There were many wild places in Equuis, where magic permeated the air and land. But none so wild as the Everfree. No harmony reached these woods. The weather moved in ways unknown to pegasi, the magic was older than any unicorn teachings, and earth ponies could not make the trees bear fruit. They did so according to their own wishes. Even the Alicorn rulers held no sway over the land in that place. The sun rose and set according to the Princesses but that was the limit of their control over the miles and miles of trees.
“Lulu, what is wrong?” A regal figure asked softly, mane billowing in an unseen wind. The white Alicorn was worried about her sister, Princess Luna.
“Tia, I have sensed something and I know not what it is.” Luna was looking out of the balcony into the night, but her expression was not her usual admiration as she looked at her stars. The dark mare was troubled, that much was plain to see.
“Sensed something? What do you mean?” Princess Celestia was puzzled. If there was a ripple of some kind in the magical field, she was confused as to why she herself had not also sensed it. Unless, of course, it was something only Luna could sense.
“It is dreams. Always, I have sensed them. No matter what time of day or night it is, there is always somepony sleeping. This never bothered me before, as I assumed there was always random ponies taking naps throughout the day. But… Now I wonder about it.”
Celestia turned her head to try to spot where her sister was looking, but Luna’s gaze was not fixed. She was combing the Everfree with her eyes. What on Equuis was she looking for in there?
“What do you think this dreaming is, if it is not just our ponies?”
Luna’s face turned frustrated. “I do not know. I sensed a spike of awareness, a lack of dreams you could say. There was no one in my perception dreaming. This, in and of itself, should be no problem. But I became curious. Who was this last pony to wake up? I searched for the signature, but it led me not to a city or village in civil Equestria. It led to deep within the Everfree, where nothing resides with such complex thought.”
Luna paused to gather her thoughts and Celestia had a feeling of unease. It was a hunch, a feeling in her gut that told her that whatever Luna was going to say next would take them down a new path. While the Princess of the Moon was ruminating on what to say, Celestia spoke up.
“Do you believe there is a pony living in the Everfree alone?” Celestia did not like what Luna implied with ‘there was ALWAYS somepony sleeping’. Was it something that was older than her, dreaming even as she was a filly? Luna had said ‘always’...
“I… do not think it is a pony. Nopony could have been sleeping for so long. I felt it has been slumbering for a very long time. The dreams are old and sluggish.”
The Sun Princess was growing more concerned with each passing word. “Did you look into them?” Celestia almost hoped she had, if only to have more information, though she knew it would have been dangerous to look into something’s mind that was older and potentially just as powerful if not more than she was.
“I tried…” Luna spoke quietly, making her sister ashamed she had hoped for such a thing.
“What did you see, Luna?”
“It was utterly alien. All I remember is strange architecture and stranger beings. But as I said, it has been asleep for a long time, longer than anything should be and yet live. Everything was blurry and distorted. I am glad it yet sleeps. I only got the chance to look because it fell back asleep shortly after it awoke. I—“ Luna cut herself off and her face became intense.
“Is it awakening?” The question became redundant when Celestia stretched out her senses. It felt like Discord almost, a crackling energy racing down her horn.
Luna abruptly flapped her wings, taking off in a hurry. “Luna, wait!” Tia had no choice but to follow as Lulu sped toward the Everfree. She was apparently tired of waiting and discussion. She wanted to see for herself what had laid in wait their entire lives.
Princess Luna was growing more anxious by the second. They had been flying for a long time over the forest. She stopped her scanning of the ground to look out at the horizon. Accustomed to the night, she could see clearly by only the light of the moon and stars. What she saw was a vast wilderness, stretching on infinitely it seemed. She had had no idea that so much of the land lay uncharted. She had never bothered to look.
Celestia was flying behind her, and had long since stopped trying to talk her younger, more rash sister out of confronting what could be a very dangerous enemy head-on. Luna started descending, and Celestia’s anxiety grew. Was this the resting spot of a powerful foe, or friend?
