Tales of Troubled Teens

by ActivistVictor

The bet

Monday August 17, 12:00 PM

“Aw yeah,” Pocket Pair said as he left his last class before lunch. “Boy what a great first day of school I’m having. I mean sure, I may have gotten grounded by my mother for calling her a bitch, AND lost a bunch of money with four of a kind to a runner runner royal flush suckout, And had to deal with that creepy janitor Discord as well…. Well ok, he actually wasn’t so bad. But regardless, as horrible as my day may have been when it began, that first class changed EVERYTHING. Because there is NOTHING that makes me feel better than standing up to a bitch who's bullying someone. And you know what was even better? For once in my lonely life of being the outcast, people actually had my back on something, and I actually felt like I not only belonged, but was looked up to. If that is any indication of how this year is going to be, I’d say I have absolutely nothing to worry about.” He said as he pushed open the doors to the cafeteria.

“So,” Pocket Pair said looking around, “Now to work on my master plan, and make myself one step closer to getting the girlfriend I want so bad. All I have to do is run my plan by Applejack and Ralph and make sure it doesn’t have any major flaws in it, and I should be good to go. I mean not that I’m legitimately worried about it having flaws or anything, since I did spend a few hours working on it using the best available information, but still, with such high stakes it’s better to be safe than sorry, unless of course you've got the nuts, in which case get it all in.” He then looked around and said , “Now just where are those two at anyways… They are in this lunch period aren’t they?” he said as he continued to look around for them. However, his search ended soon after when he spotted Ralph sitting alone in the corner. Ralph quickly saw him as well and proceeded to wave him over to sit down with him, and Pocket Pair, after acknowledging him with a wave back, headed towards the table.

“Hey mate,” Ralph said as he sat down.

“Hey Ralphie boy,” Pocket Pair replied. “Glad to see you picked the best table in the lunchroom. I’m sure looking forward to a year of watching the paint on the walls and the support beam nearby.”

“Hey, it’s not my fault. This was the only table left.” Ralph said. “You know how it is in high school mate, all the popular kids get the good seats, while we’re stuck sitting in the corner watching the paint dry. But hey, if it’s any consolation, it’s not like this is any less interesting than listening to those boring lectures in our classes all the time.”

“True true,” Pocket Pair said, “Though you’re certainly quite wrong about all my classes being boring this year...”

“Huh?” Ralph said. “Wait just a minute! Did I just hear you right? Are you actually praising a class? What happened? Did the teacher start giving out free bags of peanut chex mix or something for the first day?” he joked.

“Um, no.” Pocket Pair said, “Thought I will say it would have been awesome if they did do that.”

“Well then what DID happen then?” Ralph asked. “I mean come on, it may have been no peanut chex mix but it must have been something pretty special to make you legitimately like the class when I know full well you hate school.”

“Oh it was special Ralph,” Pocket Pair said, “very special indeed.”

“Yes, I'll bet it was,” Ralph said, “Mind letting me in on what happened?"

“Oh, I’ll tell you Ralph… when Applejack comes that is.” Pocket Pair said.

“Boo you troll,” Ralph said annoyed. “You can’t do that to me. Telling me two things today that pique my interest and then making me wait until Applejack comes to hear either of them. That's just mean. Come on, be civil and leak at least one of the things to me..."

“No, sorry, but I can’t do that.” Pocket Pair said, “I need both of you to hear it together so you can react to them properly. If I go ahead and tell you now, you’re liable to bring it up to Applejack yourself before I get a chance to tell her, and I don’t want to miss having that gratification.”

“GRRR,” Ralph growled, “ok fine then you wanker. I’ll wait until Applejack comes to hear what you’ve got to say. But I swear I am NOT waiting a single moment longer. You got that?”

“Fair enough.” Pocket Pair said. He then looked around and said “On the subject of Applejack, just where is she anyways? Are we sure she’s in the same lunch period as us?”

“Hhmph,” Ralph scoffed, “Yeah, she is. She probably just got held up stocking vending machines with fizzy apple cider or something.”

“Hm, nice one Ralph,” Pocket Pair said, “but seriously, where is she? I don’t want to wait any longer to spill these beans than I have to. I never was very good with slowplaying a strong hand for an extended time period, and the same thing applies to me when it comes to big secrets.”

“I just told you,” Ralph said, “She’s probably stocking the vending machines with fizzy apple cider.”

“Ok, Ralph,,” Pocket Pair said, “that joke may have been humorous the first time, but now it’s kind of getting on my nerves. I mean seriously, aren’t you at least the slightest bit concerned at her absence this late in the lunch period?”

“No,” Ralph retorted, “because I’m pretty sure she is just stocking vending machines right now.”

“Ok Ralph, stop joking.” Pocket Pair said, “this is a potentially serious problem and your inability to treat it as such is getting on my nerves.”

“Your face is serious,” Ralph said, before saying “I’m not joking dimwit, so stop saying that.”

“Um, Yes you are,” Pocket Pairs said, “And I can tell very clearly because your story makes absolutely no sense. And as they say in poker, if your story doesn’t make sense, you’re probably bluffing.”

Ralph, after thinking a little, then smirked and said “oh is that so? Well guess what poker boy, if you’re so sure I’m 'bluffing', then you probably wouldn’t mind taking me up on a bet as to where Applejack is now, would you?”

“You know what, sure,” Pocket Pair said. “How much do you wager?”

“How about two dollars” Ralph said. “Not that I wouldn’t be comfortable betting more if I wanted to. It’s just I don’t want to ruin your perfect first day by betting you so much I completely bankrupt you when I win the bet.”

“Ok then, you’re on.” Pocket Pair said. “Two dollars it is.” he said before they shook on it. “Just don’t be TOO sad when I win that money from you Ralphie boy.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Ralph said shaking with him on it. “I know full well I won’t be. After all, I'm the one who's going to win.”

