2 can also make 1

by PieisGood4U

chapter with no good name 2

Authors note: If you are still reading this then i must say thank you wether you are reading it simply because or actually think this is a good story.
Once again criticism is allowed.

It was a early morning in the library.
Spike had woken up and started preparing a breakfast for when Twilight was going to wake up. Just as he was finish plating up he heard hoofsteps from the stairs

"Good morning Twilight"

"Good morning Spike, what is there for a breakfast today" Twilight asked a little groggily swaying.

"Just some hay sandwiches. So what is the plan for today" Spike asked hoping it wouldnt involve the library since he was a bit tired of always having to cleanup after Twilights book sessions.

"Hmmm my Schedule doesn't say anything so i guess i might as well just walk around Ponyville see what everyone else in town is up to." Twilight said as she started sitting down and eating her breakfast. Spike joined in soon after with a small "YES" grin on his face.
When they were finished Twilight helped Spike take the dishes away and exited out from the library.

As soon as Twilight stepped out she was greeted by a light blue pegasus.

"Good morning Derpy"

"Good morning Twilight, here i have a letter for you. Oh and have a muffin" Ditzy doo said as she handed Twilight a letter and a muffin.

"Thank you Derpy, wish you luck on your deliveries"

"Thanks see you Twilight." The light blue pegasus said as she flew away to some other place.

Twilight took a bite out of her muffin and opened the letter.

To Twilight Sparkle.
You have hearby been challenged to a duel by the Great and Powerful Trixie.
We shall meet in 3 days and have one more magical duel. This time as there wont be any Ursa Majors to interfere you will see the might of the Great and Powerful Trixie.

Twilight mildly facehoofed.
"Trixie is coming back. Ugh hope it wont take too long for us to get rid of her this time before any of the others snap at her speaking in third person remarks and her boasting". Twilight thought for herself.
As she was done thinking and eating her muffin (which had been blue berry flavoured) she started to walk through town to see if anything was happening. After a small walk around town she remebered it was still quite early and most of the residents were not awake yet. Therefor she decided she was gonna head back to the library and take a book and then sit somewhere for a while and read while waiting for the town to wake up.

So she went back to the library quickly packed a saddlebag with a book about magical theories and then went out and headed for a tree somewhere where she sat down and started reading while also trying out some of the theories.
One such theory being that all living creatures had a bit of magic in them. Some had ways to get this magic out of their system and use it for practical things. Others just had it bottled inside them which strentghened their bodies. One of the ways of releasing this magic was through the use of a catalyst which would let the magic be harnessed and used as the user wanted. Another way to release this magic functioner as all creatures with wings let out small amounts of magic when they flapped their wings which aided them while flying.
When she was near done with the book she saw one final interesting theory.

Due to the nature of magic it can be quite a challenge to both gather the power required and at the same time guide it to make it behave like you want it too. One of the popular ideas to make this easier is to have two different minds focus. one will guide the magic while the other collects it for use. But this theory is very hard to try and prove since it required the two minds to function as a whole and be in perfect sync at all times during the channeling of the spell.
But in the rarevcase that somepony will succed the estimates are that the power of the spell will increase to make it more than 5 times as powerful as it would have originally been.

As she was done with the book she looked up and saw it had become a bit later in the early afternoon and life seemed to appear more and more in the little town. She then decided to head to tower to get some lunch at Sugarcube Corner.

As she entered the door she saw mr and ms cake taking a small relax as Pinkie Pie (oh dear this will be hard to write) was managing the counter.

"Good morning Pinkie" Twilight said while she gave a small wave towards the pink pony at the counter.

"Good morning Twilight" The pink mare said while waving her arm(is it an arm?, or leg?il stick with arm.) so quickly in the air that it created after images which made it look like she had 4 arms(minus the one she was not waving with)
"Oh oh are you here so we can have a party"

"Sorry Pinkie but im just buying lunch, Would you mind making me 2 cupcakes."

"Sure thing Twilight" Pinkie said and then proceded with bouncing in to the kitched and coming out 5 seconds later with 2 cupcakes.
"That will be 6 bits"

"Ok thanks Pinkie" Twilight said while handing her the bits and then proceeded with eating her cupckaes( nom nom nom)

While she sat down and ate the door opened and Rainbow Dash came in looking somewhat tired.