As they sank below the tree line, they were puzzled at the unremarkable ground. Surely, there would have been a marker of some kind? But there was nothing. Just grass and undergrowth. Celestia and Luna conducted a cursory search of the earth underneath them. Again, they nothing nothing that would indicate a living being.
“Is this it?” The Sun Princess asked cautiously. “Maybe it's underground…?”
The question answered itself as the ground they were standing on shuddered. The Alicorn rulers jumped back in fright as what could only be described as a claw burst from the earth. Before they knew it, a second one burst up as well and together they heaved. The ground bulged up and they could only watch as a creature older than all of pony civilization was revealed.
It stood to its full, massive height. It was very tall, and the Princesses now learned what it was like to look up at somepony, even if it wasn't exactly a pony. It had a flat face for the most part, it's nose not on the same plane as its mouth. It seemed to be hairless except for a long and curly, white mane covering the top of its head. Rags hung from its long and powerful looking limbs. It's eyes were yellow and framed by white eyelashes. They surmised that it's face would also be white if it weren't streaked with mud.
Luna stepped forward, acting more confident than she felt. Celestia saw the hard look in her eyes, and lunged up to whisper in her ear.
“Lulu, we must be careful with this creature. Try not to rough it up too badly.” Her words and tone was light, but her eyes spoke volumes about the anxiety she felt. The magical energy she was picking up from this thing was intense. Celestia held Luna’s eyes until the younger nodded.
“Creature, be you friend or foe?” Luna spoke with authority. The thing, which she assumed was a female by its long mane and delicate eyelashes, merely stared at her. There was no sound in the forest except the rustle of the tree leaves from the soft breeze. As the moments passed, Luna was getting more and more irritated. Was the mare-creature ignoring her? She knew that it was intelligent, that much was clear from the dreams she saw.
“Sister, it might not speak our language. Didn't you say this creature is very old? Tongues change with time.” Celestia spoke soothingly. Luna instantly realized her folly and blushed. If this thing had been sleeping as long as she thought, then there would be no way it would speak modern Equestrian.
“I knew that…” Luna thought she heard her older sister snicker mischievously but ignored it for now.
Her horn lit up and she gently brushed the creature’s mind with her own, trying to give of an impression of peace. Even if it turned out to mean them harm, she would not stoop to pushing her way into this strange mare’s mind. Her domain was dreams, which of course were located deep inside her beloved ponies’ heads, so she knew how sacred a creature’s inner most thoughts were.
Celestia left her to it, not anticipating conflict but ready to leap to her sister’s aid should it prove dangerous. Luna was the most cut out of the two of them to impress their language onto its mind.
Luna’s probe was clinically assessed and found without malice, and granted access to the tall thing’s thoughts. ‘Being, what do you call yourself?’ The Moon Mare asked.
‘Alucard…’ A distinctly deep voice answered. Outwardly, it showed no reaction to her.
‘Do you mean pony-kind harm in any way, shape, or form?’ Luna asked with trepidation. This was the moment of truth.
‘No.’ A simple answer, but a definitive one as well. Luna released a sigh of relief out loud, and Celestia calmed. ‘I will not harm them, as long as they do not harm me.’
Luna’s scowled at this. ‘Is that a veiled threat?’ She asked, angrily.
‘No. It is merely a statement of my intentions.’ The mind went back to silence, unfazed by her irritation at his (she was quite sure of it being a he, now) blunt wording.
‘I see... I shall teach you our language so we may speak properly.’ Luna dumped data into its mind then withdrew. It could sort out the information itself.
There was silence for a while. The Alicorn rulers assumed it was compartmentalizing the language but when it continued in silence, Celestia tentatively trotted forward to her sister’s side and spoke up.
“What may I call you?” The Sun Princess asked, feeling awkward but outwardly showing a grace that had become second nature to her.
“Alucard.” Silence reigned again. Celestia abruptly thought that when Twilight met him (and she had a feeling it would happen sooner or later), she would be stumped.
“I am Princess Celestia. Pleased to make your acquaintance. And what manner of being are you, Alucard?”
“I am a dhampir.” The undoubtably masculine voice answered, but the word meant nothing to her.