“Heh, just telling yourself that,” Pocket Pair said. “just tlling yourself that.” Both of them then got up and went to the lunch line to get their food. After a minute or two of standing in line and being lost in thought, they finally got their food. While Ralph’s order was of a modest size, Pocket Pair’s was huge, and it took him two trays and two trips to carry it all back to his table. As soon as he finally brought the second tray to his table and sat down, Applejack finally entered the lunchroom, and looked around in a huff.

“Gosh dang Caramel, forgetting the cider crates in the truck again,” Applejack grumbled “Now ah’m REALLY late to lunch, so late ah’ll be plum LUCKY if there’s any food left up there by the time ah get in line.” She then took a deep breath and said, “oh well, as uncomfortable as it is fer me, ah'l make it through it. Ah'v made it through much longer days at Sweet Apple Acres on an empty stomach, this should be no problem for me to go without some food here. And regardless of whether or not ah go hungry," she said continuing, "at least this time ah won't go alone, cause mah two best friends have the same lunch as me this year. Ah sure as sugar can’t wait to actually be able to eat with someone ah know for once.” She then looked around and said “Now speakin of them two, where are they at anyways?”

Her search did not last long, as Ralph quickly spotted her and whistled to catch her attention. “Hey cowgirl, “ he said, “there you are. Glad ya’ll could finally come to the rodeo with us. You mind coming over here and enjoying lunch and a show?" he said as he flexed his muscles.

Applejack, rolling her eyes at his actions, quickly walked over to them and soon reached their table. “Here ah am,” she said as she took a seat, making sure to push her belongings below the table out of sight, “sorry ah came late. To quote Caddyshack, ah was unavoidably detained.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Ralph said smugly, “I most certainly did not come late… not when I knew I’d be seeing you today.”

“ugh,” Applejack said as she sat down. “ah swear, if ya’ll weren’t mah friend, ah’d bap ya over the head with mah hat for that comment.”

“Well, lucky me then,” Ralph said, I guess I get to make as many dirty jokes as I want at your expense now don’t I?”

“Heh” Applejack chuckled, “Don’t ya’ll push your luck.” she then turned towards Pocket Pair and said “howdy P Pair. How’s it going with you?”

“Well…” Pocket Pair started, but was cut off as Applejack’s stomach grumbled.

“Actually, hold that thought P Pair,” Applejack said getting up. “ah’m hungrier than a worm after an apple harvest and ah need to get some food before their aint none left ta get.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that Applejack” Pocket Pair said reaching towards the second tray he had grabbed and presenting it to Applejack along with the slice of pie, apple, and bottle bottle of applejuice it contained. “I figured nothing would be left by the time you got here so I bought these when I was in the lunch line. Didn’t want you to hungry after all.”

“Oh, is that so?” she said, “Well thanks a heapin P Pair. Why, ya even got all mah favorites too? How’d ya know ah liked all these things so much anyway?”

“Well,” Pocket Pair said looking at her apple belt buckle,” let’s just say, a good poker-player knows how to read people's tastes.”

“heh,” she chuckled, “ah kinda thought ya’ll would say something like that. But in any case thank ya very kindly,” she said before taking the tray from him. “I’m really glad to have such a good friend like you ah can count on when ah'm in need.”

“Yeah… sure,” Pocket Pair said... before muttering, “I wish I could say the feeling was mutual.”

“Huh, what was that?” Applejack said to him.

“um.. nothing important,” Pocket Pair said, before quickly saying, “hey, if I was you, I’d start with the pie. There’s a special surprise in it.”

“A special surprise?” Applejack asked.

“Yeah.” ralph said. “And guess what AJ. I have a special surprise too. I’ll give you a hint, It’s a foot long and it’s in my pants right now. You want to see it after school Applejack?” Ralph said nudging her.

“Ugh” Applejack groaned rolling her eyes, No ah don’t. And friend or not, if ya’ll say another crude comment like that to me today ya’ll will be eating mah hat. Now can ya do me a favor and stop making those disgusting jokes? Ya’ll are gonna make me lose mah appetite.” She then turned back towards Pocket Pair and said, “Now just what is this special surprise ya got planned? Aint nothing gonna pop up out of the pie and scare me is it?”

“No, nothing its going to scare you, I don't even know how I would do something like that,” Pocket Pair said

"Well what is it then P Pair, ah gotta know?" Applejack said.

"Eat the pie and you'll find out," Pocket Pair said.

“Hm, alright” Applejack said. “There just better not be anythin wrong with this Apple pie. Ah know how much of a prankster ya'll can be at times," she said before she cut a piece off of her slice pie and put it in her mouth. Her eyes then quickly widened and said “wait a minute, this aint apple pie, its…”

“Surprise, it's starfruit,” Pocket Pair said finishing her sentence, “Your favorite if I remember correctly. It’s a good thing I got it when I did too, it was the last slice. If I'd have got there any later and they would have only had snozberry pie for me to take.”

“Bleech,” applejack said sticking out her tongue. “Now that definitely woulda ruined mah appetite. Ah swear, whoever came up with the idea to put snozberries into a pie needs to be locked up, those things are disgustin, just like green tea ice cream. But in any case, thank ya’ll so much for the pie P Pair. Ya didn't have to do that for me..."

“Oh it’s nothing,” Pocket Pair said, “just something friends do for one another.” Before muttering “of course it’s not like YOU would know about that…”

Applejack, sensing his negativity, quickly said, “well in any case, ah was so preoccupied earlier ah totally forgot to ask ya, How was your day so far P Pair? Anything interesting happen to ya, like ya winning a bunch of money on that poker game ya always play?”

“Oh, my day was pretty damn good if I do say so myself,” Pocket Pair said.

“Pretty damn good?” Applejack said shocked, “Ah aint heard that one very often. What happened? Did ya get it all in and win your biggest pot yet?”

