“He says hi,” Symphony slides into her seat.
Octavia looks up from her menu. The violinist gazes at her with a knowing look. “Well, that’s considerate of him.”
“I think he wanted to tag along, but the doctors wouldn't allow it.”
“I see.”
Symphony noses her menu open and begins to peruse the entrees. Octavia studies her carefully, taking in every detail of her demeanor. Ever since her performance before rehearsal on that fateful day, it seems like the rest of the orchestra is trying to pair Octavia with the new pianist, and the instigator seems to be the pony sitting across from her.
The waiter appears, a notepad and pen hovering near his face. He looks pointedly at Octavia. “Are you ready to order, miss?”
Symphony looks up, annoyed that she wasn’t acknowledged. “You order first, Octavia. I need just a second to decide.”
“That’s fine.” Octavia closes her menu and offers it to the unicorn. “I will take the peanut and apricot salad with your raspberry vinaigrette. Hold the onions.”
“Of course.”
Symphony places a hoof on an item on the menu. “What sauce does the hay burger come in?”
“Er, there is no sauce.”
“Then add one. Barbeque sauce will suffice.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The waiter takes the menus and vacates the table. Octavia turns to Symphony, an exasperatedly patronizing look on her face. “You do realize where we are, of course.”
“Yes. The Paradigm. Finest Canterlotean cuisine that can be found.”
“And you ordered a hay burger. Well done, Symphony. Well done.”
“And what, pray tell, is wrong with that?”
“When I reserve a table for us in such an expensive place.” Octavia puts a fair amount of stress on the word. “I don’t expect you to order something that could be found for two bits at Doughnut Joe’s.”
“Okay, so sue me. I don’t fit into the upper-class cliques as well as you do, Octavia.”
Octavia, smiling to herself, affixes her gaze on her glass of spring water so she doesn’t have to look at the staged look of offense on Symphony’s face. She toys with the lime wedge clinging into the rim of the glass with her hoof, one of the many nervous habits she constantly utilizes. Her fun does not last for very long, however, because a particularly vigorous prod dislodges the fruit’s grip and sends it tumbling into the water.
Symphony laughs at Octavia’s vaguely disappointed look. “Having fun?”
“Yes, actually. I found an extraordinary amount of entertainment from that citrus. It was really speaking to me.”
“Was it giving you insightful advice?”
Octavia can see where this is going, and hopes to avoid that conversation. “Not particularly. Limes aren’t known for being a deep reservoir of wisdom. The most that you could hope for from them is small talk.”
A stallion at the table next to the musicians’ sends them a concerned look, desperately confused by their conversation. Symphony smiles winningly at him, and he goes back to his salad, sheer bewilderment consuming his features.
“Did your small talk involve anypony?” Symphony continues. “Like a stallion?”
And they’ve arrived on the subject that Octavia considered to be taboo. “No, actually,” she answers simply, trying not to give Symphony any more ammunition to use against her.
“Are you sure?”
“Symphony, I know what you’re trying to convey. Believe me, I am absolutely positive. I did not intend to attend a meal with you with the sole purpose of discussing who you think I should get together with.”
“Okay, I’ll let it happen on its own. No need for me to prod you two in the right direction.”
“My thoughts exactly. Minus the portion of that sentence that involved it happening on its own.”
The waiter reappears, a pair of dishes enveloped in blue magic levitating in front of him. “Your meals.”
“That was quick,” says Symphony, impressed, as her burger assumes its position in front of her.
The waiter looks at Octavia uneasily, who smiles pleasantly. “Yes, ma’am. We pride ourselves in service here at the Paradigm.”
Symphony flips the top bun off her burger to examine the quality. Once the item on her plate has passed inspection, she nods approvingly, giving the nervous-looking waiter the signal that he is free to leave. “So, what was that look? Was he, like, an ex of yours?”
“Symphony, you’re showing far too much interest in my social life, and I’m not sure if I appreciate it or not. You had just commented on how promptly they prepared our food. The reason he looked so uncomfortable is because first time I was here, I may have intimidated him a bit when it took an hour and a half for them to produce food for Vinyl and I. Ever since, their normally very slow service has been satisfyingly quick.”
“Brilliant, Octavia.”
Octavia smiles, then gently lowers her face into her salad and begins to eat.
The crisis has been averted, Octavia had successfully avoided mention of the pianist. She simply can’t talk about him honestly to Symphony, it would be too painful.
Like Symphony had said, hopefully it will happen of its own accord.
Shorter chapter today. I didn't want to draw it out to the point of feeling long-winded. But I bet you didn't see this coming, did you?
Interesting
Okay, everyone. We've just hit a milestone. Melodious Desideratum has just passed 100 Favorites! You guys are the best!
Congratz man you disurve them all and more
Hurray! New chapter!
AAAAnnnnndddd... read. good chapter.
Whew. Finally caught up.
