TALES FOR NIGHTMARE NIGHT! A collection to read AFTER the lights are out!

by De Writer

NO REFUND

The cloud white mare with black mane and tail regarded the party with suspicion. She pointed an accusing hoof at the party’s leader, a gaunt looking yellow pony with scraggly off red mane and tail.

“Why would you be wanting to dig up this grave? This pony is at rest. You sure that you aren’t ghouls using a pretext so that you can grab a snack?”

That pony just snarled, “Ain’t none of your business, Whitey! And NO! We ain’t ghouls!”

She stepped into his way and sat solidly on the grave that the yellow pony was trying to get his shovel into. “It is my business! Anypony trying to disturb my home is my business! Why do you want to dig up Rory Saddler? What is the point, if not to eat his corpse?”

The apparently piebald black, tan and white goat in the party spoke up, “Cory Saddler here, seems to think that his uncle Rory, who was well known as a schemer and con artist, did not die and get buried here. I made a contract with Rory that he would die quickly and without pain, last month. He insisted on paying me 12,000 bits for that merciful ending to his long and basically dishonest life.”

Cory interrupted, “That money should have gone to me! I was promised half of his estate when he died! Since he spent it all on this wicked goat, he gotta give me back that money! They is a refund clause in that there contract. Uncle Rory just pulled another fast one but he outsmarted himself this time! When he ain’t in that box down there, this here goat gotta give back that gold that he done nothing to earn!”

The goat spoke up, “Technically, I would owe the money to Rory, not you. His contract is very specific in that regard. If he is not in that grave, the 13,200 bits of refund and 10% indemnity will be placed into a trust fund at Ponyville Trust and Loan which ONLY He can claim.”

The mare regarded the apparent goat with interest. “That is a lovely glamor, mister goat. Are you Mister Grumpy Goat that lives up on the mountain over there?”

He nodded agreeably, “That is me, alright. May I ask who you are?”

She smiled. “Bonny. Bonny Bones, Mister Grumpy. Pleased to meet you.”

“Can this polite crap! Rory’s will been read! That cheat left me half of his estate! After the dratted funeral come out, me and Melisande only got eighteen bits to split between us! That and his old clothes and shoes!”

Grumpy cocked his head, floppy ears lifted some with interest. “What did you do with his possessions?”

Cory snarled, “I give them all to Mel! She get me and the law pony to sign that his crap was hers. She find a hid compartment in his trunk with five hundred gold bits in it! Wouldn’t share none with me, neither! Just waive that paper where I give her Rory’s old crap.”

Bonnie looked askance at Cory. “Sounds to me like you made your own misfortunes, so far. I have been here enough to know something of the laws that ponies have about the dead.

“Before you go digging up any grave, you need a special paper from the court, letting you do it. If you dig him up, there will have to be a new autopsy done. That all costs money. Money that you don’t have and won’t get.”

Corey snapped, “I will have! See, his will been read and all. Law says he’s dead. If he ain’t in that box, the goat’s refund go to his estate! It been divided already and Mel she sign off on it. I ain’t so’s the residue, they calls it, go to me!”

Grumpy pointed out, “This will really not look good on top of your current charges. They dragged you out of the funeral for repeatedly stabbing the deceased with a three inch hat pin. Now, here you are in the graveyard, trying to illegally exhume Rory’s body. You don’t need to do that at all.”

“What you means I don’t gotta? See, if'n he’s in there, all I gotta do is take him away and refill the hole. Get the law to dig it up and they gonna force you to pay up that there refund!”

An official sounding voice from behind him startled Cory! “Considering all that I have overheard in the last few minutes, Cory, you are going to jail! You are under arrest for conspiracy to abuse a corpse.”

“Constable Crager! You doesn’t understand! See, he took a drug to fake death! He done it before, once! That was why I done poke him with that pin to wake him up!”

As Constable Crager was leading him off, Grumpy and Bonnie overheard, “Well, now that we have cause, he will be autopsied.”

Tunelessly whistling, Grumpy examined his copy of the Saddler Contract. Nodding confirmation, he showed Bonnie, “See, right here. 'Death to be quick and painless. To happen within a month of contract registry.’ Now if you check the registry date, it expires today.

“Do you know what is funny, Bonnie? Cory was right. He did take a drug to fake death. It was working just like he planned it to, right up to his funeral. According to the Lich King, Lord of the Dead, who is a friend of mine, he was unconscious and unable to feel a thing when Cory’s pin stab in the neck to wake him up, pierced his spinal cord and killed him!”

Bonnie whickered her amusement! “He was planning to cheat you and collect the refund plus ten percent! Cory was just following Rory’s plan! Both of them forgot one thing that even here in the graveyard, I have heard about your contracts. You have never had to give out a refund!”

~THE END~