“No,” Pocket Pair said, “In fact truth be told this morning I flopped quad kings and lost to a runner runner royal flush.”

“Ouch, that's harsh,” Applejack said, “that deck musta been colder than the Antarctic if ya’ll lost with quads like that.”

“yeah, tell me about it” Pocket Pair said, “That cost me 15 million in play money too, so I was definitely pretty pissed about it. But as mad as I was about it, what happened in first period quickly changed my mood for the better…”

“Really?” Applejack said, “ Well now ah’m intrigued. Ya’ll mind tellin me what happened during first period? It musta been somethin pretty special if your day was pretty damn good despite you suffering a monster cold deck like that.”

“Well, Pocket Pair said, but he was cut off by Ralph before he could say anything else.

“Actually, hold that thought,” Ralph said, “Right now I need to ask you something Applejack.”

“um, Ralph, can’t it wait?” Applejack said.

“Yeah,” Pocket Pair said, “And besides, just five minutes ago you said you couldn't wait to hear what happened in first period? Now you’re telling me you want to wait to hear it?”

“No, of course I don’t want to wait,” Ralph said. “However, I have to because I just thought of something I need to address and I know that if I let you start your story I’m probably just going to forget it by the time it's done. So if it's possible I really would like to take care of that first."

“Well, “Applejack said looking over at Pocket Pair, and upon seeing Pocket Pair motion for her to continue she said “ok sure, what is it ya need from me?”

“Ok,” Ralph said, before taking in a deep breath and saying “Applejack, just why were you so late to lunch today?”

“What?” Applejack said suspiciously, “that’s what all this is about? Didn’t ah tell you just this morning ah was gonna be late on account of Sweet Apple Acres just partnered with Canterlot High and part of that agreement involved me putting fizzy apple cider in the vendin machines to sell to the students?”

“YEs you did, I just wanted to make sure HE heard it."Ralph said as he pointed to Pocket Pair, before he turned to him.“So Pocket Pair," he said, "I think you have somethign that belongs to me."

“Ugh,” Pocket Pair said reaching into his wallet and taking out $2, “You fucking jerk! It’s real weak to make a bet on why someone is late to lunch if you know the reason because they told you just that morning!”

“Ooh Suck it up” Ralph told him as he took the $2, “This is your own fault. If you would have listened to me in the first place for once, none of this would have happened to you.”

“Seriously,” Applejack said rolling her eyes, “a bet? THAT’s what this was all about? A bet for $2? Like what the actual fuck Ralph! Ya'll really have nothing better to do than ream your friend for $2 like that?”

“Yes, of course I do” Ralph said, “namely fantasizing about you all day,” and he quickly ducked as Applejack took off her hat and tried to whack him with it.

“Stupid cotten pickin...,” she said as she put her hat back on. "Ah swear, sometimes ya'll can be such an asshole." She then turned toward Pocket Pair and said,” Well anyways, now that Mr. greedy over there has gotten what he wants, would it be alright if ya’ll told us your story P Pair?”

“Ok, “ Pocket Pair said, “here goes. This morning, in my first class, we had a new transfer student with a disability who the teacher informed us would be joining us in the class this year. Excited to be with the normal kids as she called them , she offered everyone in the class a muffin from a tray of muffins she had baked herself while the teacher left the room. Nothing went wrong at first, but that changed when she came to Sunset Shimmer and tried to offer her a muffin. Sunset, who didn’t see her, bumped the tray with her arm, and as a result a muffin flew off of it and ended up in her cleavage. As you may have guessed, she was seriously offended, and responded by talking down to and trying to humiliate Derpy in front of everyone. However, since I was in the room, I wasn’t about to let her get away with doing that, so I gathered all my courage and confronted her head on on how she was treating Derpy.”

“WAIT… WHAT?!” Applejack said in shock.

“Yeah, I know right,” Pocket Pair said, “It is pretty hard to believe, and if you thought that was strange, what happened next was even stranger. Several students followed my lead when I defended Derpy and jumped in to confront Sunset. And as a result, when the teacher reentered the room and we explained what happened to her, she actually believed us and sent Sunset to the principal’s office where she received a week of after school detention. Isn’t that fabulous?”

“No it aint.” Applejack said paranoid. “Aint no one who’s EVER stood up to Shimmer and gotten away with it. Why when she sees you next…”

However, she was interrupted as Sunset Shimmer entered the lunchroom at that very moment.“UNFUCKINGBELIEVABLE.” She shouted, “DETENTION AFTER SCHOOL FOR A WHOLE WEEK? WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT MISS CHEERILEE I’LL…”

“AH PISS!” Applejack shouted, before she quickly got up and put herself between Pocket Pair and Sunset Shimmer’s line of sight.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Pocket Pair said annoyed, “I want to see the hissy fit she’s having...”.

“Saving your ass, that’s what,” Applejack said, all the while keeping herself between Pocket Pair and Sunset. Sunset, unaware of them, continued walking and soon approached a table and sat down, making sure to give it a hard kick as she did so. “Phew, that was a close one.” Applejack said. “before turning to Pocket Pair and saying “P Pair, ah know ya meant well, but why oh why oh WHY did ya'll have to go and stand up to Sunset of all people?”

“Well what else was I supposed to do?,” Pocket Pair said exasperated, “Just sit back and let her continue picking on Derpy?”

“No,” Applejack retorted, “but ya’ll didn’t have to go so far as to lead a crusade against her!”

“Wow,” Pocket Pair said, “thank you Applejack. Thanks for the support. I tell you something that I did and expect you to be proud of me, and instead you bite my head off and scold me for doing it. Nice to know I can count on you to back me up.”

