Star Ponez

by Blondlionblaster

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Lucas walked through the halls of his school, quietly removing his materials from his locker. This was the start of summer vacation, but he didn’t feel happy. Maybe it was the rain and cold weather happening in the summer. Even though everyone else felt happy, he seemed to be in a slump. He watched as the jocks sneakily did the nasty in the closets with the cheerleaders. Trying to ignore the sounds of moaning teenagers, Lucas turned on his iPod, plugging in his earbuds, and listened to I’m Not in Love by 10cc.

“Well, it looks like I get to go home now.” Lucas sighed as he looked down. He had black hair, blue eyes, and one heck of a birthmark on his back. Some said that it looked like a star, but Lucas declared that it was more like a T-65 X-Wing Starfighter.

Exiting the doors, Lucas was swarmed from behind by a wave of stupid, sugar-highed teenagers. Each one of them headed for different destinations, for some it was the football field and others the local weed dealer. However, Lucas had a different place to hang out.

Walking downtown, Lucas saw the local comics shop, Dave’s Comics and Trading Cards. Lucas smiled a bit as he entered the store, attracting the attention of the store’s owner, Dave. Dave was a somewhat tall man, but he was a bit heavy and had what the internet called a “neckbeard”. This was because he had a small beard growing on his double-chin He would also wear a fedora, even if he was inside of a building.

“Oh, hello! I’ve got the comics you ordered.” Dave informed Lucas as he pulled out a stack of rare Marvel Star Wars comics. The issues were #1, #2, #3, #4, #5, and #6, which was a comic version of the original Star Wars movie. And no, it wasn’t or ever will be called A New Hope. That was only added when the horrid “Special Editions” came into existence.

“Thanks, I’ve been meaning to buy these for a while now.” Lucas said as he paid his money and showed his savings card, known as the “Gentlemen Card”. It featured Dave smiled and tipping his fedora on the center of the card.

“These are all in mint condition, right?” Lucas asked Dave, who nodded as he adjusted his fedora.

“Alright, have a nice day.” Dave said goodbye to his customer, who left with his new comics. Lucas inspected his comics, seeing they were all in mint condition, which made him crack a small smile. After all, Dave was a gentleman.Though he never understood why he couldn’t get a single date if he was a gentleman

As Lucas was walking home, he saw something interesting in the alley of a large building. There was a girl, who appeared to be the same age as Lucas, being harassed by two girls named Joan and Kim. Those two girls were known for causing trouble for people who they didn’t consider “oppressed”, like normal people.

“Hey, you should ditch the rainbow hair, cuz it makes you look like a girl, you shouldn’t be anything but aesexual!” Joan taunted the girl, pulling her hair. The girl's hair was in fact colored like a rainbow, as it almost gave off a royal glow. She also wore a black beanie and had a piercing on her lower lip. She also had somewhat pale skin, but not too pale.

“Yeah, and you need to have smaller breasts cuz having big breasts means that you’re a stereotype of the patriarchal media!” Kim added as she punched the girl, making her bleed a bit. The girl who they were beating on did have a quite a big chest, with C’s or D’s by anyone’s guess.

“Leave me alone!” The girl attempted to defend herself but was taken down by Joan, who put her foot on her face.

“Also, you can’t shave your body hair or wear makeup cuz that’s what the patriarch white men want you to do!” Joan sneered as she pushed the girl to the ground. The girl began to cry as Kim and Joan at her despair.

“Hey! Leave that girl alone! She doesn’t need your SJW agenda!” Lucas declared as he put his comics in his backpack, putting himself in a lightsaber fighting stance. Lucas preferred to use Form IV, also known as Ataru.

“Don’t oppress us, you cisgender scum! You need to check your white privilege!” Joan barked at Lucas.

“Yeah, we’ll write an article complaining about how you didn’t do anything to us that’s offensive but we’ll get offended either way!” Kim added.

