6319242 Well, as soon as I add the rest of the characters, the reader can choose the pony they have a crush on, however since you can only have 5 characters for a fan-fic on this site, I could only add 8 ponies, The Mane 6, Derpy Hooves(Story already added), Lyra Heartstrings(Story being worked on now), and Octavia Melody.
Aaaalrighty! 3 problems, probably why your getting so many dislikes. 1. RUUUUUUUUUUUSHED. You rushed that plot incredibly fast. I felt like you just wanted to get this out for the sake of it being out. There should be 3 chapters, 1 for each stage of development. 1. The get-together. This should be lighthearted, innocent, and clean. Also, it should just be kinda cute, with Derpy's friends make jokes, until at the end of the chapter, she is asked out. This should be 1000-3000 words. 2. The Date. Just a casual date, stereotypical if you will. Make sure to give it dynamic, and if you run out of inspiration (have some in the first place) stick to the cliches. This should be 1500-2000 words. Then the Sexy Fun Biz! After the date, they have a little fun. What happens here is entirely up to you. 2, while following the previous instructions fixes this, it just feels like this doc wants to jump in your pants. No plot, other than a simple scenario which is rewarded with sex. This should be extended into the 3 segments described. 3. How foreshadowing should be handled. These are split lives, not times. You choose who is there from the beginning. So, the first chapter to every segment should have a flashback, if you will. How the crush developed, so on and so on. If you follow these steps followed by a writer's personal style and touch, you should have a really nice story, that people will be begging for more of.
The basic form of clop here. Needs more details and was very rushed. But I didn't expect anything seeing how short the chapter was initially. So it's decent in my opinion, besides the grammar mistakes.
so how dos this "choosing" work?
6319242 Well, as soon as I add the rest of the characters, the reader can choose the pony they have a crush on, however since you can only have 5 characters for a fan-fic on this site, I could only add 8 ponies, The Mane 6, Derpy Hooves(Story already added), Lyra Heartstrings(Story being worked on now), and Octavia Melody.
Guess I'll have to wait until you do Rainbow Dash. But, screw it. I'll fave.
6319256 check you math again, I count nine. and why second person?
Aaaalrighty! 3 problems, probably why your getting so many dislikes.
1. RUUUUUUUUUUUSHED.
You rushed that plot incredibly fast. I felt like you just wanted to get this out for the sake of it being out. There should be 3 chapters, 1 for each stage of development. 1. The get-together. This should be lighthearted, innocent, and clean. Also, it should just be kinda cute, with Derpy's friends make jokes, until at the end of the chapter, she is asked out. This should be 1000-3000 words. 2. The Date. Just a casual date, stereotypical if you will. Make sure to give it dynamic, and if you run out of inspiration (have some in the first place) stick to the cliches. This should be 1500-2000 words. Then the Sexy Fun Biz! After the date, they have a little fun. What happens here is entirely up to you.
2, while following the previous instructions fixes this, it just feels like this doc wants to jump in your pants. No plot, other than a simple scenario which is rewarded with sex. This should be extended into the 3 segments described.
3. How foreshadowing should be handled. These are split lives, not times. You choose who is there from the beginning. So, the first chapter to every segment should have a flashback, if you will. How the crush developed, so on and so on.
If you follow these steps followed by a writer's personal style and touch, you should have a really nice story, that people will be begging for more of.
The basic form of clop here. Needs more details and was very rushed. But I didn't expect anything seeing how short the chapter was initially. So it's decent in my opinion, besides the grammar mistakes.
The speaking paragraphs need work. The way it's currently written, makes it very confusing. When different person speaks, you start a new paragraph.