No....no sequel for this.

alright you have my attention.

What he (puppy13) said.

Well.....shit.

No

Eenope nopenopenopenopenope. While a sequel would be nice just...nope.

Kinda want one, but better to let it be I think.

Couldn't it be literally anyone else rather than Twilight?

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Hence why it's called a 'terrible' idea for a sequel.
I tend to do weird things at the late night hours. This was one of them.

Probably not going to write anymore of that. Given how Evening and Shining met, it's all a bit to weeeeird.

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What do you mean? If you mean why the note was only addressed to Shining and Twilight, that's because they are the ones to usually check up on her in the morning. Even if they asked a maid to do the check up, if they saw the note the'd likely just go get Twilight or Shining anyway.

This is a great idea!

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Many would disagree. In fact the majority seem to disagree.

8679247
Well...
With me included, the comment section right now seems to be 50/50 on the idea, so I can't really see that majority ;>
EchoWolf31 and TgTfProductions don't count for either side due to being ambiguous.

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Well you never replied but it dawned on me you might have been talking about the body swap.

I'll be honest if part of me isn't wondering if the comment was the usual resentment to "OC ponies" and how they are "so terrible"

Now, the reason it was Evening is partly because I like him being a 'main character' yes, but thinking about it story wise, it does make the most sense at least to me.

You mentioned it wouldn't be Twilight, which is correct as that'd be too weird. (At least for this Cadance. Other fic Cadance's that'd be the main plot given all the incest fics, but I'm getting off topic)

It wouldn't be Twilight, it wouldn't be a random maid or guard, that's kinda what lead to a lot of this mess in the first place. 'Lemon' becoming Shining.

One of Twilight's friends 'might' work, buuuut I'm not sure she'd do that to Twilight. Also most of them are happy with their lives.

Evening however... He's already proved himself to Cadance by basically saving the empire and Shining from his spell prison. She knows he has a good heart, he even saved her life/well being when Twilight was ready to hurt her directly after she found out about what happened. She knows he likes kids given his interactions with 'Peppermint' and she knows he's distressed about his magic being so unpredictable.

If she swaps bodies with him. Not only does she feel he's a good candidate to actually look over the empire, but his problem with magic is gone. Cadance's magic has no such issues, and as her Evening would be free to cast spells as (s)he wished. Cadance also knows that because of his history with magic, he'd be far more careful with spells then she had been.

Therefore he's the perfect one to do this with.

I know I'm sounding a bit snarky with this last line, but if you can make a compelling argument for why she'd choose somepony else, I'm all ears.

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Oh no, I misread and thought the body Cadence swapped with Twilight I think.

I think this would be fun to read, but as a non canon side thing, not a real sequel.

Still, part of me likes the idea, and the likely response from discord (probably amusement).

I think it would make for an interesting sequel. You have Evening Storm trapped in the wrong body while Cadance is on the run. Twilight's going to be distracted trying to help her student to deal with being a pregnant mare and reverse the spell. Shining would be trying to hunt down Cadance and the Crystal Empire will be effectively defenseless. I'm sure there are more then a few villains who might be interested in making a move.

Oh yes, this could have some fun outcomes.

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Imagine if Shining was turned back into Peppermint.

I could possibly have fun with it, but it really does seem people would rather it not happen.

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Here's the way I see it, it doesn't matter what other people want to happen. Do what you want to do and write what you want to write. If you want to write the story, then write it, have fun. There will always be people who enjoy it. I know I would.

ALL OF MY YES!

Remind me who evening storm is?

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...the unicorn that helped Shining break the persona spell? The one that became 'daddy' to Shining's filly form, Peppermint?

He kinda played a really big role in this story...

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Well, considering the last chapter published was December 2016 and it's now January 2018, I might have to re-read the story if you plan on making a sequel

I would read this sequel

8708888
Hear Hear!

*facehoofs* God dammit Cadence... you seriously think that would help in any way?

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Hear hear.
I’m fine if a sequel comes out or no sequel.

I love the idea for the sequel!

And the story was purely amazing, I loved it!

