• Published 18th Jun 2012
  • 2,060 Views, 61 Comments

The Lullaby of the Lich - Gearhorn

Ever have a girl decide you were going to be her boyfriend? Well a certain unnamed protagonist dd.

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“No! Please don’t!” I pleaded, to the mad man holding my sister at gunpoint. I knew there was no hope of him letting her go, I could feel the thoughts of what was going to happen clawing at the edge of my mind, I knew I should be getting out of there.I knew I should do something but I couldn’t. My body had betrayed me, I was frozen in fear.

“If you had listened to me we wouldn’t be in this situation would we?” He said, a sadistic smile playing at his lips.

“Please don’t!” I pleaded, crying at this point. “Please! I’ll do anything!”

“HAHAHA! Oh, that’s a good one. I’ll do anything just don’t hurt her” he said in a mocking tone. His voice taking on a higher pitch.

“Please!” I begged once more.

“Hmmmmm now that I think about it I might as well let her go.” He said sincerely. Relief washed over my face, while my sisters face stayed the same, unconscious.

“Really!” I said hopefully.

“NAH! I’m just foolin’” *BANG* I see my sister fall to the ground, blood quickly pooling around her. I collapsed to my knees, my heart tearing itself apart, from the inside my esight blurred with tears.

“Sorry kid you should’a did wha’ I told ya.” I could see his blurred figure approach me. I could see a black blur raised at my forehead. *BANG*


I woke up days, later much to my surprise, though not in a good way. The bullet had somehow managed to get deflected off my skull, and had traveled between the skin around my skull. The bullet had still given me a really bad concussion though, and the bleeding hadn't helped things much, but I was alive, unlike my sister. After that I started to have mood swings, I would go from being serious, to acting like a child. To say the least, this didn’t go over well with most of my friends.

In order to obtain vengeance on the man who had killed my sister, I started learning Ninjutsu, Muay Thai, Ju Jitsu, and various other martial arts in my free time. Filled with the rage at my own incompetence, I finally had a drive in life, everything started to become easier, then I accidentally killed some people. One of whom had a Mexican Cartel Boss as his father, but instead of having me killed, he created a hell just for me. Soon people were using my friends as hostages, and the only friend I had left was Dess, and no one was stupid enough to try to take her hostage. She was the one person at school stronger than I was.

Though her being strong and being my friend really didn’t help me; at least not with fights, she made my fight all my fights. When they first started to attack me it was hard, I mean I had trained nearly nonstop for the last two years for fights, but there is a big difference between fighting one person in a ring, and three people on the street. During the first few months I would go home covered in scrapes and bruises day after day. My parents didn’t care, it was easy to tell from the way they looked at me they still blamed me for my sister's death, and the sad thing is I don’t even blame them.

After a while of this something happened, and all the things I had learned in the different martial arts started to click, I could feel how the different martial arts meshed together. I even started to have a bit of fun trying out new moves, I learned from watching UFC and anime. Soon after that though my schoolmates stated to wisen up, they started to come in larger groups, using terrain to their advantage, and using tasers and mace. After it started getting a bit ridiculous, I went to the teachers about this, but they acted like they didn’t know what I was talking about. So I asked the police, and they told me to stop bothering them, so then I asked the smartest person I knew.


“Oh mighty Deseray I beseech thee.” I cried dramatically

“What is it?” She was a annoyed. I’m not sure why, though it may have been the fact that I was being overly dramatic, and a bit loud in the library, and everyone was now glaring at us.

“Why are so many people attacking me? And why are the adults not paying it any heed?”

“Oh, is that all? Well it might be the fact that this town is practically ran by crime bosses, and one of them put a hit out on you. Though the hit is rather interesting, it says specifically on it not to kill you, but instead to beat you till you cry for your moma.” she said matter-of-factly and then proceeded to pull out what looked like a wanted poster with my face on it and details about how to get fifty thousand dollars. It was all rather well made, and even had a threat on it to anyone who would be so stupid as to try to tell the police about it.

“Wow. I am both shocked and impressed by this. Hey Dess can I have this?”

“Sure, it’s not like I take money from criminals anyway, well most of the time.”


“Nothing!” she says defensively. Now that I think about it that poster is probably still hanging up in my room.

After that I set up bugs in the entire school and would scan them the entire time I was in class looking for any strange conversations., this helped me avoid some of the fights. Just enough so that I had a bit more time to train, and train I did. After a while I got into a rhythm. Wake up train, go to school, fight on the way there sit through classes, scan the frequencies, and read books on military strategy. Head home, and fight on the way there. Avoiding the fights if I managed to hear it through a bug, and when I got home I would train, though not all of it was fighting, for a man with a strong mind and body has only fools as enemies.

