You Spelled it Wrong

by Ex-Ed

Chapter 8

Ponyville Library, Approx. 1 Hour Ago

"So... explain it to me again?" Derpy asked.

"For the fifth time," Twilight repeated, very impatient. Derpy noticed how several hairs of her mane suddenly popped up out of place. "I need you to crash into me when I say so."

The two ponies were in Twilight's library, ready to perform the experiment once more. Twilight had set up the apples and had Spike fetch her the scroll she recorded her spell in. All they were waiting for was the dragon to return.

Derpy was concerned. While crashing might as well be her special talent (she honestly had no clue what the hay her cutie mark was supposed to mean), she was quite skeptical about crashing into Twilight while she would try to perform a very powerful, and potentially dangerous spell.

"Well I'm just saying that maybe there's an alt-"

"No," Twilight interrupted, more of her mane becoming restless. "There isn't. Now be quiet and crash into me at approximately 43.7 miles per hour at 23 degrees from here from precisely 1,700 feet using 8.8 wingpower."

Derpy's eyes dilated a bit before she said, "I'm not good at math."

"How many bubbles are on your cutie mark?"

"Seven, but I don't see how-"

"Good enough. And no, you don't."

Derpy sniffled. "You know, there's a reason only five ponies ever hang out with you."

"Would you just get back on task?!" Twilight snapped. "In case you haven't noticed, we have a crisis situation here!"

Derpy flinched at Twilight's anger. She noticed that her mane and tail were gradually becoming more untidy. "O-okay... I'll just go to there at the thousand-eight-hundred-"

"Seven-hundred!"

"Seven-hundred feet place..." Derpy glumly departed through the window and muttered something under her breath.

Twilight quickly headed to the window and shouted at the retreating figure, "And I know you said prick just now!" Twilight puffed some steam out of her nose. "Some of these ponies here are truly thick-headed!"

With all the anxiety of finally being able to stop all the chaos as well as the conversation with Derpy, she decided to work off her excitement and frustration by pacing around the room. She passed by her mirror and decided to take a quick look at herself. She frowned at her mane before picking up a brush and fixing it.

Once she was neat and tidy, she looked back in her mirror.

"... I am not a prick... right?"

Why of course not!

"EEP!" Twilight jumped at the sudden, high-pitched voice. "Who just said that?"

Me of course! I am your... uhh... Antience

Twilight thought for a moment and said, "Wait... you sound familiar."

What? Me? No way! I have a totally unique voice that only one out of every one-million antiences in a thousand years ever has! It's one-hundred percent copyrighted and everything!

"Okay, now I know you're making this up. Now come out, where ever you are."

Hey! I'm totally not making this up! An antience is the opposite of your conscience! I make you do baaaaaaad things. Like just now yelling at Derpy for doing nothing wrong; or having Spike find your scroll thing when you could've done it yourself; or eating the LAST CUPCAKE AT LAST WEEK'S 'That was an awesome party Pinkie Pie we should totally do it again' PARTY.

"That makes no sense!" Twilight reasoned with herself. "Why would I have this 'antience'?"

Because you're a prick.

"Shut up!"

Haha! Just kidding! Oh! My buddy's calling! Gotta go!

"Wait! What buddy? How do you have a friend in my head? Answer me!"

No response.

"What the buck is up with today?" She asked herself.

Everfree Forest

Pinkie pulled her head out of a hole in a tree. Sweet Tooth, wearing the umbrella hat, was standing to her side, eating an apple (normally).

"This forest, as horrifying as it is, has the most awesome trees ever!" She said to her companion. "What tree lets you disguise as your friends' subconscious and talk to them?"

Sweet Mouth crossed his tiny arms and shook himself in disappointment.

"Yeah, I guess that was pretty mean of me. Better go haunt my own subconscious." Pinkie stuffed her head into the tree's hole again and said dramatically, "Pinkie Pie! I am your antience!"

About a second later, she jumped in fear. "YELP!"