This is pretty cool. Maybe it’s an adventure story where they go and find his old body with cadence in it, and fix What happened. Or maybe it’s a slice of life where Evening learns how to be a princess as he takes Cadence’s place. Either way, I’d totally read it.

Does the fact that this is a fic where Shining is saved and its considered an 'unofficial' ending mean that Shining has no hope of being saved in the main story?

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I'm not sure what you mean. If you mean he's not saved because he's still "With" Candance.... I think we all know that they'll likely part ways eventually. I tried to leave it open ended, but maybe that was a bad idea.

Fun fact, I have one other possible 'sequel chapter' unpublished that I've debated on fixing up and releasing.

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I just like happier endings is all and ill be sure to check it out when it comes out.

Or when I discover it because I'm so disorganized

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Oh wait, I guess you mean the story I based this sequel off of. Uh... far as I know the guy wanted him stuck.

As I said in my author's notes, that kinda fucked with me and so... yeah I wrote this. I just kinda pretend this is the official ending, but let people who might enjoy the darkness of the original to make their own decisions.

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So your story works as a pick your ending kind of thing?

I suppose I can live with that then.

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I prefer this ending. Is good

All in all I think the story is pretty good. There are a few spelling errors especially using "use" when it should have been "Used" but for the most part it's solid. Evening was definitely one of the better self-insert characters with his short attention span, wandering mind and his unique randomness. Cadance and Twilight were fully in character and I really got a feel for the atmosphere present. The series of events made sense and I think it was actually pretty clever how you found all those loopholes. You didn't just ignore the rules and thought quite carefully how to get around them.

There is still things I would have liked you to include though such as a backstory for Lemon. Just why is she so vengeful towards Shining? If she was just enjoying her new life Shining would quickly become an afterthought to her but she keeps hammering down on him and obsessing over him. Also a few more moments of Evening being a father would have been nice.

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Wow, you had a lot of questions! I'm going to do my best to answer as many as I can. If I forget any, don't feel bad about asking again.

Also you mention spelling mistakes. Hey if you can point them out I'll fix them! I'm not perfect and am bound to miss some things.

"What is Lemon's backstory?" That's a good question. If I ever do more with this I might look into trying to figure that out.

Okay so you ask a few times why the Fake Shining acts as he does. Why doesn't he let Peppermint just enjoy some time as a filly? Why is he so focused on sex stuff, why isn't he concerned with ponies figuring out what happened?

Well the simple answer is if he was calm, collected, and careful. Then the real Shining would never be free. There had to be mistakes the fake Shining makes so the story can end the way it does.

As to why Fake Shining isn't those things? He's arrogant. In the original story if he really just wanted to stay Shining Armor because he was happy to be a prince and not a maid, he could have done any number of things to stay that way and get Lowly Servant out of the picture. He could have been the type of evil that just killed her, but he didn't do that. He could have been nice about it (well nice in a way) Maybe command her to go to some other place in Equestria and start a new life. Command her to go find a good stallion for her and become that stallion's wife. Later mother of his foals. Live a peaceful life somewhere else, and never return to the Crystal Empire.

But instead, Fake Shining made Lowly his SLAVE. His sexual plaything. The way I see it, he got too big on himself. He was given a taste of power and let it all go to his head. Feeling himself invincible. Lowly was his PROPERTY. She wan't a maid, she wasn't a pony. She was a THING. She was HIS thing and the fact Evening took her away from him, even by pure accident, ENRAGED him. How DARE this little commoner NOTHING take HIS STUFF.

Thus he wanted both to suffer, and that's what lead to his downfall.

Also that ties a bit into why he's against upgrading the Maid Quarters. The "Time and bits" comment basically means he doesn't see why they should waste the money on such a project or their time on it. The maids are beneath him.

It's like if you had to do long tasks in a freezer at your job, and because of how cold it is, you're freezing by the end. You talk to the owner about maybe getting jackets for when employees have to go do the freezer tasks, but the owner is like: "I don't have to go in there, so why waste my company's money on it?"