"Pinkie i need 4 cupcakes and some water"

"Okie dokie loki" Pinkie said and dissapeared int othe kitchen to once again comeback after 10 seconds bouncing with a tray on her head with 4 cupcakes and a glass of water on it.
"That will be 13 bits." Pinkie said while at the same time Rainbow threw some bits at her
Like magic Pinkie bounced and the trey flew 3 meters towards the table Rainbow sat down at without spilling any of the water and stopping right in front of Rainbow while she bounced the bits midair on her hair towars the Cash register at the counter that she suddenly popped out from underneath and open the register to let the bits just fall the their right place.
How all this transpired within 2 seconds was anyones guess. But since long ago it was said that if anytime physics don't work as they are supposed to. its cause Pinkie is there and it shouldn't be questioned.
The cakes who sat and relaxed behind the counter and looked away so they didn't see how Pinkie appeared from nowhere either.

Rainbow proceded with eating her cupcakes(nom nom nom x4)
Twilight had started explaining to her that pegasus actually used magic but since knowing wasn't gonna change how she flew she decided to just nod a bit eat quickly and then say she was going to do more practice.

After they had exited the store Rainbow flew away and Twilight decided to once more walk through town to see if there was anything of interesting going on she maybe could help with. The first stop was to visit Carousel Boutique to see if Rarity had anything she might want help with. Then after that she could go to Fluttershy's cottage and see if there was anything for her to help with.

After she had arrived at Carousel boutique she entered to see Rarity in full action with preparing some clothes.

"Hello Rarity"

"Hello Twilight, just wait a moment and let me finish this last touch. There we go" Rarity said while she was fixing up a costume.

"What are you making?"

"I'm preparing costumes for Nightmare night Twilight. If i start now i can make them absolutely Stunning for the night. And i have lots of time to think of precautions for protecting my Beautiful costumes."

"Ok, do you need any help with that?"

"Why yes but you probably cant help me until tomorrow. Im waiting for a shipment of fabric to come. They are scheduled to arrive today so tomorrow you can assist me in enchanting them to try making them dirt proof along with the other costumes."

"Ok that sounds like a great idea." After a moment Twilight started thinking of the book she had previously read.
"Hey Rarity while we do that would you mind assisting me in a theory of magic"

"Why of course darling, what is it?"

"Its a theory that if two people collaborate on a spell in perfect sync the magic will be way more powerful."

"That sounds like a perfect idea. Let us try it tomorrow then" Rarity said
"Now i'm going back to the costumes so they will be ready for preparation tomorrow."

"Ok see you tomorrow."

Oh its going to be great to try and see if we can get this working. If it works it could be a revolutionary study. since noone has done it and succeeded before Twilight though with a small grin on her face.
Still with a little small smug grin on her face Twilight started walking off to Fluttershy's cottage.
When she arrived she saw her yellow friend feeding the animals.

"Hello Fluttershy"

An "eeep" sound came from Fluttershy who had been surprised by the sudden voice.
"Oh hello Twilight. You really should try to not scare ponies like that" Fluttershy said with her usual small timid voice.

"Oh sorry but i have nothing on my schedule and was wondering if there was anything i could do to help you."

"Thanks Twilight but everything is under control here. But you can help me feed the animals now, Take this and spread it around the chicken coop." Fluttershy said while giving Twilight a bag of animal fodder.

"Ok sounds easy enough"

After some time all the animals had been fed and since it was starting to become late Twilight decided to head back to the library for some good nights sleep.

"Good night Spike"

"Good night Twilight"

*Dunk*

*Dunk*

*Dunk*

As some noices filled the library Twilight woke up in the middle of the night and looked down to see a Shape standing in the darkness spreading some books over the floor.

Comments

[thaman]

Okay... where to start?

There are a lot of both spelling and grammar errors. I can overlook one or two, but this is ridiculous. Capitalization errors, comma splices, and the kitchen sink was all thrown in there.

Now with the story itself... it seems to by jumping from topic to topic sporadically without any justification. There's Luna at first... then Twilight... then Derpy... then Pinkie Pie?

I see you're trying to do a CardsLafter-like story technique with the asides you throw in (kinda like this). This is a hard writing technique to successfully pull off. It either comes off as really funny or really annoying.

You should continue writing. Use a browser like Google Chrome when typing and it'll underline any spelling mistakes you make. Find an angle in your story and tell it your own way. And if you are going to jump from topic to topic, justify it somehow.

I will not either thumbs up or thumbs down the story. Instead I'll make a judgement later as you continue... and if I decide to look at this again.

[PieisGood4U]

606097

Some very nice critisation thats good.
I will admit i am not the best at English language bit it is doable. wrote the thing in a normal Text document late at night. But ye that doesnt make up for bad quality.

