Equestria and Zebrica were burned a century ago. But on the continent of Sall'han, ponies survived and thrived. Those fledging societies are isolated, and dissimilar. With the arrival of the Transient, powers old and new will make their move.
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8874660
Yeah, Icepick does get a lot of excitement... those grammar things are right. It is supposed to be 'through'.
I can see a spin off series in the making... Oil Can... Lubing up the wasteland, one mare at a time!
"Ohh my sir, what a big rocket launcher you have there!"
"Ohh this little thing? Standard issue, but with 100% explosive fluid gurantee or your money back"
Coming to a terminal near you to keep you warm this winter.
So weird catch 22, the more that I like a story, the less I write of comments since I just want to hurry onto the next one, but yet do I still want to give pointers to good stuff so things can improve, but the more improvements there come the less do I feel that i can comment on... I am caught in a weird loop as you can see.
Nitpicks:
" or maybe it the chaos that had been let loose in the restaurant had gotten to him" missing a was
"The infirmary wasn’t in the best shape" this whole segment should not be in bold and italic
"The time was convenient, " Giant giant area that are both bold and italic. I know that many people can read through that stuff, but I always find it extra distracting! Since this is a military inspired fic do I suggest 20 lashes with a feathered cacti!
" It said in plain equish that I had a technical certification" Equish would be a langurige, so should be with a capital letter
" I had smiled at every word of hers, " I think that "had been smiling" would flow better... but could also just be me being weird
", a dagger between his teeth for the record it looked pretty sharp)" Shoo shoo bracket, you are not at home here!
"but not everyone knew that assholes with knives were doing the kinds of things that assholes with knives are prone to doing" Remember your capital letters when you start a new sentence. Capital letters are good for your health!
" I had been pressing the hard edge of a forehoof against his one of his carotid arteries, for enough seconds" Delete, and with how flowing your words is, is that oddly blunt.
". A quad tube rocket system hung off of left side" the
"I exited through a door to the outside No-one else in the repair bay seemed to notice or care." I think there should be a comma before no-one, and that it dosn't need its capital letter
" He didn’t, couldn’t shake me." Feels as i a few words are missing here
"In the edges of my vision I spotted friendly EFS markers" You have called them IIF up until this point
". You could never blame him" Delete period