“Well, let us come out of the cold. We shall take you back to the castle, if that is acceptable to you.” Celestia’s tone seemed kind, but was not a question. It was the same motherly tone she used with her ponies, which Luna thought was a little inappropriate. The Moon Princess would have to tell her that he had subtly threatened, or ‘stated’ in his own words, that he would not be adverse to dishing out punishment to those who picked a fight with him.
He moved toward them suddenly and strangely. It seemed like he just floated across the ground for a few steps but when the Alicorns got their wits about them and looked down at his legs, he was walking normally. Well, normally wasn't exactly right. His form was blurred as he moved slowly forward. It seemed like he was leaving a bluish trail of energy behind when he walked.
Well… That was certainly something. The royal sisters had a feeling that a being such as this would cause quite the stir in Canterlot.
The chariot they summoned came as quick as it could considering the distance,and picked them up. It was pulled by tired looking pegasi who were startled awake when they saw Alucard. It was a tight fit for the dhampir, who looked ever so slightly bemused at their ride when he first laid eyes on it. He didn't smile, but Celestia thought she spied some small amount of humor in his eyes. She didn't know if she was imagining it but she preferred to think he had emotions, even if he didn't show them.
The pegasi huffed and puffed as they pulled the heavy form of Alucard. He most likely weighed more alone than what two pony princesses weighed together. There was no way all three of them would be able to fit in the small chariot, much less be pulled by the already tired flyers.
The flight back to the castle was long and hard for the ponies pulling the chariot, but seemed short to the Princesses. They had much to think about. Who was Alucard at his core? Was there more like him, sleeping deep in the ground and waiting to be awoken? Or was he the only one, alone for as long as he may live?
Thoughts plagued them as they soared through the night sky, stars twinkling overhead. Only time could answer these questions.
Aww shucks I was thinking about doing a story like this. Not like it would ever get written. Good story idea. I have yet to write my own stories but I have read hundreds of fanfics so I hope this helps you.
Btw you forgot to mention which guards came to pick them up, I'm going guess it was the celestial guards because the Lunar guards would not have been tired as that time of night.
Pros: easy to read, a good pace, and I didn't notice any grammar mistakes.
Cons: well there's not much I could criticize. Besides the fact that you could use the environment a little more to set the mood. (For example: you could use a little foreshadowing or say the night was unnaturally silent as they landed) But that's more of an optional thing.
You have even already set up the story.
Goal: figure him out.
But on the down side it will end up being very predictable. (But then again some people like this predictable stuff and some people dont, so it's better to have a balance)
This story seems entertaining. Hope to see more of it.
I had initially planned on pointing out the errors and what not but stopped noting them after the first paragraph.
Red: Grammatical error. {were}
Blue: Not a proper sentence. {Fragment of a sentence; combine it with the preceding sentence via comma}
Green: Should not be on it's own. {Combine this with the prior sentence via semi-colon.
Yellow: Wut. {Is the everfree forest a 'they' or...? Because I've seen it done but the sentence is still awkward.}
Now, when I stopped thinking on it and read through, it was an easy read and very enjoyable but I would suggest you find an editor to help everything flow more smoothly. Should you grow desperate, I myself will volunteer for this spot because I desperately want a good Alucard/Equestria fic. Far too few of them.
I look forward to seeing what you write, particularly how the ponies respond to some of his abilities, such as his transformations and the sort.
Also, side-bar feature: i1154.photobucket.com/albums/p531/kcrafton6892/Capture_3.png
Not the best but a sign of greatness to come. ;)
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Thanks man! I'm not the best with grammar and focus more on how it reads most of the time? I'm terrible at English structure but love to read, so that's where that comes from. And def drop me a message and we can talk about editing? I'd be down for that! Thanks for the con crit! :)
This story looks cool so far, and the interactions between Alucard and the ponies should be very interesting. However, I don't think you meant to refer to him as a "mare-creature", since he clearly isn't an equine. Also, I've always thought that Celestia and Luna were the size of full-sized horses, but it's your story, so go with your size estimate.