Sweet Tooth could've sworn that they came to the Everfree Forest for something before Pinkie got distracted by the magical trees. With a shrug, he opened up his basket and helped himself to a pink-frosted cupcake.

Back at Twilight's Library

The encounter with her "antience" shook the mare. She went back to pacing, not daring to say another word to herself in case the antience comes back and drives her even more mad.

Eventually, Spike finally came from upstairs covered in a few bruises and in an armcast, but with the scroll in his other hand.
"You have no idea what I went through to get this stupid thing." He said bitterly.

"Wait," Twilight said, now two feet deep in the ground from her relentless pacing. "How did you get the cast on then?"
"As it turns outs, all birds have an unnatural sense of first aid." Spike replied.

On cue, Owloysius flew down the stairs in a nurse's hat and first-aid kit in his mouth.

"Erm... okay..." Twilight said awkwardly, taking the scroll and getting out of her pit. "Okay guys, you might want to stand back." She took out her scroll and starting skimming her hoofwriting (or more appropriately, magicwriting).

"Right," Spike replied. He backed behind a table and put on a modern military helmet on himself and Owloysius. "Okay, bombs away!"

Twilight readied her stance after reading her scroll. She turned to the apples, one green and one red, on another table and charged the magic again in her horn. The radiant, red light grew bigger and bigger as Twilight struggled to keep it contained.

As loud as she could, she yelled out a strained, "GO!"

About ten seconds passed before Derpy's voice yelling "INCOMING AGAAAAAIIIINN!!" was audible from outside. Twilight prepared herself for impact by closing her eyes and gritting her teeth.

It was almost like a flash of lightning. Derpy smashed through the window and rammed her skull into Twilight’s. They were both knocked into the wall as the magic discharged from her horn. Once again, spheres of energy were blasting around the room. They shot around the room with absurd speed, ricocheting against the walls and floor.

“Okay,” Spike yelled from his barricade. “The balls are here! Now make them go away!” Almost immediately, he was hit in the face with one of the energy spheres. Unsurprisingly, it hurt.

Twilight began using up her magic again to channel the spheres to her like a magnet. She was nearly covered in the energetic balls when she discharged them into the building’s magic rod again. From there, they rode up the rod and blasted off individually into different directions.

“Yes!” Twilight exclaimed victoriously. “All we have to do is wait for the chaos to die down!”

Spike raised a crippled hand from his barricade. “Y-yeah… g-go us…”

Derpy flew over to Twilight, visible stars revolving around her head. “So that was it? Is all this crazy craziness over?”

“Yes it is, my fair Derpy,” Twilight said, patting Derpy’s head as though she were a puppy. “This whole mess will resolve itself now!”

As if on cue, Owloysius flew in through the window with a newspaper. He had apparently snuck out before Derpy had crashed without anyone noticing. He dropped the paper in front of Twilight.

More Energy Spheres of Destruction Plague Equestria

“WHAT?!” Twilight yelled. “H-h-how could this happen?!” She read further.

Recently (i.e. 2.38 seconds ago) energy spheres had attacked and injured several more ponies all over Equestria. In the wake of their destruction, buildings had fallen, animals were set loose, the stock market crashed, and comedy artist, “Weird Alpaca” was crippled and is currently mutating into a three-headed hydra.

“It’s a disaster!” Rose of Ponyville reports. “A DISASTER! We’re all going to die! And there will be nothing of Equestria left but fire and pain and death and bees and-” We had to cut the interview short when Rose proceeded to suffer from an anxiety attack and was taken to the emergency room. Said emergency room was then set on fire thanks to another energy ball.

“No one should ever have to witness what has happened in the terrible times!” Lyra Heartstrings of Ponyville says. “In fact, we should totally form a riot and beat the living snot out of whoever was shooting all these energy balls! WITH OUR BARE HANDS!”

Again, the interview was cut short due to Bon-Bon telling Lyra of the horrible reality of the average pony’s lack of digits, unintentionally causing Lyra to activate her tear ducts.

