Roadtrip

by enamis

Moving Day

Author's Note:

i did it

.
im free

.
i graduated
.
I GRADUATED

AHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHA

“Last box?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that question.?”

I popped on the plastic lid of the giant, faintly purple tupperware-looking box as best I could before kick-shoving it towards the open glass door with my back leg before turning to Kaja. The horse-woman had asked me to do her hair up in a bun as it had constantly gotten in her eyes whilst working and I don’t know what black magic I had summoned to do it the way I did, but she looked like the single most adorable fucking thing on the planet.

GG, me.

At the given moment she was using a stylus to meticulously tipity-tap away at her newly beloved MacBook, doing spreadsheets on all the stuff we were moving to our newest plaything: our own motha’fuken’ fishing freighter!!

… Okay maybe not freighter, but still a pretty big damn boat.

Honestly, I was still reeling from the fact that my insanity had birthed this amazing and functional idea out of all things. And on top of that, everything had been progressing as smoothly as pancakes, and I didn’t even care that I might’ve just jinxed everything because I felt un-fucking-jinxable.

Because that is a word.

Yep.

Kaja finally stopped typing. She glared at the screen for a solid three seconds before spitting out the stylus in the pillow next to her for that exact purpose and looked at me. I couldn’t help but smile at her. I’d been doing that a lot since we’d hauled that metal monstrosity back over to Home Base a few days ago. Right now it was resting a about a kilometer across the city in the river, moored to some concrete steps leading down to the water that were usually used by touristy-joyride boats. (God, those things were awful, I remember riding them when I was a wee child and they felt more ancient the Soviet era junk we still had left over)

.
“What. I zoned out again.”

Kaja only sighed.

“You can push cart. You should help.” She motioned outside. “If we move all box we should be done next day.”

I let out a few disgruntled noises. “Whaddabout you then? Not gonna help?”

She gave me the flattest look yet and motioned at her MacBook, screen filled with a billionty spreadsheets of stuff and amounts and math.

Defeated sigh it is. I stood up and brushed the dirt off my butt and limped over to the outside with no further complaints. Oh hello Carl. Where the fresh fuck did you materialize from?

After some waaaaay too long eye contact we both looked away. Just in time, of course, for Bella to bounce from Carl over to me and then back to him, possibly deliberately ignoring the palpable awkwardness between us. Dumb dog.

I awkwardly shifted on the spot as Carl moved the ready boxes to one of those supermarket two-pronged wheely-lift things.

Trolleys… They're called hand trolleys. What the hell is wrong with me?

This went on for a while until he came upon something heavy. The box was opaque and I ain’t got time to remember all the wild shit we’ve packed since we started doing the ‘this is our life now’ jig.

Lugging around something that came close to my weight didn’t seem to faze him though. Eventually I shuffled closer and sort of awkwardly held out my arms and did a ‘gimmie’ motion with my fingers.

He gave me a look. Hmph, right back atchya’, friendo.

Carl picked up some off-white things shambled together in a package and wordlessly motioned for me to get on all fours. I did and he placed the package between my wings, giving me enough time to adjust my balance with the thing, whatever it was. It looked kitchen-appliance-y. I guess it was going to have to do.

He quickly threw the rest of the boxes onto the trolley and we began to walk, or in my case hobble, with Bella running in circles around us. We took the long way around, down the boulevard beside the elevated train tracks so we didn’t have to deal with the uneven cobblestones of Old Town. Sure it was a bit of a bend but we had parked the boat appropriately after all.

Carl and I didn’t speak the entire way and that was fine. I mean, it was probably because we were both straining with our loads but still. I don’t think my legs had gotten this much of a workout since whenever.

.
We rounded the last corner and gazed upon our beauty once more. Our boat swayed gently with the calm waves and I felt a sort of giddiness pass though me. That or gas. Emotions were weird.

Neatly and un-neatly stacked boxes among other types of packaging were laid down all throughout the street and down towards the steps that lead down to water and the boat itself. A plain wood plank we dubbed a walkway leaned at an angle letting us walk onto the deck.

One of the cranes the freighter had could be worked with hands and we’d been mostly using that one and a lot of wooden pallets to actually get stuff onto the boat and into its cargo holes (one of which was almost entirely water containers, yay~).

And by ‘we’ I meant Carl because why-do-I-have-to-keep-explaining-why.

