Equestrian war

by Blackdust

Second Encounters and First Impressions: Explanation Chapter

Author's Note:

If you send me an OC, I'll feature them in the next chapter or the one I'm working on, if I can get it to work. I'll also copy and paste the background you send me in the explanation chapter for the character(s) you sent me.

Argon Rowshield: The long description I gave in the chapter is as good a condensed version as I could get without leaving something out. Here is the copied version of what Castok the Shadow sent me; Argon was once a peaceful human, never wanting to hurt anyone. He was friends with Johnathan, shorting his name to John. He grew in a loving family and would of been the next heir to the family's fortune and runes. But that all changed when the demons of the shadows raided his home and killed all of his family. Filled with lost of kins and a lust for demon blood, Argon used his family's wealth and runes to create a organisation, hellbent on destroy and slaying all demons. Those who lost everything because of the demons joined Argon's new force, giving their lives away to kill demons and to stop them from reaching their homes. They used dark runes to increase their strength and combat skills, however they get corrupted from using those runes but they learn how to control it and only use them against the demons. Argon and his legion strike at strong points of Demons, sometime they're sent into suicide missions. Johnathan usually see him back at home, looking for new recruits. But the Argon he knew in his childhood was no more, only rage, loss, bloodlust is all that remains in this human. All Argon wants is demons to be destroyed. He has a cold and hush tone with new people and doesn't trust them unless they're useful or not with the demons. However he despise anything that threatens his race, be it demons or not. So if a pony meets him, they'll be either killed or frighten away, never to return to human lands again.

Comments

[Time Reaper]

Heavy editing, I'm a rookie, but I will tell you that if you're going to explain to what episode re you refering, please explain it as a memory instead of braking the pace and take us out of the immersion.

Example: Twilight was remembering the machines she used to analyze her friend Pinkie Pie when she tried to understand the "Pinkie Sense".

Also you can slow down the pace by giving us an analysis of how is the environment, explaining us how are the protagonist's feelings, what is he thinking at the moment or the princesses, stuff like that.

Also, you don't need an extra page to explain things to us, you can use the story for that (explain slowly, piece by piece so it doesn't become an exposition wall of text) or, if you think is possible, do not explain, there are certain things that doesn't need an explanation,

I hope this helps you out, if you need more help PM me.

[Blackdust]

7055588 I pull from a wide variety of books and shows that I watch and read...

[Blackdust]

7055540 :( You hit all the points of why I don't do writing...

[Time Reaper]

7056457

It is understandable of feeling bad, but you can only improve by writing, my story wasn't that good when I started and it was after being told which were the main problems with my story is that I managed to make it look more decent, you have a good idea, but you also must keep writing and edit the mistakes you make to improve and become a better writer.

And I really hope you improve and continue this, because I like the idea behind this story.

[Blackdust]

7056653 Aye. I get that, but I hate editing... I never go back to check my answers because then I start to doubt myself and get more answers wrong than right because I'll switch the answers that are right and wrong.

[Time Reaper]

7056662

Understandable, you can either search for an editor or try to edit by yourself to overcome your own limitations, either way, you must surpass yourself if you want to improve.

[Blackdust]

7056684 A'ight.

[Blackdust]

7057002 It's fine! I don't mind the criticism, and I wanted Johnathan to seem calm about the whole thing. Hell, I know I'd be happier than a gopher in winter with a day that melts the snow enough for me to feast!

[TimesX]

7049267

I'm great with the ideas but terrible with the execution

I know how that feels