The Origins Of Lucky Duck

by Lucky Duck

How It Concluded Part 1

A few months later Mother Goose and this mare got happily married, it just happend kind of suddenly but they were happy. Also withen these months Lucky grew older and started maturing and blossiming into a grown filly a bit more. The mare who was happily married to Mother Goose felt so honoured and happy as she was aloud for her to be called "mommy" aswell as Mother Goose. She was thrilled that Mother Goose would let Lucky know that she was also her mom and could call her it soon. But there was a slight probblem, Lucky still wouldnt speak for her mothers to the point where they both got really worried. On a soft cool night Moother goose was sleeping next to the mare holding her tight, snoring softly as she slept, but the mare was wide awake. She felt bad that Lucky wouln't talk and thought that she couldn't for that matter so, she slowly snuck out of the bed and softly spoke to herself quietly

"This should keep you warm while im going sweetie, I love you so much goosey woosey" the mare said as she wrapped the blanket over Mother Goose and walked down stairs closing the door behind her quietly.

Down there she looked around for awhile untill she got her whooves on a custom quil that was made from and by Mother Goose, as she ripped a feather off of her wing and gave it to the mare as a sign of love and trust. She got this loving gift feather and put it on the table as she looked around some more, she continued to look around the kitchen, living room, and basically everywhere untill she came across some ink and paper. She gathered the supplies and set them all down on the table. She hugged the feather tightly as she cherished it soo much, then gently dipped the bottom of it into the ink. The mare then gently and slowly started writting on the paper for Mother Goose to wake up to, as she didnt want her to be alarmed, the note said;

Hey Goosey,

This may seem a little strange, but please dont be scared, frightened or worried if you wake up and dont find me and your beautiful filly Lucky at the house. I've decided to take her to the doctors to figure out why she wont or even CAN'T talk, the doctor kept saying she will and that it was just a small probblem with the pregnancy. I think it's time I... I mean we, got more answers. I woul'd of woken you up and taken you along, or wait untill later when you were awake to take Lucky but, you just looked so peacefull and cute sleeping. I couldn't ruin your sleep like that. I hope you sleep well Goosey, I love you so much.~

PS. If taking Lucky in the middle of the night and sneaking around your house to take her and write this was a big misstake and makes you hate me, not trust me, n-not l-love me, then im extreamly sorry. I just wanted to hear your daughter say "Mommy" as she looked into your big beautiful eyes. Again sorry.

After writting this message the mare took her quil feather, wiped off the ink and put it back into a safe place to keep holding onto the amazing gift she got from her loving other, Mother Goose. She then tidied up the table by putting the other suplies back then she sighed happily as she layed the note out on the table. Completly noticible if you walked in to the kitchen. From there she quietly walked up the stairs and sofly and slowly opend up Lucky's rooms door. She gently walked in and over to Lucky's crib and went to the dresser beside it, she puck up a bottle of warm milk that was poured hours ago, the bottle keeping it warm as it was like a thermos bottle, she blushed a little as she also grabbed a spare diaper then walked over to Lucky with the things in her whooves.

She slowly set things inside the crib as she leaned forward to pick up Lucky, Lucky was sleeping soundly and quietly in a clean diaper with a blanket covering her. The mare blushed as she took the blanket off of Lucky and revailed her diaper. She softly and gently puck Lucky up into her whooves and giggled as Lucky yawned softly at her, she thought it was cute.

"Shhh shh it's ok Lucky... m-mommys only brining you somewhere to help, it's alrigh..." the mare said softly as she was looking at Lucky, then was cut off by being hugged softly by Lucky, who was barley able to keep her eyes open. The mare blushed a little more and nuzzled Lucky softly.

"D'aaw sweetie, your soo cute, and here drink this... it should keep you hydrated and give you energy for the long walk ahead" the mare spoke softly as she slowly offered the bottle to Lucky, blushing a tiny bit more as she just inserted it into her mouth. Smiling as Lucky slowly drank away at it in the mares hooves.

Comments

[Galactic Raincloud]

Not any merit against you, this simply isn't my type of story, but I'm literally just here because of your short description.

This is about Lucky Duck's Life. How She grew up to be a mute pony who can only say one word that is "Quack" and how shes practically homeless, as she lives in a lake. She lives in a lake alone with some ducks as she hasn't had any contact with ponys.

You need some grammar, bro. This is just my writing style, under no means whatsoever should you feel compelled to take my advice, but try something like this:

This is the story of Lucky Duck. How a young filly grew up practically mute, only being able to say the word "quack". How a young filly came to live in a lake. How a young filly could live all those years with only the ducks for company, never seeing any other ponies like her. Those are the circumstances surrounding Lucky's life. This is her story.

Wish you luck!

[Lucky Duck]

7655883 Hey there! thank you so much for the help, yeah I need to work on my grammar ^^'' and sorry that you werrent interested in the story. Glad the description caught your eye though. Would it be alright if I updated the description with your detailed and better one? I can give you full credit for helping with it, again thank you :)

[OkemosBrony]

As a couple people have already pointed out, you have some surface errors riddled throughout (mostly spelling, grammar, and inconsistent tense). The story itself is also sometimes awkwardly written, not to the point where it's hard to tell what you're saying, but to where the prose a tad clunky.

Not that bad a story overall, it definitely has some issues but doesn't yet seem to have any major flaws. If you can find yourself a good editor, that alone could fix most of what's not going so well in this.

[Lucky Duck]

7656141 Thank you so much for the feedback! it helps alot :) sorry that you had to see those flaws, I hope the actual story wasnt to bad though ^^'', I'll have a look around for an editor, I dont suppose you know where I could find one or look for one? ^^

[Galactic Raincloud]

7655922 Yeah, I'm alright with that!

[OkemosBrony]

7656293
The Proofreader Group has a lot of people willing to help out with this. Read up on how to find a proofreader, what the different levels mean (Expert, Skilled, etc.), and then go through and find one you think you'll like.