Simply smiling, Lucas unzipped his jacket, revealing a t-shirt of Leia in her Return of the Jedi slave bra! Joan and Kim gasped in horror as they hissed, running off to places unknown. To them, that was the ultimate symbol of the patriarchy. Seeing the girl was still there, Lucas held his hand out to her, which he used to help the girl up.

“Thanks for saving me from those lunatics.” The girl thanked Lucas, giving him a nice, tight hug. Lucas blushed, as her touch almost felt like that of a princess of the sun.

“What’s your name?” Lucas asked the girl as the two began to pick up her things.

“My name is Celestia, but you can just call me Celeste.” Celestia introduced herself, giving a warm, radiant smile. Her body did look quite nice, almost like it could raise the sun.

“Well, my name is Lucas.” Lucas introduced himself to Celeste, who had finished up picking her things off the ground.

“Lucas, do you want to hang out sometime? Maybe later today?” Celeste offered Lucas, who blushed a bit.

“Sounds good to me.” Lucas responded as Celeste smiled, giving him a kiss on the cheek. Lucas had never been kissed by a girl before, making him blush even more. It felt more romantic than when Han Solo kissed Leia Organa on the Millennium Falcon.

That night, all things seemed quiet. But in the other side of town, in the center of a park, a pink portal opened up, with six humans came out of the other side. Checking around the area, a girl with yellow and pink gave a sign to show that no one else was around.

“Hooray! We’ve reached the human world! But this isn't Equestria Girls!” Pinkie Pie exclaimed as she bounced around the park. Pinkie Pie had pink hair, and strange decorations all over her clothes.

“Pinkie, we must be quiet. We can’t draw too much attention to ourselves!” Rainbow Dash explained to Pinkie Pie, who zipped her mouth shut. Rainbow Dash had a rainbow hair, along with light blue workout clothes. These were the kind that were tight and made all parts of your body look good.

“Ew! I think I stepped in some mud!” Rarity shrieked as she noticed that she was now foot-high in mud. Rarity had purple hair, along with heavily luxurious and hand-made clothing. They looked even more expensive than the clothes that Bjork wore daily.

“All you ever do is complain and whine, Rarity! Like that time had to stop that dragon from filling Equestria with smoke!” Applejack reminded Rarity. Applejack had yellow hair, and she had a country styled hat and boots. This made her look like the lovechild of Martha Stewart and Toby Keith.

“This isn’t whining, this is-”

“We don’t need to know what your whining is like!” Twilight Sparkle shouted in frustration. She had purple hair, along with big glasses.

"Looks like we're not in Equestria anymore." Applejack stated as she looked around.

“Wait, shouldn’t the portal closed now?” Fluttershy timidly asked the group as she pointed to the still open portal.

As Twilight Sparkle moved to close the portal, a mysterious woman jumped out and tackled Twilight Sparkle! This woman had green and black hair, and wore a dress that made her look like she had an insect fetish.

“Chrysalis! How did you get here? We defeated you at Shining Armor and Princess Cadance's wedding” Twilight Sparkle exclaimed as she tried to roll Queen Chrysalis off of herself. She did seem a bit weaker, as the blast from the married couple shot her off to nowhere.

“I’ve come to conquer the world my new master!” Queen Chrysalis snorted as she pressed Twilight Sparkle’s face in the mud. Twilight Sparkle struggled as Queen Chrysalis sat on her back, pretending to ride her like a horse, making horse noises and smacking her sides.

The other girls ran over to the fight and tried to aid Twilight Sparkle, being pushed into the mud. Applejack rolled through the mud and rolled into Queen Chrysalis, whom she grabbed by the hair and smothered her face in the mud. However, Rarity refused to get involved as she tried to clean the mud and grass out of her dress.

“Check it out! I’m watchin’ free mud wrestlin’!” A man who was missing some teeth cheered as he pulled out his phone and began to record the scene. It wasn’t every day when some cute girls began to mud wrestle in the park. At least, that’s what the man thought.

“Oh! Get off of me!” Twilight Sparkle moaned as Queen Chrysalis sat on her face to shut her up.

"This is revenge for becoming an Alicorn!" Queen Chrysalis declared as she began to spank Twilight Sparkle.

