Horses and Headaches
I hate waking up. I always have.
Almost every time I do, I feel slightly disoriented and I always feel like I didn't get a good night’s sleep, doubly so if I dreamed overnight--dreams of mine, while sparse, are rarely pleasant. So bright mornings may well be considered my mortal enemy.
So imagine that. Except multiplied by a thousand or so. I had no idea where I was. I knew I didn't sleep well; my dreams were blurry flurries of turmoil, and yet I couldn't remember a single detail about them. And the very first thing I saw when I woke was brightness.
So when I finally cracked my eyes open, I hissed and buried my face in the pillow it had been resting on. Tilting my head slightly so I could breathe, I sighed angrily and tried to go back to sleep.
Unfortunately, the events I just described were, collectively, a massive “fuck you” to sleep and I, and despite my attempts, I remained awake. So I threw my pillow across the room and, bleary-eyed, sat up.
My eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness, and I slowly scanned the room. It was not very large, about the same size as a patient’s room in a hospital. I was even lying in a bed that could have come out of a hospital. Straight ahead of me was a plain white door and to my right was another plain white door. Right by my bed was a plain white nightstand with a plain white lamp. Literally everything was just a dull, plain white.
I pushed myself up, looking at my feet, which were hanging off the end of the bed. As I swung my feet sideways, preparing to get up, I spotted a small sheet of paper that had been written on. So I picked it up and attempted to read, assuming the note was for me.
“What is this?” I muttered quietly to myself, looking the paper over. I looked at it from all different angles, held it up to the lights...and I couldn't read it. The characters were even wrong, and they didn't even look like Asian characters--as in, Indian or Korean or Japanese or Chinese or anything like that. They did look a little like the Latin characters that English and many other languages used...but only partially. Some were combined with others and there was a whole slew that I didn't recognize at all.
It looked like over the years, there had been a new alphabet made or something, but I remembered hearing modern English…
Oh, no.
My mind clicked, as I finally remembered some recent events and recalled some images of small, mutant horses standing in half-light. Small mutant horses that talked, and from the sound and look of it, were probably miners. At least a few of them.
Shit.
I stood up out of bed quickly, swaying slightly, and strode briskly to the door to my right. I twisted the doorknob, the door swung open, and I was greeted with the sight of a nondescript white bathroom. I didn't pay much attention to it because that was not what I was looking for--specifically, it lacked a window or another door.
I need to leave.
I stepped to the main door opposite my bed and tried to twist the handle. It refused to move, and I jiggled it for a minute before giving up. Now furious and distressed, I stomped to my bed, flopping down on it.
Okay, Patrick, I thought to myself, calming my breathing. Relax. Evaluate the situation. You were brought here, and judging by these conditions, they know you're intelligent…
I shook my head, realizing what I had just thought, and flicked myself in the head with a finger. Come on. There's no way those could have been intelligent horses there. Some human trainers must have been giving them signals. Maybe they were bred in a laboratory.
Sighing deeply, I laid my head back and relaxed against the mattress, my feet still hanging over the far edge. There was really nothing I could do. I saw no cameras, and even if there were cameras somewhere, it would make no sense to announce to them, "Hey, I'm awake, let me out!" Plus, I was awake, and someone would have--and should have--noticed that I was.
May as well get comfortable.
I crossed my legs, put my hands behind my head, and zoned out completely. Something I'd repeatedly gotten in trouble for doing as a child helped me wait at that moment. Take that, Mrs. Turner! I thought, making an exaggerated fist-pump.
While I was reminiscing about my fourth grade, then my family, and quickly switching to something more enjoyable like Nirvana, the wall to my left turned completely transparent. I, being unobservant, didn't even notice that had happened, nor that there were people standing behind it.
I didn't even notice at first when they said something.
“Hello?...Hello?...Uh, sir...can you understand us?”
I snapped out of my daydream just in time to hear those words. “Oh! Huh…” I muttered, jerking slightly, but falling into my relaxed position, staring up at the ceiling. “Yes, I understand you...did you call me sir?”