This changed a year or so later, when Dess showed me this T.V. show full of pastel colored ponies, maybe you have heard of it? “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic”. At first I thought she was messing with me, as she is want to do, but After the second episode I was hooked. It was such a change from my constant fighting, it was.....relaxing. To think, that somewhere in the multiverse there may be a group of sentient ponies. That had managed to have a near perfect government, thanks to immortal rulers that actually cared for their subjects, and live in harmony. They even seemed to be able to coexist well with their environment. In short their world seemed perfect. I was sure I would love it if I got to go there.


After three days of walking with Kindle, my bone dragon (That’s what I named him.), scouting above me. While we traveled, I read more of my book, tried out a few spells, and tested out the limits of my new body. With the majority of my time spent seeing how to incorporate bipedal martial arts with a pony body, which was coming along faster than I would have thought. Finding civilization I was a little sad that it wasn’t Ponyville. I mean is it too much to ask to be sent near where the mane six live? No, what I found was a small town nestled in the Everfree called Pony Worth, if the sign was accurate. I left Kindle to hide in a small clearing, and went to explore the town. It was a rundown town with a wall surrounding it; a wall that had claw marks and scorch marks all over it. As I walked through one of the many holes in the wall I got a better view of the town. Yeah, it was definitely run down, but there was a good variety of buildings. There was a general store, a bakery, a inn (that was sketchier than some of the things I drew in kindergarten), a smithy, a barracks, a small farm, and a bunch of other buildings that I had no idea the purpose of. Everything was made of wood, and was apparently made to allow a nice draft through all year long, you didn’t even have to open a window. Yes, it was the cutting edge of convenience.

Seeing the smithy, I immediately made a v line to it. Walking inside, and seeing who I figured was a blacksmith, in a display room full of nice swords. “Hello Mr.Blacksmith sir. Do you by chance have any enchanted swords, buster blades, or claymores?” I asked cheerfully.

“Who the hell are you?” He asked while giving me a look as if I had sprouted a extra arm.

After checking to make sure I hadn’t. “ I am...” ‘Quick think of a non battle field type of name.’ Seeing as all the ponies names seem to be symbolic I really didn’t want people thinking of what a name like ‘Red Tide’ would be symbolic of. “....Bones, Little Bones.”

“Great just what this town needs another crazy.” He mutters to himself. “Fine how did you get here? Did Celestia send another regiment?”

“No...I...Um....Walked?” I said nervously.

“You walked?” He asked incredulously.

“Yes! That’s how I got here!” I said quickly.

“Really?” He said doing this thing with his eyebrows that says he doesn’t believe me in the slightest.


“You sure?”

“No, I have amnesia, and I just made up the most likely way of my arrival!” Sarcasm I has it.

“No need to get snippy little miss. It’s just hard to believe that a little girl managed to get to the heart of the Ever Free by herself, on hoof. I mean the last regiment of troops that Celestia sent got dead, real fast like thanks to the local wildlife. Between the coctrice, the manticores, and drakes” He visibly shudders at the last one. “it’s a wonder any of us are still alive”

“So, why don’t you just leave?” I said concern in my voice.

“Can’t, we’re trapped in on three sides by mountains, and the other side” He shakes his head sadly. “That’s where the drake's nest.”

“Um, what’s a drake?”

“What, you don’t know what a drake is?” I shake my head. “Fine, I’ll explain a bit about them, they are like dragons, except they are smaller, faster, stronger, and more magically inclined; well at least per size. The real problem though is their numbers. They are like bugs living in burrows, filled to the brim, and they all serve their queen; well not serve that would imply that they had free will. No, they don’t have individual thought or reason. Least thats what Mad Science told me.”

“Would you mind telling me where he is? I would like to learn more about these creatures.” The only answer he gave was pointing at a freshly dug grave out the window, in a small makeshift cemetery. ”Oh....” He gives me an odd look.

With the awkwardness meter reaching full, I slowly started to back away. After achieving twenty feet of distance, I turned and left. ‘...What was I even hoping to achieve anyway, I mean I don’t have a single bit to my name. Great way to waste time ….and now I am stuck using the name “Little Bones” in this town.’ I thought.

