Daring Do and the Journey to the Center of the Earth

by insaneponyauthor

Maud v Daring II: Who Wrote the Dogs Out?

silence that lasted several minutes.

“You are surface dwellers?” The Great One finally asked.

“Yes.” Daring Do proudly confirmed, “Is that a problem?”

The Great One closed his eyes and they could hear another rumbling, though this time it echoed through the cylindrical chamber. The ground began to shake violently and Daring Do was beginning to lose her balance. In between vibrations, she tried looking at the pit to see what was coming.

“Look, up there.” Maud said calmly (as if there were any other way she would say something). Daring Do looked up and her jaw dropped. An enormous chimpanzee with equally giant shotguns dropped from the ceiling and landed on the Great One’s back. This newcomer looked almost exactly like Dave, once more confirming Daring Do’s suspicions. The giant chimp pointed its armaments at the ponies.

“We cannot allow the surface world to find the two of us. Never again.” The Great One roared and planted its legs in the ground. “You will not leave this chamber.”

Daring Do smirked, she had faced worse odds. Though she still had a question, “Wait, just let me confirm one thing. Every single creature in this city is either an ankylosaurus or a chimpanzee and, putting aside for now how utterly insane that combination is, they all look exactly the same. Specifically, they all look like you. Why is that?” The Great One just roared again. Daring Do gave a short laugh, “Right then. There are other ways to get the answer I want.” Daring Do turned to Maud, “What was that you were saying about being able to deadlift a boulder? Care to give a demonstration?”

Maud just stared at the Great One, “Sure.”

---

<you will not leave this chamber> the Great One roared, in a silent, telepathic, sort of roar.

Things were not looking good. Here they were, facing with imminent death, and Daring Do was asking some inane anthopology question about the city. Of course it would fall to her to save their bacon, once again. Not that Maud was familiar with bacon. That would be ridiculous.

"Stop! There is no need to kill us so soon! Have you ever seen a pony deadlift a boulder? I do not think you have," said Maud, in what ponies who were very, very, familiar with her would recognize as a shout.

<oh really this should be entertaining>

The Great One seemed interested. Well, that was one step out of the way. Any second spent not dying was a win in Maud's book. Plus, the delay would give the Great One time to cool off. In fact, he seemed to be cooling off already, though it was hard to judge the heat shimmer in the darkness of the great temple chamber.

"This is Boulder. Great One, Boulder. Boulder, Great One. Boulder, you know what to do. Hoopla!"

Boulder went sailing up through the air, almost impossibly fast and vanished into the sky.

<that is not in the least bit impressive that is not a boulder this is a real boulder>

As the Great One spoke, the floor started shaking again and out of the hole in the center of the room flew an immense boulder. It must have been 20, no, 30 feet across. It was composed primarily of basalt, similar to that which streaked the temple walls, but it also contained intriguing traces of tachylite. A fact which was unsurprisingly unappreciated by Daring Do.

"Run!", Daring Do shouted. "This is worse than that one temple with the golden idol!"

Honestly, Daring could be so dense sometimes. Somewhere between pyrite and hematite at the moment, if she was any judge. It's not like I did my rocktorate for nothing. Maud tensed her legs and jumped and kicked, and soon the giant boulder was sailing in an easy arc out of the hole in the ceiling.

<i grow tired of this folly kill them> shouted the Great One, and the giant chimpanzee on his back began to load its shotguns.

---

Gummy's log: Stardate ☆☆☆☆☆.☆

What is life? This mystery increasingly plagues my thoughts of late. Master's soul remains missing. Perhaps the true location is meant to be forever unknowable. After all, who can say what life really is? Is a body whose soul has absconded a mockery of life? Or is it the very exemplar of that which is called life? Our journey has brought us to locales unknown to ponykind.

My companions think that they are making progress because they put one hoof in front of the other. But perhaps this is merely a means for them to delude themselves into ignoring the grim futility of action before the void. Even now, as the end approaches, in a form made physically manifest and unusually salient, they cannot truly comprehend it. Perhaps it would be the greatest irony if it was I who acted in this moment. No, that would be ridiculous.

---

"Gummy! Don't just stand there! Do something"

Gummy blinked, and otherwise remained as motionless as ever.

"Well it was worth a try at least," said Daring Do. "Any other ideas?"

Maud looked around the enormous torchlit chamber. Giant angry monkey, still there. Giant angry lava-dinosaur, still there. Giant hole in the floor, still there. Doors, torches, granite flooring... all the same as the last time she had looked around 1.3 seconds ago.

"We could wait and hope for conditions to improve", she said. "That is a joke, by the way. I am telling you that because I am told that ponies have trouble telling when I am joking."

