My Little Problem

by Sedentary Vagabond

Monotony and Playful Antics

Monotony and Playful Antics

Monday came and it was like every other Monday for Don, wake up, and head to school. He yawned as he walked into the Student Lounge with Derpy in tow.

“I just want a good night’s sleep, is that so much to ask?”

He felt Derpy land in her usual spot and made a quick glance at her. She was looking around taking in the sights and the size of the room. He smirked; her inquisitive nature and blissful ignorance of all the things going on in the world was amusing. In fact, he was a bit jealous in some way.

He came up to one of the cushioned seats and sat down, letting out a sigh as he leaned back.

“You’re free to explore just don’t go too far.” He said, bringing his gaze back to her.

“Okay.” She said and began to fly off.

“And don’t break anything!”

-

He sat for about five minutes in the silence of the union and closed his eyes and relaxed.

“A nap sounds good right about now.”

He was about to nod off when a voice cut into his head,

“Hey man,”

“Sink me…”

“Whoa, look at you with the blue-tooth headset.” Lewis said while sitting down.

“Uh, thanks?” Don said.

“Way to upgrade, but you look like a tool.” Lewis said.

“Gee thanks, that’s just the kind of thing I wanted to hear in the morning.” Don said with stoic face.

“Glad to help.” Lewis said with an amused smile.

-

The rest of the day went by without incident more or less. Don tried his best to stay awake in class, and Derpy either scribbled on paper or listened to what the professors had to say. He wondered at times if she understood at all at what they were talking about since this was higher education, but then again, he knew she was intelligent despite her…short comings.

The ride home was uneventful as well, no random calls from home to send him on errands this time, so there was just a straight drive. He looked over to the passenger seat and saw Derpy laying down on her back and was sound asleep. He smirked again; exploring must have worn her out. It must be interesting to her though, from what he could gather, her world was completely different than his, and seeing how other beings live and operate on a day to day basis must be one hell of an experience.

As the drive came to the end, he came to one conclusion though; for the first time in a long time, he felt content. Sure, there were many crazy moments with Derpy around, but she seemed to liven things up for him and it certainly changed up his routine.

-

“Hey, wake up, we’re home.” Don said giving her a small nudge.

“Huh, what was that?” She asked still addled from her sleep.

“I said we’re home.” He said while grabbing his backpack.

She stretched her wings and took flight to her spot and laid down on her stomach.

“Aren’t you the lethargic one today.” He said.

“I’m still waking up, give me a minute.” She said.

The two went inside and he unceremoniously threw his backpack in a corner. He sat down at his computer and sighed. The day was long and boring, and Lewis talked his ear off about something he couldn’t remember, which he should probably start paying attention more. Over all, he wished he could disappear to an island or someplace else to relax.

As he stared at the black screen, he turned and looked at Derpy who was staring intently at his phone. She approached it and touched one of the buttons. It gave a “beep” that made her recoil with a small yelp. He shook his head and went back to stare at the screen.

“I really wonder why she’s here. I mean, this has to be some kind of mistake or cruel joke the universe is pulling on me.”

His thoughts were interrupted when a voice called out to him,

“Don,” his mom called.

He turned,

“Yeah? What are you doing here so earl-“

“What is THIS?” his mom asked bringing up a small silver package that was no bigger than one and a half inches and thin.

“I pulled this out of your pants pocket when I did the laundry.”

“Nice.”

“NOT NICE. PANIC MODE. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT! IS THAT WHAT I THINK IT IS?! WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING WITH ONE OF THOSE?! WHY WOULD I HAVE ONE OF THOSE?!”

He stared at the silver packet as his mind scrambled for answers.

“I don’t know.” He said.

“Did one of the guys give this to you?” his mom asked.

“One of the guys?? DID one of the guys give it to me? Was it Lewis? WHERE DID I GET THAT?!”

He swallowed hard and began his response,

“I have no idea where I got that I swear.” Don said.He noticed his voice held as much shock as his mom’s did.

“I am so dead, and I still don’t know how I got that.”

“Didn’t even get to use it either.”

“SHUT. UP.”

His mom eyed him suspiciously then looked at the item in question again; deciding that enough was enough and she ripped it open.

“For my eulogy…” he started in his head.

When it was opened, Don went through the five stages of death within the span of three seconds, and it was a full minute before both of them realized she had just opened a moist-towellete packet. He let out a huge sigh of relief and put his head on his desk, while his mom only started laughing at the whole situation.

“Don’t scare me like that!” He nearly shouted.

“How was I supposed to know this was a moist-towellete? It had no logo or anything on it since I had washed it with your pants.” His mom said.

“Now I know where I got that,” he said as he ran a hand over his face.

“It must’ve been when I went to Wing Night with the guys. I probably put that in my pocket and forgot about it.”

“Well, at least we know what this is. I had my suspicions at first considering that I have no idea who you’re talking to all the time and I know you’ve had a girl in here.” His mom said.

“What I’ve never had a girl-“

“Oh please, don’t lie to me, you’re always talking to someone and you scramble every time we ask questions. You know the rules around here.” She said.

“But I don’t-“

“Never mind, and if you insist on breaking our rules, at least give us grandkids with that girl.” She said while waving a hand dismissively and turning to leave.

“That’s not likely considering that it’s biologically impossible to-WAIT WHAT?!” He shouted rounding the doorframe.

“WHAT KIND OF HORRIBLE THINGS ARE YOU TELLING ME TO DO?!”

He only heard his mother’s laughter from the kitchen.

He looked over to Derpy who was on his bed, her gaze met his and she innocently waved. Several awkward and borderline lewd thoughts crossed his mind.

“Wow.”

“WHAT THE HELL?! NO! I’M STOPPING YOU RIGHT THERE BRAIN, NOT ONE STEP FURTHER. THAT’S JUST… WHO THINKS ABOUT THESE THINGS?!”

He stopped and looked at Derpy again and cringed

“I feel like I need an acid bath to feel clean again…”

Comments

[Viper Pit]

i need to keep this in mind when I become a parent that was good

[Queen Sinari]

“I feel like I need an acid bath to feel clean again…”

With lemon juice and vinegar with a gallon of bleach and salt afterwards.lolz

[HB_DS2013]

8778209 That’s a lotta sour things.

[Queen Sinari]

8778400
When mixed properly it makes a really nice smelly cleaner, minus the salt and little bleach of course. Good for cleaning kennels.

[Sedentary Vagabond]

8778427
Huh, interesting. You never know what you're going to learn from comment sections, especially practical cleaning solutions.

[Sedentary Vagabond]

8778184
I'm...not sure what you took away from that entire section of the story but...alrighty then.

[Viper Pit]

8778476
i come from a family that pranks each other constently