can remember everything that happened.
My story starts out as a quiet night playing video games and watching some MLP. I was playing a classic RPG that I had beaten a lot and I was going in for more cause I really liked the game. I was at a part when your party rescues.... lets call him a Magician. And he said I get one wish. Now he has a lot of dialogue so I usually just button mash my way past him. But this time it was different. Now normally during old time RPG I name the characters but this time I decide to keep them the same name. I just felt Lazy and didn't want keep clicking buttons. But as I was saying something odd happened that I only remembered till just recently. The Magician said my name. My actual Name not the characters but mine. I didn't notice it at first. Wan't really paying much attention. In till the screen said "Quit Button Mashin and pay Attention"
I frozen when I read this. I clicked the X button again and the screen said" Good, now that I got your attention I think me and you should talk more in person"
Suddenly I felt a tugging sensation and in a blink of an eye I was gona from my room. Standing in front of me was the magician. Now you can imagine how I felt. I thought I was either A. Going insane or B. I was dreaming. But nonetheless i was freaking out. I didn't rea;;y remember saying much but all I know was that he stood there and said nothing. After I had finished my freakout session I just stared at him.
He asked me "You done?"
I nodded my head.
"You're not going insane and your not dreaming. This is really happening"
"But why?" was all I could ask
He smiled at me and he began speaking "Your very odd gamer. my missions are not part of the main storyline nor do they give you anything great but yet you always do them."
I looked at him with a blank stare. Finally I responded "Yeah, but there must be others who do your storyline just cause"
"Well yes. but you do it ALL the time. Every time you make a new game you do my quests, And for that I took a special liking to you"
"But you are a video game character. This isn't possible"
"Yet here we are"
I stared more at him as he gave me a cocky grin like he just won a glorious battle.
"Ok then, why do you want from"
"Nothing. did you not read what I said. I'm here to grant you your wish.
I felt dumbstruck. I got a wish Any wish I waned. And you know what I already know what I wanted.
"Alright then if this is true.... Take me to Equestria."
He smiled at me" I knew you were gonna say that. After the many hours you play the game and watch that show I knew you would choose it."
"Then let's get down to business"
"Whoa there space cowboy there's a catch"
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is that I just can't transport you there in that body and out of nowhere. Those ponies would get mighty suspicious that you know all there names and they never heard of you"
"Then how is this gonna work"
"Simple I'm gonna have you born there"
"Say what?"
"You can choose your name, what kind you are, and a guide line to those mark things
"Cutie Marks"
"Whatever... but you can't control who your born into, or what your exact talent is."
"Okay I'm good with that.. what time will I be born"
"Choose one of the main character and I'll have you sync up with there age... just the year not the month or day"
"Okay... I choose Fluttershy"
"Alright then everything is setup and ready to go..... but there is one more thing"
"What is it?"
"I'm taking your memories"
That took a moment to sink in. I just stood there thinking of that concept my family my friends, everything gone
"Do you have to take them"
Yup"
"Ok" I closed my eyes and thought of all the great times I had with everyone I ever knew a smile came across my face. I would miss them all dearly but I wanted this. I needed this. I looked over at the magician and said "I'm ready"
He nodded and walked over tom me and everything went black