Suddenly the giant doors burst open!

<mistress towa—> came a familiar voice from the door, only to be interrupted by angry screeching from the giant chimpanzee.

<what did i say about using that name in front of outsiders>, the Great One translated.

<oh sorry your greatness anyway we caught a surface dweller near dog city we think he was trying to time travel through the beach>

Sure enough, Spinae was standing in the doorway, holding an unconscious pony in his mouth. Well that might even the odds if Maud played her cards right. Step one: trick him into spitting out his captive.

"Hey, Spinae. What happened? I thought you were on our side!" shouted Maud in that peculiar manner of shouting which could easily be confused for a monotone by anypony who wasn't familiar with her.

<i am so sorry surface dwellers but this must be done>

Oh right, telekinesis. Must be nice, being able to use telekinesis, Maud thought. Sometimes being an Earth pony really sucked. She wished she could use telekinesis. Being able to talk with her mouth full would be so nice.

<yeah it's awesome> said Gummy

"Wait, you can talk! All this time and you can talk? Why didn't you ever tell me? Did Pinkie know?" asked Maud excitedly.

Gummy just stared silently, as if to say "That would be ridiculous. Also, you still have an angry shotgun toting chimpanzee and a lava-ankylosaurus to worry about."

At that moment, Boulder came back.

---

The drugs were beginning to wear off. Briefs groaned. When he got his hoofs on those Diamond Dogs... actually, where were the Diamond Dogs? It's not like he could have been ambushed and drugged by a completely different underground species he had never heard of before. That would be ridiculous.

On closer inspection, Briefs was currently hanging several feet off the ground. That was a minus. He still had his Time Anklet. two and a half hours worth of anti-tronium left. That was a plus. He appeared to be in the mouth of some sort of lava breathing dinosaur. That was a minus. Skylark was hiding safely in his saddlebags. That was a plus. Out of the corner of his eye, Briefs spotted a familiar tan pegasus. That was a minus minus minus.

"Oh Daring Do. Of course, you'd be behind all this!"

Briefs wriggled as he hung from the lava-breathing ankylosaurus’s mouth. “Skylark!” he shouted to his saddlebag. “Get out here and help!”

Colt Skylark’s head peeked out of the saddlebag. “I’m still hiding,” he said.

“And you’ll be fried if we don’t get out of here!” Briefs replied. He may have been drugged by Diamond Dogs and their nefarious leader, Daring Do, but he was still coherent enough to know that being in the mouth of a lava-breathing dinosaur was not conducive to long term survival.

Daring Do herself was not paying attention to Colt, with running from the ankylosaurus and Maud’s conversation with Gummy to distract her.

However, Boulder finished falling and hit the ankylosaur in the eye. The ankylosaurus stopped running and dropped Briefs, sending the shotgun-wielding, giant chimpanzee flying from its back and into a wall of the cave.

Gummy's log: Stardate ☆☆☆☆☆.*

The collapse of the mountain made of the chimp, dinosaur and two ponies is a demonstration of the inevitable collapse of all semblance of order, stability and progress around us as we struggle to find meaning in this chaotic vortex we call life. Things fall apart, just as my master’s soul has fallen out of her body. Here we wait, for the coming decomposition of our bodies as our atoms spread out into dust whose sole purpose is to irritate the eyes of the next, oblivious generation. Even this momentary respite from the chase is a delusion of safety, here to strike the unprepared.

“Ha!” Daring Do cried, pointing a hoof at Spinae. “Now your chimp friend is out of the way! Now, drop our real friend!”

<but i am your real friend!> Spinae cried. He was still using his telekinesis to talk while holding the unconscious pony in his mouth.

“Our friend!?” Daring cried. “You’re working for her!” She pointed at the Great One.

<you surface dwellers have to understand the glories of mistress towa->

<i told you not to mention that name in front of outsiders!> the Great One interrupted with her telepathic roar.

“Again!” Daring cried, waving a hoof. “Trying to kill us!”

<you just don’t understand the glories of her embrace> Spinae replied.

Then the larger boulder rolled into view and knocked the lava-ankylosaurus and Mistress Towa off the bridge and into the chasm below.

<incompetents!> Mistress Towa yelled as she plunged down to the floor below.

Faced with a blocked door in front of her, Maud rolled her eyes slightly and bucked, shattering the boulder.

Meanwhile, Colt Skylark had been untying Briefs and had just finished. “Aha!” Briefs cried as he jumped to his hooves. As, he still had his Time Anklet and two and a half hours worth of anti-trontium left, this next part should be easy. “You are under arrest, by authority of the Time Police, Daring Do, Queen of the Diamond Dogs!”