In any case, with the regression of Princess Celestia’s age, Equestria as a whole has decided to follow Miss Lyra Heartstring’s advice and have traced the source of the energy spheres to a Miss Twilight Sparkle’s residence at the Ponyville Library.

“They’re coming here?!” Twilight panicked.

Yes, an angry mob of ponies has gathered outside the library to perform bodily harm unto Miss Twilight Sparkle.

“N-no!” Twilight said to herself. “Th-this is obviously a prank!”

No, this is NOT a prank, fillies and gentlecolts. You read this right; this is REAL LIFE stuff happening in REAL LIFE! All because of Miss Twilight Sparkle.

“STOP IT!” Twilight shouted, using her magic to make the newspaper explode. Small, burnt strips flew around the room and ashes were scattered. One long piece of paper fell onto Twilight’s horn, allowing her to read it.

COUPON: 50% off of torches and pitchforks at your local Angry Mob Enthusiast Club!

Twilight growled at the piece of paper. Before she could decide how she would unleash her arsonist potential on the coupon, the sounds of angry ponies outside snapped her back to reality.

“Uhh… Twilight…?” Derpy asked innocently after dusting herself up. “I think we should leave…”

Twilight rushed to the window. To her horror, the news article was right. Dozens… no, hundreds of angry ponies were outside, anatomically-incorrectly holding pitchforks and torches. Several started throwing said torches at the unicorn, missing and igniting the tree.

“Celestia curse you, anon!” Twilight muttered, dodging another torch. She turned back to the others. “We have to leave Ponyville now!”

Derpy was concerned. “But how are we going to ditch this mob?”

“I don’t know, but under our combined effort-”

“Grr… RAAAWWWRR!”

Twilight looked at the direction of the roar, seeing an enormous, purple dragon with a pale green underbelly. His roar deafened the sound of it smashing the roof of the building off in its growth. She had one guess on who it was.

Spike smashed his tail against the ground, causing a massive earthquake that shook the ground. Since they were on the second floor, this caused the floor under Spike to collapse, letting him fall into the next floor.

“Scratch that, under our combined efforts minus Spike,” Twilight said, turning to her owl and Derpy. “We can overcome the threat of these recent events and bring peace back to Equestria!”

“Yeah,” Derpy said. “Just one problem.”

“What?”

“We’re kinda trapped in a burning tree with no clear way out.”

Indeed, the fire had finally spread to their room. Fire surrounded the three, consuming the bookshelves and blocking the newly-formed hole in the wall and the balcony exit. The stairs down were not an option, neither was the enormous, dragon-shaped hole in the floor, each had fire at the bottom.

“…”

“…”

“… Somehow I forgot about that entirely.”

Derpy was very concerned at this point. “What do we do?”

It only took Twilight a few moments to formulate her plan. “We can escape through the roof! It’s gone now, so if you just carry me, we can all escape!”

Derpy bit her lip. “Yeah… err… about carrying you…”

“Is there something wrong with that?” Twilight asked, ignoring the crackle of the fire slowly advancing towards them.

“You see,” Derpy uneasily said. “I’m not entirely sure I can carry the weight of another pony, let alone you.”

“Fluttershy could carry a pony for crying out loud!” Twilight retorted. It took her a moment to realize what Derpy really meant. “Wait, did you just call me fat?”

“Not fat, more like… slightly over my carrying capacity and a little pudgy in the -”

“JUST FLY!”

Derpy squeaked and quickly grabbed Twilight by her front shoulders and carried her off the ground with noticeable strain on herself. She managed to fly out of the library, Owloysius following closely behind. They all looked down, watching the library as it burned and crashed to the ground like the fictional city of “Rome.”

“Hey!” A male voice from the crowd of angry ponies yelled. “There’s that Twilight in the air right now! GET HER!”
The crowd started throwing their pitchforks at the flying trio with surprising accuracy. While Twilight seemed absolutely horrified, Derpy seemed somewhat relieved.

