It was one of those Texas days when all clouds steered clear of the sun so it could reach that toasty 109° and the air conditioner had suffered a heat stroke when I settled into a hammock in the only shade for miles. I let what little wind there was rock me back and forth while I tried to sleep until the cool night let me escape from the brain frying heat. My eyes closed and I was embraced by sleep for but a second before the hammock was violently thrust to the side. I opened my eyes to find a Hispanic man dressed in an as stereotypical cowboy fashion as was possible. He wore a ten gallon hat, a plaid shirt with a cow spotted vest over it, he wore blue jeans, and a pair of boots with over-sized spurs. His face was long and narrow, he had a long twirled mustache dyed bright pink, and had eyes a peculiar tint of yellow.
"Hurry boy, we must save Equestria!" he yelled in a voice suspiciously similar to Yosemite Sam . He motioned to my modest home behind him which was now surrounded in a mist of what appeared to be cotton candy.
'Oh it is one of those weird heat dreams.' I thought before deciding to play along. "Aren't humans banned from Equestria, or something similar to that effect?"
"I have all the details worked out! You just need to step through the portal!" He said with a mischievous grin.
'Get whisked away to the land of rainbows, lollipops, and controlled weather? Count me in, even if it is just a dream.'
We batted through the candy mist and made our way to my door. When I opened it I was not greeted with the familiar couch and old beat up TV, but instead with Stargate Command. The large constellation encrusted ring in the center of the room had wires of all shapes and sizes attached to it and appeared to have been heavily modified beyond even it's previous tangle of cables. In the center of the gate floated the Elements of Harmony being closely circled by a fiery looking rock and a counterpart pale as the moon. The inner ring of the gate began to turn selecting the constellations seemingly at random before falling on a pony shaped group of stars instead of the familiar pyramid shaped home key. Lightning crackled around the ring before forming into a water like membrane that waved as if it where a still lake disturbed by a single drop of water. The vibrations stopped and I turned back towards the door from whence I came only to find it replaced with an observation room. Inside the room I could make out what looked like a smiling samurai with the same likeness of the cowboy before him.
"Just jump on through and start life anew!" he spoke over the intercom now with an accent you would associate with your typical wise sage.
'It's a dream, what's the worse that can happen?' I walked up to the pool and jumped through with my arms flailing wildly. I landed on my feet and stumbled before regaining my composure. For all I could tell I was facing a wall cloaked in shadow. "Oh honorable sensei, I don't think it ..." I was cut short by a blow to the back of my head, my brain switched to the off position, and I was dead to the world.
I woke up, but my eyes refused to open. 'Well it is still hot out and my eyes want me to stay asleep, who am I to deny them?'. That's when I realized that it felt hotter than before.... way hotter. My eyes flew open to see a lava flow just a few inches from my nose. I tried to jump away, but my body did not respond. My head would not turn, but I still tried to locate the source of my paralysis. Somehow I did not notice the problem under my nose, in fact it was my nose. The problem being I did not have one instead a snout protruded from my face. I looked at the strange thing in front of me, it was covered in black scales and under the end of it appeared to be a tuft of golden hair, all of which had simple shading and an outline. I continued to contemplate the thing in front of me before going completely cross eyed to confirm the sight before me. 'Oh, crap I'm a salamander!' My screams echoed around me before I somewhat regained my composure. 'Ok, what do people do in these situations? Oh, I know body check.'
Wiggle my fingers. No dice.
Wiggle my toes. Close, but no cigar.
Move my arms. Some success.
Stretch my legs. Finally a definite check.
My limbs responded slowly, but I managed lift myself off the ground. I looked down to where my hands would have normally been only to discover the cloven hooves of a goat encased in a golden fur. I moved my head to look at my chest and felt a weight on my head. I reached up with my hoof as best I could and felt the general shape of a deer's antler. My chest was covered in the same black scales as before. A twitch caught me eye as I saw the rat like tail ending in a tuft of fur that topped the whole thing off. 'What in the sam hell am I?!'
The stream of lava in front of me flicked a few embers my way, drawing my attention to the world around me. The sky was a smokey shade of red, the hardened obsidian that I stood on was coated with a layer of almost black ash, in the distance titanic volcanoes angrily spat fire and brimstone into the air daring something to try to get near it. 'Well this is just fan-fucking-tastic! I'm in hell and I'm some sorta goat demon!' My butt greeted the ground which gifted it with a small cloud of ash. I looked around half expecting to see eyeballs with bat wings flying through the air or a tentacle monster of some sort to pop out of the river in front of me.
After a good solid ten minutes of me and the soft bubbling of the lava in front of me and nothing else I decide I should at least to think of what I had done to get in this situation and my memory finally decided to kicked my ass into gear. "IT'S A DREAM!" I yelled to no one in particular. I strolled over to the stream of lava and partially stuck my hoof in before the fire that engulfed my leg politely told me that I was wrong.