However, the noise caused the giant chimpanzee to stir from its stupor, and it snarled, its face contorting into an even angrier expression than before. It loaded its shotgun and took aim at Briefs.

“Angry chimp!” Colt Skylark yelled. “Hide me!” He jumped back into Briefs’s saddlebag.

Briefs’s eyes widened as he turned to face the chip who was busy cocking his shotgun.

He twisted his watch and the anti-trontium reacted with the air, firing a beam of energy which hit the bridge, blowing it up and sending all present flying through the air. A shot from the shotgun fired uselessly off into the distance and all fell onto Mistress Towa’s huge belly, bouncing off onto the ground again.

“Let’s get out of here while they’re dazed!” Daring yelled, grabbing Maud and pulling her along.

<is there really an “out of here” we can get?> Gummy asked. <are we not bound to the mortal coil of this reality with no escape? Is to hope otherwise a mere delusion?>

“Pinkie never told me you were so thought provoking,” Maud commented as they raced along the uneven, stone floor.

“In here!” Daring hissed as she shoved Maud through a crack before entering it herself.

<get the idiot time travelers!> came Mistress Towa’s booming, telepathic message.

“I can’t believe he still thinks it was the Diamond Dogs that drugged him,” Daring grumbled. “And you’d think he’d be over our stupid rivalry by now!”

She turned away from the crack again and saw that Maud was actually smiling.

A glance around showed why. They were in a kind of cavern, filled with spiky, light blue crystals which emitted a gentle glow. Suddenly, a movement caught their eyes and it became apparent that there were creatures made of the crystal shuffling around. They were large, with six, insectoid legs and long, jointed necks which ended in bird-like beaks. They slowly shuffled around and browsed on other crystals, filling the air with crunches.

“They’re beautiful,” said Maud.

“Yes, but they’re not what we’re here for,” said Daring.

<can we really say what we’re here for?> asked Gummy. <are we not marionettes dangling on twisted, broken strings, wobbling for the amusement of an outer force who solely entangle our lives together for their own entertainment?>

“No. We came here for a reason,” Daring insisted, stomping a hoof and crushing some crystal beneath it. “And now we have to get away from that lot and rescue our friend.”

“And we still need to get Pinkie’s soul back,” Maud added.

“And we’re not getting any of that done in here!” Daring growled.

A tiny, crystal creature scuttled over and began to rub itself affectionately against Daring’s leg.

“Look, it likes you,” said Maud. “Why don’t we keep it?”

“Because we’ve already got our hooves full worrying about everything else?” Daring suggested.

* * *

Meanwhile, Mistress Towa and Spinae slunk down a dark passage.

<you are all being incredibly disappointing.> Mistress Towa said. <it’s time i fetched my greatest servant.>

<but i thought i was your greatest servant!> Spinae complained.

<ha!> Mistress Towa laughed. <not even close! Let me introduce you to my greatest cultist.>

She moved a boulder out the way to reveal a bright pink pony in a dark cloak meditating as ivy rapidly grew around her. Her eyes flew open at the intrusion. “What can I do for you, Mistress?” The Cultist asked.

<oh, i have quite the task for you, puddinghead.>

* * *

Colt Skylark, having finally emerged from Briefs’s saddlebag once the pair had put some distance between themselves and the malevolent creatures which had waylaid them, scampered after his colleague through another bend in the tunnel. Visions of making a break for the surface and putting this entire fiasco behind them danced tantalizingly in his head, but it only took a moment’s attention paid to the larger stallion to know that that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

“If Daring Do thinks she can get away with mocking me—mocking the Time Police!—like this...” Brief’s grumbling offered a dissonant counterpoint to their hooffalls on the stone which surrounded them. “...all this time, a disgrace to the archaeological profession… now so much more is at stake and she allies with those gem-crazy mutts… last straw...”

“Um...” Colt had to try one more time to cut their losses. “Is it really worth going after her more at this point? We can always try to apprehend her later. You know, when we don’t have an angry goddess on our tails.”

“You heard them earlier, right?” Briefs snarled. “Not enough that she has to stumble in my way every time there’s some big discovery at hand, but now they’re trying to retrieve somepony’s soul! She’s crossed the line from playing with history to playing with necromancy! Even if we hadn’t gotten this mandate from the Time Police, she has to be dealt with before— before she mucks up the world around her even more! And no goddesses, or goblins, or ghosts are going to—”

Two pale blue lights suddenly blazed in the blackness ahead of them.

* * *

A pale blue light followed swiftly after Daring, Maud and Gummy as they hurried back down the tunnel towards the chasm floor.

