My Little Problem

by Sedentary Vagabond

Delicatessens and Bruisers

Delicatessens and Bruisers

After dealing with Derpy unloading her stomach contents in his pocket, Don hurried towards his history class, noting that the he was going to be late. As he walked in he noticed everyone staring at him, and judging by their stares, he was late, or so he thought.

“Ah, Señor Lacson, good of you to join us. I was just about to get started, please, have a seat.” The professor said.

Don scanned the classroom and found that his seat near the back had been taken. He mentally swore and made his way to a desk that was nearer to the front but the middle of class.

“Oh my,” the professor said, “Do I detect a hint of bile in the air?”

Don mentally slapped himself, he was sure he had cleaned out his pocket the best he could. Why did bile have to so potent? He flinched as he felt the cold dampness of his pocket touch his leg. Today was already one of those days.

“Now,” the professor said while looking at a computer, “If we could muster some patience, we can begin lecture as soon as I’ve downloaded my notes.”

It was a full minute while he typed in his login information. There was a brief moment of loading before a message popped up saying that the computer could not reach the network. Completely oblivious to what the message told him, the professor disregarded the prompt and clicked the icon for the internet, only to be met with another “Could not reach the server” message.

“Well, it seems as if I can’t reach my materials.” He said looking at the computer screen. “If only my intern were here, he would know what to do, until then, I’ll just blame all this on demons attacking the school network.”

“Does this mean we don’t have class?” a student asked in a hopeful tone.

The professor laughed, thoroughly amused. “Oh my, of course not! Luckily for you all, I remembered most of what I wanted to talk about today.”

There was a collective sigh from the rest of the students, as the professor began.

“Oh, just so you all know, there will be a test next week, so be sure to review your notes.” He said.

More groans.

“Now, when the Spanish began to push further and further into what is now Texas…”

-

As the lecture continued on, Don felt the inevitable feeling of fatigue slowly begin to take over him as he took notes. His eyelids grew heavy and just like that, he was asleep.

Derpy on the other hand, noticed that Don’s pen wasn’t moving anymore and looked up at him. Her brow furrowed when she saw him asleep at the proverbial wheel and took flight.

“Hey!” She called, “Wake up!”

Nothing.

“Hellooo?”

She continued to try several other audibles trying to wake him up.

“HEY!”

“LOOK!”

“LISTEN!”

“WATCH OUT!”

Her attempts to wake the human were unsuccessful. She rubbed her chin with her hoof as she thought of more ideas before she decided on a last resort.

She flew up to his face before turning around.

“Sorry Don…” she said before putting all of her strength into kicking him in the face.

“Ow! What the fu-“ He nearly yelled before stopping.

Everyone in class stopped and looked at him again.

“Uh, sorry…” He said while looking down at Derpy with a cross face.

She only responded with a smile before sitting down and listening to the lecture again. The rest of the class continued this way; whenever Don fell asleep she responded by kicking him in the face.

Rather than make a scene in the middle of class for the second or third time, he waited till after words to confront her of her method.

-

“What was THAT all about back there?!” He nearly yelled. “I fall asleep and you kick me IN THE FACE?!”

“You said you wanted my help! Plus, I tried to wake you up, but you couldn’t hear me!” She said.

“There has got to be a better way to do this.” He said while sighing in frustration.

“I don’t think so.” She said while landing on her usual spot.

“You have so much confidence in me…” he said sarcastically.

“One of us has too.”

He was about to retort when somebody called out to him,

“Hey man-whoa, what’s with your face? You have a whole bunch of little horseshoe marks on it.” Lewis said as he approached the two.

“Well, uh, I…” Don mumbled

“Oh, I get it, you’re an Indianapolis Colts fan. That’s a good team.” Lewis said.

Don cocked his head in confusion.

“What? You know what? Yeah, let’s go with that, I’m a Colts fan. Yup. Love ‘em.”

Lewis only raised an eyebrow before continuing on,

“Anyways, so how about starting-“

“Yeah, that’s great, but I got another test I gotta study for.” Don said

“Another test? In what class?” Lewis asked.

“Um, History.” Don said after a small pause.

“But didn’t you have a test like that already in that class?” You know, when you had a test, then it got cancelled, but you went to go do it anyways?” asked Lewis.

“Curse you and your good memory”

“Oh, he’s good…”

“Oh, well, yeah, but, that was a…practice…test…” Don said unsuredly.

“A practice test?”

“Yeah, a practice test, and it would…give us some participation points for class...”

“You’re a terrible liar.”

“Hey, I don’t see you giving me ideas, plus he’s totally buying it.”

“I’m not buying it.”

“DAMMIT!”

“Either way, I need to go; gotta go to another class and what not, I’ll see you later.”

Don turned to leave and he could’ve sworn he heard Lewis say “But you don’t have class right now.” But he wasn’t about to look back.

-

The rest of the day mirrored his morning of being repeatedly kicked in the face every time he fell asleep. By the time school was out, Don’s face was littered with tiny horseshoe prints and a massive headache to boot. He was at home when he decided to address her method of keeping him awake again.

“Seriously, this kicking me in the face thing is not helping me at all, at least not my physical health anyways.” He said.

“Well, it’s the only effective thing so far, so unless you have any other ideas, I’m going to keep this up.” She said.

“And completely disregard my well-being?” He asked.

“Well, Marie Curie worked with radioactive materials and she had no idea what they were doing to her, but she did it anyways.”

There was blank expression on Don’s face.

“That has no bearing or justification on you kicking me in the face! You know what, no more books for you!”

