Anglosphere

by NYChris824

Music

I was chilling in my room, not-so-quietly playing my music, which was on shuffle and playing "Spanish Caravan" by The Doors and getting ready to head home tomorrow. I didn't really have a set plan, which if Twlight found out about that I would be a dead man. My big plan was to have the guys over and talk some shit over. I wanted to set up some sort of government, I thought it was weird that I was some sort of Ambassador/President type of guy.

Another big issue was gasoline for our cars, we obviously had no idea how to convert crude oil to gas or how to even drill it for that matter. We figured ethanol would be our best option, I did a little research into it and it made zero sense to me, but Nelson and Noah figured it out so I put them in charge of it. Come spring we'll plant half an acre of corn, which should be about 150 gallons of ethanol and see if that's a good amount or adjust it.

My final thought was if anyone else showed up. What if another human showed up, but not in Ponyvillr, but another country and with nothing on the clothes on their back. Maybe they can't speak English at all, I only know a little Spanish and Noah knows some French and that's our entire foreign language department. But also, all of us are from English speaking countries, so maybe a South African or an Irish person is here, somewhere. I was done packing and was about to take a quick shower so I wouldn't be rushing in the morning, except I was interrupted by someone at the door.

"Yea?" I called out

"Can ya turn down the music? It's almost midnight! And what band is that? I've never them before." Dash said, I laughed at that second part.

"I would imagine that you never have considering they're from Earth." I said. I could hear Applejack talking to Dash in the background. Something my 'records' I look over at the record player on a nearby table. I couldn't help but laugh if they think that's what I use. Then again, they've never seen my phone. Imagine Dragons came on next while I waited for one of them to start talking to me. Rarity and I think Fluttershy joined the conversation outside, I figured it was only time until Twilight and Pinkie somehow got involved. Instead of a knock on the door, I got a bright flash and something dropping on the desk next to me.

"JESUS TITTY-FUCKING CHRIST!" I yelled as a stumbled backwards from the flashbang that went off next to me. There was a box, wrapped in gist wrapping paper and a note. I picked up the mote and read it,

Dear Chris,

I hope this makes up for my wrongdoings

Lots of chaos,
Discord
P.S Don't worry, it refills when you run out

I stood there trying to figure out what he means by 'it refills when you run out' of whatever this is. The door busted open, almost coming off the hinges and Dash and Applejack came bounding in

"Why ya alright?" Applejack asked, as her looked confused by the random wrapped box I had "Uh why do ya have a gift for?" She asked, a pink blur came flying in, race car sound effect included. Pinkie stood there looking at me.

"Well it's not your birthday," she said and giggled "that's in five months three weeks and four days, unless *GASP* it's an EARLY birthday present!" I was about to explain why I have it, when Twilight came stomping in.

"UGH!! Can you all PLEASE keep the noise down? I'm reading about Starswirl the Breaded's theory on 3rd law on nature!" We all looked at her and tought the same thing: Da Fuck? Finally to add to the clusterfuck occurring, the Princesses and Shining showed up. Part of me noticed 'Cleanin'' Out My Closet' by Eminem was playing.

"We sensed Discord's magic, is everyone alright?" Luna asked, we all said yes and they confused for a moment.

"He wasn't here." I told them

"Then why did we sense his magic?" Celestia asked

"Probably because he magically dropped off this gift, whatever it is." I said, holding up the mystery box.

"What's in it?" Twilight asked

"I have no idea, but we'll find out in a minute." I said as I began to open it, I started from a corner. I ripped it and began to laugh my ass off at what I saw.

'The Sweetest Comeback in the history of Ever'. It was a box of Twinkies. I continued to rip it off and I was smiling like an idiot.

"So that's what he meant by it never runs out" I muttered

"Chris, what in Equestria is that?" Rarity asked

"This is the best-worst tasting snack from Earth, not to mention has enough preservatives to mummify a small cat: The Twinkie." I explained, everyone's face going a little place at the cat analogy.

"If they taste so bad, why do you have them and why did you say it proudly." Celesta asked

I shrugged and began to open one"I like them anyway, I think another reason he gave them to me is because they are one of the food that represent America, alongside hamburgers and hot dogs."

"You selfish bitch I hope you fucking burn in hell for this shit." Came out from my speakers. Everyone stiffens at that verse and I froze in place. Only my luck would that ONE verse play at a quiet part of the conversation. As the saying goes

Thanks Obama

Celestia cleared her throat and walked over to the record player. "I'm sorry th- where's the record?" She asked

"That would be uhh my music." I said, as I walked over to the nightstand to pause it.

"Where's the record?" She asked, I couldn't help but laugh a little at that question.

"Records went out of style about thirty or forty years ago. They were replaced by cassette tapes and then those were replaced by CDs and then MP3s came along. Over time, the capacity on them increased. I mine, on my phone I have over 250 songs and I'm only halfway through my storage and I could delete some things for even more room." I said

"So that's ya phone?" Applejack asked

"Sort of. It's a cell phone, so it's portable. Unfortunately there is a distinct lack of cell phone towers here, so I can't use it to call, but it has plenty of uses."

"Like what?"

"I have a calendar, a camera, a map, weather, clock, notes, books, games, a conversion app, a bunch of other apps and a couple dozen games. But I can't use the map, weather, And some other apps because I have no internet here, obviously." I said

"You have all this stuff on that little thing? You have to let me study it!" Twilight said "Also what's the internet?"