Lemon no longer saw themselves as a lowly maid. She had become a prince. Somepony ABOVE all of them. Again they got a taste of power and it fully corrupted them.

As for Blueblood? I'll admit he's only a bit of an ass so I could have him be the one that sent the real "Lowly servant" in the first place. (The real one wasn't actually named that either, and she escaped the train taking her to the Empire and basically went to go live somewhere else) The other plan was if I had written a sequel for this, Blueblood was going to be forced to be Evening's personal maid as punishment. Likely eventually ending up in sexual situations with him somehow. As Evening isn't the type of Stallion to take advantage of mares like that.

I've thought about coming up with a reason for why Blueblood is acting a bit more of a jerk then he is portrayed in stuff like the comics, but haven't come to any set ideas yet.

One of the last things I can remember you asking was what the other maids thought of the situation. If any were sympathetic to Shining as Lowly.

Well they didn't care for their quarters or lives, but that's just how it was a thousand years ago. They've been trained not to speak up. It's not a perfect answer, but it follows the rules set by the first story.

As for being sympathetic to "Lowly Servant" None of them knew she was under a spell. To them she'd do anything they asked and not make a fuss because that's what she was commanded to do, but they don't know these are commands from a spell. To them Lowly was just a mare that'd engage in any sexual activity they wished without question or hesitation. They likely figured her for a huge slut who was getting off on all this and figure that's what was making her 'happy'. They had no reason to suspect Lowly was suffering any more then the rest of them. I'm sure there were maids who didn't take advantage of her at all, and simply let her work.

Of course in the end I believe I had it that they aren't letting the info out that Shining spent so much time as a maid, so none of the maids know what happened. I'd guess officially they told them that Lowly Servant was sent to serve elsewhere and that was that.

And lastly for the comment about Evening getting more scenes to act like a father. I wouldn't have minded it, but I wanted to get to Shining being freed sooner rather then later. I also didn't want Evening getting to feel too much like a dad when "Peppermint" was going to disappear anyway. It'd be a bit cruel for him to really get used to having a daughter, only to loose her forever. It was never my plan to keep Shining a filly, but instead to free him.

EDIT: Remembered another point you brought up: Why was Shining as Lowly staring at a random mirror at the start of the story? Why hadn't she gone back to her quarters to sleep?

Well one, the maid quarters aren't a 'safe place' for her. She didn't want to go someplace where she'd be forced to do sexual things for her fellow maids. She's also still under the persona spell which makes her act like an obedient and good maid, and a "Good maid" isn't going to stop her work in the middle of a shift to go take a nap. Being able to go to a random spot in the castle to be alone for even just a few minutes was the best she was able to do.

EDIT2: Right you also asked if the persona spell was difficult to remove. The reason Evening was worried about going to tell Twilight about the spell was because he figured out the current Shining was a fake. What if that fake Shining was 'Having a talk' with his 'sister' when Evening went to tell her? What if she couldn't believe such a thing happened and went to go ask Cadance or the fake Shining about it? What if Shining noticed Evening was walking about in the hallway? He'd sent Peppermint to give him a blow job. If Evening was out of his room after being left alone, then something didn't go as planned and Fake Shining would be forced to make a move. Basically it was too dangerous to try and go straight to Twilight.

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Okay so you ask a few times why the Fake Shining acts as he does. Why doesn't he let Peppermint just enjoy some time as a filly? Why is he so focused on sex stuff, why isn't he concerned with ponies figuring out what happened?

Yeah, sorry that's a bit of a habit of mine. That when a comment pops into my head I immediately write it down. Rather than finish the story and then putting all the things together so I don't repeat myself if the same question comes up more than once.

Well the simple answer is if he was calm, collected, and careful. Then the real Shining would never be free. There had to be mistakes the fake Shining makes so the story can end the way it does.

Maybe you could make it slightly more believable if something prompted her more. That there were several close calls and several, unintentional digs at how happy she is.