“Yes, sir,” the feminine voice replied. “May I as--”
“Yeah, no,” I interrupted, shifting myself, but continuing to look at the ceiling. “Don't call me sir. My name is Patrick Stanford Walker. Call me that, Patrick, Stanford, Patrick Stanford, P.S., Pat, or even Walker, but don't call me sir.”
“All right...Patrick…” the voice said slowly. “I'm Full Life, and this is my colleague Firefall Strider."
Weird names, I thought blankly. But then again, this is the future, and they must have changed things since the two thousands...
"Did you understand our note?"
"Note?" I muttered, glancing toward it briefly. "Uh, no. I can't read that. I'm sorry."
"It's fine," the voice said. "We weren't sure if we should be expecting you to know what it said. So, uh, returning to my original question, if it doesn't offend you, may I ask what you are? And why were you in that...box...in the mine?”
The first question was the one that stuck with me, for obvious reasons. Wait. What...? I thought blankly.
“I'm...a human...” I said slowly. “Our scientific name is Homo sapiens sapiens. And if you don't know that…”
After saying that, I slowly turned my head to the left. Standing there on the other side of the transparent wall was a duo of mutated freaks of nature. Pastel-colored, huge-eyed, small horse things.
We spent about a minute staring at one another. But it could as easily have been an hour. Or a day. I don't know.
“Are...you okay?” one of them--a teal horse with a black wizard hat for some reason--said in a masculine voice.
“If you don't know what humans are…” I said slowly, trying to process this, “then you're not being controlled.”
The other one, a dark green one dressed like a doctor and with a horn--what?--drew back slightly and raised an eyebrow. “Controlled? What do you mean?” it said, curiously sounding female--the same voice that had come from Full Life.
I snorted and began to chuckle. “There are so many things wrong with this I don't even know where to begin. There's so much wrong with this, it's got to be a dream. Of course! It's got to be a dream! That's the only thing that makes sense!”
The teal wizard horse thing widened his eyes and his pupils shrank. “Wait...you can't mean…”
Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted the headboard of my bed, and I nodded to myself slightly before turning around, leaning against it, and raising my head slightly. “I'm not playing this stupid game!” I yelled before pitching my head forward.
“No! No! Wait!” Out of my peripheral vision I saw an orange flash of light half a second before I slammed my head into the headboard--which was a mistake.
A horrible, throbbing pain. Nothing else in my thoughts. Just pain. Suffice it to say, it was pretty uncomfortable.
“Ow! Oh my god! Oh my god! Jesus, that fucking hurt!” I cried, keeling backward onto the bed and holding my head as if it would roll off of my shoulders if I didn't. “Why in the ever-living hell did I do that?”
“Well, you're the one who slammed his head into the headboard, so you tell me,” someone quipped. I cracked my eye open to see the teal wizard horse thing--he must have been Firefall Strider--standing over me. Somehow, he seemed to be trying to look concerned, but slightly failing, as he was also looking slightly amused at the situation.
In retrospect, I can't blame him for his reaction.
“Nonetheless,” I growled, glaring up at him, “there's still a shit-ton of things wrong here I don't even know where to begin.”
“Like what?”
“Like that!” I yelled, pushing myself up and pointing at Firefall, but falling back as my head throbbed painfully. “Ow, goddamnit--you can talk!”
“What's wrong with being able to talk?” asked the other one--the one who was probably Full Life--from towards the doorway.
“Everything. Horses didn't use to fucking talk,” I hissed, rubbing my head. “Ow, damn it...I will explain later, maybe. Can I have my things? You know, in my bags?"
"Maybe later," said Firefall. "We've got a lot of things to discuss."
"Yes, but Firefall, let's not pressure him too much, all right?" said Full Life as she entered the room and neared the bed. "He may have a concussion."
I snorted and rolled my eyes. “What are you, a doctor?”
“Yes, actually!” Full Life said, frowning indignantly.
