The Escapades of Lord Corn Wall

by Megatron

The Meteor

It was a calm night in Equestria and all seemed at peace. A gentle breeze swept the land as the stars shined brightly in the heavens. It was the middle of summer in Equestria and the lazy spirit of its residence showed it. For the young it was a time to play and relax while their schools were closed. The adults had no concerns on their minds either, harvest was ages away in the minds of farmers and everypony was looking forward to the summer sun celebration that was soon to come. That is why it was such a shock when fire rained from the sky. For on that fateful day a strange meteor fell from the stars and crashed into the Everfree Forest. All knew immediately that this was no ordinary meteor either due to the alien green glow that it exerted.

This unknown object held limitless potential and it was assumed that, given time, could end up changing Equestria forever. Some worried that this change may be negative while others speculated that this “fallen star” was useless and would serve as nothing more than a curiosity. All agreed however that this meteor would be worth many times its weight in Bits and that Celestia would be sending a team to retrieve it immediately. Celestia however had other, more subtle ways of retrieving this item.

First to even think of retrieving the meteor was Lord Corn Wall’s arch nemesis, Steel Heart. Steel Heart was Corn Wall’s primary competitor among the nobles due to the fact that both were based firmly around to very different doctrines. The latter’s ancestors had come to power in the times of old and were aligned with the farmers who have long formed the backbone of Equestrian society. Steel Heart was descended from unicorns who had only recently risen to the status of nobility by using their magic to create technology. Steel Heart herself was very different from most nobles due to the fact that she looked to the future rather than lingering in the past and sought to improve upon existing technology and industrialize Equestria. This alone made her a threat to the legacy of the great Corn Lord and thus a threat to his descendent, Lord Corn Wall.

As usual, Corn Wall was among the last to be informed of the meteor and didn’t see any actual value in it. However, he knew that Steel Heart was eager to seize it and he should move to take it first for the sake of keeping it away from her and keeping her power from growing any greater. He had been competing against her long enough to know how she thought. She was a logical thinker and was with out a doubt on the train to Ponyville at this very moment where she would recruit locals and for a team that could both protect her from the strange creatures lurking in the forest and carry the meteor back with them. Her only true weakness is that the train would take time and gathering locals would be slow. Corn Wall took his two most loyal servants, Fire Star and Zap Watt and left to scale the mountain that Canterlot stood upon and move into the Everfree Forest by cutting through the town of Ralistok.

Fire Star was an obvious choice to go on a mission like this but taking Zap Watt into a potential fight worried the noble. It had nothing to do with the fact that Zap Watt was nonviolent or cowardly as one might expect from a scientist but the contrary, Zap Watt enjoyed the brutality of battle too much. He loved all aspects of electricity including its terrifying affects on the mortal shell. This is one of many reasons why nopony truly liked Zap Watt. Within the hour the three ponies had their equipment ready and were ready to depart.
“Is everypony ready?” asked Lord Corn Wall.
“Yes my lord!” the bodyguard responded.
“I hope zhat zhis meteor has lots of electricity around it!” piped Zap Watt.
“Zap? What in Celestia’s name is that thing around your right hoof?” Fire Star asked while pointing at a large gauntlet that the scientist was wearing.
Zap Watt chuckled manically for a second before replying, “Zhat my friend is zhe Tesla Destroyer Mark ten!”
“What the hay does it do?”
“It Destroys zhings in zhe most brutal and amazing way possible!”
“Um, I’m sorry I asked, let’s go.”

And with those words the team began the journey down the winding mountain path towards Ralistok and the Everfree Forest. The trip went well and like any trip that goes well the details are extremely boring. It wasn’t until they got off the mountain and reached the road to Ralistok did they come across trouble. For along the road there were a large number of tents set up. One elder carrying a lantern approached them.
“Halt! Go no further unless you seek your own doom!” He barked.
The noble responded, “I say, what are you raving on about.”
“The dead have risen in Ralistok and seek to slay any who enter the town!” Proclaimed the elder.
“Did zhey return because of zhe meteor?” inquired Zap Watt.
“No that’s nonsense, the dead always rise in town this time of year.” The elder said calmly.
“Whatever, we can handle a few decaying bags of bones. Good day to you sir!” Corn Wall said while signaling for the others to move.