“Phew, I knew I wasn’t the only weird filly in school to get a major in spear-throwing.”

“GET US OUT OF HERE!” Twilight yelled.

“Oh yeah, right.” Derpy realized, dodging another pitchfork. She immediately started flying away from the crowd as fast as she could. The two could only hope that things turn out better than what they were now.

Approx. 40 Minutes Later; Location Unknown

“Augh…” Derpy tiredly said, collapsing on the ground. “I know a couple of weight loss ponies back at Ponyville. Maybe you could-”

“I am not fat!” Twilight shouted.

“Okay, sorry! Sorry!” Derpy apologized.

Poor Derpy had been carrying Twilight (and her apparent insufferably immense weight) for the past 5 miles. Including Owloysius, the trio had managed to get to a vast plains area. Thankfully, they managed to ditch the few pegasi that could catch up with them by making a sharp turn into the tall grasses.

Twilight put a hoof to her head. She couldn’t believe how wrong everything was going. Ponyville was going to be in ruins! Equestria itself was falling apart and her attempts at fixing the problem only made it worse.

“There has to be a solution to this,” Twilight said to herself. “There just has to be somepony or someone who can help us…”
Derpy got up off of the ground and looked back at the unicorn. “Well… I do know this one stallion who might help us.”

Twilight looked up. “Really? Who?”

“Well… You see, he’s not really here at the moment; more like travelling to another planet in search of the Alicorn Balls to achieve immortality…” Derpy explained uneasily. “He’s extremely violent and strong, beats everypony he meets, and has a devastating amazing mane.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Twilight asked.

“Well, I thought he might be helpful.” Derpy replied. “You see, it all started when I was delivering mail about four years ago, long before you came to Ponyville…”

Ponyville, Four Years Ago

Derpy was exhausted. It was a long day of delivering mail, but at least now she could return home to her five-year-old Dinky.
She flew to her yellow house and opened the door. Inside, Carrot Top, Derpy’s best friend, was playing with Dinky.

“I’m home!” Derpy Hooves announced. Dinky got up from the floor and rushed over to hug her mother. “Thanks again for taking care of Dinky today. It’s not easy delivering an entire barrel of watermelons on your back all the way to Canterlot.”

“I can imagine,” Carrot Top replied. “Anyways, it’s best that I leave before it gets too late. Goodnight Dinky, goodnight Derpy.”

“Goodnight!” The Hooves family replied as Carrot Top left.

Derpy turned back to her daughter. “Now Dinky, how does a nice dinner of oats and an apple muffin sound?”

Before Dinky could bounce in joy, the door was suddenly kicked wide open, flying forwards. Luckily, both Derpy and Dinky managed to dodge just in time.

“You!” A threatening, masculine voice called out from the doorway. “I’ve finally found you, the guardian of Equestria’s Alicorn Balls!”

The two ponies looked at the owner of the voice. He was a buff, glowing stallion with a devastatingly long and messy mane and wearing futuristic body armor. His blue coat matched his gray mane, Derpy admitted, but knew this stallion wasn’t here to chit-chat.

“So what if I am?” Derpy asked defiantly. “You can’t take the Alicorn Balls for any selfish gain!” Dinky hid behind her mother.

“Of course I can!” The other pony boasted. “I can sense your energy; you have a pathetic power level of four! A human has more power than you!”

Derpy smirked. “What you don’t know is that I am hiding my true potential!”

The pegasus charged up bright, glowing power and was quickly rising from the floor. A golden aura of power surrounded her as Dinky retreated to another room. Derpy’s already-blond mane grew stronger in hue and rose up.

The other pony was surprised at the sudden change. “Your power level… It’s… it’s… OVER NIIINE-”

SMASH!

Derpy smiled determinedly, proud of the pony-shaped hole now in her wall. She flew through the hole to see where her foe had landed. She managed to find the mountains to the west, recently shaken. She flew towards them, ready to fight off her foe off of the planet.