I can't recall my younger foal days. Like most thing we don't remember those days. But I had been born into a good life. Not perfect but good. I was cyan blue Pegasus with neon green hair. My father worked at the cloud factory in Cloudsdale. We made a decent living. My mother stayed home to watch me. There names where Sun Pedal(Mother) and Freezin(Father). My name was Bright Star. And we loved each other. Not like my real parents ever did. And what he said was true i didn't remember a thing. Now back to the story. As I mentioned my father working in Cloudsdale that's where we lived. But we did have a second home in Ponyville(Actually it was my grandmothers but she rarely stayed there. We only stayed there sometime during the summer.)
Now the earliest memory i had was my first day of school. It was on that day I made a life-long friend. Now normally I'm shy around new ponies. I only act like my true self when I knew a pony for long enough. Which only my neighbor (Hot Pursuit) had only seen. He was only 2 years older then me(Oh and I'm 5 at the current moment). But I decided i would go out and make new friends. When I entered the classroom I looked around. Now after thinking back I realized the magician didn't seem to erase everything cause for some reason a certain pony I never saw before but I knew I knew her was there. So i walked up and said
"Hi My name is Bright Star" I said with a smile "What's your name"
She didn't say anything in return she just shuffled her hoof around a muttered something
For some reason I knew I would have to say something for her to realize i was a friend.
I said " I know meeting new ponies is weird, And I'm just some random pony who popped out of nowhere but i have a feeling me and you will be really good friends"
She stared at me for a moment as she took in those words.
M.. My name is Flut.. Fluttershy"
Ah finally a response I thought " Nice to meet you Fluttershy".
After that we took are seats and are teacher began intruding everypony. So for a couple of hours we all sat and did thing pony's do in Kindergarten. When lunch came me and Fluttershy sat on a bench and talked about are family and what we liked to do. I told her I liked going to Wonderbolts shows but i didn't want to join them. i just like how they performed. She didn't really say much just listened.

So that's how most of Kindergarten went. Just me and Fluttershy hanging out at school. It went likes this for a while. During the summer my parents decided we were not going to Ponyville. Which was ok with me cause that meant me a Fluttershy could hangout all summer. And boy was that summer something. Neither me or her could fly great so we mainly just waled around the park by my house. ( As you know where in Equestria so there's no dangers of pony abductors around). Me and her would play tag or hide a seek. Sometimes I would sleepover her house and she would sleepover mine. One time we even saw Princess Celestia. Which was awesome. She even came up tome and Fluttershy and said hello. Fluttershy almost passed out. Ah the were some really fun times and I knew more fun times where ahead.

Well even though this part is short it is all I can remember for now. I put another entry in when I remember more

Comments

[Negatorian07]

There are lots of grammar and spelling errors. Ask someone to edit your stories for you and proof-read it.
and it's not a very original concept you're using. But I wish you good luck.

[Gear Box]

I stopped reading when you used "cause" outside of dialogue. That isn't a real word. You also need to format this correctly with paragraphs.
As Negatorian07 said, the concept isn't very original either, but keep trying!

[csabijoo]

yeah well good luck.

[2dextreem]

Desperately in need of a proofreader. Good luck trying to be unique, you have a LOT of competition.

[dfist45]

its ok, but it needs work. i really like the concept though.

[Patient X]

Please get a proofreader.

[The Poster]

no.....NO NAWP NO NO NAWP!

[k12314]

...

Self insert.
Poor spelling/grammar.
Seems to me like it MAY be wish fulfillment.

Oh lord... Please, for everyone's sake, improve your English skills, and TRY to be original, and for the love of all that is holy, DON'T MAKE YOUR CHARACTER A GARY STU.

[Java Joe]

Imma gonna let you finish, but I feel it's necessary to add some constructive criticism here.

First off, learn to use the spellcheck. Seriously. There are too many spelling mistakes in your work.
Secondly, the wrong words being used for the wrong thing. "Your" & "you're" mean two different things. One implies ownership, the other is a contraction meaning "you are". I'll leave it up to you to figure out the difference.
Thirdly, you need a proofreader. The language used is a little clunky and there are major structural issues. Properly used, language should flow. At the very least, you should read it aloud after writing. Anything that sounds unnatural should be changed.

And finally, this is seriously coming off like a self-insertion fic. You know the kind. Person loves a certain show / book / movie and then totally goes Mary Sue all over the place.

Now for the good parts. So far, I like the idea. It's not necessarily the most original out there but it does show some promise. One thing I will ask is please do us all a favour and don't finish this off by using the cop-out ending of he wakes up at the end of the story and realises it was all a dream. That's story writing 101 that should never be done unless you can completely justify it and the main character learns something from this.