As to why Fake Shining isn't those things? He's arrogant. In the original story if he really just wanted to stay Shining Armor because he was happy to be a prince and not a maid, he could have done any number of things to stay that way and get Lowly Servant out of the picture. He could have been the type of evil that just killed her, but he didn't do that. He could have been nice about it (well nice in a way) Maybe command her to go to some other place in Equestria and start a new life. Command her to go find a good stallion for her and become that stallion's wife. Later mother of his foals. Live a peaceful life somewhere else, and never return to the Crystal Empire.

I can totally understand why he keeps Lowly around. However that is talking about permanent things. In this case it would have just been a case of letting a single day slide. 'Shining' would indeed be arrogant to have Lowly stay there as his plaything. However to take so much risk for just a single day seems a bit much.

But instead, Fake Shining made Lowly his SLAVE. His sexual plaything. The way I see it, he got too big on himself. He was given a taste of power and let it all go to his head. Feeling himself invincible. Lowly was his PROPERTY. She wan't a maid, she wasn't a pony. She was a THING. She was HIS thing and the fact Evening took her away from him, even by pure accident, ENRAGED him. How DARE this little commoner NOTHING take HIS STUFF.

Sounds to me like he was developing a twisted attraction to Lowly. That he sees her as a precious thing reserved only for him.

Also that ties a bit into why he's against upgrading the Maid Quarters. The "Time and bits" comment basically means he doesn't see why they should waste the money on such a project or their time on it. The maids are beneath him.

Thing is if she truly thought she was above it she wouldn't really care either way. But she seems pretty dead set against it which means she has a reason for wanting to keep it that way. Otherwise she wouldn't really oppose Cadance's attempts at reform.

It's like if you had to do long tasks in a freezer at your job, and because of how cold it is, you're freezing by the end. You talk to the owner about maybe getting jackets for when employees have to go do the freezer tasks, but the owner is like: "I don't have to go in there, so why waste my company's money on it?"

But that owner is not actively trying to stop their superior from doing it. If their superior wants to do it then they will just do it. They don't really care either way.

As for being sympathetic to "Lowly Servant" None of them knew she was under a spell. To them she'd do anything they asked and not make a fuss because that's what she was commanded to do, but they don't know these are commands from a spell. To them Lowly was just a mare that'd engage in any sexual activity they wished without question or hesitation. They likely figured her for a huge slut who was getting off on all this and figure that's what was making her 'happy'. They had no reason to suspect Lowly was suffering any more then the rest of them. I'm sure there were maids who didn't take advantage of her at all, and simply let her work.

Thing is you're talking about them as 1 entity. They are several different mares. Some would indeed think that but others wouldn't.

And lastly for the comment about Evening getting more scenes to act like a father. I wouldn't have minded it, but I wanted to get to Shining being freed sooner rather then later. I also didn't want Evening getting to feel too much like a dad when "Peppermint" was going to disappear anyway. It'd be a bit cruel for him to really get used to having a daughter, only to loose her forever. It was never my plan to keep Shining a filly, but instead to free him.

That it's cruel for him is not a bad thing. Especially since in the aftermath you do seem to hammer it in quite a bit that he had grown attached to her as a filly.

EDIT2: Right you also asked if the persona spell was difficult to remove. The reason Evening was worried about going to tell Twilight about the spell was because he figured out the current Shining was a fake. What if that fake Shining was 'Having a talk' with his 'sister' when Evening went to tell her? What if she couldn't believe such a thing happened and went to go ask Cadance or the fake Shining about it? What if Shining noticed Evening was walking about in the hallway? He'd sent Peppermint to give him a blow job. If Evening was out of his room after being left alone, then something didn't go as planned and Fake Shining would be forced to make a move. Basically it was too dangerous to try and go straight to Twilight.

What I'm wondering why not cast the counterspell anyway? What's the risk in trying? If there is none than Twilight would likely just take his word for it and try that.

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Okay going more into just why Fake Shining is so fixated on Lowly. I guess it's that he gets sick pleasure in making her suffer. Fake Shining is the prince now, and not Lowly. Lowly is just a maid. He likes feeling that ownership over her. Fake Shining is just a terrible pony is all. They don't care about those below them. They're only using those around them to benefit themselves. Cadance is his wife because she's hot and he gets to rut her whenever he wants. He can use the maids as playthings whenever he wants. He'll be nice to 'Twilight' and other ponies because it benefits him to do so, though I'd imagine he'd be trying to get them under the persona spell somehow as well, making them his personal playthings.