“So...so wait,” I mumbled, eye starting to twitch, “so there's wizard horses and doctor horses and miner horses and some of them have horns and crap...you know, this is exactly why I thought I was dreaming, because this is impossible.” I painfully moved my head to the relative bliss that was my pillow. “Guess that stupid cryonics thing had side effects, or maybe the conditioning, or concussion, because I still think I'm hallucinating.”
“I doubt that,” Full Life said, “because when I examined you when you were unconscious, you seemed fine...mostly, by chimp standards anyway, and even by pony standards, too. Besides, you seem healthy now, even if you...decided to hit your head like that.”
“Good to know,” I said absently, not caring about how I was compared to chimpanzees and ponies. But seriously, I thought, what the hell is going on?
I squinted and looked around more carefully, still holding my head, which kept throbbing, but was slightly less painful. It was good to have a solid reference to what exactly was happening, I mentally reasoned.
So this is what I objectively observed.
There were two horse-like things in the room with me: the teal wizard one--Firefall Strider by my bed, who had orange eyes and a royal blue mane under his hat; and the dark green doctor looking one--Full Life--who had a yellowish mane, light blue eyes, and a small horn. Full Life's horn was glowing light blue and a clipboard and a pen were floating in front of her, surrounded by the same shade of blue.
Wait, what?
I shakily raised a hand and pointed at Full Life, who was still levitating the clipboard and pen with the blue aura. “How are you doing that?”
It looked up. “What?” Full Life asked, sounding puzzled.
“T-that! Your clipboard and pen are just floating there in front of you! What kind of technology is that?”
The horses--ponies--looked at each other, their expressions unreadable. Eventually, Firefall turned back to me and said in a dumbfounded voice, "Um...it's magic."
"Ha," I deadpanned. "No, seriously, what is it?"
"It's magic," he repeated.
I frowned and folded my arms. "It wasn't funny the first time and it isn't funny now. What is it?"
"It's magic!" the two burst out simultaneously, visibly frustrated.
"..."
Patrick’s Brain
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“...But magic doesn't exist…” I whispered weakly.
"Uh...yes, it does," Firefall said slowly.
"No, it doesn't."
"Yes, it does," repeated Firefall testily.
"No, it doesn't," I repeated. "Prove it!"
Firefall rolled his eyes. "Well, Full Life here is holding the clipboard and pen with magic, and I teleported in here earlier when you tried to damage your brain, but if you insist..."
A look of slight concentration appeared on his face as a small ball of fire--about the size of a marble--appeared in front of his muzzle. Full Life quickly poked him hard in the side and it went out. "Not in here!" she admonished.
A sheepish look appeared on Firefall's face. "Sorry," he apologized, then turned to me. "But you saw that, didn't you?"
"Y-yeah, but...there has to be some kind of scientific reasoning behind it," I said weakly. "I don't know how the he--the heck you were able to do that, but it must have something to do with your biology..."
"Well, of course!" Firefall said, rolling his eyes without even trying to hide it. "Of course magic is connected to our biology! It's connected to everything! We just don't know what exactly it is or why us unicorns can channel it."
Fuck this. I didn't sign up for this.
"Firefall here has shown you it exists," sighed Full Life, sounding frustrated. "Why didn't you believe it exists?"
"Because we--humans--had tons of evidence to suggest it didn't." I looked between the three ponies. "I don't know what the fu--what happened when I was unconscious, but I'm guessing there was some kind of mutation that happened and it stuck because it was evolutionarily beneficial. Since this...magic...looks like it's related to biology, I'm calling it scientific and I refuse to call it magic."
"Call it what you will, but it's still magic. Ask any unicorn," said Firefall, before frowning. "Now, we've answered some of your questions. Why exactly were you in that box in that mine? Was it some sort of ritual?"
"The box...oh, right. It's complicated," I said, rubbing my head. "It wasn't a ritual, but look, wouldn't it be better if I just went to your leader or something? I mean, since such a discovery has been made, wouldn't whoever-it-is be interested, especially since we share a common language and it looks like we're on similar levels of intelligence? Besides, you didn't seem to know what I was, which suggests humans aren't known around...here."