Walking around aimlessly I started talking to myself. “Ok, known facts, in the Everfree, trapped in this valley by a horde of small dragons, with attitude problems. Celly can’t get troops here, the town obviously is in need of repair, and there aren't a huge number of troops from what I have seen, maybe fifty at most. There also seems to be a lot of other baddies in the area, and the giant wooden wall has a lot of holes in it, on the side facing the valley entrance. Perhaps the ponies have a way of grounding the drakes, assuming that they have wings. Hmm now where does that leave me. What to do? Oh, I know to the barracks!” with that I started galloping to my destination as fast as I could. Bursting through the doors I shouted “I am here to enroll!!” Apparently they thought I was running a comedy routine because the few soldier that were in there just started rolling on the floor laughing. “Hey stop laughing!!” I shouted, though it ended up a lot squeaker than I would have liked.

“HAHAHA. Look at the little filly wanting to play guard. Isn’t that just adorable?” The guard said in a mocking voice. Yup, he is going on the list.

“Run on home to your mommy, foal. This ain’t no place for brats like you.” Also going on the list. These comments continued for a while, before I eventually had enough. My eyes started to water, and I was about to start crying before I managed to calm down. Ok, perhaps not calm, so much as redirecting all my sadness into anger.

“Hey, flank face!” I said while stomping my way to the closest soldier. Who in all fairness hadn’t said a word, but he laughed, and he was the closest. “Lets take this outside.” My voice was laced with venom, though I still had a child's appearance so it may not have worked so well.

“WOOOOO” came a chorus of guards.

“Come on kid, you don’t want to do this.” He clearly didn’t want to be known as someone who fought little girls. Tough!

“Yes. I. Do.” I enunciated clearly.

“Fine, let’s get this over with.” He said exasperatedly. He leads me out the back door to where they have their training area set up. A couple of training post litter the place along with a few circles drawn in the sand, and wooden swords on stands near the circles; obviously set up for sparing. He leads me to one such circles, and tosses a wooden sword my way but I simply kick it back at him.

“You’re going to need that more than I will” If my hunch was correct, my hooves would be able to deliver a much better blow than those sticks ever could. Plus I didn’t want to break their wooden swords, or the guard.

“Oooohhh!” said the rest of the guards that had decided to come view the fight.

“You going to take that? Kick her flank Silver!”

“Yeah! Beat up the fillly, prove you're a real man!” I see him slump at that. Hearing that I turn around, new target acquired.

“I change my mind, you’re free. I want to fight that one.” I said pointing at the guard that had been heckling his own companion.

“You want to fight me?” He said cockily. I could see a few of the other guards looking very nervously between me and him. Yup, he was a jerk, but he most likely had some skill, or maybe he was just ruthless, preferably both.

“Yes.” I said flatly

“Welp, I’ll go get the medic” I hear one of the guards say before leaving.

A wicked smile spreads across his face. “This will be fun” he says. A equally sinister smile starts to spread across my face, before I break out in giggles. Evil giggles.

“You have no idea.” I say between giggles. He enters the circle and picks up the wooden sword with his magic. Oh, as for his looks, think Big Mac, then add more muscle, make him taller, and give him a horn. Oh, and change him to the standard Royal Guard white.

Before the fight starts though, I feel it is important to explain that I hadn’t actually gotten a whole lot of sleep in the past three days, and yes I still needed sleep, strangely enough. Not because I was alone in the Everfree, I had my dragon for that, not because I was scared. Ok, so maybe I was a bit scared, but not of the forest. No, I was afraid to go to sleep. Apparently being away from my old life made me think about it, which made me remember my sisters death, which I then saw over, and over, every time I tried to sleep. Needless to say, I was not in a butterflies and unicorns mood when I reached the town.

One of the spectators steps forward to act as judge. ”The fight will be over when one side gives up, gets knocked out, or I decide the fight has gone too far. I want a nice cl... “ He looks over at the guard I’m about to fight, shakes his head, and starts to leave the arena. Once he got fully out of the ring, he shouted.”FIGHT!”

My enemy brings his wooden sword flying at me, from across the ring, point first, as if to impale me. I simply sidestep his attack, and charge toward him. Crossing the stage in the blink of an eye. Yup, dragon flesh is awesome. Seeing me coming he rolls to the side, before I make contact, and tries to kick out at me in the middle of his roll. I simply push his attack aside with my foreleg, and use the same leg to lunge forward, headbutting him in the stomache. Knocking the wind out of him, and causing him to roll along on the ground a bit before popping back up, clearly angry. At least if his string of curses were any indication, or the fact that he picked up ten more wooden swords with his magic, or maybe it was the fireballs he was sending at me that tipped me off. “I WILL END YOU FILLY!!!” he shouted loud enough to make Luna proud. Nope it was probably the death threat. I just started giggling madly at this, I mean a Royal Guard threatening a child, it was priceless.

