Purple maned and pretty and nice.For some reason, everypony looks down on this qualities, taking advantage of those who have them or worse.
Rarity, a well known young Delta Nu unicorn, is one of those poor mares.She finally realices this as Rainbow Blitz breaks up with her to focus on his studies at Canterlot Law.But she´s not gonna give up!!!! She´ll follow him and fight for her stallio...........Bad idea.Luckily, Applejack is there to help her, in more ways than one.
Based on the Broadway musical Legally Blonde
Rated T because.................It´s Legally Blonde
Cover art by luminaura: http://luminaura.deviantart.com/art/s5e15-Rarity-Investigates-561302103
Chapters (6)
K, I read the description, and skimmed the story. This basically needs to have spaces between sentences, and some grammar and spelling fixes. For example:
The word is spelled vibrant, not bybrant. There are some more errors, so I recommend you get an editor and then continue the story.
Sweet! Legally blonde is one of my favorite movies and musical! Rarity as Elle is a perfect match.
This story needs a little work though, there are definitely grammatical and spelling errors throughout the story, but aside from that this feels really rushed. The part where Elle and Delta Nu are at the mall is an establishing character moment for Elle, it is where we see that she is smart, fashion savvy, and isn't afraid to stand up for herself. So it was a little disheartening to see that you cut most of that scene, especially since that part of the song is so great.
Similarly, in both the movie and musical Warner breaking up with her usually has a huge lead up to it. The whole song 'Serious' is written to be vague as to what his intentions are until the middle where he drops the bomb and even afterward he isn't rude to her, he still treats her like he would if they were still together, which is why it was so difficult for Elle to let go of him. The part that you have written could definitely be expanded to be more than just the breakup.
Speaking of the music, are you including it? Because you seemed to start with the beginning of Omigod You Guys and then stopped it about halfway through and didn't include Serious at all. It might be easier to leave the music out altogether especially since it's music that most of your readers haven't heard and may not be inclined to check out.
Anyway, I would love for you to continue this story and if you need any help let me know
6476757 thanks
6477329 I left out most of the boutique scene because................I´ll be honest with you here..............I didn´t understand half of what Elle was saying in that scene. Really . I may need to have a copy of the script to continue or something. I felt kinda bad leaving it out but I legitimately didn´t understand what she was saying.
the music is wonderful, I am in l
ve with most of the numbers but here´s the thing. If you read the writting rules, we´re not suppoused to copy-past song lyrics that aren´t ours because of copyright issues. I also don´t see Rainbow Blitz as the kind of guy to just break into song in a serious moment like tha.....................................oh, sorry what a stupid pun please don´t kill me but you understand right?? I am going to have the characters sing from time to time but I´m not gonna include ALL the songs........... sadly, trust me hurts me more than hurts you.
I was playing a little with the breaking-up scene, Warner/Blitz is suppoused to be only a little jerky, he did tried his best not to make her cry and it isn´t his fault that he doesn´t know the NUMBER ONE break-up rule: Be careful with what you do. he DID invite her on a date instead of simply saying We need to talk
I´m glad you like it. I DO have some problems with the spelling, I´ll figure that out later. thank you
6477923 oh that's easy. Here are the play and movie versions of how that scene went down:
Movie Version:
Elle: Is that low-viscosity rayon? With a half-loop top stitching on the hem?
Boutique Saleswoman: Of course. It's one of a kind.
Elle: It's impossible to use a half-loop stitching on low-viscosity rayon. It would snag the fabric. And you didn't just get it in - I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago. So if you're trying to sell it to me for full price, you've picked the wrong girl.
Play version:
Elle: Right, with a half-loop stitch on China silk?
Boutique Saleswoman: uh-huh
Elle: But the thing is you can't use a half-loop stitch on China Silk. It'll pucker. And you didn't just get this in because I saw it last May's vogue. I'm not about to buy last year's dress at this year's price, I may be in love, but I'm not stupid. Lady, I've got eyes.
If you do decide to go back and make some edits, definitely consider putting this scene back in there because it would be very telling of Elle/Rarity’s character.
6481324 THANK YOU!!! I mean Elle talks so bucking fast! I owe you one