Daring glanced back in irritation at the oversized crystalline bug that had followed them from their momentary hiding place where its fellows had nestled. “There is no way we can keep track of this thing while rescuing your sister’s spirit and dealing with that rotund demon!”

“It looks like it can keep track of itself well enough,” observed Maud. “We should be honored it likes us so much.”

“Yes— but— urrrgh!” Daring pushed the thought aside. “I suppose worrying about everything else can wait until we’re sure Briefs and his little buddy are safe. Even with these bizarre ideas he’s got about us being rivals or me siccing the Diamond Dogs on him, we’ve got to look out for our friends.”

If Gummy had something to elucidate, he kept it to himself, his thoughts no longer broadcasting through the little party, as they finally emerged into the chasm—which was now surprisingly empty.

“Now where did that crazy crew go…?”

“Where in-deed-y….”

The cave suddenly seemed even darker than before. The group suddenly shared a sensation of either themselves or reality being horribly off-balance, like that split-second feeling of falling into one’s bed while waking up.

Maud’s eyebrows twitched. “Pinkie...?”

“Sorry, silly fillies, guess again!”

The cavern lit up, in a color that no sane sapient could name. The travelers chilled at the familiar silhouettes, the chimpanzee with its shotgun slung over its shoulder and the giant ankylosaurus (the latter somehow hidden even further in shadow, though not a great degree of menace, by the pink umbrella now tucked into its spines)... but, even though the bulbous “Great One” was surprisingly absent, they chilled even more at the unfamiliar, smaller figure bouncing around in front.

“Seems like no matter when I go, Equestria’s just full of you nasty-wasties trying to rain on everypony’s parade!” The grinning pony was suddenly right in front of them. “And by everypony’s, I mean mine of course! But that’s all right, since Mistress has let me know a way to—how’d she put it—get a better grip on this timeline. ‘Cuz it turns out the reason you nasty-wasties keep pushing me out so easily is, like, I’m already here? Only it’s not really me, and now I’m not anyway ‘cuz the me that is here got pushed out instead, and now you think you’re gonna go get her back except you’re gonna take us there instead and leave Mistress alone!”

The group blinked in unison.

“And just what makes you think we’re about to do anything for you?” Daring snapped. “Are you soft in the head?”

“Nope, I’m Puddinghead! Buuut… if you really think you need a reason, well, Spiny here can help with that!” Puddinghead gestured back at the ankylosaur, and Daring facehoofed as she realized Briefs was back in Spinae’s lava-breathing mouth (presumably with his skittish little friend). Fat lot of good that “Time Anklet” and zappy anti-trontium watch did them, apparently.

<hi again guys!> Spinae broadcasted. <so… maybe we can go get your pink friend’s soul for puddinghead to… do whatever it is she has to do… and then we and the mistress can all get together? maybe play some go? You really do just need to get to know her better>

Dumbstruck and defeated, Daring Do deliberated as she looked at her companions. She jolted as she saw that Maud Pie was already clip-clopping forward, Gummy still perched on her back.

“Pinkie’s a lot tougher than most ponies think,” Maud stated. “I don’t see a problem with sticking together until we find her.” Daring slowly fell in behind her. “But when we do… you’ll have to deal with two Pie sisters to get what you want. You should hope whatever that is doesn’t make her upset.”

Puddinghead only smirked and motored alongside Maud, as the rest of the party fell in and proceeded into the deep.

As the group continued walking through the passageway, Maud had accidentally stepped on a very small pressure plate on the ground. Her and Gummy fell into a pit that appeared right underneath Maud’s feet. Daring flew down after them, but had a hard time seeing as the pit was pitch black. She heard nothing as she flew down. Or at least she thought she was flying down. Hard to tell when you’re falling in pitch blackness. Didn’t help that Maud and Gummy were completely unfazed to the whole ordeal. That is, if they were still there.

After some time, Daring slammed into water hard. The area was lightened up by torches on the wall. “Gummy? Maud?”, she shouted. The little gator paddled up to Daring when he heard his name called. Daring looked around for Maud. Diving her head back under, she saw Maud was sinking towards the bottom. With a big deep breath, Daring darted underwater towards Maud. Maud only blinked as she sunk. Somehow, she was managing to avoid drowning. Daring carried her up to the surface as best as she could. The grey mare made no fuss as Daring dragged her out of the water. Once they were at the top, Daring let go of Maud, who then proceeded to start sinking again. So Daring had to carry the motionless mare to safety.

