(Warning: Displaced Story) Allen was just a normal guy before he went to a convention cos-playing as Gaige from borderlands. Nothing wrong there right? Everything was fine until he made the mistake of buying from a shady merchant. Nice going Allen.
Last chapter ended with a sword through Gilda's chest, and suddenly a one week time jump and Len is best friends with Celestia, and built a Portable Bandit Technical? It's like stopping in the middle of a sentence and talking about something completely irrelevant to the subject. It just doesn't make any - hey wanna see me roll my eyes into the back of my head?
“Agh, firefly, how nice of you to finally join us.”
^going to assume that her name but no cap?
“Still gonna kick her ass though, no way I’m going to just let her beat me and get away with it so long as I have breath in my body.” “That can be fixed y'know.” “Ahh! Um,... Heh heh, w-what are you talking about? I didn't even say anything.” Len glared at her with her head just barely poked in enough to see her eyes. She slowly retreated through the door before it closed. Gilda sighed, deciding against saying anything else for fear of been heard by the crazy human.
“Still gonna kick her ass though, no way I’m going to just let her beat me and get away with it so long as I have breath in my body.”
“That can be fixed y'know.” “Ahh! Um,...," she laughed nervously, "W-what are you talking about? I didn't even say anything.”
Len glared at her with her head just barely poked in enough to see her eyes. She slowly retreated through the door before it closed. Gilda sighed, deciding against saying anything else for fear of been heard by the crazy human.
5954094 Yeah, not bad. Still don't really have direction for this story and I'm unsure how to go about the story either.
Last chapter ended with a sword through Gilda's chest, and suddenly a one week time jump and Len is best friends with Celestia, and built a Portable Bandit Technical? It's like stopping in the middle of a sentence and talking about something completely irrelevant to the subject. It just doesn't make any - hey wanna see me roll my eyes into the back of my head?
... See what I mean?
5954134 Gotcha, was planning on removing this chapter anyways.
5953663 Max got her gender changed as well, so she'll partially know what Len's going through and how to make it easier.
still hate my second chapter when i look at it, also, I apologize for how fast thing may seem to be moving, promise to make sure to slow things down.
Why is it repeating the same thing a second time?.
Er, you seem to have posted your second chapter in the middle of your second chapter ...
5956126 wait what? hold on....
Why does every single 'Displaced' story have almost exactly the same description?
5956188 why did you repeat at the end
^going to assume that her name but no cap?
^Double typed may wanna fix that
5957345 Lad/Lass my Displaced story just got a description overhaul from the boring normal crap to something more unique and 4th wall breaking.