Metroid V: Exile

by The Philosopher King

The Acid Chapter

“Anyway, we were wondering where exactly we are.” says U-Mos. “We are extremely unfamiliar with the area, as this is an uncharted planet.”

“Well… the country we’re in is Equestria.” replies the purple mare. “The town you’re in is Ponyville. And I would like to know where you two are from.’

“Well, I have too much of a history to explain, it might even take me a whole day to recount everything I’ve been through. U-Mos can explain his tale faster.” replies Samus

“Actually I would prefer to wait until our friends come. I noticed you sent a message, umm… ‘Twilight’ is it?” Twilight looks at him in shock.

“Y-yes I did!” she nearly screams. “How did you know?”

“Echo visor,” says U-Mos. “It allows my kind’s blind to see, but it shows them the world in terms of sound. I sensed you upstairs, having a creature light a message in flame that exited the room at a fraction of light speed.”

“That was Spike.” she replies. “And the message was sent to the Princesses of Equestria. I was hoping you could meet them and tell them you mean no harm.”

“Alright, but who is this ‘Spike’?” asks U-Mos. “I presume he is another sentient, but judging from how I sensed his size, I presume he is not truly one of you.”

Samus activates her echo visor, and notices the weird upright creature upstairs that U-Mos was talking about; it seemed reptilian, but was incredibly short.

“He’s a baby dragon.” she says.

“Yep it’s official U-Mos, we’re both high on shrooms or acid. Where’d ya get ‘em, ya sick dog?” asks Samus.

“I ensure you, we Luminoth never experimented with drugs before. We are sadly not high.” replies U-Mos, obviously disappointed and confused as hell. A blue pegasus with rainbow mane barges into the building, almost crashing into U-Mos and Samus enters a defensive position.

“Hey Twi, I was wondering if you knew anything about the crea-” She proceeds to look at U-Mos square in the face and yelps, before darting back a bit. “Who the hay are you ponies? You look like you’re dressed up for Nightmare Night!”

“Rainbow, these are the creatures the CMC were saved by, the large one is U-Mos, and the orange one is Samus.”

“I am U-Mos, fifth sentinel of the Luminoth and protector of the Great Temple of Aether.” says U-Mos.

“And I am Samus Aran, bounty hunter. Who exactly are you?”

“I’m Rainbow Dash, fastest flier in all of Equestria!” she replies in a somewhat arrogant tone.

“You definitely remind me of one of my previous milliatary captains, but that’s for another day. Do you mind if I scan you?”

“Huh? Is that the weird thing you were doing when you asked the fillies if you could do something for a second?”

“It appears to give her knowledge about us, Rainbow. Kinda like a field guide.”

“The funny thing is someone made a parody of this system before it was even made,” says Samus, remembering the “The Hitchhiker’s Guide to The Galaxy.”

“Well get it done quick, I guess…” says Rainbow Dash. Samus quickly scans the pegasus, which yield the following information:

[New Logbook Entry Acquired]

[Morphology: Equus Caballus, subspecies Pegasi]

[Mature member of subspecies Pegasi. Bioscans indicate extreme training, and as a result member can fly over ten times the speed of normal Pegasi subspecies members. Member is an element bearer, bearer of element of Loyalty. Member of subspecies also appears to have weather manipulation capability, not detectable in young foal from before. Has potential to use weather based attacks.]

---

The three men decide to leave the cottage, as they wished not to scare the inhabitant anymore than the weird chicken-snake had. The group begins to walk towards the town on a small dirt road, when Engineer is nearly tackled to the ground by a mint-green blur.

“Ooof!” says the startled Engineer, hurtling towards the ground faster than his teammates can react with bullets and syringes.

“I TOLD YA BON BON!!!” screams the blur, revealed to be a mint-green pony. “HUMANS DO EXIST!!!!”

“What in sam-hill are ya thinking, just knocking a man to the ground for no reason!” says the startled Engineer.

Meanwhile, Medic is laughing his head off and Sniper is checking his jacket for signs of any signs of accidentally being stuck with a hallucinogenic or tranquilizing syringe by the Doc.

“Ohohohoo,” says Medic. “I think ve’re on an acid trip!”

“Nah Doc,” says Sniper. “I can’t find any signs of hallucinogens or tranquilizers nearby or stuck in us.”

“So we’re all seeing a talking mint green pony with a horn in it head.” replies Medic with wide eyes.

“As much as I’d like to say nope, yeah we are Doc.” says Engineer, still trying to stop the pony from freaking out over him. Another pony with a pink and blue mane walks up and appears to have a scorn on her face.

“For the last time Lyra, humans do not-” she starts, before she stares Sniper dead in the face for less than a second, then making a small scream noise and fainting. Engineer waves his Texas Ten Gallon over her head, but she doesn’t wake up.

“Guess she’s out cold. Doc can ya help her?” replies Engineer.

“I suppose, but I am afraid to use the Medi-gun because her heart might explode. Also because I’d prefer not to kill a member of a sentient species today.”

“OHMYGOSHOHMYGOSHOHMYGO-” continues Lyra before Sniper shoves a jar in her mouth. An empty one of course.

“Hopefully that’ll shut her up for a minute so we can bloody speak! Aghh.” says an obviously irritated Sniper. Sniper was always used to the peace and quiet of the wilderness, or the white noise of a Heavy’s minigun, incessant chatter always got on his nerves.

“Anyvay, um, fraulein, can you take us to the village? Ve need to find a few friends of ours that are probably zere.”

Sniper removes the jar, and the unicorn gladly agrees. She starts bouncing up and down as she walks with a huge smile on her face, with Engineer carrying the second, still unconscious pony and Sniper and Medic trailing next to Engie.

“So, have you seen a tall moth like man and humanoid creature clad in orange metal?”

“No sir, I haven’t,” replies the unicorn, still with a huge smile on her face. Medic starts to get creeped out a bit, but Engineer and Sniper just go along with it. Medic guesses this is because their perceptions of fear have been minimized by countless attacks from random Spies, but he technically would have the same fear, so he eliminates that possibility. Medic decides just to go with the madness and let the craziness flow.

---

Meanwhile, in the Frozen North a lone figure steps out of a smoldering green and silver spacecraft. Humanoid in appearance, it walks towards a tall mountain and looks in the distance to see a small orange object in the far off forestland. It says only one thing in a robotic voice before walking towards the closest, crystal covered city.

“I’m coming for your bounty, Aran.”

Author's Note:

I had absolutely no better name for this chapter. Don't worry, that's the last we will hear of drugs unless we run into Treehugger. *rimshot*