“Sugacube, it aint like that," Applejack said, "ah’m just sayin that…”

“And don’t call me sugarcube” Pocket Pair said cutting her off. “that term implies you actually view me as a friend and care about me, , when your actions just now clearly prove that that is anything but the case with you.”

“P Pair, come on,” applejack said hurt, “ya'l know that aint true?”

“Oh yeah?” Pocket Pair said, “Well how come you totally failed to back me up two seconds ago then?"

“P Pair,"Applejack said. "Ah did back you up, ah just said your actions may have gotten ya into a heap of trouble so maybe ya should have thought before you took it so far."

"Hmmph," Pocket Pair said, "say all you want, you still didn't have my back there and that's inexcusable. And then you have the gall to still go and call yourself my friend. Fucking liar,"

"Dangit P Pair," Applejack said getting frustrated, "ah am your friend. You know that."

“Oh yeah," Pocket Pair said, "well then prove it. After all, anyone can say they're someone's friend."

“Ok , ah will prove it.” Applejack said, “Tell me what it was ya wanted to tell us so badly at lunch today. "

"ANd how is that going to prove anything?" Pocket Pair said.

"Because, " Applejack said, "If ah weren't your friend, ah wouldn't give rat's ass what you wanted to tell me, much less bring it up on mah own. But ah did do that just now, so that proves ah'm legitimately interested just like a good friend."

"Maybe," Pocket Pair said, "but I still don't know... Oh alright, I'll tell you, supposing you actually even want to hear it."

“I do” ralph said

“And ah do too.” Applejack said. "So please, tell us."

“Well....” Pocket Pair said, “Alright then, I'll tell you. My plan is to use what I’ve found out online to adapt an ideal form of behavior which will ensure I get a girlfriend before the conclusion of this school year. Now based on my online research…. ”

“Wait,” Ralph said interjecting him, “you know what, I take it back. I don’t want to hear this plan anymore.”

“RALPH!!” Applejack snapped at him harshly.

“WHAT?” Ralph said angrily, “Don’t act like you aren’t thinking the same thing AJ. I mean I want to listen to his plans and all but this again? I’m so tired of hearing it from him.”

“ah know, and truth be told maybe ah am a little tired of it too," Applejack said, "but he’s our friend Ralph, and regardless of what we thing about his plan, we promised him we’d listen to what he has to say. The least we can do is keep our promise politely and not throw a hissy fit just cause the subject matter aint to our likin'.”

“Fine, you do that,” ralph said standing up from the table. “In the meantime, I have a log I’ve been needing to drop, and I think now is the perfect time for me to head to the bathroom to deal with it.” He said before he got up and left the table.

“Hm, looks like I was right after all when I said you guys weren’t good friends.” Pocket Pair said.

Applejack, rolling her eyes at Ralph behid his back, turned towards Pocket Pair and said, “P Pair, don’t let his actions affect you. Truth be told he can act like a right faggot sometimes.”

“APPLEJACK” Pocket Pair said, “don’t use that word.”

“Sorry” Applejack said, “Asshole then. Either way, the point is that when he acts like that it’s best to just ignore him and not take what he says to heart. Now, if ya’ll wouldn’t mind,” Applejack said turning to face him, “ah personally would love it if ya’ll would explain this here plan of yours to me.”

“Oh yeah right,” Pocket Pair said sarcastically, “sure you’d love it, and I was just elected pope of the church of scientology! Get real Applejack, you don’t want to hear my plan. I mean heck, you yourself said all this talk about girlfriends just annoys you.”

“yes.. you're right, ah did say that,” Applejack said, “And ah will admit that maybe sometimes ah do find your constant attention to the same few subjects just a tad bit bothersome. But honestly, who cares what ah think? That’s just who you are, and as long as what your doin aint hurtin no one what right have ah got to tell you to stop. And besides, regardless of what ah think on the issue ah made a promise that ah would listen to ya, and unlike Ralph, when ah make a promise you can bet ah'm gonna keep it. So please sugarcube, won’t ya’ll just tell me this plan of yours? Ah really do want to hear what ya got to say.”

“Grrr…” Pocket Pair grumbled, “Ok fine. If you stop calling me sugarcube, I’ll tell you.” He then took in a deep breath and said “ok, so as I said before, my plan is to get a girlfriend before the conclusion of this year, and the way I intend to do this is to change the way I act around girls to fit what girls want most in guys. Now, based on some online research I did, I have discovered that the qualities that girls care about most, no offense Applejack, are that their mate listen to them and give them a shoulder to cry on and always support them no matter what. So, my master plan is to use these facts to my advantage and take on the personality of a Myron, then go up to girls and talk to them, making sure I always agree with everything they say regardless of whether or not I myself really agree with it. If I do it right, then every girl I talk to should want to be around me, and since that is the case, if I later decide to, oh I don’t know, ask them out, there is a high chance they will agree and I will consequently be able to get any girl I choose. So what do you think Applejack, good plan right?”

“Hmmm, naaaah.” Applejack said.

“Nah? Nah? What the fuck is NAH!” Pocket Pair said

“What isn’t nah is the better question P Pair,” Applejack said “ah know you probably don’t want to hear this, but ah gotta say it. That whole plan of yours is simply not a good idea."

“Are you freaking serious?” Pocket Pair said, “How could this plan possibly be that bad? I looked up so much information to formulate it, how can any girl possibly not like being around me if I acted like that?”

“Ah never said it wouldn’t WORK P Pair ,” Applejack said, “ah really have no doubt in my mind that if ya’ll used a plan like that you could get someone to agree to go out with ya pretty quickly.”

“Oh, is that so?” Pocket Pair said. “well then why didn’t you say so? That’s all I wanted to hear.”

“But” Applejack continued, “Ah guarantee you if ya’ll do use this plan to woo someone, ya’ll aint gonna be anywhere near happy with em’.”

“Yes I will,” Pocket Pair said, “I’ll be with someone won’t I? That’s bound to make me happy.”