As for the story on this chapter.
This was just a random day of ponyville going on. Would be a bit much to spend an entire day speaking to only one person so she visited different ones.

Luna might be involved a bit later. Or maybe not only time can tell.

Due to my quite awful nature at writing i will completely admit it won't ever be anything put as quality but i will have known i tried and went sinking with my ship. Feeling at least a little proud i tried.

Story angle that will probably be something third person-ish since It was supposed to be about the OC but he wont really be active until later which makes first person sort of impossible untill he arrives in the focus.

You are fully allowed to do a thumbs down since ii would probably fully agree myself this could be done ALOT better.

[thaman]

607301

I'm not telling you to give up! You should keep on going.

Your comment above has less errors than your story, so I know you can correct it.

I understand you wanted it to just be a regular day, but it was just too sporadic. You CAN change perspectives throughout both the story and even within the chapter, but it has to be smoother. As for how to do this... I'm not the person to ask. I can detect grammar errors, but my own storytelling skills are less than desirable.

Be confident! I have ideas of stories of my own, but to be honest I've been too scared (and lazy) to write them. You're putting yourself out there, and that takes guts. Be proud of yourself and trek on with your story!

[PieisGood4U]

607558

Grammas has forever been my weakpoint in all languages i do.
Thing i can do good is spelling(mostly). And word correction i will have try pry around and change from my native language to english since it is red marking every single word i type.

But thank you for telling you opinions.
I will try to keep the things in mind when i decide to write next chapter which probably will be in a while since this week is just bombarded with school work.

[NATOstrike]

607301

I really like the idea of Trixie returning to duel Twilight, that has a lot of potential. Unfortunately, with the amount of grammatical, general formatting and consistency issues, it would probably be easier to start over than to edit what is there. As I said, it's a great idea for a story, but the problems in what I read are from the ground up. I'm sure if it was written in your native language it would probably turn out much much better, but your very basic grasp of written English overwhelms everything in the story.

Now a couple of issues with the story itself (not including spelling and grammer):
--The two chapters feel like completely differant stories. I'm sure the mysterious black pony will show up again later, but right now it feels very disjointed from one chapter to the next.
--Twilight Sparkle has nothing planned for the day? I believe this would be considered very out of character for her. Even if she was just going around to visit her friends, she would have had it planned.
--Twilight is challenged to a magic dual, and she doesn't even mention it to her friends when she sees them.

You said above, "Story angle that will probably be something third person-ish since It was supposed to be about the OC but he wont really be active until later which makes first person sort of impossible untill he arrives in the focus."

This sounds like your planning on changing the narrative point of view (POV) mid-story.This is not a good idea, changing the POV in the middle of a story is nearly impossible to achieve, unless the POV change is treated as a seperate story. The only example I've seen of this that worked really well was in the story "Moonstone Cup" where the writer, Cyanide, flawlessly jumped from the main story which used a 3rd person limited POV to a side story that used a 1st person narrative POV.

You also mentioned that Luna may or may not be involved later in the story. I'm really hoping that you know now whether this is true or not and just said that so that readers don't know until it happens. It's a good idea to have the entire story outlined from start to finish before you ever start writing the bulk of it.

Anyways, sorry to be rather blunt (it's really the only way I know to be). I'm going to keep watching this and see where you go with it.

[PieisGood4U]

832143
Hm i wonder how you found this story somewhat. As it was written long ago and now should be hidden far in the deeps.
Also I am working on the other chapters slowly but surely.
third chapter has some long AN ranting about some stuff you mentiond.
I am in full agreement first 2 was bad and i will here say a short of what i did for AN next chap.

1. Changing to 2nd pony view
2. Adding a summary so people can skip the whole first 2 chapters since they are so faulty. But I will leave them there as a "This is where i was" note of how things are going if my writing is improving.
3. The Shadow is gonna be the main character of the story supposedly. But I am gonna take a while to get to him really. (I imagine maybe 3-4 chapters).
4. I am gonna stop writing in a TXT doc and write on microsoft word.

EDIT:
5. i am gonna stop writing in 2 hours at 1am in the morning.( doesn't contribute to quality)
6. Plan more

[NATOstrike]

841174
I dig for the obscure, you wouldn't believe the amazing things I find that people have completely forgot about.

And like I said before, I'm gonna keep watching, because the last story I read that had a duel between Twilight and Trixie was fuckin' awesome.

[PieisGood4U]

841657
Sadly I don't think I can fulfill your expectations of the duel.
But I can get to post out chapter 3 (which i wrote on a TXT doc once again) just so it is out there.
You can read that and see if anything got better.