I stood there for a moment trying to figure out how to explain the Internet.

"Imagine being able to look up almost anything. Famous people, events, information on countries and their history and culture. Or looking the answer to questions like why apple seeds are toxic to humans." Twilight looked shocked and just stood there.

Dash flew over and waved a hoof in her face "Yo Twi! Twi! She's in an egghead coma give her *yawn* a few minutes." When she yawned everyone except for Luna and I did too.

"I suggest you all go to bed, you have a big day tomorrow." Celestia suggested and everyone left, with Twilight being carried out by Cadence's magic. I sat down on the edge of the bed and cracked open my box 'o Twinkies.

"I'm gonna be a diabetic come morning." I muttered. While I sat there a thought entered my mind and it's one of those thoughts that irk you to no end. What do world leaders do when they're not leading? I mean Obama golfs and Putin rides bears shirtless, but what about privately? For all I know Obama does basket weaving or Putin is a men's fashion designer or something like that. What do the Princesses do when they're all together? For some reason I could see them being real formal in public, but put the three in a room all by themselves and they would turn into college aged girls, drinking margaritas and tequila and all sorts of other crazy shit.

What were my hobbies? I thought to myself, what would I be caught doing if the paparazzi (if they even exist here) see me doing? I grabbed my phone and began a list of hobbies:
Running
Hunting communists
Spreading freedom and democracy
Fishing?
Video games

This list checks out and with my mind cleared, I fell asleep in a few minutes.

Someone was knocking at my door, and I was pissed because I just fell asleep. Maybe if I don't answer they'll leave, I'm silently willing whoever is outside to leave.

"Come ON Chris, it's 7:15!" Twilight called out, I still pretended to sleep. The door opens and I hear someone walking over to me and I try and resist the urge to smile. They start poking me, I let out a tired groan and roll over. I'm met with am angry, purple unicorn,

"Yes?" I asked in my best tired voice

"Come on! It's 7:16, we're a minute late!" Twilight said urgently

"And what time do we leave?"

"Well, the girls and I are leaving at 8:30 to a train to Ponyville that Princess Celestia got for us, but you're leaving at 8:15 to go the military base further up the mountain to put your truck on a special car."

"Wow... You have this thing all planned out. Wake me in half an hour so I can get ready."

"But that would only give you half an hour to get ready. You have to pack-"

"Did that last night"

"Shower?"

"That would take ten minutes max."

"Eat?"

"I can be a very fast eater." I said, Twiligjt was silent for a moment.

"But that wouldn't give you enough time to say goodbye to everypony."

"Like who? The Princesses and Shining?"

"Ugh! You're impossible!" She said as she stormed out

"Even impossible says I'm possible!" I called out. I'm not falling asleep again anytime soon. I roll out of bed and take a quick shower. I take a look in the mirror, a shave wouldn't hurt, I grabbed my razor and shaving cream and began, accompanied by some Queen. I was shaving my right cheek, when someone knocked on the door, my hand went down and my head went up leaving a nice cut on my cheek.

"OWW! FUCKIN' SHIT!!! FUCK!!"

"Chris! Are you alright?" I heard Twilight ask through the door

"Just peachy!"

"Ya sure? Ya don't sound too fine from out here!" Applejack said

"You can come in!" I said, I heard the door open and several hoofsteps walk across the floor. I finished shaving and stuck a piece of toilet paper on the cut. I finished up and walked walked out.

"What about to your face darling?" Rarity asked

"Well, whoever knocked on my door caught me off guard so my hand jerked down and left me with a small cut."

"Oh my, do you want me to look at it, if you don't mind." Fluttershy asked

"It wouldn't hurt to put some anti-infection stuff on it." I said and she walked out of the room. We stood there semi-awkwardly, I was feeling because I was only wearing a towel. Which gave me an awesome idea, next meeting wear a toga, next meeting kilt, next one motherfucking lederhosen. After that I'll wing it.

I stood there trying not to grin when Fluttershy returned.

"This'll sting a little." She advised

"I figured, 'sides I've had a things worse than a little cut."

"Oh my, like what, if you don't mind me asking."

"Broke my collarbone twice, both times embarrassing ways, several nasty falls and a major surgery."

"Surgery? For what?" Dash asked, I slid the towel down a few inches, revealing the scar, running across my chest.

"I had some birth defect that left a larger than normal depression between my collarbones, I never really bothered to look into."

"What did they do?" Twilight asked, looking a little too eager

"Don't really know, they basically put a metal bar in me, took some cartridge out and it regrew into the proper shape." I said as Fluttershy finished putting a Band-Aid on my face.

"Alright, I hope you don't mind, but I'm afraid I have to ask you all to leave so I can get changed. I'll meet you all in the dining hall." I said, they agreed and left. I started getting dressed when I remembered I have no clue where the dining hall is.

Author's Note:

Yea! Another one down

Next chapter: Homeward bound and meeting a famous pony from Canterlot.

Here a story of how I broke my collarbone I was about five or six, so my bones were still weak/growing. I was rolling around on my parent's bed, I rolled off and broke it. They didn't even notice it was broken until it was almost fully healed, thank god it wasn't internal bleeding!m

One last thing, I'm posting at 3:39 AM, so I apologize for any typos.