At this point in time the sun had set and the group would have to move by torchlight. Everything was calm until they reached the edge of Ralistok and felt a strange unease. They all moved more cautiously and were startled by every noise. It wasn’t until they reached the center of town that they truly understood the elder’s warning. They saw that the undead were more numerous than they had and anticipated and instead of “decaying bags of bones” they were mostly intact engines of doom that instantly charged towards the group with terrifying speed. Zap Watt lifted his right hoof and fired a huge bolt of electricity at the horde. This did absolutely nothing but stun the risen dead for a few moments though.
“It zeems zhat zhis voltage is ineffective, zhat’s something I’ll have to fix with zhe next model.” The scientist said, undaunted.
“Never mind that! What do we do?” asked a panicked Fire Star.
“We’ll have to fall back on a strategy I’ve used a million times in the past… run for the exit!” commanded Lord Corn Wall. Without another word, everypony charged down the road and were soon in the Everfree Forest, safe from the undead but now deep in the most dangerous corner of Equestria.

The Everfree Forest was an enigma. In this forest resided monstrous creatures and kind beings that seemed to take no notice of each other. An hour could seem like a day and a day could seem like an hour. The seasons had no effect and the weather was static. Zap Watt was personally disturbed by the fact that there were few good conductors in the forest. The march towards the green glow that now shined like a beacon in the pitch darkness was long and uninterrupted save for the occasional bat flying overhead (a fair number of whom had the misfortune of being shocked by Zap Watt at least once). By midnight the trio had reached crater and move towards the source of the glow. This meteor was no mere rock but a metallic cylinder that glowed brightly even against the moonlight that poured in through the massive gaps in the canopy that it had rendered on its downfall.
“Quickly grab that thing and move towards Ponyville before she gets here!” ordered Corn Wall.
“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Said a familiar voice from the darkness.

Stepping out from the shadows came the dark blue form of Steel Heart, with her white mane flying in the wind and her grey eyes shinning in the moonlight.
“Grab them!” she commanded. Out of the darkness came a large group of ponies that restrained the group before they could escape.
“Oh I say! You madam, qualify as a binder!” shouted Lord Corn Wall. Everypony wore a blank expression while trying to figure out what exactly that meant.
“Now I will take this artifact and harness its power to start an industrial revolution!” Steel Heart shouted.
“But none of us know if zhis zhing does anything.” Interjected Zap Watt.
“I know that it has to do something after all why would it be glowing?”
“Just because it glows doesn’t mean it’s actually useful.” Answered Fire Star. Steel Heart said nothing and took the bodyguard’s hat. “Give me that back.”
“Why?” Steel Heart said. “What are you going to do about it?” After that last word, Fire Star went into a rage and threw back the ponies holding him down. He then knocked all of the others to the ground before going to the know petrified Steel Heart, swiping the hat out of her hands and placing it back upon his head.
“One of you grab that thing, we’re getting out of here.” Said Fire Star. Zap Watt took the cylinder and the trio fled the scene leaving a still shocked Steel Heart behind.

Things were quiet after the train ride back to Canterlot. The cylinder itself was quickly forgotten by Corn Wall who only truly cared about his victory over Steel Heart and was studied by Zap Watt before disappearing under mysterious circumstances (Zap Watt was glad to be rid of it after he learned that it gave off no electrical charges). The artifact was taken in the night by the Equestrian secret service that brought it to Canterlot’s main laboratory. After being put through a battery of tests it was determined that the cylinder was completely useless and quickly became a decoration in the main hall. Celestia was disappointed that the object didn’t do anything but was satisfied that her plan of retrieving it had worked. She knew from the beginning that Steel Heart would compulsively hunt it down and that Lord Corn Wall would somehow take it and then leave it poorly guarded. She found that the reports of Fire Star’s berserker rampage at having his hat taken and Steel Heart’s blank response were some of the most hilarious yet and she didn’t even have to goad anypony to do anything. She also realized that she could use the nobles for things like this in the future. After all hearing about there incompetence was a million times more entertaining then just sending Royal guard to get something done. And the nobles were shaken up even more than usual. This could lead to some interesting events in the future.

Author's Note:

A bizarre combination of Command & Conquer , Diablo III , and various UFO stories, that's what this chapter was inspired by. I was very into C & C at the time (as stated in a previous chapter), I was playing Diablo III like crazy at the time, and I still love UFO stuff to this day. How all of that stuff could possibly combine together in someone's mind, I honestly have no idea, but it all collided in mine, and this is the messy result.

-Lost_One, 8/7/19