Firstly, I'd just like to say that I am enjoying the story a great deal. It's written fairly well and this is the first story I've read in which Vinyl and Octavia are involved, yet aren't paired together, and the first story I've seen where Lyra is paired with someone who isn't Bonbon. Though I quite like both of those ships, it's a refreshing change nonetheless.
I also have to congratulate you on your usage of second-person narrative. I actually didn't even realize you were using it until I saw it mentioned in the comments on the first chapter, which is good because more often than not, when I do notice it right away it's usually because the person is butchering the narrative badly enough that it's distracting from the story itself. Yours, I'm happy to say, does nothing of the sort.
Now, that out of the way, I have to convey the primary concern I have with the story so far. The protagonist. I'm having some serious trouble finding any real, distinguishable faults about him. He's an incredible pianist who writes miniature symphonies on a daily basis as a warmup, he's a unicorn who has mastered (and invented) various spells with little to no effort whatsoever, he's an introvert who still manages to be assertive and clever in conversation at all the right times, and the only legitimate conflict he's met so far in the story has been being beaten to a pulp by thugs. And I'm sorry to say that not being able to overpower two other guys twice your size doesn't really count as a character flaw.
I've noticed a couple of spots that would've been nice places to insert a little issue for him to make his character more believable, but unfortunately you haven't really taken any of them. Like when he was presented with sheet music (presumably) for the first time. I thought, "Hm. Maybe he learned everything by ear and is unable to read sheet music. That could create a nice problem for him to overcome!" and then it turns out that his discomfort was just the piece being too easy for him. Oi.
And then trying to learn teleportation... "Ah! Here it comes! He's just not gonna be able to pick it up until a desperate situation later on!" Or he could think happy thoughts about Octavia and suddenly be able to teleport across incredible distances without any real practice or thought.
So, yeah. Those are my thoughts up to this point in the story. I love the concept. The writing is very nicely done (barring the expected spelling and grammatical error here and there). But the main character needs to find some character flaws.
1138877
Thank you for some honest feedback! It's really a relief to finally find out that my story isn't quite as perfect as all my other readers lead me to believe. I've taken your comments into consideration, and I think that they're absolutely true. My protagonist needs to be a little more weak . . . but my own weakness is that writing a flawed character seems . . . off. Maybe it's just me, but portraying a main character that is less than perfect is weird. It's my bad, but thanks for catching it.
Cheers!
1140057
Any time, sir. Any time.
I'll still keep reading, regardless, because I really wanna know what happens, but I'm glad to hear you'll at least be keeping my comment in mind for future updates. It's always nice to see someone actually taking constructive criticism well.
1135434
Your getting pissed about Desi?
I found a new nickname
:1140057
Did we really make you believe it was so perfect?
Hmmm intresting, now what to do. Can't come up with anything.
I just forgot what i wanted to typ or i just started typing for no reason.
Soooo how's the new school year?
1142081
Thanks for the nickname, bro. It's . . . quaint.
Lucky for me, I still have another week before school is starting, so I'm going to continue to pump out Melodious Desideratum for as long as I can. We might actually be getting close to an end. Who knows? dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Twilight_Sparkle.png
1136201
Good morning Doctor. Look At you In this mirror--->1136201
1142109
Uh, what's going on here? This seems . . . ominous.
1142109*backs away slowly witha scared look on his face* no....*he whistpers half to himself*
1142112
look at his avatar/User pic, Then Look After The 11th Doctor....
1142140
Still not ginger?
e.deviantart.net/emoticons/t/trollface.png
1142254
Someone who also makes lots of comments .
Now lets unleash chaos on the comments page and leave a lot of numbers on Desi´s noticfications counter.
:1142102
Meh my new year started this week, ¨pretty nice class, and the learning stuff is intresting.
And about the story, well an end could be coming. Who knows?
Well this is fast, didn't noticed it yet.
Weird i got comments here but i didn't looked if a new chapter was added.
It does give me more reasons/excuses to add more comments.
Listen closely now *faint click* Yep another number added on Desi's notification counter.
1142318
Oh . . . it's you again.
By all means, carry on.
1142254*is confused for a second before an irratated frown apears on his face* no I'm "still"not a ginger, what of it?
1142235
Mother of Celestia . . .
1142081 What new school year? I don't start till september 10th
1142254 I'll just throw it out there, I am a ginger
1142050 your welcome!
1142947
Then, The Doctor Envies You....
He's Just dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_RageFace.png
1142980 He mad?tommeyer.free.fr/pics/AuWVLrJmo.jpg
1143116
Sometime, Yes.
1142942
Different country i guess, i started at 20 august.
1142947
Daywalker or nightstalker?
“I think he wanted to tag along, but the doctors would allow it.”
They would? Then why didn't he come along?
Wouldn't
Great chapter but again one grammar Nazi nut kick for me I think he wanted to tag along, but the doctors would allow it
I think you mean 'wouldn't'
1470800
Someone else mentioned that, but I neglected to fix it. Now fixed.
Thanks, mate!