Screaming I fell backwards before rolling in circles on the ground to put the fire out. 'Well, damn. I'm in hell, I'm alone, and there ain't nothing here but lava. Never thought it would look like a cartoon though. Wait, does that mean that bony bastard Skeletor is here? Whatever the case, no use sittin' here and feeling sorry for myself.'
I followed the lava downhill for miles trying to get used to my new body, trying to find anything other than molten rock, and trying to figure out how to get that "I Say Hey" He-Man song out of my head. When I heard, "MYAAH!" From behind me, and rapidly turned to face whatever it was, but since I had yet to become acclimated to my new form I fell, hard. Not to mention it was just my brain being a dickbag and playing the funniest part of the song. 'Well the insanity was not completely unexpected.' As I lifted myself I came face to face with a creature as black as night with a look of anger in it's eyes. I tried to scream, but the flames that erupted from the creature's mouth silenced me. By some miracle I avoided the flames and jumped behind the nearest rock and waited for my doom, but it never came. I peeked around the rock and had to try hard not to hit myself. Before me was a large piece of polished obsidian that had only shown me my own reflection. 'Wait, I just breathed fire!' I took in a deep breath and exhaled a small stream of fire 'Me gusta!'. Looking back at the obsidian I was only confirming what I saw before. My belly and snout looked to be those of a lizard, I had a thick tangled mane and a matching goatee, a deer's horn grew from the middle of my skull, and the rest of me seemed to belong to a goat of some kind.
Out of the corner of my eye I caught a single flash of light, to my side was the entrance to a cave that had seemingly not been there before. 'Oh this is definitely not a trap, but it is not like I have anywhere else to go and at this point I don't think safety is a priority.' With small breaths of fire I lit my way through the cave. The walls were smooth and unnatural looking, not a single flaw could be seen in the expanse before me. The cave became twisted and jagged as I advanced further splitting and rejoining at random before ending in one giant cavern full of branches with no logical placement be it on the ceiling or leading backwards at some weird angel. The same flash of light as before caught my attention once again and I followed it down an obscured side tunnel.
I ran forwards hoping for a way out of this infernal place as I came closer to the light I realized that something was wrong. The light formed a wall between me and the rest of the tunnel. For all that could go wrong I was willing to try to forge ahead. I hesitantly placed my hoof against the wall and was sucked through into a what at first glance looked like a forest. A small river ran through the peculiar purple trees and there was no lack of random forest debris. Past all the trees I could see huge walls trapping me in the forest, but I was not exactly in a position to complain about the change in scenery. Above me was a huge domed ceiling only broken occasionally by what looked like hatches. Was hell like the Greek's Hades, had I found the golden community for the blessed ones? I turned my attention back to the ground to look for a hut, anything.
"What is it?" I heard whispered from somewhere above me.
"A draconequus?" Another voice asked.
"It doesn't matter. Put it to work." A grizzled voice called from above me.
'Draconequus? That only exists in Equestria... ' I looked up just in time to see the diamond dogs closing one of the hatches above me.
As I read the story more, the more I feel could have been done better. It progresses quickly and randomly. A few errors slipped through. It just seems crappy in general. Author-own-worst-critic is setting in and pointing out many flaws that I can only agree with. It was rushed and only the criticism of others can put me at ease or reaffirm my beliefs. Me being pessimistic at this time of night I am opting for the latter.
I have the feeling it's rushed as well. Descriptions would help.
Is this in Echo and Griffin's universes?
694021 I think I will go and rework the chapter, but at least I have a base to work off of.
Yes it is, out of the blue I decided 'You know what Equestria needs? A qirin (or kirin whichever).'
OK, I hope this is at least a little bit better now. I am not sure I can do much more right now considering I did not sleep at all last night.
LOL I just finished a chapter of "The Ballad of Echo the Diamond Dog" and then I saw this.
Welcome to the Chess Game of the Gods, Disdain.
You'll find the armory in the west wing, the air ports to the north, and if you need some help, feel free to call me. My name is Knightmare, I'm a changeling. At least...now I am.
We're right here if you need us.
705975 I guess I need to figure out if I am a pawn or a knight then.
706019 HAH! we need to think up 25 moar doods.
Also, seriously, I keep picturing an intro animation consisting of Discord, Luna, Celestia, Eris[AKA fem-discord], Chrysalis, Grogar[a goat-like freak from G1 that used zombies], and Tirek[the original 'Satan of Equestria'] all moving their pieces [us] across a chess board, followed by brief clips of us all being fucking badass.
706150 I'd say we're the 'Queens', as opposed to the lesser pieces. Because like the Queen in chess, we're all fucking badasses in our own way.