It's not about letting one day just slide. Fake Shining feels he has it all figured out and doesn't like this little nobody is messing up his games. It's just arrogance at it's finest. I don't feel I need to give him some deep seeded reason in his past for all this. They are just a bad pony. Sadly there are people like that.

Thing is if she truly thought she was above it she wouldn't really care either way. But she seems pretty dead set against it which means she has a reason for wanting to keep it that way. Otherwise she wouldn't really oppose Cadance's attempts at reform.
But that owner is not actively trying to stop their superior from doing it. If their superior wants to do it then they will just do it. They don't really care either way.

Okay, I don't think I'm making the point I want to make. It's not about they don't care either way. That's not what's happening there. Yes to an extent they don't care, but that's because it's not affecting THEM. Spending the bits and time DOES affect them. It's THEIR bits. THEIR time.

It's more that they see the need to do anything as unnecessary. Why spend the bits WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE TO. Fake Shining feels they don't NEED to upgrade the maid quarters. So they're not. He doesn't want bits and time spent on it, because he doesn't see the need to have them spent on that. So he makes sure they aren't.

The owner won't buy jackets, because he doesn't see the need to spend that money. If a superior ordered it, the money still comes from HIS profits. It's HIS COMPANY'S money being spent. HIS MONEY. He doesn't want HIS MONEY being spent on that, because that DOES affect him. It's taking away his money. Sure he can spare it easily, but he doesn't want to. He's already decided that doing such a thing doesn't need to happen, so he's going to keep it from happening so it doesn't take anything away from HIM.

People can be really shitty like that.

Thing is you're talking about them as 1 entity. They are several different mares. Some would indeed think that but others wouldn't.

Group mentality basically. Yes I'm sure there were maids that took pity on what Lowly did, but they were far too focused on surviving themselves. Being a maid in the empire has been painted to not be a fun thing. Most are looking out for themselves. I'm sure there are maids that would give aid to Lowly, but again they never had a reason to suspect she was in any danger or even unhappy. For all we know, a couple DID ask her why she acted the way she did, but thanks to the persona spell she'd basically answer that it was a proper maid's place and that was that.

Regardless, it's simply not important to the story, so there is no real need to go that much into it.

That it's cruel for him is not a bad thing. Especially since in the aftermath you do seem to hammer it in quite a bit that he had grown attached to her as a filly.

Okay well in the end the reason most are here reading this is to see Shining Armor freed. While it'd be nice to have a few more scenes with Evening and Peppermint, it'd really just be padding that could be cut. So it never got put in.

What I'm wondering why not cast the counterspell anyway? What's the risk in trying? If there is none than Twilight would likely just take his word for it and try that.

Okay I don't think you are getting the point I'm trying to make. Evening is a GUEST in this empire. While he can trust Twilight and her friends. So what? Who is on the Fake Shining's side? Are guards in on it? Has he already corrupted his sister or some of the others? Evening has no idea what exactly is going on. He only knows that Peppermint has a spell put on her, and "Shining Armor" seems to be the bad guy. For all he knows this is a changeling plot.

Even so it's stupid to go up to Twilight and say: "Hey I think this filly has a persona spell on her. Can we counter it?" For the reasons that again. What if Fake Shining is in the room? That gives Fake Shining a chance to try and steer the conversation away from doing that.

Hell Fake Shining can pretend to be outraged that a spell is on one of his maids and say he's going to go take care of it himself. Or that he'll get Cadance to help out. This immediately alerts Fake Shining that Evening is on to him and gives him opportunities to do something.

Imagine if you went to another country that had a king, and you suspected him of having drugs. Evening was a student of Twilight, another royal. So maybe you are an advisor to your king or something. Going right up to your king while the king OF WHO'S KINGDOM YOU ARE IN, and basically going. Hey I think this king is doing something horrible. Congrats. They decide to look into this, and while you are going back to your room. The 'evil" king has ordered in secret for someone dressed as an assassin from another kingdom to kill you. You're dead now.