We stopped by the ‘unsorted’ pile and unloaded, Carl freeing me from my manual labor prison. While he was doing that I shuffled over to the steps, went down a few and sat back with a sigh.

I pulled out one of my fancier snacks, a protein bar I’d gotten from a store downtown, along with everything in the store, really. If worst came to worst we could just mix the wild array of powdered protein flavors of pure calories with water, though hopefully it wouldn’t have to come to that, as we had packed crates and crates and CRATES of long-life food. Nevertheless, the array of bars were better to just stick in a bag and have on hand at any moment, considering the adventure we were about to embark on.

Oh, I probably should have mentioned my badass new thigh-bag we’d found. Minus the slight chafing and the weirdness that was putting it on when your hips and legs met at a ninety degree angle it was the best thing that could have happened to me.

Minus the gun.

Oh yeah, we had guns now.

Now that was an adventure in itself.

Well, not, like, with us at the moment, we had these fancy secure boxes for them upstairs in my and Kaja’s bedroom. Didn’t stop me from getting the feel for the holster strapped to my other thigh.

The idea had been mine (because obviously) and Kaja of all people had backed me. See, my old home apartment was around the block of a police station so I figured we try and arm ourselves.

Well… Me and Carl… Since we had thumbs.

Kaja I'm so sorry, why did you keep getting the shit end of the stick?

In any case we’d found a few while ransacking the place as security doors, or any kind of lock or metal things really, didn’t stand much chance against Carl since he just ripped everything out with the hinges. Dat minotaur strength tho.

I kept being reminded how easy he’d gone or my arm.

.
We were now a couple pistols richer. See, I knew what they were. I think. At least the ammo box said 9mm so that was a thing. A solid start considering both mine and Carl’s knowledge started and ended with FPS-es and /k/.

Not exactly a good sign but… ya know…

Guns.

They sure are great.

…

Trigger discipline, yo.

…

.

I kid. I knew some basics. My great-uncle took me out to dick around with his old hunting shotgun last summer. That was fun and terrifying and may or may not have aggravated my tinnitus.

.

^{Mwap. Eeeeeeeeeeeeee~}

.
Anyway.

I ripped open my chocolaty-overload-and-lemon protein bar and simply stared at the specks of sunlight flickering across the black river as I munched. For some reason the water unnerved me more than usual.

Maybe because we’d be setting off soon. That was probably it. We even had a course plotted out and everything. Between the three of us we’d manage to vaguely figure one of the nav computers up in the bridge and our plan was a straight line up via traditional compasses until we hit Estonia’s southwest shore and then glide along between the islands and the mainland, keeping it in our right sight at all times until we hit Tallinn, which would be very hard to miss. Pretty simple.

Hopefully.

As I was enjoying my fake-citrus snack Bella sneakily nuzzled under my arm, pressing her tiny frame against my side. I had to stick the protein bar in my beak so I could use that arm to pet her. I didn’t exactly trust my mushed leg to be up to par, and I’d gotten pretty good at ignoring I even had a limb there anyway.

Some more minutes passed. Carl had sat down for a snack a ways away as well and seemed to be done as he simply got up and walked away, dragging the trolley with him. I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding.

.
This ‘people’ stuff was bullshit, I tell you.

I didn’t have the mental capacity to deal with interpersonal drama. They should’ve been glad I unvocally owned up to this garbage. I mean, I did kind of go for the face, I’ll admit to that, but in my defense I didn’t exactly think my fingertips were like boxcutters. (only thicker and hella sharper).

Why couldn’t we just forget all of this, huh? I liked Carl better when we could gush about cartoons. I mean, he was such a douche canoe anyway, not telling us about what he saw on the chans’ and god knows where else. Probably some hentai shithole too. Hmm, I wonder if he pirated any por-

FOCUS.

I mean, who the fuck does that anyway?! We witnessed the Apocalypse and he had the titanium balls to keep his fucking mouth shut about something as important as people. I mean, hell what if Kaja’s kid was one of the ones left? She never said how old he was but he’d probably be fucked, while we’d be aimlessly dicking around here for months. I mean, shit, I was planning on setting up a tv and some consoles and DVD players downstairs and make ourselves an entertainment room, god knows how long that would’ve taken. Something-long, something-colossal-waste-of-time.

I mean. I didn’t really care about the other people out there. On a people level, I mean. But I needed to know. Like the main character of any story, I had to know. To try.

Zombies, I could’ve bought. WW3 a la Fallout style I could’ve bought. Aliens? Easy. People being turned into Greek mythology? That’s where I drew the line.