Thankfully, there was a small platform with a door nearby. Once there, the trio saw that the door led to a long brick hallway, dimly lit by torches. Daring flew up to see if their were any tripwires or pressure plates anywhere in the hall. It looked safe. She landed in the middle of the hallway, activating a miniature pressure plate. Some bricks on the wall slid open and strange, moist sounding croaks came from the holes. Daring slowly looked up at one of the holes and was greeted by an ugly mucus-like frog-creature hopping right towards her. She dodge rolled away from the beast, only to be greeted by several more coming from the holes. Maud rushed towards some and easily smooshed em with her bare hooves, Daring swatted at them with her wings, and Gummy tried whipping them with his tail. The frog beasts were starting to get overwhelming for the trio. Daring grabbed Gummy and Maud and started to rush towards the door at the end of the hall, frog beasts following after them.

As she ran, she activated a trip wire, causing a pedestal to rise smack dab in front of her. Once she was back on her hooves, she saw the pedestal had a mysterious object floating on it. The pedestal had an inscription that read “Rip and tear”. The object turned out to be a chainsaw. She grabbed it with her wings and charged towards the frog beasts. They were bisected easily by the metal tool, turning into green puddles of goo when they landed on the ground. Maud and Gummy continued to fight alongside her. After a few minutes, the mucus frogs had stop coming out of the wall, allowing our heroes to escape to the other end of the hall.

On the other side of the door led to a red desert. Far away in the distance, bats were flying in the air. Giant bats. Daring prepared to rev up the chainsaw as the bats neared. “Stop!”, a voice shouted on top of one of the bats. Daring lowered her weapon and looked up at the source. It was a reptilian stallion. He had the body of a horse but the head and skin of a lizard. “We mean you no harm, ma’am! We’re just exploring the desert. Please, lower your blade.” His voice was loud and screechy, but didn’t sound like he was lying. She begrudgingly put her chainsaw in her bag and flew up to the reptile pony.

“Who are you and what’s with the giant bat?”, she demanded.

“I am David. And these are my pets.”, he motioned his hooves to each of the bats as he recited their names, “This is Joe, Joe Jr., Joseph, Joey, and Josephine. Now I can ask you two questions. Who are you and what are you doing here?”

“I’m Daring Do. And those are Maud Pie and Gummy. We’re looking for the soul of Maud’s sister, Pinkie Pie. Don’t suppose you know anything about searching for souls.”

“Ah… I know how to help with, miss.” He motioned Joe Jr to pick up Maud and Gummy. Once on the bat, David screeched at the top of his lungs, prompting the other bats to screech back and fly away. Daring flew after the group to see where they would lead them. “Tell me about this Pinkie Pie’s soul.”

“I… Don’t know what it looks like.”

“Then tell me what she’s like.”

“Well, she’s pink, obviously. Energetic, bouncy, loud, cra-”

“That’s enough info for me to know about what her soul is like.”, David said, cutting her off, “It might be hard getting the soul, but I know where to get the soul from.” He screeched again, signalling to his bats to dive down. They arrived at a well in the middle of the desert. David jumped into the well and, in a few minutes, launched out of it with a pink soul in his mouth sending him flying to the sky. The soul then started to zip around here and there, dragging poor David along for the ride. Maud trotted in front of them, stopping the soul dead in her tracks. It popped out of David’s mouth and rubbed up against Maud. She hugged the soul back, slightly smiling. “W-Well,”, David got up and dusted himself off, “Glad I could help find the soul. Now we just need to find her body.”, he headed back towards his bats, “Anything else I can help with.”

“We need to rescue two ponies from an Ankylosaurus’ mouth.”, Daring said. David groaned and facehoofed. “What?”

“I might know who you’re talking about.”, he rubbed his temple with a hoof, “But first, we need to find Pinkie’s body. Then we can try and find someway to rescue your friends from that blasted dinosaur’s mouth.” Maud and Gummy hopped back onto Joe Jr while David screeched at his bats, signalling them to start flying again, with Daring following after them.

The group flew over the red sand dunes for what seemed like quite a long while. Though when you have no landmarks to go on except red sand dunes and a stationary artificial sun, it’s easy to lose track of time.

Dear reader, I will make the assumption that you know some things about our intrepid explorers. The thing in particular that will be most relevant to the next part of this story is that our alligator friend Gummy is, unbeknownst to most who would call him friend, quite the philosophical creature. Behind the stoic exterior lies a mind that runs deep in thought. And so, reader, atop an unusually large bat named Joe Jr., watching waves of red sand pass beneath, our Gummy pondered on their journey.

What the alligator pondered was this: The three of them - himself, his caretaker’s sister Maud, and that adventure novel character whose name he could never remember - had stumbled into some amount of misfortune rather frequently as of the last few chapters. (Gummy had subconsciously been recalling their recent adventures as chapters. For some strange and unaccountable reason, it felt appropriate.) Misfortune, in this case, coming in the form of traps. This fact in and of itself was not unusual. After all, they had been exploring quite a number of underground ruins, and in locations such as these, it would be quite unusual to not encounter the odd trap here and there. No, dear reader, it was something else that the alligator had noticed, something connected to the idea while suggesting something completely different.

