It was an estatic and quite eventful night in the Delta Nu sorority.Even if their beloved president, Rarity Belle was out, well, that was actually the reason why they were so estatic.
Rainbow and Rare on a date was nothing new, they´ve been dating for Celestia knows how long.But, this time, everypony knew it was going to be different. They were mares, it was natural, they just felt it Rainbow was TOTALLY going to propose!! They couldn´t wait to see Rarity again!!
A pink pegasus by the name Cadance flew around, her smile beaming as she sang: "Dear Rare, you´re so lucky both.I´m really going to cry.I just feel great"
Following right behind her were two mares.One of them was and earth pony whose mane sprung several tones of pink, her name was Cheerilee.The other was a blue unicorn, her amber eyes with obviously fake eyelashes shone with joy, her name was Sassy Saddles "Goodness knows well that you're a perfect match.Nothing can defeat this love" Sassy sang.
"Of course, he will propose!!"All three of them sang, giggling like little school fillies.
"Dear Rare, honey, mazel tov.I will love to see that ring!" Cheerilee sang.
"If we were to see a perfect couple this one qualifies, omigod, you guys" Now the three of them again.The Glee they were feeling quite obvious.
"Okay everybody signed, good." Cheerilee checked the vibrant pink paper in her whooves "Now, fall in line and we'll start the engagement parade"
They called up the rest of the sorority, ran up to Rarity´s bedroom door.They weren´t exactly a crowd but there were plenty of them as the unicorns lighted up their horns and earth ponies and pegasi held a candle in their right front hoof.
"Okay, okay.One, two, three, four" Cheerilee counted, before opening the door to their friend´s room and they all started singing again, eyes closed.
"Daughter of Delta Nu
Now that you are engaged, things got exiting now.
Your life begins today.
Know that in you hour of need we will be there for you
it won´t be superseeded
Our sacred bond of sisterhood"
They opened their eyes to find... "She´s not here" Sweetie Belle said, clearly confused.
The others started to react as well, confused, alarmed, even down right worried.Celestia knows what they would´ve done if Sweetie Belle didn´t found the white overweighted cat "Opal! Where is Rarity?" The cat rolled her eyes and climbed up the window and pointed with one of her claws towards........ "The Old Valley Mall?! That can only mean....." She turned towards the others "FASHION EMERGENCY!" They all rushed towards the mall while the cat just groaned and hissed at them.
The Old Valley Mall had a lot of places to buy clothes on but they knew only one that caught Rarity´s attention.As they entered The Carrousell, they saw her come out of the changing room and they knew it was her.
Eyes that shone like saphires, lavender hair and a gente curve that had a little too many stallions looking at her.She´d just finished putting on a short white dress and was looking at herself in a mirror with a critical look.She was unforgettable and distinct.
"RARITY!"
"Oh, hello there, darlings, Mind helping me for my big night??"
"Of course!"
She looked back at the mirror as she was surprised from the back by the owner of the boutique Suri Polomare, she was holding in her hoof a different dress.She flypped her brunette mane and showed it to the unicorn "Oh, honey, you simply must wear this one. It just came in, it´s perfect for a purple maned"
The unicorn´s preciou eyes seemed to scan the dress inmediately and she smirked "It does go well with purple"
"Yes, that´ll be 50 bi......"
"BUT"
"But?"
"Is that a half-loop stitch on Fillyna Silk?"
"Um, maybe"
She laughed, cautiously "Well the thing is, darling, you can't use a half-loop stitch on Fillyna Silk,It'll pucker. And you didn't just get this in because I saw it last Winter Wrap Up´s vogue. I'm not about to buy last year's dress at this year's price, I may be in love, but I'm not stupid. Suri, I´ve got eyes.And just because I´m loaded doesn´t mean I´m willing to spend so many bits like that"
As Rarity´s friends shouted Uuuh BUSTED! Suri was stunned.
"But............"
Before she could make more of a ridiculous, however, employee of the month, Coco Pommel came in, with a long light pink dress, little pink flowers all over the skirt.
"Oh my gosh! RARITY? Sorry, for that.Dear Suri here is sick so......."
"My condelences.And may she feel better next time I´m here.Oh What´s that, darling?" She pointed to the dress in her hoof
"Oh This? Something that really DID just came in.I DO care for my clientel.So here, only 30 bits"
Rarity took the dress and changed it for the money "Pleasure making bussiness with you, Coco, Sweetie.Now, if you excuse me, it´s getting late!" As she rushed in to the changing room she couldn´t help but see in Suri´s eyes that she was going to have a word with her worker.
Soon, they all met with the attention-graving pegasus stallion and, as he and Rarity kissed, a great AW was heard.
"Hello there, Blitzy"
"Hi"
"Ready for tonight?"
"............Yeah"
They aproached the restaurant and sat down the table.It was a beautiful night, barely anyone there but the two of them.Rainbow Blitz looked in the corner of his eye to his girlfriend and took a long, deep breath.It was it.
"Look, Rarity, we need to talk"
"Sure, dear, What about?"