Back to Reality

“And that’s how Equestria was saved!”

Twilight stared at the pegasus. “Derpy, I am THIS close to kicking the living hoof out of you! That was the most ridiculous story I have heard in my life, and I’ve read ‘Twinkle!’ Stop being stupid and focus!”

“I’m not lying! How do you think my eyes got like this?” Derpy tearfully asked. “That guy punched me in face so hard it rewired my eyes forever!”

Twilight snarled at the pegasus. “You are USELESS!”

That was the final straw. After being abused by Twilight for such a long time, Derpy broke down and cried. Even if it was the apocalypse happening, how could she be so cruel to her?

The unicorn groaned and turned away from the pegasus in frustration. Why did she have to be stuck with the crazies, now of all times?

Derpy called after the retreating unicorn. “Y-you’ve changed!” She sobbed. “You used to be a nice pony and friend! But ever since all this chaos started happening, you became nothing but a stubborn, hot-headed meanie! And now, you’re causing more discord than the problem because of it!”

Twilight would’ve normally snapped back Derpy, but the word “discord” struck her like a baseball bat. The potential solution to her problems, while dangerous and possibly unstable, was sitting in the middle of the Canterlot Gardens, encased in stone!

“Discord!” Twilight realized. “Discord might be able to fix this, as ironic as that sounds.”

Almost immediately after, a rogue ball of magic came out of the blue and struck Derpy in the back of her head and was absorbed into her. Twilight heard the noise and looked back at Derpy.

“That can’t be good.” Twilight mumbled, ready to watch the horror unfold before her eyes.

Derpy’s eyes rotated violently and suddenly stopped. The pupils shrunk to nothing, leaving only unstaring, white eyes. The pegasus grabbed her head in pain, as if feeling a migraine. With a sudden pop, she stopped and let her front legs fall limp and just stared forward at Twilight.

“D-Derpy?” Twilight asked. “Are you okay?”

“No…” Derpy said in a scary, deep voice. “And neither are you.”

Twilight gulped. “W-w-what do you mean b-by that?”

In a flash, Derpy suddenly glowed bright gold and her mane stood up on ends, just like in her story. Her uncaring eyes faced Twilight again. This was not Derpy anymore.

”TIME TO DIE, FOAL!” Derpy shouted demonically as she rushed towards Twilight with blazing speed enough to set the ground she flew over on fire.

Twilight had absolutely no time to dodge and was quickly caught in a flurry of hoof-punches. She felt one hoof come after another, impossible to get out of the chain of attacks. For a very brief moment the seemingly endless onslaught stopped, but was followed by a particularly devastating high kick that knocked her high into the air.

Twilight couldn’t believe how much that kick hurt. She thought it was strong enough to somehow leave a gash in her. But now wasn’t the time to think about the pain, it was time to think of a way out of Derpy’s wrath.

Almost right after, Derpy flew up after the dazed unicorn and followed up with another set of kicks and punches.

“Hahaha!!” Derpy laughed wickedly. “What’s wrong? Can’t seem to fight off somepony as ‘stupid’ and ‘useless’ as me?!”

The unicorn was unable to block or dodge as she continued getting beaten and bruised by a superior fighter. She could barely keep herself conscious, not that the altitude of fifty some-odd feet was helping. Derpy stopped again and raised her front hooves up high, ready to smash Twilight into the ground.

“Goodbye,” she snarled. “Ungrateful mule-”

Derpy was caught off-guard by an attacking owl, Twilight’s owl to be precise. Derpy was knocked back a great deal from a sudden headbutt.

“Owloysius!” Twilight remarked. “You came an- WAAAAHHH!”

Twilight began to fall, no surprise invoked. She knew that a fall this high would kill her, but how was she going to get out of this?

An idea entered her head. With a quick flash she teleported away mid-flight, inches away from the unforgiving ground.

Comments

[DreadedCandiru2]

And things have just become even crazier and funnier. The awesome is over NINE THOUSAND!!!!!!!!!