“Look! A man is recording our mud fight!” Pinkie Pie jumped with joy as the man ran off, causing Queen Chrysalis to throw Twilight Sparkle into a pond and retreat into the shadows. She was known for this, as after her defeat she wasn't heard from again.

“We should also get out of here.” Rainbow Dash insisted as the six girls fled the scene. They weren't quite used to walking on two feet, as they had been running on all fours for their whole lives.

After a few minutes of running, the stomachs of all six girls began to rumble. This could only mean one thing. The hunger pains were about to strike. But this wasn't like Equestria where you just munch on some grass, you actually had to go to a store and buy real food.

“Where should we eat?” Twilight Sparkle asked the group.

"There probably isn't any hayburgers near here," Rarity whined, "I need to keep the wight off my precious body."

“I’d like something close to where we are.” Applejack sighed heavily as she wiped the remaining mud off her face.

“Look! There’s a place called Ikea ahead of us!” Rainbow Dash pointed at the store, which looked huge! Even at night and in the rain, it still looked like a castle of some kind.

“Alright, let’s all get something nice.” Rarity smiled as the six ran into the store.

Looking through the food, Pinkie Pie grabbed six pieces of cake while Rarity grabbed a single piece of lettuce. Fluttershy got a strange burger made from appeared to be corn and grass, the veggie burger. Applejack rolled her eyes as she spotted something she had never quite seen before. They were round, ball-like in shape, and they smelled amazing.

“Just what are these little morsels?” Applejack asked Twilight Sparkle, who looked at them.

“These are meatballs, and they smell delicious!” Twilight Sparkle declared as she, Applejack and Rainbow Dash got the Ikea Swedish Meatballs. When all six got their food, they chose a table and began to eat.

“Do any of you have ideas where the missing princess could be?” Fluttershy nervously asked the group.

“I’d imagine that she’d be hangin’ around royal and elegant places, like spas or even expensive shops.” Applejack suggested.

“Or maybe she might be hanging around a lonely teenage dude who likes the franchise Star Wars and other nerdy things a lot.” Pinkie Pie added with a smile. Pinkie Pie was known for bouts of randomness, like when she cloned herself and when she ran around Ponyville with instruments to stop the Parasprites.

“That’s too ridiculous dear, that could never happen.” Rarity chuckled as Pinkie Pie laughed as well.

“Anyways, we should buy some of those frozen Swedish Meatballs.” Twilight Sparkle said as she pulled out what money she had. She paid for them and the six left, now carrying two bags of Ikea Swedish Meatballs.

“We need to find a hotel or some other place to sleep, because we have to find Princess Celestia soon.” Rainbow Dash told the group as they walked down the road.

Deep in the woods near the town, Queen Chrysalis approached a group of girls who looked similar to herself. However, they all had soulless blue eyes and all black clothes.

“Master, I haven’t found any traces of Celestia in this world.” Queen Chrysalis reported to her master.

“Anything is possible, Chrysalis, listen to me.” Her master insisted to Queen Chrysalis.

“But I’m not all-powerful! I can’t find her right now!” Queen Chrysalis responded in an aggressive tone.

“Well, I should be!” Her master whined as he revealed himself to be Hayden Christensen, one of the evils who helped to ruin Star Wars!

(To Be Continued)

Comments

[Neutral Boy]

Good start of an interesting story. This should be a good one of how Lucas will hold up on having a relationship with memory-less Celestia and that the mane 6 are trying to find and bring the Princess back home while Chrysalis has some unfinished business with her.

[Blondlionblaster]

7040011 Thanks. Also, thanks for the favorite.

[NovaBomber]

Seems good so far, i shall fav it.

[Blondlionblaster]

7040273 Thanks~

[Buchernov2012]

He had black hair...

Has

Dave was a gentleman.Though

You forgot to space

OK, I will say this only once, maybe a bit more. What the actual fuck are you writing about? Are you like a big Star Wars fan or something, because I can't understand half of the phrases that you use. And if you're writing a lot about Star Wars, then put a warming in the description.