“No it won’t,” Applejack said, “ah know you, and ah know full well there aint no way in hell ya’ll are gonna be happy with ANYONE if ya don’t got nothing in common with em and ya’ll are suppressing your personality by constantly agreein with em just to stay on their good side."

“Maybe so,” Pocket Pair said, “but I’m still going to use the plan anyways because you said yourself it would probably work. I mean after all Applejack, I’m not getting any younger you know, and only complete losers still have their virginity at the end of high school. I think it’s high time I stop being a nobody and join the man's club before it's too late.”

Applejack, shaking her head, said. “Ah'm truly disappointed in you P Pair. Ralph ah woulda epected to say something like that, but not you! Is that really all ya care about? Hooking up with someone just so ya can have a good fuck?”

“No, of course that's not all I care about,” Pocket Pair said, “Now don’t get me wrong, I REALLY do want to get laid by something other than my right hand before this year ends. However, of course that's not all I want. In truth I want someone I could relate to, be my best friend, support me, care for me, … love me…. But asking for that is like asking to hit a royal flush three hands in a row, it isn't going to happen. And since that's the case, I can't let the lack of that prevent me from being with someone.”

“And who says that can’t happen to you P Pair,” Applejack said, “Ah think it could. Ya’ll are nice, funny as hell, reliable, caring...”

“I’m also dirt poor, unpopular, and just between you and me, my ding dong is not the biggest.” Pocket Pair said interjecting her. “ I mean not that it’s SUPER small or anything, but still, no girl is ever going to truly want me because all girls care about in a long term relationship is having someone they can rely on to support themor who is well known or well endowed.”

"Oh yeah. Applejack said. "and just where did ya'll hear THAT? Greatest myths of the 21st century?"

"No," Pocket Pair said. "I'm just speaking from the experience of people i've known before."

"Well experience of otherwise," applejack said, "that still don't change the fact that what you said aint true, at least not of all girls. Ah mean sure, ah'd be lying if ah said none of em were hung up on that materialistic bullshit, but certainly cannot be said for the vast majority of em'.”

“And how would YOU know huh?” Pocket Pair said, “do you have a PHD in anthropology or something?”

“No ah don’t, “ Applejack said, “but ah don’t need one to know what ah’m talkin about, because in case ya’ll hadn’t noticed,” Applejack said pointing to her chest, “AH’M a girl. And ahcan assure ya that mah ideal mate is not some rich fancy well endowed guy wh just blindly agrees with everythin ah say without question.”

“Oh come on Applejack” Pocket Pair said, “You’re just saying that to disagree with me again.”

“No a aint,” Applejack said, “What ah’m tellin you is the 100% honest truth. Ah really don’t care all that much how much mah mate makes, how much they have, what job they have, and certainly not how well-endowed they are. Mah ideal mate is someone ah can connect with, someone ah can rely on in mah time of need, who will be there for me through thick and thin, and love and accept for me for who ah am. If ah don’t have those things in a relationship, well then if ya ask me it really aint worth bein in in the first pace. And that’s why ya can’t go through with this plan of yours P Pair, becausethe only girls ya'll are gonna get using this plan are ones who will not end up makin ya happy."

“Oh whatever,” Pocket Pair said defeated, “Shoot this down too why don't you? Honestly, you think I’d learn to stop hoping you'll back me up on something...“

“P Pair, ah am backin you up.” Applejack said, “Ah’m giving you solid advice about what ah think ya should do like ya wanted me to in the first place. Aint that why ya told me yer plan in the first place?”

“Yeah, it was,” Pocket Pair said, “ But you were supposed to agree with me on it. But instead, you chose to shoot me down on something I was passionate about for the second time today. I guess it really s true what they say, you can’t count on anyone but yourself at the end of the day.”

“P Pair, “ Applejack said, “Listen to yourself for a second. This is your friend you’re talking to, do ya’ll really think ah’m out to get you here?”

“Yes,” Pocket Pair said, “because despite what you said you’re not actually my friend. At best you’re just my acquaintance, and based on the way you acted I’d today say you’re a pretty shoddy one at best.”

“Oh mah god!,” Applejack said frustrated, “Ya’ll are doing this AGAIN. Ah’v told you countless times before, ah am your friend, so can ya’ll please just stop sayin ah aint every time ah disagree with ya on something?!”

“And why should I,” Pocket Pair said, “I’m only telling you the truth Applejack. Isn't that what you want to hear miss honesty?”

“Yes, but what you're saying ain the truth.” Applejack said. “Ah am your friend, not your acquaintance, not your enemy, not you rival. And it really hurts mah feelins when you keep comin up to me and sayin ah am those things.”

“Oh boo hoo, poor little me.” Pocket Pair said, “Did you ever think about ho I feel when you act that way? Huh, did you? Of course not, and that statement right there clearly proves my point. As much as you say otherwise you really don't give two shits about my feelings, and since that is a basic requirement of someone who is a true friend that just proves to me that you are not my friend. So do me a favor and stop lying to me and saying that you are."

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” Applejack shouted, “You stubborn little cotton pickin’. Why the heck can’t ya’ll just stop saying this stuff about me? Don’t ya’ll know just how much it hurts me for one of mah best friends to constantly tell me those things to mah face? Ah mean really, why do ya’ll say that shit anyways? Do you actually believe it or something? Ah gotta know.”

Ralph, who was returning to the tabe at that very moment, said "Oh I think you know full well why he says that stuff Applejack."

"No ah don't," Applejack said, "that's why ah'm askin him."

"Isn't it obvious," Ralph said, "because his motivation is fairly clear to me. He just says that stuff so he can get attention from us. I mean think about it AJ, every single time he says that to one of us we always rush to his aid and try to tell him otherwise. And since he knows that's what we always do when he says those things to us, of course he just keeps on saying them. I mean after all, it always gives him more than enough of the attention he so desperately wants."

