The Misadventures of Fanta Shock

by Feathers and Fanfics

Chapter 12: Fanta and the Daring Town Hall Heist

Fanta Shock woke up. The sunlight blinded her, and she fell out of bed with a crash. She smiled, missing the familiar burning sensation, before standing up and going downstairs. As she munched on her cereal, she thought over the last few days. Clearing up Ponyville had taken some doing, but all the cats were now locked up. Feather was back in her house, Daring was writing another story in the jungle, and all was right with the world.

This worried Fanta as it meant that inevitably, something bad was going to happen.

She decided to stay indoors today. It was too dangerous out there. If she stayed inside, she might actually get some peace.

She checked around her home, making sure she had no appointments or anything else needing doing. She nodded in satisfaction and picked up the small notebook on her table. This was her logbook. She opened and it and sighed, flicking idly through the blank pages.

Fanta Shock was a mercenary, a hoof for hire. She would lend her skills (mostly grumpy attitudes and drinking cider) to anypony who could afford her. The last job she'd had was saving a kitten from a tree and she'd gotten two bits for her hard work and clawed fuzz.

Fortunately, as she was an on-the job-worker, Ponyville’s council was willing to pay her rent and food for her, so she didn't have to worry about that so much, but she got incredibly bored. It did have the advantage that she could laze around, and therefore she would always be open to work, should Ponyville, or anypony else require her services. After Fanta was put to work a few times, her grumpy attitude was apparently insufferable, and she had been removed from every job she'd been assigned to. Eventually, Ponyville council decided to just leave her alone, and let her be hired by those with darker intentions, such as assassination or robbery. However, she hadn't done a 'job' in months, not counting the school run. She hated having to rely on government money, and really wanted to be employed in her profession of choice(bashing ponies and monsters with frying pans).

She was about to go back to bed when she heard a soft whisper, like a leaf touching the floor after falling off a tree. She instinctively ducked as an crossbow bolt buried itself in the wall above her head with a solid thwack.

She rolled behind her couch, and breathed through her mouth so as not to give away her position. After waiting a few moments, she peeked around the side of the couch, following the bolt's trajectory with her eye until she spied an open window. Cursing to herself, she crawled on her belly, into the kitchen.

A few moments later, a small bush creeped out the back of Fanta's house. It slowly hopped its way down the street, desperately thinking up places to take refuge.

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Snuggle Feather woke up. She yawned and propped herself up on some pillows, and petted the cat on her lap.

"C'mon, Dust. Let me free."

Dust looked at Snuggle with a blank expression, then jumped off the bed and slinked out. Feather shook her head and climbed out of bed.

In the kitchen, Feather poured a huge sack of cat food into an equally huge food bowl. A dozen or so cats scampered over, and started their morning meal. Feather got herself some toast. As she sat down, she heard a scratching at her front door.

"Must be Sugar stuck outside, again. I'm coming, sweetie!"

Feather jumped up and trotted to the door, opening it to reveal a piece of shrubbery that seemed to be out of breath.

"I'm sorry, we don't want your business, Mr Bush." Feather started to close the door.

"It's me, you featherbrain!" The bush spoked in a hushed whisper.

"I know who you are, Bush! And I've told you before, your business is not welcome-"

Fanta poked her head out of the bush, looking up at Feather with a very annoyed expression.

"Mr Bush... I can't believe you'd kidnap one of my friends just to satisfy your evil- mmmmph!"

Feather squeaked through Fanta's hoof.

"Would you shush for just a moment? I need somewhere to lay low, and your house is the safest place I can think of."

"Mmmmm. Mmph, mm-mmmph!" Feather muffled happily, dragging Fanta into the house by her hoof.

The bush was abandoned outside, and eventually left to conduct its own business.

Fanta sat on the couch, and was immediately covered by what must have been several million cats. Half an hour of coaxing by Feather and some cat treats later, Fanta just had one remaining on her lap. A jolly little tabby with a love for life, laps, and sleeping. Fanta sighed and petted the happy cat.

"So, why do you need to lay low?"

"I was attacked by an archer today, probably a hired hitmare."

"Why hire a pony to hit themselves?"

"No, they're hired to hit other ponies."

"Oh... Why?"

"Because they're paid to."

"Oh. Who would want to hit you?"

"Let's see, a heretical cult, a bovine demon, that one kid I covered in paint in magic kindergarten, plenty of ponies."

"Paint?"

"He said that I was blank and boring and that he needed more colour in his life."

