What if Twilight Sparkle was actually the older sibling all this time. Shining might be her 'big' brother now. But what about when he was still her little brother?
Okay, just finished this chapter. All in all, it was pretty hot. However, the progression between sentences and paragraphs are quite jumbled, making this seem rushed. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it and am going to read the rest, but, as it stands, many of the sentences read like self-contained descriptions and actions. In short, it doesn't flow very well.
While this was obviously written to be a silly raunchy fic based on Friendship is Witchcraft's Twilight, a bit more effort could have been put into it. I know you can do better.
Corruption - Check Hornjob - Check Vagainal to horn? That is so niche it's not even funny, but - Check Blowjob - Check Cunnilingus - Check Underage sex - Check Doesn't cover every fetish, but it's got plenty and this is just the second chapter! Oh and pseudo-incest - Check
After several interviews at the orphanage, Night Light was approved for adopting a foal.
"Aaand you're all set. Congratulations, sir," the orphanage director said as she stood to shake Night's hoof.
"Thank you," he said. "My wife will be very excited. We can't wait to surprise our daughter! So how soon until..."
"All the paperwork is done. Your foal should arrive at your address in about seven to ten business days. Unless you'd like the expedited delivery for a nominal fee."
WTF?! Are they adopting a foal or ordering a freakin' package.
Okay, just finished this chapter. All in all, it was pretty hot. However, the progression between sentences and paragraphs are quite jumbled, making this seem rushed. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it and am going to read the rest, but, as it stands, many of the sentences read like self-contained descriptions and actions. In short, it doesn't flow very well.
While this was obviously written to be a silly raunchy fic based on Friendship is Witchcraft's Twilight, a bit more effort could have been put into it. I know you can do better.
Corruption - Check
Hornjob - Check
Vagainal to horn? That is so niche it's not even funny, but - Check
Blowjob - Check
Cunnilingus - Check
Underage sex - Check
Doesn't cover every fetish, but it's got plenty and this is just the second chapter!
Oh and pseudo-incest - Check
This isn't a precursor to Velvet being co-opted into some wild game of hide and seek with a missing submarine is it?
Also; Twilight is weird. And it is most amusing.
Pervy FillyLight.
Gotcha...
Aside from the clop, the author actually did a good job picturing a only child who is also a shut in. Nice job my writing friend!
WTF?! Are they adopting a foal or ordering a freakin' package.
Oh ye gods, Shakes... you actually made Twilight being a sexual predator kinda freaking hilarious
7683825 Yes.
Was that...was that a Hunt For Red October Reference?
Eeyup. I was right. Interesting childhood.
7683825
Night and Velvet ordered a son, Twilight is going to get a package.
Also horn play, an underrated fetish
Its so funny because I can totally see Twilight saying this.