“Ah… ah guess that could be the reason why he does that” Applejack said. “But it still don’t make full sense to me. Why would he go to such lengths just to get attention from us when we give him plenty as is on a daily basis?”

“I don’t know,” Ralph said, "Attention whore maybe? But whatever the reason behind it, I will guarantee you this much AJ, until you start ignoring him, he’s just going to keep on saying that to you and your feelings are just going to keep on getting hurt.”

“But how can ah ignore it?” Applejack said. “It really REALLY hurts mah feelings when he says that to me. And what if he aint saying that stuff just to get attention like ya’ll are so sure he is? What if he actually believes what he’s saying? If that’s the case then ignoring it might just be the worst possible thing ah could do.”

“Maybe,” Ralph said, “but I highly doubt that is the case. Only a crazy person would actually be so out of it they didn’t see what was clearly right in front of their face, and Pocket Pair may be many things, but crazy is not one of them. So please just take my advice and stop responding when he says that stuff to you from now on AJ.” He then turned to Pocket Pair and said. “And as for you mate, I can’t speak for Applejack but I personally am sick and tired of hearing these hurtful attention ploys come out of your mouth. It’s rude, insulting, and both Applejack and myself are sick and tired of hearing it. So do us a favor and stop it right away!”

“Ok sure,” Pocket Pair said, “except there’s one problem with that desire, and that’s that I DON’T say those things just to get attention from you and Applejack.”

“Oh, so you’re saying you actually believe that garbage then?” Ralph said. “BULLSHIT! I know damn well you aren’t so out of it you don’t see what was clearly in front of your face. So don’t you dare try and play me for a fool by making such ridiculous and obviously false claims in front of my face. Now here's how things are going to work around her from now on, either you shut the fuck up about these attention ploys, or just SHUT THE FUCK UP PERIOD! GOT IT?"

“I told you,” Pocket Pair said angrily, “They’re NOT attention ploys. If you would just listen to me for once….”

“Why should I,” Ralph snapped back, “I used to listen to you but there’s only so many times I can hear you CONSTANTLY say the same bullshit over and over before I get tired of hearing it. If mean really, you don't talke about a wide variety of topics when it comes down to it. If it’s not about poker, it’s about us not liking you, and if it’s not about that it’s trying to get our attention with some convoluted girlfriend scheme."

“Well maybe I keep talking about the same stuff because you constantly ignore me," Pocket Pair said. "And since what I have to say needs to be heard that mean I have to keep on repeating myself until it grinds its way through your thick skulls. And by the way, my girlfriend ‘scheme’ as you call it is not a ploy to get attention you bozo , so don't you dare call it that again.”

“Oh yeah?” Ralph said, “well if it's not an attention ploy then how come you’ve never asked ANYONE out yet? If you were truly serious about these plans I highly doubt you would have never taken the time to actually ACT on one of them by now."

“GODDAMNIT!” Pocket Pair said ,” I told you! The reason why I haven't asked anyone out is because talking to people I don't know is hard for me. Especially when it's a girl.”

“Oh yeah, it's so difficult for you” Ralph said sarcastically, “And that’s why you talked to Applejack just fine when you met her then isn’t it?”

“That was different,” Pocket Pair said, “Applejack was being bullied, and I stepped in to stop the aggressors. That's an entirely different scenario than approaching a girl because I am considering asking her out.”

“Oh come off it you liar!” Ralph snapped,” You can make up whatever excuses you want, it still doesn’t change the fact that you only say that bullshit to get attention. In fact, I'll be you really don't even care either way whether or not you get a girlfriend. And truth be told, that’s probably the best thing for you, because no self-respecting girl is going to want a sorry ass attention seeker like you!”

“Ralph, THAT’S ENOUGH!” Applejack said.

“What AJ?” Ralph said, “I’m just telling him the honest truth! Surely you know how important that is, Honest Applejack.”

“Yes ah do think honesty is important,” Applejack said, “But there’s a distinct difference between bein honest and bein plain mean. Ah don’t care how mad at him you are, there is no reason to go and say no girl would ever want him.”

“I’m not being mean, I’m just stating facts” Ralph said, “I mean, come on AJ, would you want to be with someone who constantly connives to get their attention?”

“Probably not," Applejack said, "but that's just it Ralph! Ah don't think he is saying he wants a girlfriend to get attention, ah think he really means it!"

“Oh yeah,” Ralph retorted, “well maybe if he actually asked out someone for once I might be able to consider that as a possibility. But I'm so confident he's doing this for attention I'd wager $100 that he will never ask out ANYONE using this or any other plan this entire year. And it really is best he doesn't ask anyone, because there is absolutely o chance they'd say yes to him as he is now!”

“RALPH, SHUT UP” Applejack snapped, “ Ya’ll are just bein a downright…”

“You’re on!” Pocket Pair said cutting her off.

“What?” ralph said.

“You’re on asshole!” Pocket Pair repeated.

“I’m on?” Ralph asked, “On for what exactly?”

“For the bet you just made dipshit,” Pocket Pair said. “You said you were so confident that I was just saying that stuff for attention that you’d be willing to wager $100, and being a gambling man I accept your bet.”

“Woah woah woah WHAT?” Applejack said.

“Yeah, just hold on there Pocket Pair“ Ralph said, “Just because I said that doesn’t mean I actually want to bet you on it. Plus, if it’s all the same with you, I’d rather NOT fleece you for $100 just to prove a point to you. Not that I wouldn’t mind the $100, or that you don’t need to learn this point, it’s just…”

“It’s just you’re full of it and know you'd lose!,” Pocket Pair said finishing his sentence.

“What? I most certainly am NOT full of it,” Ralph said.