Evening can't just waltz up to Twilight and ask her to do anything without possibly alerting Fake Shining, he also can't just stay in his room because Peppermint has been ordered to give him a blow job. He can't just keep her in a magic cage. Fake Shining is going to get suspicious on why nothing has happened. He wants Evening out of the way. So if by some fluke Evening did want a filly to give him that. (bleh) Fake Shining would make sure a picture was taken or something to show Twilight. If Evening tried to simply keep Peppermint incapacitated, Fake Shining would begin to wonder why he's not hearing a fuss and come investigate. Leaving Evening alone with the madman that's doing horrible things. He could throw Evening in jail and claim Evening is a changeling and they have to make sure he isn't. Twilight would protest yes, but this still gives Fake Shining too many chances to take Evening out and win.

Trying to get to Twilight and tell her ANYTHING was too risky. (Again, what if Shining is waiting in the hallway to catch Evening if he tries to get to Twilight? What if he told somepony to attack Evening if he tried to do that? It's not so simple as to just walk into her room. He had no idea who was supportive of Shining, or what was going on. If Shining was a changeling, then taking one foot out of his room could cause him to be captured and shadowed away to some horrible fate.)

Okay, I don't think I'm making the point I want to make. It's not about they don't care either way. That's not what's happening there. Yes to an extent they don't care, but that's because it's not affecting THEM. Spending the bits and time DOES affect them. It's THEIR bits. THEIR time.

About that; it's not their money. 'Shining' didn't earn that money and from her perspective it's infinite. Since she has more money to play with than she ever did before.

It's more that they see the need to do anything as unnecessary. Why spend the bits WHEN THEY DON'T HAVE TO. Fake Shining feels they don't NEED to upgrade the maid quarters. So they're not. He doesn't want bits and time spent on it, because he doesn't see the need to have them spent on that. So he makes sure they aren't.

But if Cadance wants to why stop her? You've provided reasons why 'Shining' wouldn't do it but why would he appose someone else doing it? After all it's not lie he has plans that will require a lot of money like grand monuments or stuff like that.

I don't get how 'Shining' is any sort of threat to Evening.
Going right up and accusing him is indeed a bad idea but they aren't directly accusing him. They are just trying to undo the magic on her.
I do give you though that he didn't know that Shining wasn't able to cast those ancient spells and that he just took advantage of Cadance's work.

In regards to Cadance one thing I kinda wanted Twilight is say is that she is not helping Cadance because she deserves it but because she thinks Shining deserves to love her again.
These stories as a whole have been anything but positive on Cadance. First she is very reckless with powerful magic. Then she let's her husband do all kinds of stuff behind her back without questioning it. She at the end also completely shuts down and is unable to deal with the sense of guilt. I would have kind of expect Cadance to have a little more responsibility, intelligence and fortitude.

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About that; it's not their money. 'Shining' didn't earn that money and from her perspective it's infinite. Since she has more money to play with than she ever did before.

Yeah but you talk like it matters. The point was to show Fake Shining was a greedy horrible pony. There is nothing really preventing an upgrade to the maid quarters from happening. It's just not because Fake Shining doesn't see a reason to bother. That's it. Sure some other pony could fight for it, but no pony would. It's clear this Cadance doesn't have the intelligence the show one does. She's just letting the empire run however, and the Fake Shining doesn't care.

If any of the other ponies below them that had the power to make it happen, wanted it to happen they'd have come forward long ago. It's something that can be fixed, but simply isn't because those with the power don't care.

I don't get how 'Shining' is any sort of threat to Evening.

Yes they can't go up and accuse Fake Shining, but then you say: "They're just trying to undo magic on this pony"

Except Evening figured out that Shining is either the reason or has a big hand in the fact that the spell IS on Lowly.