"Life is not a game anymore....................Not for me, at least.Clases in Canterlot Law are starting soon.My future is ahead, my dreams are ahead.And I need you to listen to me on this one, Rare"
"I´m listening"
"We have chances right staring at us.I need to focus, you.....................Need to think.We both need this.I was thinking maybe you and I....."
YES! Something inside the young mare screamed and beamed with joy THIS WAS IT! She took his hoof and caressed it, not knowing that had alarmed him greatly.What she said later didn´t actually help "You and I?"
Another deep breath and he closed his eyes "Should break up"
"YES!!!!" The unicorn jumped from her seat, smiling like a mad mare, her mind not yet procesing what he just had said
"Glad you agree" He smiled, relieaved
"Wait What?"
"Huh?"
"Did you just said break up?" The pieces fell into place and her heart down.Crying, no, sobing.Rarity was a sea of tears and ruined eye liner
"I think it´s the best we can do.I need someone serious who can keep up with me."
"BUT I THOUGHT YOU WERE PROPOSING!" She admited, not caring about how ridiculous she sounded while doing so.Nothing matered anymore.
"Really? Well, I´m sorry.Not that you´re not awesome, you are but not enough to drag you along with me.You´re not serious"
"Not serious? But I am seriously in love with you"
"Hey, let´s both be strong.We knew this wasn´t going to last"
"NO! YOU KNEW!" She jercked off, runing away.She didn´t care in which direction as long as it was away from him.
Rainbow Blitz sighed
As she returned to her sorority, she found all the members waiting for her with a baner that read: CONGRATULATIONS BLITZ AND RARITY!
Sweetie Belle hugged her "So?How did it go?Where´s Blitz?"
"I don´t know." She wiped away her tears with her hoof "I DON´T CARE!"
"What?! Why?"
"He didn´t propose."
"Oh Is that it? RELAX! He´ll do it some other da.....!"
"HE BROKE UP WITH ME!"
As Rarity colapsed in one of the many, many couches the room filled with a surprised and yet understanding Oh
K, I read the description, and skimmed the story. This basically needs to have spaces between sentences, and some grammar and spelling fixes. For example:
The word is spelled vibrant, not bybrant. There are some more errors, so I recommend you get an editor and then continue the story.
Sweet! Legally blonde is one of my favorite movies and musical! Rarity as Elle is a perfect match.
This story needs a little work though, there are definitely grammatical and spelling errors throughout the story, but aside from that this feels really rushed. The part where Elle and Delta Nu are at the mall is an establishing character moment for Elle, it is where we see that she is smart, fashion savvy, and isn't afraid to stand up for herself. So it was a little disheartening to see that you cut most of that scene, especially since that part of the song is so great.
Similarly, in both the movie and musical Warner breaking up with her usually has a huge lead up to it. The whole song 'Serious' is written to be vague as to what his intentions are until the middle where he drops the bomb and even afterward he isn't rude to her, he still treats her like he would if they were still together, which is why it was so difficult for Elle to let go of him. The part that you have written could definitely be expanded to be more than just the breakup.
Speaking of the music, are you including it? Because you seemed to start with the beginning of Omigod You Guys and then stopped it about halfway through and didn't include Serious at all. It might be easier to leave the music out altogether especially since it's music that most of your readers haven't heard and may not be inclined to check out.
Anyway, I would love for you to continue this story and if you need any help let me know
6476757 thanks
6477329 I left out most of the boutique scene because................I´ll be honest with you here..............I didn´t understand half of what Elle was saying in that scene. Really . I may need to have a copy of the script to continue or something. I felt kinda bad leaving it out but I legitimately didn´t understand what she was saying.
the music is wonderful, I am in lve with most of the numbers but here´s the thing. If you read the writting rules, we´re not suppoused to copy-past song lyrics that aren´t ours because of copyright issues. I also don´t see Rainbow Blitz as the kind of guy to just break into song in a serious moment like tha.....................................oh, sorry what a stupid pun please don´t kill me but you understand right?? I am going to have the characters sing from time to time but I´m not gonna include ALL the songs........... sadly, trust me hurts me more than hurts you.
I was playing a little with the breaking-up scene, Warner/Blitz is suppoused to be only a little jerky, he did tried his best not to make her cry and it isn´t his fault that he doesn´t know the NUMBER ONE break-up rule: Be careful with what you do. he DID invite her on a date instead of simply saying We need to talk
I´m glad you like it. I DO have some problems with the spelling, I´ll figure that out later. thank you
6477923 oh that's easy. Here are the play and movie versions of how that scene went down:
Movie Version:
Elle: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?
Boutique Saleswoman: Of course. It's one of a kind.
Elle: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.
Play version:
Elle: Right, with a half-loop stitch on China silk?
Boutique Saleswoman: uh-huh
Elle: But the thing is you can't use a half-loop stitch on China Silk. It'll pucker. And you didn't just get this in because I saw it last May's vogue. I'm not about to buy last year's dress at this year's price, I may be in love, but I'm not stupid. Lady, I've got eyes.
If you do decide to go back and make some edits, definitely consider putting this scene back in there because it would be very telling of Elle/Rarity’s character.
6481324 THANK YOU!!! I mean Elle talks so bucking fast! I owe you one