706199
We've yet to see confirmation of Grogar, either, nor Chrysalis. We've seen Discord and Celestia undeniably, someone who COULD be Luna[in yor own], and someone whom is, apparently, Eris judging by the name.
So...who's got what player yanking them into equestria?
706235
Ah.
I was actualy originally gonna use Knightmare Sol frm my novels instead of Celestia. Hence why my dude goes by 'Knightmare'.
ah yes the kirin. the mytho where the creators were "ok lets mix a deer, a dragon, and a goat and see where it goes!"
anywho doing pretty well for a starter.
706171
so far:
griffin
D. Dog
Kitty
dragon
changeling
Pega-wolf
Kirin
possible ideas.
undead something or other. (undead spider. scare griffin out for life!)
Sea-related. Sea pony or Sea serpent!
Automaton. We've brought both asian and roman cultures in why not robots? at least try a rock golem!
Elemental. yea probably not a good idea but whatever
Ghost/spirit. yea put undead up there already but that half/half for living and dead. this would be full dead
other things can't come up with
706239
Undead: could easily be one of 'The Blanks'. you know what I'm talking about...
Sea-related: Seapony Lyra!!!!
Automaton: Mein GOTT Just as I was considering adding in some of my love for Armored Core! No, srsly, if someone shows up as a 'Steel Golem' and winds up recognizing an Armored Core design, I'm gonna laugh my ass off at the sheer AWESOME.
Elemental: We've got a Chaos Elemental in the form of Discord. Why not more 'normal' ones? Or elementals built off of the Elements of Harmony.
Ghost/Spirit: Why not go out with an Old School Fae[which is where the Cangeling's body design draws from, albeit ponyfied]
that's the thing about the imagination. A truly WILD imagination is the last genuinely FREE thing in our world.
706245 If you draw from older versions of MLP, like G1 especially, then there's plenty of god-like, or genuine God-beings powerful enough to haul you to Equestria for their sick games. Hell, I can think of nearly a dozen off the top of my head, the list I gave earlier is a smaller, edited one.
706235 Also, yes, from here on in I shall use the term 'Game Master' for the god-beings that kicked this off, and 'Player' for the [not-so-]sorry saps dragged fom earthfor their delightfully demented game.
706259
personal thoughts i ant to see these
an Oni monkey from okami
a Hell raven from Touhou utsuho style (this is probably to human but whatever)
a Treant from lord of the rings (this could fit as a wooden automaton)
and as a normal elemental here's a simple fire spirit here you go
706290
honestly, I'd like to see a Nightmare. Not like THE Nightmare, but one of those mythical horses that strike terror in everyone around them.
I can honestly see one approaching Griffin and Knightmare, causing them both to panic because it looks like a giant spider to them.
Or approaching Celestia and looking like an evil version of herself.
Or worse, facing Discord and finally reveiling what scares HIM.... It'd likely be utterly hilarious.
706308 Linkage?
706390
Plus, seriously. how can you say no to a face like this?
img.ponibooru.org/_images/3985238b4bdf66a89f1e53d808cae3fb/179034%20-%20artist%3Apeachiekeenie%20generation_leap%20grogar%20portrait%20villain.jpg
I'll tell ya how.
You can't.
Because even a badass would rather wet themselves in public than piss off someone like Grogar. Especially with his 'No Bullshit' face on.
706449
Lolyup.
706447
One doth not buck with Grogar and retain their dignity.
Or their life.
706459 Cleaned up the comments, changed the description, and hopefully by the end of the day I will be able to post the next chapter. Only problem I might have with that is unlike usual I don't have a quality check for it to go through. Also might end up delaying that "where I end up" thing. I am still only about 400 words into writing this.
706546
Meh, I just use the spell check on my thingamaboob.
Works good for me.
706555 What I mean is I usually have a person or two around to give their opinion, but today they are out doing various things. Also I use Chrome so spell check is built in
Welcome to the game. You have my attention.
706699 Well I have managed to do that much; I can't say that I really know what I am doing. If you have any constructive criticism feel free to post it.
706748 Well you know what Discord would say: Whats the fun in having a plan? Although if I had to say anything, it would be to describe the environment a bit more. I have no idea how he got from a volcano, to a cave, to some sort of forest room. Although im guessing Griffin or Ember is gonna be busting him out.
706801 You have a point, but I did not think describing the environment which does not for the most part change between point A and B would be very interesting.
You are oh so very wrong about how he escapes. I am trying to keep the stories from crossing over all that early and have an interesting next destination, although I do not know where to go from there.
706846 You have a point. In most stories in this universe, the area is fairly consistent. Either in a desert, Dominion's mountains, the jungle, its all fairly easy to describe. You did describe where he was. You just need to work on the transition.
706854 Will do.