Tale of the Face Puncher

by Magenta Gleam

Fus Ro Shy

Fus Ro Shy

After a long morning of punching my way through the Everfree Forest I found myself stepping of the tree line. Immediately my breathing was interrupted as clouds of dark smoke trailed through the air. “What the fuck is this shit?” I cried out in frustration before punching the air in front of me, clearing it of the offensive gaseous substance.

I looked up into the sky and the smoke was wafting over in great clouds from the mountains in the distance. With a frustrated sigh I looked around and saw that none of the vapid little ponies were around for me to order them to tell me what was causing the smoke. With my avenue of investigation unavailable I did the only thing that made sense; walking to the edge of town and heading off in the direction the smoke was coming from.

Every few metres I was forced to let off one of my amazingly awesome punches to clear the air enough for me to be able to breath without choking. This is probably one of the only times I wish I was one of those damn ponies only because they are so much shorter than me and therefore don’t have to duck under the smoke filling the air.

After a long punch filled walk I found myself at the base of a tall mountain. Looking up I could see that the large cloud were coming from an area very close to the summit. The only problem was that the path up was very steep and even with my awesomeness I couldn’t possibly walk up at such a steep incline. My options limited I did the only thing I could think of; I punched the rock creating a hole perfect for my hands and repeated that process ad nauseum.

With my incredibly intelligent plan I swiftly climbed up the incredibly steep mountain face. About half way up I found myself alighting on a flat surface which I promptly pulled myself up. I looked back down from where I have climbed and reminded myself how badass I was for my great feat of punching ability and endurance. The height didn’t bother me. I was simply far too incredible for something so simple to upset my stone-like will.

I followed the path until I reached a small chasm that I walked over because the stones separating it were super close together. After that I saw a group of ponies travelling along the path I was on. Of course the bloody mane six ponies were here and as usual they were being all spazzy and as expected Yellow Quiet decided she was going to scream in an avalanche area so I like the absolutely boss guy I am sprinted forward and punched all the rocks and dirt before it could hit them.

“What are you doing here?” Purple Smart asked while giving me her usual pathetically weak pony glare.

“Stopping this choking shit because you are all too weak to do it yourself.” I yelled at her before moving behind them all and one by one attaching my fist to their faces with great force, expelling them from the area with such great power and precision that they each were launched all the back to town and through their respective front doors.

With that task done I continued on with my journey.

After a few more minutes and a hard slog up the steep path I found myself facing a large opening in the side of the mountain which the great clouds were coming from. I stepped inside the large cave and soon found myself staring at the sleeping form of an immense red dragon upon a large amount of gold and jewels..

Without another thought I glared at the creature before I opened my mouth and shouted in my incredibly manly voice. “Oi dickhead! Stop this smoking shit! I’m trying to breath over here.”

The Dragon opening one eye before standing up and giving a great big yawn, seemingly ignoring my words. He then lay back down and let out another cloud of smoke, this time directly into my face.

“Ohh you fuckin did not!” I yelled.

I stepped forward and let loose an anger filled punch directly into the dragon’s eye. The eye exploded from the force of my punch and the dragon was flung backwards its large claws grasped to its scale covered face as it roared in pain.

“There! Now get the fuck outa here!”

Instead of following my excellent advice the dragon decided it would be an excellent idea to swipe at me with a claw it had extracted from its face. Insulted that the brute didn’t respect my words again I decided that enough was enough and punched the ground which launched me into the air until I was face to face with the big red creature. With a cool spin in the air I delivered a powerful roundhouse punch to the side of its face. The creature was knocked into the wall of the cave which dislodged a large rock from the ceiling, crushing the disrespectful creature.

I pulled a backpack out of nowhere and collected as much of the dragons horde as I could before I turned around, walked calmly out of the cave and headed off home, safe in the knowledge that I was the toughest, most badass guy in the world.

Comments

[Scholar_of_the_Dream]

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