Tale of the Face Puncher

by Magenta Gleam

Boast Punchers

Boast Punchers

“Ha ha! Ya did it! Growing magic, that's number twenty-five. Twenty-five different types of tricks and counting. And I think this is the best trick so far. Hello, Rarity. What's that? Aw, it's nothin', just my awesome mustache.”

Loud voices woke me up from my precious slumber. I groaned and stood up to glare at the offending creatures that were the cause of my current awakened state.

“Shut the fuck up Purple Smart and Purple Lizard. I’m trying to sleep.” I yelled at the pair.

“No! Just get out of my library.” Purple Smart yelled back.

I laughed at the balls the tiny colorful pony was showing. “You know out of respect for the amount of courage it took to say something like that to ME I won’t punch you this Purple Smart.”

I then walked up and punched the tiny lizard thing hard enough to launch him out of the closed window.

“Hey! Why did you do that?” She cried with a particularly pathetic look on her face.

“I said I wouldn’t punch you. I didn’t say anything about your little slave.” I answered as I moved back to the ever so comfy couch I had taken ownership of.

“Uggghhh I guess I’ll have to go find him again… and he’s not my slave.” She added weakly before leaving me in peace.

“Sure sure Twerklight Sprinkles.” I said to no one in particular before falling back into a dreamless sleep.

Sometime later I woke up and noticed I was still alone. In boredom I decided to get up and take a walk around the town. The sun had just started to set and… there was a giant starry bear standing in the middle of the street roaring at a pony I realised was the Goofy and Pathetic Trixie. She was trying to subdue it by levitating a rope around its claws which it prompt broke. Just like it would probably break her just as easily.

I stepped up to the ‘great beast’ and raised a fist. The star bear took that as a challenge and tried to swing a large claw at me which I blocked with a well timed punch to the striking limb that sent it spinning around rapidly and pushed it back several metres as well as making a sound not unlike a tree branch snapping. The beast sat there holding it’s now very obviously broken arm. I took a step forward and watched as the opponent I had hoped would be at least a match for me took a fearful step back.

Needless to say I was disappointed.

I took another step and it turned and ran as fast as it could on its three remaining working limbs. I raised my arms triumphantly to what I realised was a completely empty street. “What’s the point of fighting an Ursa if no one is around to see how badass I am?” I screamed to the empty street.

As I cried that out a large thumping noise began in the distance which seemed to get closer with each repeat. Several noises past before the ground began to shake with it. Coming towards me was the largest living being I had ever seen. In its paw was the crying form of the Ursa Minor I had soundly defeated.

The beast was large, larger even than the castle I had seen when I punched Celestia and when it saw me standing there it roared loudly.

I think I’m going to be deaf for the next few days. Meh, I’ll just punch my ears better.

Not intimidated at all by the beast that decided it was to be my next opponent I strode forward within punching range of its leg. With one swift punch I broke the creatures thick leg bone causing it to howl and fling its progeny off into the distance while falling to the ground. I immediately followed that up by walking over to its head and landing a second blow that lifted the injured beast from the ground and launched it back the way it had came.

A loud crash in the distance signalled its landing. With both of my opponents completely defeated I walked triumphantly over to a broken caravan on the other side of the wide street. I lifted up a large section of wood and glared at the tiny blue pony that cowered there. “So how is great and powerful now?” I shouted at her.

She looked up at me with wide eyes and gulped before stammering. “Y-You are sir.”

“Good!” I answered before punching her in the face and walking off, laughing as I heard a small grunt of pain echo from the destroyed structure.

Comments

[The Letter J]

He should have punched those bears back into the sky where they belong.

[emerald smoke]

Hey I remember this episode of one punch man

[Scholar_of_the_Dream]

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