“Oh yes you are,” Pocket Pair said. “I mean after all, you were SO passionate about what you were saying when no one called you out on it, but the minute the heat was put onto you you backed down like a little pussy punk bitch! It's just like an aggressive poker player, repping a big hand when they have position, but backing down the minute you throw out the re-raise against threm. Pretty obvious to see, they aint got nothing to stand on."

“Ok, first of all, I don't care how much you relate it to poker, that assessment of my actions is completely incorrect,” Ralph said. “And second of all, don’t you EVER dare start calling me names like pussy punk bitch!”

“And why shouldn’t I call you that,” Pocket Pair said, I think it fairly accurately describes who you are. I mean after all, when I asked you to wear the crosseye feet pony badge form the show My Little Pony Friendship is Magic to commemorate disability awareness day last year you claimed it would run your social standing so you refused. Then there was the time you wouldn’t join Pokerstars with me when I suggested it because you said you’d lose too much money. And keeping on this point, you yourself have never asked out a single girl even though I know full well you want a girl just as much if not more than I do. Face it Ralph, you're just a big hotshot who talks a big game to hide how scared he really is."

“That doesn’t prove ANYTHING,” Ralph said, “I didn’t not wear that badge because I was scared, I didn't wear it because My Little Pony is for fucking FEMALE CHILDREN, not male teenagers like me! And as for your second point, I didn’t join Pokerstars because I don’t trust online poker sites, they always let the donks suck out even when they don't deserve to. And finally, the reason why I’ve never asked out anyone is because I have my own sexy lady right here so I don’t need to ask anyone else!" he said pointing to Applejack.

“Excuse me!!” Applejack said annoyed.

“Say all the excuses you want ralph,” Pocket Pair said ignoring her, “in the end, the only one you’re fooling into thinking you’re anything but a pussy punk bitch is yourself.”

Ralph, angered severely at being called a pussy punk bitch again, said “ok, you know what motherfucker, I accept your bet.”

“wait, WHAT!” Applejack said.

Pocket Pair, ignoring Applejack, said, “There we go Ralphie boy. Nice to see you man up for once. in your life I’m proud of you. So proud in fact, that I’m even going to give you the honor of choosing who I get to ask out to win this bet. Just make sure you pick someone good though. I'd like to feel like I actually earned the $100 I'm going to win."

“Oh don’t worry ‘sugarcube,’ “ Ralph said sarcastically, “I will most certainly pick someone good for you,” he said before he looked around the lunchroom for inspiration, while Applejack stared on in shock.

Meanwhile, at Sunset Shimmer’s table, Snails looked over and caught sight of Rarity sitting at a table near him. “Oh” he said. “Look Snails, hottie at twelve O clock.”

Snips, looking at her as well, said, “Oh heck yeah. I know what we’re going to be doing today after lunch. Eh Sunset…” He said turning to face Sunset, and bumping over and spilling a drink all over her in the process. “Oops, sorry Sun…” he said, but was cut off when Sunset responded by jumping up, grabbing her table, and proceeding to flip it over, sending Snips and Snails scurrying for safety.

As they stood there in fear, Sunset shouted loud enough for the entire lunchroom to hear “WATCH WHERE YOU PUT YOUR DRINKS NUMBNUTS! I MEAN HONESTLY, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH THIS SKIRT COSTS? I’M GUESSING MORE THAN YOU PATHETIC WORMS HAVE EARNED IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE! I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU WEREN’T MY TOADIES….” , before she noticed the entire lunchroom looking at her and stopped talking. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU PRICKS LOOKING AT!?” She shouted at them. “EVER HEARD OF MINDING YOUR OWN GODDAMN BUSINESS!” she said before she turned and proceeded to head towards the door of the lunchroom.

Everyone who was looking at her responded by shaking their heads in disapproval at the outburst Sunset had just thrown. Everyone that is, except for a certain British guy named Ralph, who responded by gaining a devious smile and chuckling maliciously.

“Are ya laughing?" Applejack asked, "Cause ah fail to see what was so funny about that.”

“Oh yes I am laughing,” Ralph said as he chuckled again. “Because that little outburst just gave me the PERFECT idea of who Pocket Pair needs to ask out if he is going to win this bet.”

“Wait, you don’t mean?” Pocket Pair said gulping, “Sunset Shimmer do you?”

“Oh I do indeed,” Ralph said.

“But… you can’t.. I can’t” Pocket Pair stammered.

“What’s the matter hotshot?” Ralph said to him, “You yourself said this plan would work on anyone didn’t you? Why should it matter if the anyone you use it on happens to be Sunset Shimmer?”

Pocket Pair responded by sitting there motionless, trying to comprehend what had just happened. Applejack on the other hand, quickly turned to Ralph and said “Ok Ralph, joke's over. Ya proved your point.”

“And who’s joking?” Ralph said. “I’m being completely serious here, if he wants to win the bet, he has to ask out Sunset Shimmer.”

“WHAT?! NO!” Applejack said. “Ah know you’re mad at P Pair for what he said but this is pushing it way too far. Sunset will eat him alive if he tries to use his plan on her, especially considering what he did to her just this morning”

“Hmm, that's not my problem now is it?” Ralph said.

“No it aint, but that don't matter," Applejack said. "He's our friend Ralph, and ah refuse to let you put our friend in mortal danger like this to prove some stupid point.Call this bet off right now!"

"I think you're overreacting about the danger here Applejack" Ralph said.

"No ah aint," Applejack said, "so call this bet off right now, or ah'l do it for ya!"

“Nice try Applejack,” Ralph said, “but you don’t have ANY authority to do something like that. A bet made between two people can only be called off by a mutual agreement to do so by both parties involved, and I most certainly am not going to be agreeing to anything like that after how he treated me today..”

“No ya’ll can’t do this! AH FORBID IT!” Applejack said, but Pocket Pair cut him off.