They frowned. "Give us a second," Firefall muttered, and then the two of them backed away, turned around, and started whispering to one another. I couldn't hear them, so I leaned back against the headboard, being careful about my head.
After a few minutes, they turned back. "Okay, Patrick," said Full Life, "we've decided we should bring you to Princess Celestia--"
"Who's that?" I interrupted stupidly.
"--the leader of our country, Equestria," finished Full Life, frowning slightly, "provided, of course, you don't have a concussion. Fortunately, though, it will be easy to find out if you do or don't."
"'Magic', right?" I said, rolling my eyes.
"Right. Just give me a moment; this shouldn't hurt."
Her horn glowed pale blue and I felt something touch my forehead fleetingly. It wasn't much; it felt like the softest, lightest breeze I'd ever experienced.
But something was wrong.
Full Life frowned, looking confused. She turned up the intensity of her glow and I felt nothing.
"What the...? I'm not getting anything? I should know if you've got a concussion or not, but it's not telling me anything!"
Firefall stared at me. Experimentally, he tried to move my hand with magic--I could feel it for the briefest moment--but he couldn't. "What the hay? This is impossible!" He stared up, cross-eyed, at his horn, as if that was the source of his trouble. "I should at least be able to get a grip on you...but...are you immune to magic...? But that's impossible too..." He backed up, turning slightly, muttering quietly to himself.
Full Life started looking through the pockets of her coat, eventually producing something that looked like one of those thermometers that goes under the tongue. "Okay, Patrick, I'm going to see how much magic you have, just as a test," she said. "Open your mouth."
I automatically complied, and she stuck the thermometer-like thing under my tongue for a few seconds before taking it out again and looking at a small number on it. "Three thaums," she muttered.
"Three hundred?" Firefall said.
"No. Three. Three total."
"Three total hundred?"
"No. Just three."
"But that makes no--"
"God, give it a rest already!" I burst out, wincing as my head throbbed again. "I've got almost no magic, we get it! In fact, I'm surprised I've got any at all! Now, weren't we supposed to go to this Princess Celery--"
"Princess Celestia!" corrected Full Life.
"Potato, po-tah-to," I huffed. "Look, I assume you ponies haven't got all day, and I bet your princess has even less time. We should see her as soon as possible so we can maximize our time together so we can figure things out and have a smaller chance of having to separate before we've got everything squared away. So..."
"You've still got a concussion--maybe," said Full Life, "and if you've got one, the princess can wait. She has time every day; if you have a concussion, you stay 'til tomorrow; if not, we can go now."
"Okay, so I might have a concussion." I crossed my legs under the small blanket. "How do you tell if someone has a concussion when magic isn't an option?"
Full Life frowned. "Okay, let's see..." A small point of light emerged on the tip of her horn and she started waving her horn back and forth. "Follow the light with your eyes."
I squinted for a second, but tracked the light with my eyes without much of a problem. "You're lucky. You seem fine. Just don't do that again," Full Life said, suddenly becoming stern on the last sentence.
"Yes, ma'am," I said, rolling my eyes. "What now?"
"That depends...are you ready to see Princess Celestia yet?" Firefall asked me. "It's evening right now, so if you want to wait until tomorrow morning..."
"Fuck it, let's do it now." I swung my legs over the side of the bed as I started to feel a familiar pressure down below. "Er, I mean...can I use the bathroom real quick?"
They nodded, so I stood up and made my way over to the bathroom, locking the door behind me and getting a good look at the bathroom--an actual good look--for the first time.
There was no toilet; just a hole in the floor with water, a drain, and what looked like a pedal right next to it.
"For fuck's sake..."
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This is a good start to a very good story. Please write more you can.
7695762 Thank you for the inspiring words! I'll try to write when I can!
Give teh pones KU$H
This is great stuff.