Now, were it only an ordinary pair of ponies and a small reptile in their group, Gummy would be more concerned about the fact that they were venturing into such inhospitable territory at all. But as it were, one among their number was, by all appearances, a seasoned veteran in the art of subterranean exploration, one who would otherwise be expected to possess the reflexes and skill to evade such sinister snares. And yet it was this very pony that had led them into the traps they had triggered.

If one were to conclude solely from this singular notion, one might be forgiven for thinking that this dashing pegasus had, in fact, fully intended for these traps to be sprung. And yet Gummy knew that this could not be the case. Now, reader, I expect that you are wondering what else the alligator knew, that he could come to this conclusion. The answer is simple: It was the soul of his owner, Pinkie Pie, the disembodied spirit whose body they now sought to find. This pink soul had been spending the last several minutes playfully zipping between everyone, and any good pet knows that their owner can be trusted. And so, as the puff of ectoplasm danced around the head of the pegasus whose name he constantly forgets (a pegasus who, at that point, seemed to be getting more and more irritated by the soul’s antics), he knew that the pegasus could be trusted.

What, then, could explain how they continually stumbled into one trap after another? With the obvious solution seeming more and more unlikely, another slightly less obvious solution came to light. Perhaps the answer was that these traps were not ordinary traps meant to keep out unwanted trespassers. These traps were custom-made, tailored to ensnare a very specific kind of prey. Reader, I will assume that you are very clever, and you do not need me to tell you what this means. But in case you do not, I will tell you. These traps were meant for our heroes.

There is only one question that could follow from such a conclusion: Who was it that laid those traps? Gummy could think of only one person who would be capable of such a thing. Stories of this scoundrel were passed from pony to pony, eventually passed to Pinkie Pie, and so passed to him. I will not tell you his name, but I will be brief in describing him to you. He was a zebra baron with an impossibly constructed airship. Alas, I cannot say more, as our friend Gummy’s pondering ends here, interrupted by a sudden change in movement.

“We’re here!” shouted David as he took his bat mount down, with the other giant bats following behind him. The group touched down in front of two rows of obelisks, suggesting a path that led up to a great stone structure at the end of it.

“Where are we?” asked Daring Do.

“This is the Temple of the Lost.” David jumped down from the giant bat he rode in on, and turned to check on the others. “Most things in the underground that go missing eventually find their way here. Not many are aware of this place, however, so things that do end up here are often lost forever.”

“So what you’re saying is that this temple is basically the underground’s Lost and Found?”

“Yes. I believe we may be able to find your friend’s body somewhere in this place. However, we must be careful not to get ourselves lost in here as well. This has happened to me before, and I was lucky to escape.”

“How did you get out?”

“Joe here has an excellent sense of navigation”, said David, gesturing toward one of the giant bats.

As the group made their way toward the temple, Daring Do paused at each obelisk, examining the carvings on each one. Each set of carvings seemed distinct from pillar to pillar. They seemed to resemble some form of writing, but Daring could not recognize the language if it were. She would have to remember this place. After their journey was over, she wanted to come back here for further study.

Maud, in the meantime, stopped at each obelisk for a different reason. She had her hoof out as she walked, holding a very familiar rock. She did not need to ask Boulder what he thought of each one, for Boulder could read his owner’s blank stare like a book, if books had faces rather than pages. In turn, Boulder did not need to tell Maud how incredibly pompous they all looked with their fancy chiseled physique. Boulder’s posture told Maud everything she needed to know.

As soon as they reached the door to the temple (which, to be honest, was quite a while, as both Daring Do and Maud Pie had taken an inordinate amount of time examining old stone pillars), David turned to the group. “We should stay together when we enter the temple. I do not want any of us to split off and risk getting lost inside.” They stepped through the giant stone doors into a semi-circular chamber, lit by torches. As the last one in the group entered the temple (specifically, the giant bat named Josephine), the giant stone doors abruptly slammed shut behind them. This startled Josephine, who would have gone flying straight through into the passageway before them had David not intercepted her and calmed her down.

“We should have Joe in front to navigate for us”, said David. “And have the soul follow closely beside him to search for the body.”

Maud beckoned to the soul, who immediately floated up to the mare in what was very likely a ghostly tackle-hug. Maud whispered into the ghost’s ear (or ear-analogue) telling her what she needed to know. The soul circled around Joe, who had by now taken point in front of the passageway.