And shit wasn’t making sense either. Why disappear? Why leave some random fuckwits anyway? Why mythology? What was with the time stuff???? This wasn’t Doctor Motherfucking Who!!

.
Wait what the fuck was that noise?

Oh. Whoops, that was the sound of my teeth grinding. I eased my jaw and relaxed my knuckles from their deathgrip on the steps, my fingertips having gouged tiny white lines in the concrete.

Bella licked my hand as the color returned to my joints.

I was so tired.

I just wanted to know, was that so much?

I mean, I knew the answer was yes, but still.

.
I sighed. We had something going for us at least. So what if Carl was a worthless bag of dicks. I wanted to say it to his face, but we still had shit to do and I needed him to hang up some screens in my captain’s quarters so that could wait. Until we got the Kaja situation sorted, at least. I dreaded what we’d find in Tartu so I had to keep my peace with Second Mate Shithead until then. It killed me to go against my entire M.O. since the Rapture hit but… hgnnNNN- NO. NO.

I CAN'T DO THIS SHIT AGAIN.

EAT A BAG OF FISHY CUNTS, UNIVERSE

I CAN'T GO BACK TO SILENT POLITENESS. IT WAS ALL IN ALL THE TIME, WE PROMISED.

WE FUCKING PROMISED.

.

.
*STOMP*

“FUCK.”

Fuck! That hurt!

I fell back on my ass, splaying out my wings and crushing whatever intact snacks I still had in my side bag as I cradled my own limbs with my limbs. Yeah, it wasn’t very effective.

Go brain. What part of you decided slamming everything on stone steps would help anyone?

And then I heard voices. Oh for the love of-

Since I was a bit lower on the steps I could heard the two coming but I'm pretty sure they couldn’t see me. I caught words about me and champagne and throwing and -bored now-

Fhu’ck all’yall’ I ain’t dealing with this shit.

I hopped up to my still sore feet and lowkey sprinted for the footbridge leading up to the boat. I had to pause for a moment before stepping onto it because fuck everything a single strip of wood connecting a huge-ass-ship and planet fucking Earth over water and something like an entire story up stood for.

Easy does it, it wasn’t that high, dumbass.

I thumped halfway up the slope before they noticed me and called out. I heard Carl’s voice the clearest but I didn’t even bother listening to the words. I felt my blood boiling, as it had for a while now.

Actually, you know what?

Fuck you, Universe, I play by my rules.

I inhaled and spun around, my face scrunched with either barely contained fury or emotional constipation. Either worked.

“CARL, YOU ARE A PIECE OF SH-”

I tried to stomp my lion foot down for emphasis. What I didn’t realize at the time was the fact that I was standing on a very rickety and narrow plank that wasn’t even secured that much. I also still didn’t quite have the hang of my dimensions in their entirety.

My back leg slipped off the side of the plank along with most of my weight from the stomp, quickly followed by the rest of me as I lost my bearings, smacking my chest and stomach on the edge on my way down, knocking the wind out of me as my one functioning claw uselessly dragged across the plank without catching any bit of grip.

There might’ve been a voice on the way down but it didn’t exactly matter when everything went cold and wet.

.

.

.

Have I ever mentioned I can't swim?

.

o.O.o

Comments

[Krazyfan1]

ITS ALIVE!
CONGRATS ON GRADUATING! i'm starting Uni soon as well!

...griffons are part bird.
ducks are birds.
birds float.
ergo, griffins float.
if all else fails, hopefully your claws are near the surface and can latch onto some wood.

[bluemoon1996]

Yay! I missed this story! Your style of narration is bloody hilarious and I utterly love it

[enamis]

8312531 Oh dear, considering this has horribly deteriorated my ability to write like a normal person maybe you shouldn't encourage me. On the other hand I do love writing in this style, the uninterrupted flow of consciousness has a certain, peculiar rawness to it.
(that and i doubt i'l ever get the chance to write in this style ever again because people prefer it if im 'proper' and all that garbage)

[bluemoon1996]

8313456

I don't care. I enjoy it for it's bluntness XD

[Celefin]

Waitwaitwait why didn't I notice you updated?!
Oh please don't turn 'proper', you 'play by your rules' after all. I so love this story.
But what a way to ruin a badass assertive assertion of catbird awesomeness (and hurt feelings).
Your characters continue to be top notch.

Oh, and on edit, a belated congrats!