• Published 26th Sep 2015
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Can You Find it in Your Heart? - Ravenmane



As broken as he is. As unforgivable as he acted. Could anyone find it in their heart to care for a tyrant such as King Sombra?

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15 - What’s in a Holiday?

Waning Crescent 25, 3349

Princess Twilight is under the impression that I return to chronicling my time among other ponies. I suspect she has ulterior motives though I will not write of them. It took a fortnight to find one she thought proper for me and even then she had Rarity use her artistry to add gemstones. Why she chose not to allow me to do such a thing or simply perform it herself puzzles me.

This castle reminds me of home, back before the trauma I brought to my subjects. Princess Twilight will not speak to me regarding many topics yet she still permits my change in residence. Her dragon assistant Spike is a different beast. Her hope travels only so far, while his loathing seems infinite. I find myself wondering about which of my actions has offended him greater and I suspect it’s not what it should be.

Yesterday the “Crusaders” visited the castle and insisted to see me. We discussed much and the hours flew by as I heard their tales of bravery in search of who they are. They tried to recruit me into their club but I cannot. Mine is a talent that cannot be returned as it was removed with dark magic. The prices we pay for such power is unfair in hindsight, but in the moment one finds it either fair or even a bargain. Perhaps one day I will see its return, but I will have to endure the loss for now.

Celestia arrives in one week’s time and there are festivities that seem to be growing near as well. I am uncertain as to the holiday for the solstice is on the eve before the first of New Moon as it always has. I should begin to prepare for it soon. So much to do, so much to write, I only hope I can finish them all by year’s end. As for Celestia, I must hold my anger at bay when she visits. I still feel uneasy regarding her arrival though Princess Twilight insists that she can ease Celestia from a position of malice. Time will tell, but now the princess thinks she has a way to help an average pony open towards me in a projectile-free way. Snow does not sound bad, but rocks are quite painful and tomatoes are very difficult to wash away.

Sombra sighed and closed his new journal. As he tried to collect himself for the day his ears perked, catching the attempt to close his door quietly. At least I think the dragon tries, Sombra thought before leaving to begin a day he hoped would fare better than the last.

*****

“So is this still Plan B or have we gone past that,” asked Sombra as he looked over a long list of items.

“I think it is,” replied Twilight. “Then again, it is Pinkie so she might not have thought this far ahead.”

“Does she have some sort of average planning time princess?”

“I don’t think so. She can plan really far in advance, but sometimes it seems as though she has small ideas that just fall together into a bigger plan that wasn’t really there. Anyways, can you please stop calling me that? I mean if that’s how it was back then I suggest you get used to how things are now.”

“But what about–”

“That was a pony from Canterlot, ponies around here just call me Twilight. That means you stick out even more if you keep addressing me by title.”

“Very well Twilight. Now, can you please explain to me why there are all these wreathes and ornaments so soon? The solstice isn’t for a few more weeks and festivities can’t be starting already can they?”

Twilight giggled, which only confused Sombra more. “Hearth’s Warming Eve is in nine days. It celebrates the founding of – of course. You wouldn’t have celebrated it since it’s a celebration for the founding of Equestria.”

“Yes, and in the past I had left Equestria at the start of this month. One thousand and three years ago, to me it feels so recent but to the world… I hope many found peace during their lives. Even such a vain stallion like Helios, regardless of what has become of Trot in all this time.”

“Trot is gone, there are only ruins and stories told of a battle with the dragon Xiphos. According to what I’ve read, the stories date back several centuries.”

“It was called the great southern jewel in my time. Xiphos must have struck near my defeat, relatively speaking. So this list of ours, it’s for your celebration right?”

Twilight nodded. “We can try to celebrate the solstice if you’d like to.”

“Not this year, the intent is not something that is easily understood by those who find cheer in this season. As winter reaches its apex, you are supposed to write to those who have passed, things you have done, and hope that you, who have been left behind, can be forgiven by those you miss so dearly.”

“So you write letters to the dead asking that they forgive what you’ve done?”

Sombra nodded. “In my case that’s what it is but ponies can write about the good things too. There are so many I have to write for, so many cruelties that they need to know, so much of my soul that has to be laid bare for their ghosts to understand. There is a ray of hope hidden in such a morbid rite: that there are those amongst the living that can see the good in me. Other than that ray of hope I have little to say in terms of kindness. I take it you understand why I wish to celebrate alone.”

“A chance to be alone with your regrets?”

“An opportunity to make peace with those I miss most of all.”

“Do you miss the time you spent with Princess Celestia?”

“At times, but then I remember how that ended.”

“So even if she–”

“It would be troubling if she still cared after all this time like she had so long ago. I want to move on and I want to believe that, despite her regret, she too has moved on.”

Twilight scowled. “Fine, humor me. Let’s say she still feels towards you like she once did, what would you tell her?”

“That she should remember what happened last time,” the unicorn replied calmly. “That I would rather we move on with our lives.”

“And here I thought your heart was warming.”

“She and I have a wonderful history that I can’t give up, but I think it would be foolish to return to it even if I wanted to.”

“So you–”

“I’d rather she be happy, but not at the cost of dredging up painful memories.” Sombra smiled. “I would enjoy being her friend after all these years but nothing more than that.”

*****

After their trip through Ponyville, including an hour long detour for Sombra’s personal arrangements, the duo returned to the castle.

“I can’t believe you just go out with him like that,” yelled Spike as he saw them return before running off.

Twilight sighed as she set her bags down. “I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Ever since he found out you came to town he’s been turning into this.”

“Is it about the ‘evil and nearly killed you’ thing or about the ‘crush swooning because I was charming’ thing?”

Twilight, who had begun to go after Spike skidded to a halt and looked back. “I don’t know anymore. I mean yes, he gets jealous when somepony has Rarity’s undivided attention, but it’s never been a prolonged thing.”

“You don’t think it’s about how much time we spend together? That he sees me changing his life more than he wants it to.”

Twilight cringed. “Seeing as how you live here now, I certainly hope not. I don’t want him to see you like that. You aren’t a threat to him or anypony’s way of life.”

“Well, I’m trying not to at the very least prin–Twilight.” The stallion smiled as she giggled. “Sorry, nearly slipped.”

“Well, you get used to calling me by my name and I’ll try to get Spike from flying off the handle.”

“You have yourself a deal Twilight.”