They moved forward into the dim corridor, and the rest followed behind the pair. It became quickly apparent that they were in a proper labyrinth, with walls stretching up to the ceiling to prevent any flying creatures from simply cheating the maze by going over it. But between Joe’s navigation skill and Pinkie’s soul’s Pinkie sense, the body was found in a short amount of time. It was bouncing off the walls (quite literally, in fact), but as the soul floated toward it, the body calmed down, sensing the connection to the spirit. Body and soul merged in the bright blinding flash, and Pinkie was soon restored to her normal self.

“Wow, being a ghostie was fun, but it feels soooo good to be back to normal again!” This time, the pink pony pounced her sister in a very proper tackle-hug. “I missed you, Maud!”

“I missed you too, sis”, said the gray mare with her usual imperceptible smile.

“I’d hate to cut the celebration short,” said Daring Do, “but we may have a problem.” She had made an observation of the people (and creatures) present: Daring Do herself, Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Gummy the baby alligator, David the lizard-horse-thing, and… no giant bats.

David called out into the darkness for his flying companions. “Joe? Joe Jr.? Joseph? Joey? Josephine? Where have you all gone?” Without Joe to guide them, David feared that the now-reduced group could become completely lost in the labyrinth.

———

“Now that the easily excited explorers were completely and utterly batless, they were in a crazy complication of a conundrum! You see, these unusually large and unusually named bats were their only guide throughout the large, lengthy, and leering labyrinth that-”

“PINKIE!”, shouted Daring Do. “Stop. Narrating. We’re already making our way out of here!”

“Heehee!”, giggled the positively pink pony. “Sorry!~”

As Pinkie had mentioned, our group of adventurers had, in fact, lost their bats in the middle of a lost-and-found labyrinth within The Temple of the Lost. To many, this would have served as an incredible obstacle to overcome, leading to a misadventure within an ever-changing maze.

However, there were two issues with that.

One, The Temple of the Lost was really old—and as old things tend to do, it broke. So none of the shifting mechanisms actually shifted anything—they just made spooky noises as they made feeble attempts at performing the task they were meant to do: lose things (and people).

Two, they had Daring Do, a professional explorer that had been in more than her fair share of mazes. It’s because of this that she had learned an ancient and most complicated technique, only taught to the most ambitious of explorers… the technique of sticking to the left wall. This meant that the group spent a lot of time in the labyrinth, which led to the group finding a lot of lost items throughout history.

Sadly, most of what they found were small change, rubber bands, and small toys (much to Pinkie’s enjoyment), which creatures of all kinds tended to lose all of the time. It’s hard to tell why anyone would expect anything less, given that The Temple of the Lost collects all lost items from the underground and not just important ones.

That said, there was one item in particular that stuck out to the group: a small silver crown with a red jewel embedded into the front of it. After all the useless junk that they had encountered beforehand, Daring Do and David were excited to find something worth value (the rest of the members either didn’t care or were already preoccupied with the toys they had found).

“Interesting—we finally found something interesting. But what?” Daring asked to herself.

“Yes! It’s— uh…” David seemed to stop and collect his thoughts before continuing. “I’m not quite sure what it is. Looks pretty though.”

Daring looked at David questioningly, and promptly decided that the labyrinth had finally gotten to his sanity. She really couldn’t blame him.

The group continued onwards and turned a corner into a long hallway—which revealed to them a collection of the most lost item in all of written history. Yes, this hallway contained piles, nay, mountains of...

“SOCKS!?”, the ponies shouted simultaneously (except for Maud—who gave a hearty “socks”). What’s weird is that they were all warm—almost like they were just recently in some sort of heating device.

Continuing on past the sock hallway, the group finally identified the area where they had begun their journey. Now standing at the entrance to the temple (freshly loaded up with toys and socks); the whole group was here: Daring Do, Pinkie Pie, Gummy, Maud, Boulder, David, and… no bats.

Okay, most of the group was here.

David, the lizard-horse thing, began to panic. “Where is Joe? Or Joe Jr.? Or Joseph? Or Joey? Or Josephine? We can’t leave here without them! We can’t!”

Thankfully, bats have amazing hearing abilities. Thanks to David’s screams of woe, the whole of the bats arrived—and they arrived quickly.

Now the gang was all here. Ready to continue on their journey… as soon as the giant stone doors that blocked their entrance opened up. Daring Do began to push against the doors with all her might to no avail.

“Uh, a little help?”

With the force of two ponies (Maud said that boulder was talking to someone and that she wanted to keep him company), a lizard-horse thing, an alligator, and five unusually large bats, the group gave a strong push to finally get those doors open.

They didn’t open. Stone doors can be quite stubborn.