“Applejack” Pocket Pair said, “He’s right. You don’t have any authority to call the bet off.”

“What,” Applejack said. “Ya’ll are agreein with him? Do you have a death wish or something, or are ya’ll just plain stupid?”

“Believe it or not, neither is true of me.” Pocket Pair said. “However that’s not what’s important here. What’s important is that I made a bet with Ralph, and now I have to honor it. It’s how bets work Applejack.”

“See, I told you,” Ralph said. “so if I was you I’d stop trying to call this bet off because you’re just wasting your time.”

“That’s right Ralph,” Pocket Pair said, “and if I was you, I’d start counting that money right now, because with my master plan in play, I’ll win this bet before you can say I’m sorry I acted like such an inconsiderate asshole today. And when I do, you’re finally going to have to stop ignoring me.”

“Hah, fat chance” Ralph said. “Sunset Shimmer is one of the meanest and most unapproachable girls period. I highly doubt you’ll even be able to get her to listen to a thing you say, let alone convince her to give you enough time to work your cockamamie scheme on her.”

“Oh yeah,” Pocket Pair said, “well we’ll just see about that now won’t we?” he said getting his tray and standing up from the table. “now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to leave lunch early so I can spend the time before next class thinking of how I’m going to spend that money when I win it. So cheerio British fucker!” Pocket Pair said before he walked away from the table.

“P Pair, wait, don’t…” Applejack said, but realized the futility of it as he continued to walk away. She then gained a scowl and turned towards Ralph. “Are ya’ll crazy!?” Applejack said to him.

“No, I don’t think so?” Ralph said, “Why would you think I am AJ dear?”

“Ok, first off, don’t ya DARE call me that ya fuckin smartass,” Applejack said. “Second of all, ah think ya'll know full well why ah'm accusin you of bein crazy! Ya'll just sent one of our best friends into the lion’s den without so much as a chair to defend himself. Who in their right mind would ever do that?”

“Oh, I know I did that," Ralph said smugly, "but don't you worry. everything is going to turn out just perfect."

“DON'T YOU WORRY!?” applejack snapped. “How on Earth an ya eve say somethin like that?. Sunset is gonna eat him alive!"

“No, she won't” Ralph said, smugly, “because Pocket Pair is not going to talk to Sunset."

"Are ya’ll a complete idjit?,” Applejack said, “Of course he’s going to talk to Sunset, you just bet him $100 to do just that!”

“Yes, I may have bet him $100,” Ralph said. “However, even with all that motivation in front of him, Pocket Pair still isn’t going to even so much look at her, let alone talk to her. And you know how I know this? Because as I said before he made up that scheme and accepted that bet just to get attention. Oh Sure, he may talk a big game and be very convincing at the time he says he's going to do something. But in the end, he never ever follows through, and if his history is any indication I give him an hour before he realizes what he’s gotten himself into and comes crawling back to me begging to be let off the hook from this bet.”

“And what if he don’t do that huh?!” Applejack said. “What if he wasn’t doing that for attention and ya’ll just gave him the perfect motivation to do something stupid by laying that $100 out in front of him? This aint child’s play here ralph, this is our friend’s well being, and ah aint just gonna sit back and let you put that well-being in danger because you think he aint gonna talk to Sunset. Ah mean think about what you’re doing here Ralph? Do you really think it’s worth it to risk our friend’s safety like this just to prove a point with some bet?”

“Well…” Ralph said..”no of course not. But as I told you before, I’m not putting him in any danger AJ, because all his is is bark and no bite. He has never acted on any plans involving asking someone out before now, and he most certainly isn’t going to change that up now when Sunset Shimmer of all people is the one he needs to confront, even with $100 on the line. So as much as you might hate to hear me say it, this bet will still go on. After all, this could be a unique opportunity to prove to him how dangerous it is to constantly talk a big game and seek attention at the expense of others."

“You you. littleGRRRRRRRR!” Applejack said, “AH swear, sometimes you act just like a low down good for nothing FAGGOT!”

“HEY!” Ralph said getting irked quickly. “How many times have I told you to not say that prejudicial shit around me? There’s nothing wrong with gay people Applejack, and you using such derogatory terms to describe them does not make others think highly of you. Mark my words, if you keep saying stuff like that, one of these days people are going to get fed up with you and cut you off. So if you know what's good for you you better start listening to me now and change your behavior before it’s too late." He then looked at the clock and said " But in any case I have to go! Lunch is almost over, and I have a class all the way across school I need to get to.” He then tossed the contents of his tray and exited the room.

Applejack watching him go, gave him a major eyeroll behind his back. “Ya’ll want ME to change mah behavior?” she grumbled. “Now aint that just rich ya fuckin faggot. Telling me to change mah actions when ya’ll are the one who needs to change the way they handle things! Ah swear, sometimes ah really hate that stubborn faggot Ralph!” Applejack said.

“Well whatever,” she continued, “This bet needs to be called off as soon as possible, and since mister stubborn know it all faggot there aint in a listening mood it sure aint gonna happen through mutual agreement. So how am ah gonna go about this?” she said thinking.

She then said” “Ah suppose ah could always try and convince Pocket Pair to forfeit the bet. Ah mean he may be stubborn and all , but he’s also smart and he does listen to me more than he does to most people. So if ah can show him just how dangerous what he's gotten himself into is, then he just might be willing to forfeit the bet even with $100 on the line.”

She then looked up at the clock and said “well whatever ah do, ah better do it fast. Talking him out of it aint gonna do anythin if he meets up with Shimmer before ah meet up with him. So first thing after school ah’m gonna have to find him and try and talk some sense into him. Ah only hope ah won’t be too late,” she said, before she took out her phone and began typing a text message to Pocket Pair telling him to meet her in the right hallway first thing after school to discuss something important. After she sent it, she tossed what was left on her tray, before she left the lunchroom just at the bell rang.