Applejack and Rainbow Dash's relationship becomes more serious than expected far faster than they thought. The changes affect their lives in surprising ways, but that's just life and love.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This is just....painful to read. Characters change emotions on a dime, and you clearly have NO idea what "show, don't tell" means. Appledash is a crowded marketplace, you can't just dump any old generic thrash on us and expect instant 5000 views.
One big mechanical issue that stumbled me in this chapter was
That new paragraph afert Dash first spoke made me think it was AJ bringing up the party and I got all confuzled. To the best of my knowledge, you only gotta start a new paragraph when someone new starts speaking, not when continuing someone's dialog.
Not a mechanical issue, I just nearly broke my brain imagining Rainbow Dash saying the word 'lovers' (lol)
First half of that sentence is beautiful. Such a specific sensation that conveys so many feelings. I am in awe at the word choice. The downside is that "jumps" should be "jumped".
The chapter overall was quite lovely. I liked the way Rainbow Dash handled the simple hanging out parts of what she thought was gonna be a normal day and how AJ steered things to her own end. The bit at the end seemed a tad rushed but, as I said in my last comment, I am anticipating an increase in quality as the quantity of chapters grows.