"-ling." Twilight finally finished, as she recovered from her period of glazing over at a sight which obviously had baffled her. Twilight slowly lowered her head, and locked her petrifying gaze upon the dilated, mismatched pupils of Discord. His heart lurched in reaction to the seemingly cold, emotionless look now smeared across her face.
"Discord." Twilight deadpanned dangerously, "what is the meaning of this? Are you toying with me again?" Twilight firmly, yet calmly demanded of the now quivering draconequus, making it clear how close she was to blowing her top,
"Well, You see..." Discord nervously ran the fingers of his paw through his beard, as he could sense himself slowly slipping away from the situation. He could almost feel the chances of his plans coming to fruition flowing through his fingers, as softly and easily as his well groomed beard currently slipped between his digits. Now all too aware of how he had taken far too long in coming up with a viable excuse, Discord began to sweat profusely, "u-umm, w-well, it's just, you know, umm..." Discord's eyes flickered left and right as he desperately searched for a distraction, a solution, anything to get him out of his current nightmarish situation. But he could find nothing. His mind betrayed him; he could not even think clearly enough to come up with a use for his magic to aid his cause. Since when had Discord, the Lord of Chaos and Disharmony, been stuck for ideas with his chaotic magic?
After having teetered on the verge of oblivion for several moments, Twilight, of all things, was to become his saviour. Or at least that's how he felt at first, as he let loose a colossal sigh of relief upon hearing her voice.
"Discord, if this is some sort of ploy to mess with my mind, give it up now, you will not be fooling me again. We made our amends once Tirek was defeated, let's not ruin that of our friendship which we have recently rekindled. Now tell me, loud and clear, no more mind games. What are you trying to achieve with something like this?"
Discord was dumbstruck; this was not the reaction he expected at all, exactly what was going on in her head? Discord felt a fresh wave of worry wash over him, dousing him in a thick cuticle of paranoia. Is there a big misunderstanding going on here? How am I to make her understand my feelings without seeming too forward? Discord considered the challenge of getting the mare of his dreams to reciprocate these feelings for a brief moment, however decided to push it to the back of his mind. He had to focus on clearing up this misunderstanding first, whatever the nature of it was. He knew Twilight suspected him to be plotting against her again in some way, however what exactly it was she believed he was trying to achieve through this current situation was beyond him at the moment. She is giving off the impression that she does not know, however if she had no idea, there would be no suspicions or references to a time when we were enemies. Discord reasoned, as his mind began to cool off, his paranoia seeping away as a result of his reasoning.
This thought process was swift and sure, Discord now had another goal to aim towards, and he had to be careful about how he chose to proceed, as he was treading on thin ice at the moment, not to mention he was currently under her roof. Discord focused his resolve on the task at hand, and after having calmed down from his rather lengthy moment of weakness, he knew if this was to go anywhere, he would need to take a small risk, however he could not go too far. Discord answered Twilight in a steady tone,
"Why, Twilight, I do believe you are rather a large fanatic for books of all kinds. Surely you of all ponies, know of a kind, and romantic gesture when you see one?" Discord said with a roll of the tongue upon the word "romantic", and then, after having whipped out a large bouquet of flowers from beneath his hat, he offered them to the princess.
As Twilight tentatively reached across the table to retrieve the flowers, cautious of his every move, she squeaked and dropped the flowers as they coughed over her face in a comic fashion. Twilight awkwardly cleared her throat, blushing in embarrassment at her involuntary noise-making.
The delightful pangs of success tickled Discord's sides, along with a pleasant tweak in his recently revived heart. He felt overwhelmed with gratitude due to the adorable display he had just witnessed. He could tell his gamble had paid off when the room once again fell into silence. However this time, a more comfortable and much less tense silence than before. Discord is back in the game, no more hiccups will be made tonight. He cheered himself on.
The rest of their time together was short-lived but comfortable, and mostly involved both of them trapped within their own thoughts. After both had finished their wine, Discord wrapped up the night with a snap of his fingers, causing the room to revert to its original form.
"I do hope you had a nice time tonight, Twilight. Makes for a nice change from those boring old books, right?" Remarked Discord, with a slight smirk pulling at the edges of his lips.
"Yes, well, thank you Discord. This was not as bad as I thought it would be. I think I should hit the hay, busy day tomorrow... The storm is still raging outside by the looks of it, so you can stay in one of the guest rooms upstairs, just take your pick. I'll wake you up in the morning and send you on your way." Twilight looked worn down and deep in thought, as she slowly made her way towards the door.
Discord nodded and slowly lowered his head, tipping his hat to the princess and flourishing his arm as he held the door open for her. He stayed put as Twilight made her way down the hall leading from the dining room, she seemed to be staring at the floor and looked slightly dazed as she walked. Discord figured she really was just exhausted.
Yes! Discord internally screamed, as he began to strut off through the opposite doors, his swagger back in his step, as he made his way up the stairs to the guest rooms. He had a satisfied smile written across his face, feeling sure he had taken a step in the right direction. Twilight did not snap back at him after his latest advance, her reaction was a victory in his eyes. Since his risk was successful, he believed that this would serve as the match to ignite the flame which was his ideal romantic relationship. Discord went to bed with the firm belief that it was only uphill from here, and although it would most likely be an arduous trek at times, he would make sure he was prepared to handle this relationship with care, no matter how long it took.