Everyone fell onto the ground—exhausted due to pushing, and exasperated because how on earth were they supposed to get out of there?

Suddenly, they heard the sound of giant stones shifting. When the group looked at the door, they saw Maud standing there, Boulder in hoof.

“Sorry it took so long.” Maud said. “Stone doors can be quite stubborn.”

Daring Do could only stare in shock as the rest of the group moved forward.

“Yipee!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed jubilantly.

David seemed to mutter a “thank Celestia”, as all of the bats squeaked excitedly.

“B-but how!? How could that possibly happen?” Daring Do shouted.

“Boulder talked to the stone doors for us, silly!” replied the peppy pink pony.

“That’s not what I— that’s not how it— bah whatever!” exclaimed a frustrated Daring Do as she facehoofed.

They walked out of the temple, following the path that the two rows of obelisks laid out for them.

Now that things had settled down, the most philosophical creature within the group had begun to turn the wheels deep inside his head once more. Gummy the alligator thought to himself on the abnormal amount of traps that they have encountered. While it is very true that they’re bound to attract this sort of trouble given the areas that they explored, the fact that the traps were almost tailor-made to stop these travelers in their tracks was alarming—and there was only one creature who was capable of such a feat.

Gummy’s insight ends here, however, as our adventurers reach the end of the path of monoliths.

“Alright, David, let’s ride these bats and continue onward with our perilous plight!” Pinkie said with a cartwheel.

“‘Fraid I can’t do that.” replied David.

“Wait, why?” asked a very concerned Daring Do, as Joe, Joe Jr., Joseph, Joey, and Josephine surrounded her, Pinkie, Gummy, Maud, and Boulder.

“I’ve got a job to do—it involves getting that crown and stopping you guys.” the lizard-horse being stated bluntly.

The noises of whirring fans and steam bellowed out from above as a massive impossibly-constructed airship descended from above.

“Wait, what!? I thought we were here to save Pinkie! I thought you were with us as our comrade!” Daring Do shouted angrily.

“The fact that the pink one’s body was here was a happy coincidence. It made it easy to get you stuck in that labyrinth and to get me and my bats in there to get the crown.” David continued on. “Yet, you still managed to escape the labyrinth, with the crown no less! It’s impressive that you’ve managed to escape his traps for all this time—until now.”

“Wait, his traps?” the yellow pony inquired confusedly.

“My boss—the zebra baron who’s commanding this ship. You’ll meet him soon enough.”

“We trusted you David! You won’t get away with this!” Daring Do roared angrily, hurt by David’s betrayal.

The five unusually large bats very quickly and easily tied up the group with some rope.

David climbed onto the airship. “Sorry, girl. Nothing personal. I’m only doing business.”

The three ponies, one baby alligator, and one small rock swung slowly back and forth. Beneath them, a large vat of bright green liquid bubbled ominously.

“We’re DOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMEEED!” Pinkie wailed. Right into Daring Do’s ear, as all of them were chained together in one large clump.

“We’re not doomed!” Daring Do grumbled. “I’ve been in way worse situations than this. All things considered, this is honestly a pretty lousy deathtrap. They tried to chain us all up with one chain for some reason, which means wiggling our way free will be trivially easy. The ‘acid’ won’t be much of a problem either because it isn’t. If it were anything dangerous it would’ve burned right through the vat already, and I can smell from here that’s just green Kool-Aid. I doubt it’s even hot. The bubbles are probably coming from an air compressor.”

Pinkie snorted. “I already knew that! I was just trying to get into the mood, you know?”

“Whatever,” Daring Do muttered. “Let’s just get out of here before that lizard-pony and his bat minions come back to do some real damage.”

“Daring Do,” Maud said flatly.

“Who knows what plans his boss might have for that crown we found in the Temple of the Lost!”

“Boulder has something to tell you,”

“Artifacts in Temples like that always have some sort of super-dangerous powers.”

“It’s very important.”

“There’s no telling what they might use its power for!”

“She doesn’t seem to be very focused,” Maud said, this time to Pinkie.

Pinkie shrugged awkwardly, as if there were any non-awkward way to shrug while upside down. “I guess she’s just used to working alone.”

“Have you two been listening to anything I’ve been saying!?” Daring Do interrupted.

“You were saying that we need to escape before the lizard pony comes back with his bat minions and his boss probably has some sort of plan

Comments

[nonamegiven]

This chapter ends in the middle of a dialogue.

Tune in next week for thrilling conclusion of whenever who was talking starts breathing again.

[PresentPerfect]

Dear reader, I will make the assumption that you know some things about our intrepid explorers.

Easily the most misguided assumption in fanfiction history.