mare-on-mare, stallion-on-mare

humanized (all of it)

I'm fairly certain these conflict with each other.

5986898
Just using them as character identifiers.

Quite frankly this is not too shabby at all. The pace is good, the environment well shown, the dialogue is believable, the set of events feels like it could happen (also you pulled the good old 'someone's watching from outside' trick, but you didn't do the whole 'oh I thought I saw some green moving there, but nah it was probably my imagination' so kudos) and the banging, although not exceptional, was well handled.

I just have one quarrel with this story, and to me it feels like quite a fault: those good looks. I know this is supposed to be a 'you are the main character' story but there's something that doesn't feel right. You, the author, chose our outfit, why not describe our appearance? I know it makes relating to the character harder, but it's that or automatically giving us some good looks that makes literally every girl we meet go bashful and/or horny. We're still very very very far from the Stu but making us an instant chick magnet feels wrong.
Why don't you describe these looks a bit? Like 'your' well groomed hair, maybe our piercing eye colour, our thankfully well formed nose, our lips; basically stuff vague enough not to ruin the immersion. For the musculature, I'm not sure how to feel since the only thing there is to describe it is 'no extra weight'.

But who cares, it's just porn/erotica/whatever. This is just a writing tip.
Other than that, 4 outta 5, so well done

5987418

You've got a good point, I'll add some more description to the opening paragraphs before posting chapter two (so that new readers will have the description).

Thanks for enjoying! This is my first clopfic, so having it not be that widely received as good (that rating spread though) is a little disinheartening, but I'm going to finish it anyway.

5987435 Great!
I know what you mean, but you can't stop otherwise the story just freezes and stays stuck in the forgotten section forever. Having it continue means updates are noticed which means more readers, etc.

Great story. You get a favorite.

5989390
Thank you!

Great story so far, can wait for the next chapter. Keep up the good work!