So let me ask you this: Would Fake Shining want the magic spell to be undone? Of course not. This could lead to him being found out. Also if he wanted Lowly to have any sort of freedom, He wouldn't have made her the slave he did. Evening doesn't know what's going on, but he knows the reason Peppermint is under a spell, a persona spell is somehow linked to Fake Shining, and he isn't aware Shining is a fake at that moment.

He can't go to Cadance, Fake Shining is there. He doesn't even know if Cadance is herself. Again for all he knows, there are changelings everywhere. Cadance could be Queen Chrysalis for all he knows. You keep thinking it's a simple fact of just going up to a pony and saying: "Hey let's try this just in case" But Evening knows that if Fake Shining knows Peppermint is under a horrible spell like this, and is twisted enough to order a filly to give him a blow job. Then he doesn't WANT the spell undone. So he can't go asking for a counterspell to be cast, because obviously the Fake Shining isn't going to want that to happen.

Evening also doesn't know what Fake Shining can do. So it's a very bad idea to let Fake Shining know he's on to him.

I will apologize, but to me it's VERY OBVIOUS why he can't do what you keep suggesting, and it baffles me a bit that you don't see the problem.

Let me try to put it like this:
Your parents take you to a friend's house. These friends have a child. You discover the child has a spell on them. A spell that makes them a slave and do horrible things. A spell the parents of said child put on them themselves.

What do you do? Do you go tell your parents? Say magic is just a thing here and your parents are wizards. How do you tell your parents without the Evil Parents finding out? You can't wait it out, because whatever the kid was ordered to do, it's something that shouldn't take long. So if it doesn't happen, the evil parents know you found them out.

Do you just ask your parents to try to undo the magic? The evil parents aren't going to just sit there and go: "Okay yeah sure, try that" No they obviously will try to stop it. They can say or do anything to try and convince your parents that you are lying. (Remember it was worse for Evening. He'd been Twilight's student for only a little bit while "Shining" had been her brother for life. Fake Shining is going to use that info to get Twilight to believe him over her. He could spin it in any number of ways to prevent Twilight from casting a counter spell, even making her believe you're hallucinating or something else. It's too risky.)

Going back to this scenario I've given you. What can you do? You are in the evil parents house. You have no idea what they are capable of. You have no idea if they'd intercept you, or what they'll do to you. You've discovered that they are evil and want to undo something they did. Logically they won't be happy with that and try to stop you. You have no idea what they are capable of. What do you do? You're trapped.

Evening did the only safe thing he could think of. Something he didn't think Fake Shining would expect, and indeed Fake Shining didn't expect that.

However Fake Shining would damn well expect him to go try and get help if he thought something was up, and thus would likely have things set up to stop him.

If you still don't see the dangers, I'm not sure I can do anything else to showcase them.

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Yeah but you talk like it matters. The point was to show Fake Shining was a greedy horrible pony. There is nothing really preventing an upgrade to the maid quarters from happening. It's just not because Fake Shining doesn't see a reason to bother. That's it.

Thing is in the story you say that Cadance wants to try it but 'Shining' keeps preventing it. Why would he put in that effort? After all it doesn't really affect him if they have 10 million bits or 8 million.

I will apologize, but to me it's VERY OBVIOUS why he can't do what you keep suggesting, and it baffles me a bit that you don't see the problem.

The thing is what can he really do? What kind of objection could he make that they would buy?

In your analogy though the evil parents have no connection to your own parents. Twilight trusts Evening and he has shown that he cares about Peppermint. I'm just asking if there is any harm in trying it. Also in the example the character doesn't have allies and Evening does in Twilight.

If removing a mind spell was a dangerous thing to attempt I would understand but you never said that it was.

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Cadance doesn't want to upgrade the quarters though. She isn't concerned with their lives. Remember in the original story? She waves off Lowly having a breakdown because "she's just a maid" You seem to be assuming someone knows of the living conditions and is actively trying to upgrade them, but no such pony exists.

The head maid doesn't care, she's shown she's content with the power she has, same with the pony that 'swore in' Lowly Servant. They both enjoy the power they have and are fine with things as they are. The maids themselves are too afraid of Cadance to say anything. In time yes one of them may have eventually come forward and asked Cadance about their quarters, but that hadn't happened.