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As Twilight walked lethargically up to her room, her mind was ablaze with thoughts following on from the events of this evening. What is he planning? Does he want to claim my heart, only to tear it out of my chest and destroy my resolve? Surely he has truly learned his lesson, and therefore would not do something so cruel? He seemed sincere enough about his apology for his betrayal... Perhaps, these advances are for real? No, they can't be, that's completely out of character for Discord. There is something going on, I know it! But what is it?
Twilight had been walking on auto-pilot, and thus had not realised she was now stood next to her bed. Suddenly realising where she was, and also how exhausted she was, she pushed these questions out of her mind. She could only hope that they would fade away along with Discord once he departed tomorrow morning. Feeling slightly more sound of mind, Twilight climbed into bed, closed her eyes, and let sleep overcome her as she thought of nothing but her desire to rest.
[Hugs] The characterization here. WONDERFUL. Much, much better than before! I'm really enjoying how you wrote this one, particularly Discord. I'm a character-driven author myself, so I find the focus on Discord's thought process and reasoning far more intriguing than their actual dinner.
Is that bad?Anywho, I enjoyed this one all the more because of it. ^^Argh. See, now you're getting good enough, I can't give you super detailed responses. But I will try.
The main issue I noted (and it's really not all that bad) was that you're dialogue and thoughts were sometimes too formal for the characters. Didn't matter much with Discord. I myself always write him formal at least where serious matters are concerned. Twilight is a different story.
This is waaaay too formal. Perhaps Discord might ask himself this, but not Twi. Too many heavy words and not enough contractions. "Surely" for example is a word I only use for Tia, Luna, and Discord.
Okay, that's about it for that. I can do editing stuffs now. Wooo.
Oblivion should be lower case.
You don't need the "thought Discord part." Because it's in italics, the fact that he's thinking is implied. And h needs to be capitalized.
Reads off to me. Like, the sentence doesn't flow right. "you to be" seems funky.
Charles Dickens sentence (aka run-on sentence). I'd break that bad boy up.
That's all I could find. I suck at grammar. X3
In response to your question. Stop. Just stop. I worried about the same thing when I was writing This Cruel and Random World. But I'm telling you now, you don't want to write to fill a word quota. Each scene and each chapter is different. You need to let the characters and the given situation dictate the chapter length. Some chapters need to be longer, some need to be shorter. If you're accomplishing all you want to, then by gosh, it can be as short/long as you need it to be.
Just for perspective, TCARW's chapters are all over the place. I have 2k, 3k, 5k, 6k, and 10k word chapters. Heck, I had TWO ten-thousand word chapters back to back and the next one after that was only like 3k. So don't sweat it. If the story needs it, you go as long as you want or as short as you want.
Looking forward to the next installment!
— Bluegrass
6413711 Haha thank you once again, some people cannot help their grammar no matter what they do. And as for an editor, I'm afraid I don't really know what to suggest, because I don't use an editor anyway and thus cannot recommend anyone to you, sorry about that.
Love, Lord Nito
6412560 Hi there! Glad to see you in the comments section of my story once again! Wow, all this praise is rewarding, but I have to be careful not to let it get to my head, I appreciate criticism on the same level as I do praise, is that weird?
Yes, I took your advice on board about characterisation, and I think that at least for this chapter I have decently pulled it off, if I don't say so myself. In particular, you probably noticed that I focused massively on describing the way Discord was reacting to the situation, intentionally dragging out the moment in order to achieve a desired effect. Looks like I succeeded!
I will be completely honest with you when I say that Twilight's thoughts and dialogue seemed too formal at times to me as well, it definitely crossed my mind more than once during the writing of this chapter, thank you for pointing that out and confirming my suspicions. I was just trying a bit too hard (it seems) to not make her too casual, as she is an intelligent and dignified princess, of course. Still need to straighten up her character, but I didn't make her too cold in this chapter, did I?
As for my grammar, I have never had too many major problems with it, however I am glad you pointed out those faults to me, I'll edit the chapter and patch those up asap. I will also admit that I am often dubious about my use of speech marks and paragraphing around said speech marks. I always wonder where to put commas, where to put full-stops, where to use capitals and where not to use them etc. However, I don't think I have yet messed up too much in that department, I still think it is readable enough to stay as it is.
Thanks for the advice in regards to my question, I'll make sure I write each chapter for as long as it feels right to, stopping when, and only when, it feels natural to do so.
Ever grateful for all you do for me, aiding me on my path to completing my first story,
Lots of Love from Lord Nito
I start to question what interesting/awkward/(probably not important) scene would you write for the morning
Surely enough, this fic is awesome and I love how quickly Discord can pull himself from the awkward goof to the tricky demon
Keep the great work, my friend!
6414761 Haha, well you will have to wait and see to find out what happens. Thank you for the continued support, it makes writing this fic all the more interesting and fun for me. I am always excited to see what people think of my work, and having people such as yourself genuinely enjoy what I have produced is simply amazing.
Love, Lord Nito
Not bad. Not bad at all. It's nice to see Discord's struggling to confess his feelings. It proves that he's just as vulnerable to emotions as anyone. At least, he was able to confess before his confidence caved in. This is definitely getting interesting. Looking forward to future chapters.
6417694 Thanks, I'm glad you like it, I won't make you wait as long for the next chapter this time hopefully, but I'm SO busy now I'm back at school.
Love, Lord Nito