-

“So, aren’t you gonna study?” Derpy asked.

Don raised an eyebrow and looked from a magazine he was reading while lying down.

“Study? For what?” He asked.

“For the test next week, didn’t you hear the professor?”

“Oh, that’s not till next week though, it can wait.” He said while waving a hand dismissively.

She flew over and landed on his chest with an angry look.

“I think you should study.”

He looked up at her.

“Or I could study, sure. That sounds like a fantastic idea.” He said while getting up.

-

The two studied for a while; Derpy would have Don read aloud to her and then she’d ask him question about the people and places he read about. This went on for about an hour before she stopped him.

“I think we can take a break now.” She said while getting up from her place on the desk.

“Thank God…” he said while looking at the ceiling.

“Plus, I’m getting hungry.” She said.

“Sure, what do you want? More fruit?” He asked while getting up and heading to the kitchen.

“I want a BLT.” She said after a moment of thought.

“I’m sorry, you want a what? I think I just had something crazy in my ear.” He asked while shaking his head.

“A BLT.” She reiterated, “You do know what a BLT is right?”

“Um, yeah, of course I do, but…you sure you want that?” He asked.

“Yes, I want a BLT.” She said in a huff of frustration.

“Well, okay I guess…if that’s what you really want…” he said while shaking his head and leaving the room.

-

“BLT, why the hell does she want me to make that?! I thought they ate hay, fruit, and stuff; y’know, a standard vegetarian diet.” He thought as he rooted around in his fridge while bringing out a package of bacon.

“I still can’t believe she wants one of these things, but okay, if she says so…”

He went on making the sandwich, still questioning the logic in all of this. Eventually he finished and returned to the room.

“It’s ready.” Don called as he walked down the hallway.

“Oh boy,” Derpy said from the room, “I really love a good Bread, Lettuce and Tomato Sandwich!”

Without missing a beat, he tossed the sandwich off the plate where it landed in a trash can in the bathroom.

“Where’s my sandwich?” She asked when she flew into the hallway.

“Um…it was ruined.” He said.

“What? How?”

“Uh, this guy…named…Hamilton. Something about money and a central bank and a two-party system, I dunno, whatever his deal was, it wasn’t pretty. Ruined everything.” He said.

“Is that even the way that played out?”

“Hush.”

“Well, that wasn’t very nice of him.” She said furrowing her brow.

“Yeah, totally caught me off guard, and trust me, it would’ve been a good sandwich too, no meat whatsoever.”

“What?”

“Anyways, c’mon, I’ll make you another one.” He said while motioning for her to go to the kitchen.

When she was out of sight, he let out a long sight and slid down to the floor.

“Bread, Lettuce, and Tomato…BLT… just…wont somebody just end me already??”

-

The two sat in silence for a while as Derpy ate. While she was munching on one of the world’s smallest sandwiches, Don however, was thinking about something else before he decided to bring it up.

“Can I ask you a question?” He asked.

“Sure, what about?”

He thought for a moment trying to think of a tactful way to bring about the subject, but no ideas coming to mind. Deciding to just out with he moved forward.

“Your eyes, have they always been like that?” He asked.

“Not necessarily.” She said. “I remember being in the hospital for a while back home. I can barely remember what happened since it’s been so long.”

“Do you see any different than a normal…pony would?” He pressed.

“No, I see just fine, it’s just…” she trailed off.

“What?”

“I sometimes have trouble with depth perception, and I tend to… be clumsy because of that.” She said.

“Uhhuh, that’s interesting.” He said.

“But, I also know that I’m treated a little bit differently by the others.” She said looking down.

“Different? What do you mean?”

“They think that just because my eyes are like this, and that I’m clumsy that I’m some sort of…” she stopped while trying to think of a word.

“Invalid?”

“Yeah that.”

The two stared at each other in silence before she spoke up.

“You…you don’t think I’m-“

“What? Handicapped? Of course not! Clumsy yes, but, does that mean I would treat you differently? Of course not. You seem pretty normal to me.”

“Whatever normal is for a three-inch-tall pegasus would be.”

“I know you’re intelligent and that you try your best. You may destroy a couple of things in the process, but at least you try.” He finished.

She looked up at him and smiled.

“Thanks, that’s…the first time that I’ve heard that said in earnest.” She said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s just that, I know the other ponies don’t exactly…like me.” She said.

“What? C’mon, of course they do.” He argued, “I mean, they include you in things and invite you to stuff don’t they?”

“They do, but, I know deep down they do it just to be nice.” She said.

“Wow, that’s surprisingly…astute. Even for her. And the fact that she can see right through them. Who knew?”

There was another lull in the conversation.

“Are you finished?” He asked pointing to her plate.

“Yep, all done.” She beamed.

He grabbed the plate and set them on the counter while making a mental note to take care of that later.

“Don,” She called.

“Hmm?”

“Thanks for accepting a clumsy pony like me.”

There was something in those words that struck him. Sure, he’d been railroaded into making all sorts of friends, but for the first time here was a being that was genuinely grateful for his acceptance. This was something completely new to him.

As the two walked back to the room a thought hit Derpy.

“What happened to your friend Hamilton?” She asked.

There was another awkward silence.

“Umm, he…I threw him out. For good. It’s on paper.”

Comments

[Queen Sinari]

BLT~ bread, lettuce, tomato~ you actually had me completely stumped there. I applaud you good writer.

[Sedentary Vagabond]

9034039
Just when you think I've written myself into a corner; BAM. Sandwich.

[Viper Pit]

you know I would not mind a dream where don is 3 inches tall and derpy is normal sized