“Oh.*giggle* you should*giggle* see your face. It’s all red, and funny looking” All this I said between dodging swords, kicks, and fireballs. Dodging his attacks, with the least amount of movement necessary, I started to realize something, I couldn’t feel any heat from his fireballs, but judging by the speed they were burning the grass they were hot. ‘Why aren't I feeling any heat from them’ I thought. As another fireball flew past, I let it graze a forehoof as I dodged it. Nothing, it did absolutely nothing to me, even after touching the fire directly. Why? Then the answer hit me. ‘Duh, you have the flesh of a dragon. How could I NOT be fireproof?’

While I was figuring all this out, my opponent seemed to be getting tired, there was sweat dripping down his face, his breath was ragged, and his eyes looked even more bloodshot than they were before. That’s when he got desperate, while still controlling a vortex of swords around me, he started channelling a giant fireball. Slowly the thing grew in size while I made my way toward him, while nimbly dodging wooden sword, I managed to within striking range, and just waiting for just the right time to attack. Just as he released the spell I pulled off a move that no one was expecting, hell, even a part of me expected to get roasted by a fireball that big. “FALCON PUNCH!!” I shouted, as I did a lunging punch right through the center of the fireball, and came out on the other side wreathed in fire. Needless to say when the punch connected to his face it was a instant K.O.. Though setting him on fire wasn’t part of my plan, and I couldn’t exactly put him out, because I was still on fire myself though it didn’t seem to be doing anything to me. I was glad my guess about being fire proof was right, I mean, I was pretty sure it would work, but that fireball was bigger than he was.

Looking around, I noticed that a lot of things were on fire. Especially in a conical shape in front of me. Looking over at my opponent I spat in his general direction, or I tried to, but all that came out was a small burst of pink and purple flames. “AH! Why is everything turning into fire?!?!” I shouted. Looking down I was still on fire, so I layed down, and started rolling in the dirt. “Ha! I knew those fire safety courses would be good at some point.” I say to no one inparticular. Looking over at my none extinguished foe, I got up, walked over to him, sat down, and started to bury him in sand. “Ha! Take that I’m saving you but when you wake up you will have sand everywhere, you will never be able to get it all out! MAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” The other troops just looked over at me like I was crazy....not that I can argue the matter, but still, that’s just rude.

Not too long after that the barracks door came open. Permanently. The projectile known as door, damn near hit me in the face, and I was over a hundred feet away. “Hey! My face was there!” I yelled/squeaked. Stupid child voice. He completely ignores me.

“Who caused this?” He asked, with a certain coldness to his voice. He was not a happy pony.

“Um, that girl did sir.” One of them responds nervously. Deciding to ignore that answer, he turns to the guard I was going to fight at first.

“Who caused this mess Silver Sword?” He said even more annoyed than before.

“She did, Captain.” He said pointing at me. While this conversation had been going on, I had been slowly creeping closer, and closer to the capitan. When Silver had pointed at me I was only about ten feet away, and right when the captain decided to look at me I lunged low at him, pushing off the ground right in front of him, I grabbed him around the neck, and landed on his back still giving him a hug.

“HUG!! OH PONY, Y YOU SO FLUFFY!!” I said while nuzzling him, and yes he was soft and fluffy. The guard captain just stood there stark still, but I had completed my objective, and that’s all that really mattered.

“Um, Captain?” No response for that guard.

“Captain?” No response for him either. At this point I sit up, and start poking his horn.

“You ok in there Mr. Captain?” I said while still poking him. He just started laughing at this point.

“OH jeez, Blitzkrieg got his flank handed to him by a filly! Oh this is great! It’s about time that he got put in his place! Would have done it myself if regulation permitted it.”

“So you’re not angry?” I asked, tentatively. I really didn’t want to have to face all of the guards at once. I mean, I think I could win but it would be close.

“Oh no, I am actually very angry” My ears flatten a bit after hearing this. “These guards will be doing triple the workout from now on.” This elicited groans from all the guards, and my ears returning to normal. After saying that he starts to walk away, with me still sitting on his back.

“So Captain Fluffy, I think we need to talk.”

“You’re probably right, let's talk somewhere private.”

“Or you could give me a tour, while we discreetly whisper to each other, with me sitting on your back.” He just gives me this look. “Fine, we can talk someplace private, but I am staying on your back.”

“You do know, it’s really awkward trying to talk to you when I can’t see you right?”

“Yes, I know”

“But, you’re not getting down are you?”


“Fine, lets go talk in my office.” He says exasperated

“Sounds fun, Captain Fluffy”