Commander Scootaloo, Leader of special forces strike team, "The Phoenix Centurions". With her team, Scootaloo must face down a crazed fanatic and stop Terrasteed War III from happening.
6030006 I don't really know. It does seem interesting and it does seem a good amount of effort was put into it, it is just i am actually writing a story of my own at the moment. I am definitely going to give this a read, though.
6060191 I'd take you up on that offer! Can I just send you things I need translated via PM? I'll include what I'm trying to say as well, or I can just send entire chapters so you could pre-read them
I'm kind of busy at the moment, so a short sum up of this chapter will have to do for now.
Storywise, you have proposed some interesting ideas for this world. Though I can't say much from this short chunk... Some things I noticed: I know German (not native German speaking though), but still there were some words I had to look up. Be aware that for people not acquainted with German(e) may this be enough to stop reading. For example Fang's song seemed completely unnecessary... There were some spelling errors, like "swivled" (should be "swiveled") or "her self" ("herself"). However, the biggest problem are unclear or clumsy sentences just like: "Eventually Scootaloo got and walked towards..." She probably "got up".
"What's cooking?" That means like "What's going on?" You probably wanted to say "What are you cooking for dinner?" or "What's for dinner?" "I'm vorking on an ammunition efficient anti-armor energy weapon!" I'm not sure what Fang wanted to say with this statement. Like ammo efficient in piercing armor? Or ammo for anti-armor energy weapon?" There are too many words.
Also, there were a few long sentences that maybe contained lots of interesting information, but the reader doesn't remember how did the sentence start even before he gets to its end.
Nazis in Equestria.
I know people say be original or do something original with an unoriginal idea, but...
This is just...
6029984 soooo... Is that a good thing or a bad thing?
6030006
I don't really know. It does seem interesting and it does seem a good amount of effort was put into it, it is just i am actually writing a story of my own at the moment. I am definitely going to give this a read, though.
6030006 Do you speak German fluently, I'm in need of someone who can type German for my story later on, so even if your busy now.
6030182 Nope!
6030186 Ha, okay, still a fun story.
6030182 hey i know that comment is 8 days old but do you still need somepony for typing german because i can speak and write german to 100%
6060191 I'd take you up on that offer! Can I just send you things I need translated via PM? I'll include what I'm trying to say as well, or I can just send entire chapters so you could pre-read them
6100160 sure thing
Interesting.
I'm kind of busy at the moment, so a short sum up of this chapter will have to do for now.
Storywise, you have proposed some interesting ideas for this world. Though I can't say much from this short chunk...
Some things I noticed:
I know German (not native German speaking though), but still there were some words I had to look up. Be aware that for people not acquainted with German(e) may this be enough to stop reading. For example Fang's song seemed completely unnecessary...
There were some spelling errors, like "swivled" (should be "swiveled") or "her self" ("herself").
However, the biggest problem are unclear or clumsy sentences just like:
"Eventually Scootaloo got and walked towards..." She probably "got up".
"What's cooking?" That means like "What's going on?" You probably wanted to say "What are you cooking for dinner?" or "What's for dinner?"
"I'm vorking on an ammunition efficient anti-armor energy weapon!" I'm not sure what Fang wanted to say with this statement. Like ammo efficient in piercing armor? Or ammo for anti-armor energy weapon?" There are too many words.
Also, there were a few long sentences that maybe contained lots of interesting information, but the reader doesn't remember how did the sentence start even before he gets to its end.