"Heh, oh. I get it."

"Good. Anyway, I'm hiding out in your... lovely abode, until I can find the hitmare and dispose of them."

"You're going to put them in the trash?"

"Errr... Yeah, let's go with that."

Feather sipped her tea.

"So, what are you going to do? How will you find them?"

"I'm going to act on a hunch, and sneak into town hall to steal the job records on all the local mercenaries I can."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"Yup."

"Is this the part where I try reason with you, knowing it will only make you more determined?"

"No, this is the part where you listen to what I have to say, and do what I tell you."

"How come you get to be the leader?"

"Can you knock out a pony from fifty paces, using only one eye and a ceramic frying pan?"

"No, but-"

"Exactly, now hush and listen to my plan."

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Feather grumbled as she trotted towards town square. This wasn't fair, how come she didn't get to be the leader? Mumbling under her breath, she came to a halt in front of town hall, and flopped on the floor, half-heartedly yelling in agony. Mayor Mare rushed out, followed by two guardsponies. She joined the group of ponies around Feather, and leaned over her.

"Are you alright?"

Feather wailed again, and looked up at the Mayor.
"I-It's the baby!"

This caused a rather enormous uproar, with several mothers carrying Feather on their backs, the mayor running after the crowd in hopes of some good press, and the guardsponies running after the mayor to guard her.

This left town hall and the surrounding area almost completely abandoned.

Fanta waltzed her way over the doors, and slipped inside. She galloped through offices, looking for the main filing room. Eventually, she poked her head into a circular room with tall filing cabinets covering the walls. A little investigation uncovered a reference book in a cupboard, and she opened it with a grin, looking under 'M'.

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Meanwhile, Feather had been rather enjoying the whole ordeal, nurses and doctors fauning over her, the citizens and townsponies waiting outside, and a super comfy bed. Eventually, the doctors all had to go and get some results from some machine, as they said they were confused about the lack of baby in Feather. She took this opportunity, as instructed by Fanta, to leave through an open window.

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Fanta was buried under a pile of files and getting nowhere. She grumbled, and shoved some pieces of paper out of her way. Only having one eye made reading a slow business, and she was beginning to lose hope. Her hunch was, that in order to pay her rent and whatnot, town hall must keep records of her so they know where to send the funds.

Suddenly, a word caught her gaze.

'GFH'

Gun for hire? She opened it, and after scanning the paper, smiled gleefully, pulling the paper out of the file, rolling it into a tube and securing it with a rubber band. Hiding it under her mane, she fled town hall as quickly as she could.

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Feather was quietly snoozing on her couch, buried under several cats. They shot off her in a massive feline explosion when Fanta slammed the front door on her way in.

"So great leader, how did it go?"

"Fine, got the info, left a big mess for the pink terror to clean up."

"Pinkie? How do you know Pinkie does the filing?"

"Cupcake sprinkles, everywhere."

"Ahh." Feather nodded, and curled up for more sleep. Fanta rolled her eyes, and took out the piece of paper to read it again.

'GFH and Mercenaries'
Under this category: 3
Shock, Fanta: GFH
Pencil the Third, Sharpened: GFH
Job, Odd: event planner and part-time vigilante

She snorted, and mentally crossed Odd Job off the list. That just left Sharpened Pencil.

"Gotcha. Hey, Feather?"

"Zzzzz..."

"Oh. Right. Never mind."

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Celestia combed her flowing mane, looking forward to the sweet promise of sleep.

"Celestia..." A voice echoed around her.

"What do you want?"

"How is the problem being taken care of?"

"I hired a mercenary to take her out."

"Gooood. I hope you picked a good one, I'd hate for your sister to get hurt... Or for our deal to go south."

Celestia forced a smile. "The problem will be taken care of."

"Goood..." The echo faded, and Celestia was alone again. She bowed her head and sighed.

"Luna, what have I done?"

Author's Note:

This one took awhile, but I quite enjoyed writing it! Criticisms are welcome. The next chapter will be out in a day or so.

Comments

[Patronum2000]

Daaaw, Fanta went directly to Feather when she was in trouble

Wait, hold on a minute, that shadow, it's obviously the kid she covered in paint in kindergarden, he is back for revenge after not being able to wash away the paint. Now he can't show himself in public, which is why he uses his shadow to talk to people.

[Feathers and Fanfics]

7274529 Possible plot twist reveal?!?!?!?!

I kid, you'll have to find out later. For now, here's a new chapter.