Fake Shining of course knows of the conditions, but he doesn't want to do anything about it. Do you get it now? Cadance was too absorbed with her sexual fantasies and being a princess to take proper notice of just how things were, and she was the only one that might have actually CARED to do anything.
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Why do you keep bringing up if removing the spell is dangerous? That has nothing to do with anything. Also what can Shining do? Are you really not seeing it?

I told you what he could do. He could have a pony in wait to intercept Evening the moment he tries to get to Twilight's room. He can claim Lowly Servant is a changeling and have her arrested. Evening doesn't know what Shining could do, but by alerting Shining you give him the opportunity. That's a very bad idea when you don't know what you are up against.

Okay so let's make one change to the evil parents thing. Let's say they are your aunt or uncle and their spouse. Now what? You're trying to tell one of your parents that their trusted sibling is an evil person who is abusing their own child. They aren't likely to immediately believe you. Thus Twilight isn't likely to believe Evening over her own brother. What if Shining manages to convince Twilight not to cast a removal spell? Now what? You just let Fake Shining know you're on to him. In his own kingdom. Shining can then do any sort of thing to make him disappear.

I mean what if Shining went up to Cadance and said: "Hey I have a great idea for a sex game. You enchant this item to turn a pony into a submissive maid, and I'm going to place it on a random guard. Then you have to find out who." Only he doesn't do that. He says he hasn't gotten around to using the item and eventually bogs Cadance down with Princess duties so she forgets about it. Except in reality he used it on Evening, telling Twilight Evening went home.

You can argue that Twilight might be suspicious, but if he's smooth enough he can make that work and gain a new maid in the process, and Cadance has already been shown not to pay much mind to the maids. She wouldn't notice a new one, and Evening might not even look like himself as a maid.

There is nothing dangerous about removing the persona spell. The danger is Evening KNOWS Fake Shining won't want it removed, and will take measures to insure it doesn't happen.

What can Shining do? This:

Evening: Twilight! I need your help! Peppermint is under a spell! S-She's been enchanted by a persona spell and commanded to give me a blow job!

Twilight: What?!

Shining: *walking up* What? That's outrageous! *sighs* Peppermint I told you not to indulge in that stupid game! You aren't going to do that correct?

Peppermint: *forced to follow his commands* Y-Yes that's correct... I am not.

Evening: D-Don't listen to her that's the spell!

Twilight: Evening enough! Shining what's going on?

Shining: *sighs* The maids here are from a thousand years ago. They have this stupid GAME they like to play on some of our guests. A game where they try to sexually come on to some of our guests. I had thought being a filly Lowly Servant here wouldn't bother with it, but apparently I was wrong. I think its' best if I take her to my room for a lecture.

Evening: No! Twilight you can't let him do that! Just cast the counter spell! Trust me!

Shining: Don't bother I'll cast it. *casts a spell that does nothing* You see? She's just playing a sick joke.

Evening: T-that wasn't a proper counter spell! Shining is the one that did this!

Twilight: What? Shining, my brother put a spell on this maid? Evening are you feeling alright?

Shining: I think one of our maids might have spiked his drink with something. I'm going to go look into this Twily. You can have a talk with your student here.

Evening: Don't you take her you-

Twilight: Evening enough! I don't know what's going on with you, but we're going to have a long talk!

Shining: I'm sorry about this Twily. I'll take care of her. See you in the morning. *leaves with Peppermint*

Evening: Do- *tries to go after him but its frozen in magic by Twilight*

Twilight: Oh no you don't! Now from the top, what are you ranting about?

You see? Evening just lost. Fake Shining has Peppermint in his 'care' and even if he does manage to convince Twilight to try a counterspell it could be too late. Fake Shining can have Peppermint sent away, or even possibly bribe another pony to pretend to be Lowly Servant in their normal form again. He might not have the ability to cast the persona spell, but he might be able to alter a pony's body to resemble hers.

Game over for Evening. Twilight thinks he's just played a terrible joke and doesn't trust him anymore, and Shining is doomed to be Lowly servant forever.